Branded
by CherokeeRose0925
Summary: "I could feel the faint bumps of the scars from his father, and I felt our imperfections melt into each other, into this big, imperfect, ball of flesh, scarred and marred by life, but still alive and still capable of feeling such unimaginable pleasure, from only each other." Daryl/OC fic based loosely on the comics, mostly from the show. Enjoy x
1. One Hot Summer in Druid Hills

_I remembered people complimenting my appearance, or my outfit of the day.  
"God, Heather, you're gorgeous. Super jealous," they'd say._

This is...me, and all that I am known for; or was known for anyway. I lived an egotistical lifestyle, and my livelihood for the last 6 months depended on how I looked.

It was the start of a hot summer in Druid Hills, a well-to-do suburb near Atlanta, and I had just graduated from Emory University with a BA in Human Services. I modeled on the side, praying and hoping for the right person to notice me, which eventually did happen, and I've been working my ass off to raise money for disability awareness; specifically for my younger brother Logan, who struggled with high functioning autism and manic depression. Because of my looks alone, 42K was raised for research, from two photo shoots, and one commercial for Rimmel.

Even with the best of intentions, things can go wrong, and what could happen to me, did happen.

 **-Flashback-**  
 _"Mom? Logan? Come down here, I have something to show you!"_

My family had been struggling with the bills for Logan's therapist and recent stay in the hospital after Logan tried to take his own life.

"We're up here, honey. Quiet, he's sleeping. First time all day," my mother whispered hoarsely down the stairs.

I tiptoed up the stairs as quietly as I could, painfully aware of Logan's current state.

"Hi mom," I said quietly and kissed Mom on the forehead, receiving only an empty look from solemn eyes. I handed her the envelope, and watched in anticipation as she tore it open.

Then she saw it; what I had been waiting for.

"But how, Heather? How did you manage this?" And I saw briefly the once so familiar gleam in my mom's eyes.

"A commercial for a skin toner and a couple of photo spreads with a company out of New York. We're going to get there, mom, I hope you never thought I wasn't going to do what I could to help."

"Baby," Mother said quietly, happily, putting a hand to her mouth in disbelief.

"Love you," I said, with a grin and quick hug.

"He's not good, Heather." The attention panned back to Logan.

"I know," I replied simply, tugging on a lock of my platinum hair.

At that moment, Logan began to seize: twisting and flailing his arms around, his back spasming and contorting violently.

"Oh my god, mom what do I do?" I screamed, and wiped away the tears that already stung my eyes.

"Call 911! He's bleeding out through the bandages," My mother tried to hold his wrists down to ease the loss of blood.

I dialed 911 shakily, and listened as an automated voice blared through the other line.

"Stay calm. Stay away from the infected. Help is on its way."

On repeat.

Mom wailed from over Logan as I came to the realization that it was too late. The blood from Logan's wrists ran bright red, pooling on the crisp white sheets, and his eyes rolled back into his head, choking on a last violent seizure.

"No one's answering mom, it's just a recording. No one. It says to stay calm, and stay away from the infected...what do they mean?" a feeling of dread set in.

I abandoned my questioning when my mother did not answer. We stood together over Logan's seemingly sleeping body; but there was no rise and fall of his chest, no peaceful fluttering of his eyelids. He was gone, and there was nothing else that could be done.

Suddenly, Logan's eyes flew open and he drew in a raspy, distorted breath. I backed up, a fear and instinct telling me to do so.

"Logan, honey?" My mother asked, placing pressure on the wrists once again.

Then I heard it. Distinctly, but so faintly at first: Logan began to breathe, but it was raspy and desperate. His mouth, bloodied from biting his own tongue during the seizures, opened slightly, showing that his gums had blackened. His eyes squinted up at Mom, and I saw them: swollen and jaundiced, with rings of red around the iris.

It all happened too fast for me to understand. He sat up with such force that Mom would have flown to the ground, yet he grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards him.

"Oh sweety," I heard my mother whisper, and she reached to put an arm around her son. That's when I heard it. The sound of flesh tearing, and the piercing scream of Mom as Logan sunk his teeth into her neck. Arterial spray hit the walls of the otherwise white room, and she gurgled for breath, gasping and crying.

 **Logan was eating her.**

I rushed forward, not knowing exactly what to do, but I pulled my mother away, still breathing but barely. Logan's other worldly moans increased, and he stood up, following me, whose only protection now was my mother's dying body. I dragged her with some adrenaline induced strength, slammed the door to Logan's room, and toppled down the stairs,never letting go of Mom, through the front door and onto the front lawn.

"Mom? Mom! Please no, please, I need you. Please don't leave me here," I sobbed into my bloodstained hands, gasping for air, and watching my mother do the same.

"I love you so much, my girl," she said, each breath a struggle.

"Please no. Don't go," My windpipe seemed to close as the sobs racked my body. "PLEASE!"

She was gone. Lifeless, pale green eyes staring at nothing.

"Mom. Mom? No. This can't be happening. No!" I shook her shoulders and finally fell back in the grass. The mid morning heat was increasing by the second, and caused me to become sticky with sweat.

I heard the door handle jiggling, and watched in horror as the walking corpse of Logan managed to yank open the door and drag his feet over the threshold.

"No...oh my god, no!" I tried drag Mom's body, but the strength I had possessed before had dissipated into fear, and I ran; ran as fast as I could, and looked back only once, to see Logan feasting on our mother's body.

 **-present day-**  
I bit into a browned and soft apple that I'd found on a recent raid in an elementary school on the outskirts of Atlanta. The pethy flesh left a bad taste in my mouth. It had been 30 days since the infection hit, and I'd been on my own ever since. Two days in, I narrowly escaped an attack by locking myself in a Toyota Prius: to my amazement, the keys were still stuck in the slot on the dash.

"Thank god for this hybrid," I said out loud, smiling at the first positive thing to happen in what felt like years, and I drove away as silently as could be, running over the stray bag of bones with a loud clunk. "Bastard," I said, and backed over him again for good measure.

I would go into Atlanta. For what, I didn't know. Supplies? Shelter? To end it all?

It was true, I _wanted_ to die, but for some reason, I pushed on, still unaware and numb to the whole situation. Only my instinctual need to survive remained.

Being on my own highlighted one thing: I am desperately alone, and while I was uncomfortable, there was a certain peace about finally hearing nothing but my own thoughts.

As I turned onto the abandoned junction into the city, I noticed a swarm of the undead feeding on something large that had gone down next to one of the army's tanks. I stopped the car, hoping that I hadn't been seen. Then I saw him; another person, alive and well...maybe not so well, but alive in the least. I would take alive any day over these freaks.

He looked like a small town sheriff, and my thoughts were confirmed when I saw a brown hat with the gold sheriffs badge pinned to the front laying on the ground by the swarm. He was trapped now, under the tank,and just when I was going to try to help him, static interference blare through the stereo and a man's voice made my ears pulsate and ring. I had left the radio on and attached a wireless antenna on top of the car, hoping to pull in police scanner messages, cell phone calls...anything.

"Don't you dare get out of that car. You've got 20 geeks on your back. Drive as fast as you can down the alley to your left, the make a sharp right. Block that alley with the car and run. There's a gray metal door; someone will be waiting for you," the voice said.

 _Deafening static._


	2. Up on the Rooftop

I heard the emergency broadcast system begin to repeat again and hit the power button with force, remembering the same voice the day I called 911 for Logan. Shaking the thoughts from my mind, I did as I was told and spun the wheel sharply to the left. The mysterious radio man was right; just as I hit the gas, a swarm that had broken off from the group by the tank piled onto the side of the car, actually managing to lift a tire from the ground.

 _If the guy makes it out of the tank, he can thank me later._

I chuckled, despite the seriousness of the situation. I managed to peel the last few remaining bag of bones from the sides of the car as she spun out, leaving a cloud of smoke in my wake, and I grimaced as the blood and remains from whatever had gone down in the street smeared all over the side of the white car.

"Down the alley," I said aloud as I accelerated, hitting trash cans that stood in my way. As I glanced in the rear view mirror, I saw the undead making their way after me, slowly but surely.

"Sharp right...fast, fast,, fast!" I accelerated again, and slammed on the brakes when I came to the alley on my right hand side. I fumbled for the crow bar that had turned into my most valued possession, saying a quick prayer to whoever was listening. The white car blocked the way down the alley for now, I toppled over the console to the passenger's seat, and hurriedly fumbled with the door handle. With a stealthy look behind me, I noticed that only one bag of bones managed to get around the corner, and that one still had a block to go. I hopped out of the car, squeezed between the car door and the fence, and pushed through the gate in the fence that separated me from the gray metal door, just as described by the man on the radio.

The hair on the back of my neck began to prickle as I thought about her hastiness to obey this man. _Was it a good idea? Was I being led into a trap?_ I rushed down the alley, eyes peeled, and saw with relief that the door began to open.

A black guy, bald and rough looking called out, "WALKER!," and pointed behind me.

I spun around in time to see that frail body of an older man, grayed hair on end and matted with his blood. His nose had begun to rot, and the rest of his face was skeletal and gaunt, teeth brown and full of meat and blood. The fear I felt every time I saw one of them up close would never go away. After a moment's hesitation and hearing the thing begin to hiss hungrily, I swung the crow bar and lodged an end right in his eye. The sickening squelch that followed, along with the rotting scent coming from his collapsed eye made me gag as the zombie fell to the ground, still twitching slightly. After regaining my composure, I ran to the door and pounded on it, not having to wait at all. The door swung open and the black guy wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to safety.

"T Dog," he said gruffly, and nodded to me.

"Heather," I said breathlessly, wiping my crow bar off on my pants. I saw a group of other survivors all sitting anxiously. I stopped to observe; something I did so well when I had once had people to look at.

The first person I noticed was a thin blonder girl, like me, but older, and lighter hair. She had icy blue eyes that looked me over coldly. ' _boo hiss,'_ I said in my own head, and could tell immediately I would not get along with this woman. I moved on with a subtle smile, trying to keep the peace. There was a hispanic man with curly black hair who smiled warmly, "Morales." He said with his smooth accent. Before I could finish introductions, we all jumped as we heard a gun fire out in the street.

"Oh yeah, there's a man out in the tank...he was alone, and the last I saw, he managed to climb inside the tank," I said, confused.

"Damnit!" A small Asian man ran past me and out into the alley without hesitation.

"Who the fuck fired a gun? Do they not get it?" Andrea sneered, pulling her own gun out.

"Put it _away_ , Andrea," Morales said, rolling his eyes at the hypocritical move.

Not five minutes later, the Asian man returned, bursting through the door with the sheriff, actually looking rather unscathed, besides being drenched in sweat.

"Glenn. I just saved your ass. Yours too," He said to the sheriff and motioned to me as well.

"And I'm grateful. I'm Rick," the sheriff said, and it was then I heard the voice of a broken man. I reached out and took Glenn's hand, incredibly grateful for him. He smiled lightly at me.

"You stupid son of a bitch, I oughta kill you!" Andrea cried out, making me jump, and she pointed her gun in Rick's face.

"Andrea, no!" the black woman who Heather hadn't met formally yet said, and begged Andrea to put it away.

"Are you kidding me? We're all dead because of this asshole. He just rang the dinner bell!" Andrea continued.

Let's check the damage," Glenn said, and ran into the back entrance of the department store they were hiding in. Everyone followed in suit, and I let out a muffled gasp as I saw hundreds of walkers pounding on the glass store front windows, snarling, slobbering and just waiting for their opportunity to break through. I immediately felt a wave of nausea.

"What the hell are we gonna do now?" Andrea yelled some more, and just then everybody heard a chorus of more gun shots coming from above.

"Dixon!" T Dog growled and headed off the chase to the roof.

"We'll stay here and try to plan a route out," Morales said, motioning to himself, Glenn and the black woman, who I had heard someone call Jacqui.

I hung back with Rick briefly, only to introduce myself.

"I'm Heather," I said, shyly.

"Nice to meet ya. Let's keep up," he said, and placed a hand on the small of my back beckoning me to continue on up the stairs. I found myself slightly turned on from Rick's chaste touch. It had been so long.

Breathless, we all emerged on the rooftop to see a middle aged guy, buzzed gray hair and sallow, wasted eyes and a black leather vest holding up a shot gun and firing shots into the air.

I bent down to tie my shoe, in hopes of avoiding one of my all too common accidents, and lost myself in my own dark thoughts for a moment.

 _What did I get myself into? It's better than being alone, I suppose._

 _"..._ I'll tell you the day, Mr. 'Yo', it's the day that I take orders from a nigger!"

Oh no. That word made me cringe and I immediately disliked the scratchy voice that uttered it, as well as the body that controlled the voice.

T Dog went to hit Merle, but was knocked on his back with the butt of Merle's rifle.

"Stop!"

"Come on now," Rick yelled.

"Someone, make him stop!" Jacqui wailed.

Merle eased up, only after bloodying T Dog's face and stuck a handgun in his face.

"Anyone else?" Merle asked, grinning this awful grin.

Then there was more scuffling. Suddenly the blue sky began to swirl, mixing in with the clouds, making a beautiful tie dye pattern float before my eyes.

"Help," I whimpered helplessly and fell to the ground, hitting my head with a loud crack on a metal pipe.


	3. Shouldn't have happened that Way

I opened my eyes and winced; my head throbbed painfully and the sudden bright light burned my tired retinas. I was laying across the seat of a truck, and I looked around, shielding my eyes from the sun.

"You fell, on the roof top. Hit your head pretty good. When did you eat last?" Rick was driving, chewing on something, and offered me a granola bar.

"It's been...4 days, I think. I had a couple bites of an apple I found, but that's it..No thanks," I turned down the bar kindly, too nauseous to eat. "What happened back there?" I went on, confused about my present situation.

"It all went to shit when the redneck started firing those shots. Got into it bad with T Dog and that was when we lost you. I handcuffed Dixon to the pipe...I didn't have a choice, and we couldn't go back...T Dog dropped the key," Rick started to jumble all of his thoughts together.

My stomach sank at the last statement.

"Is he okay?" I asked Rick.

He's a dumb bastard, but no one deserves to go like that.

"He was the last T Dog saw him; locked the door shut from the outside so the walkers couldn't get to him," Rick ran a hand down over his face, rubbing his tired eyes.

"That's awful," I said, and sat up slowly. I still hadn't gotten used to the whole apocalypse thing, and it didn't help that I had spent the last month alone. Like I said before, having my own time is great...but being used to people, I was grateful for any company, even that awful, greasy, trash talking skinhead, so she still couldn't fathom leaving someone who is still alive for dead.

"I know. I feel bad, believe me I do. I don't have a clue what to do," He said, dramatically.

I found myself reaching over and running my hand timidly down Rick's arm. He looked over, and it seemed like he was conflicted. He smiled lightly, foot faltering on the gas pedal.

Rick's Point of View:

I want this. I really do.

He glanced over, taking in her fair, clear skin. He noticed her chest began to move more rapidly as he glanced at her full breasts.

Did she want it too?

He breathed shakily, and motioned for Heather to come closer.

She obliged and scooted across the seat, locking the small metal panel that opened to the back of the truck. They were following Glenn in a red sports car, the alarm blaring full blast.

Okay, she does want it.

Rick gasped as she warily placed her hand on his thigh; something stirred within him that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Her expression lightened as she saw him look at her through gritted teeth, and she noticed his pupils dilated. Her hand traveled daintily up towards towards that place where his brown uniform pants stretched over his bulge, the zipper straining.

"Are you sure?" Rick sighed, getting the desire to wrap his hand up in her curly, dirty blonde hair and push her head to his lap.

He closed his eyes and dismissed the thought of his wife; she was gone now, and he had to accept it and move on. Heather seemed nice enough...

Heather's point of view:

I loved his reaction; I hadn't had the chance to even touch myself in the last month, and as I felt Rick's hardness through his pants under her palm, my center twinged and I craved more.

He tangled his right hand in my hair, and I felt him pushing my head down. I slowly undid the brown belt and fumbled on the button briefly. The zipper went down easily on its own as Rick sprung free.

"You're not wearing underwear," I stated.

Really Heather?

Rick laughed; a genuine laugh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have any. Sometimes, it just feels nice to hang free. Anyway, are you really bringing that up? You know what I want..you want it too," he stated, running his fingers through my tangled hair.

"God I've missed this," he continued, and I leaned down, gingerly placing kisses on his most sensitive part. I stopped myself from going any further, seeing as I had just met him, but it was very difficult for me to do so.

"Let's wait. We'll talk a bit more first. Trust me, I want to," I said to him, letting out a shaky breath.

Rick smiled and went to button up his pants.

"I've got it," I said, giggling. I buttoned and zippered his pants. I buckled his belt and sat up, looking at him. I felt myself begin to blush.

"You're fine. Getting to know each other is important, even now," Rick said, taking my hand in his and kissing it.

"Such a gentleman," I joked, though I could tell he truly was a gentleman. I leaned in again and kissed his cheek, traveling down to his neck and sucked lightly. I heard his breath hitch in his throat; I felt proud that I finally made a man feel good again, and I squirmed, my own desire hadn't been appeased. He turned the van onto a stone drive that twisted up the side of a mountain.

"If this camp has privacy, I'll make you feel good tonight, sugar. You deserve it," Rick noticed my shifting.

Besides the fact that Rick was nice to look at, I could tell he had a heart of gold. I always spent a lot of time getting to know men I was interested in, and I had only been in one relationship previously. The thing was, I could have seen myself easily sleeping with Rick right away.

Would this be a relationship? I don't want to seem greedy or pushy. Do I even want a relationship? Of course not. Who the hell has time for relationships nowadays? This was a one time thing.

My thoughts were interrupted as the truck came to a halt. I jumped as the back panel on the truck came up with a metallic clang, and I watched as the other survivors headed further up the road on foot. Glenn stood, partially in a panic. He couldn't get the alarm on the sports car turned off, and I saw a blonde girl heckling him about something, and another man yelling for him to pop the hood.

"How'd you get outta there anyway?" the man asked after the alarm had been shut off, his voice muffled by the closed windows in the truck.

"New guy," Morales said, "Hey, Helicopter Guy, come say hello!" He called out, waving for Rick to come over.

He took a deep breath and jumped out of the truck, beckoning me over with a wave of his hand and helping me to the ground. My head spun as the dizziness returned.

"You alright?" Rick asked me.

"Yeah, just need a drink I think," I smiled and brushed him off.

He turned to walk towards the group, and suddenly came to a halt, his breath catching audibly.

"Oh my god," he whispered.

There was a little boy standing with his mother and he ran towards Rick.

"Dad! Dad!" Rick picked him up and fell to his knees, cradling the boy in his arms. He got back to his feet and ran to the woman, wrapping him up in his arms. Tears flooded my eyes when the realization kicked in that this was Rick's family. I wasn't angry, or mad in the least...I realized that I was jealous. I would have given anything to have my mom and brother in my arms. I lifted a hand to my face, wiping the tears that gathered under my eyes.

In all of the confusion, I wasn't introduced; not that I minded really. My vision began to lapse again, and I fell to the ground, landing hard on my knees. I felt the warm bile creep up my throat as my stomach heaved the small amount of contents that it held; the tears burned and I continued dry heaving as I fell on the ground. My head throbbed where I had hit the pipe, and I reached up to feel the tender lump that had formed.

"Oh god, Heather!" Glenn noticed me first in the background, and he came to my side. "Shane, help me!" He beckoned the other man over and I felt myself lifted off the ground.

"She needs to eat. We found her in the city, same location as Rick," Shane only grunted as they took me inside of an old RV. After laying me out on the couch in the back, Shane rummaged and found a pack of crackers and a soda.

"Here, ya need to eat this," He said, and pushed the minimal food towards me. I obliged gladly, and ate hastily, hunger returning with a vengeance. I didn't stop until everything was gone.

"Now, get some rest. We gonna start supper and we'll feed ya more then," Shane smiled curtly and hopped out of the camper, heading back to join the others.

I felt myself drift into a rough sleep, my thoughts making me lapse back to the day I lost my family. It was still obviously a fresh wound and stung to the touch.

"Heather!" Rick whispered, shaking me by the shoulders. I woke to him standing above me with a paper plate of food and a tin mug of hot coffee.

"I'm so sorry about today. It shouldn't have happened that way," I said, embarrassed about what took place on the drive back from Atlanta.

"I do not regret that. I'm sorry if you do. Ya know we've gotta put it in the past, but I knew I liked you when we first met. I feel like I can trust you, and that's a hard thing to come by in the world we're livin' in now," He sat down next to me for a moment and handed me the food.

"Do you want to come out? They're havin' a camp fire," He asked, smiling slightly as I began shoveling the food into my mouth. Some sort of game meat, a yeasty biscuit and green beans; canned vegetables had never tasted so good.

"I'll stay put and get rested up for tomorrow. Thank you Rick, I appreciate it; everything," I replied, seriously considering the camp fire.

He took my free hand and squeezed it, planting a chaste kiss on my wrist, and headed back out to join the others.

I finished my food and stared out of the window at the mellow orange embers from the fire pit cast a soothing glow on the tents set up around camp. I began to cry again, thinking about my family. I wished I didn't know that they were dead. I wished to hold on to some hope that I'd find them, like Rick did, and be reunited. The perfect happy ending. But instead, there was nothing but the sense of complete sorrow, knowing that they had both changed. At the time, I didn't even think about killing them, even though they weren't really alive. Not anymore. But I didn't know, and now they walked among the hordes of others, perpetually roaming with no destination.

I fell asleep again, and this time was spared of the nightmares.

"Hey Merle! Get ya ugly ass out here. Got us some squirrel! Let's stew 'em up,"

"Hey Daryl, slow up a bit, I need to talk to you," Shane said.

"Oh no," I said aloud, realizing that Shane and Rick were telling Merle's brother what had happened yesterday. I went to sit up, and my head pounded.

"Fuck!" I gasped, whimpering slightly, and clutched my temples.

"You want somethin' to eat?" A frail looking woman with short salt and peppered hair brought over yet another plate of food, leftovers from last night by its appearance. I could care less at this point, and I took the plate, smiling appreciatively at the woman. I gobbled the food down.

"I'm Carol, by the way," She had a sweet smile, but eyes that were glazed over and seemingly far away.

"Heather. Thanks for the food," I said, nodding approvingly as I took a sip of the instant coffee Carol had brought me.

We tuned in again to what was happening outside the RV.

"Hold on. Let me process this. You're sayin' you handcuffed my brother to a roof and you let him there?"

"Yeah," Rick said, simply. I heard scuffling and grunting as there was apparently a little struggle.

"I'd like to have a calm discussion about this," Rick said.

"It's not Rick's fault; I dropped the key," T Dog chimed in after bringing back a load of fire wood.

"If that's s'posed to make me feel better, it don't. Hell with alla y'all. Just tell me where he is so's I can go get him," the man named Daryl screamed, rubbing his eyes as if he was wiping away tears.

"I'm going back," Rick said, and that was when his wife turned and came in the RV.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you were in here," She said, and went to leave.

"You're fine. I'm sorry he's leaving again," I said, trying to be empathetic.

"You'd think finding his family'd be enough to keep him here. Typical Rick, always gotta be the hero. Enough of that though, I'm Lori," Lori said and gave a small smile.

"Heather," I said with a twinge of guilt. 'I made out with your husband and grabbed his package.' My thoughts got away from me, and I looked back outside to distract myself.

Daryl was not nearly what I expected. He was toned and tan, brown hair and over all, pretty attractive. His personality was repulsive and rude; it put me off immensely and I scoffed, thinking about what sort of idiot would be with a man like Daryl Dixon.


	4. Pretty Redneck

I came out of the RV, shielding my eyes from the midday sunlight. I walked over to where everybody stood talking. Lori glared at Rick, hands on her hips, and reprimanding him for something.

"It's my fault he's there, Lori, and I'm not leavin' him to die. You know that's not how I am," I heard Rick say emphatically as I got closer. He was stubborn, like me.

"So you and Daryl? That's your big plan?" Lori said, and Rick looked to Glenn for back up.

"...Oh come on," Glenn said, sighing, exasperated.

"In and out, no problem, like you said. I know I shouldn't ask, but I'd feel better if you were with and so would she," he nodded to Lori.

"So now you're riskin' 3 men, huh?" Shane said, rubbing his hand through his hair.

"Four," T Dogg said, seeming almost proud.

"My day keeps gettin' better and better, don't it?" Daryl scoffed, still focusing on his arrows.

I didn't know people yet, so I looked around for something to keep me occupied without me seeming invasive.

I crept in over beside Carol and started hanging some laundry that the other women were working on. As I turned around to face Rick and Lori, I caught Daryl's eyes glancing over at me. He suddenly turned on a scowl and went back to cleaning off his arrows from that stupid bow; he hadn't put it down since he came back to the camp, and for some reason, I felt like he slept with it in his arms.

"You see anybody else steppin' up to save your brother's cracker ass?" T Dog said and I sputtered, not able to contain a laugh. I wasn't sure if the statement was meant to be funny, but I sure as hell needed a good laugh.

"You got somethin' to say, ya fake blondie bitch? Ain't nothin' funny about my brother being chained to some goddamned roof!" Daryl yelled, and I flinched, almost feeling the burn of tears in my eyes. Whoa.

Rick noticed me there, and turned around to face me.

"Hey, don't worry about it," He said to me during the awkward silence that followed Daryl's outburst. Rick continued, "Everyone, this is Heather...?"

"McBride," I said, clearing my throat to rid myself of the building sob. Rick looked at me with solemn blue eyes, making me feel strangely comforted. He put his hand on my shoulder and went on,

"Heather McBride, and she's another survivor that Glenn found in the city. So, her and I are the new comers; be nice to us," and he laughed, halfheartedly, seeing that Lori's unforgiving stare hadn't softened in the least.

There were smiles all around, except from Daryl.

"This is Dale," Glenn pointed to an older gentleman, with a white beard, kind eyes, and a cheery smile. He waved to me.

"Amy," he pointed to the other blonde who stood with Andrea.

"And this is Rick's son, Carl, and that there's Carol's daughter Sophia. You haven't met Jim or Ed yet, but they're around somewhere, I'm sure you'll see them today."

"Hi Carl and Sophia!" I said with a wave and a smile, wanting to be sure I came off as approachable to the children. The fact that there were two children alive and well with them, along with Morales' kids made me so happy; the innocence of a child was one of the most magical things to me. I went on, "I want to come with you," I said, and winced as Daryl got to his feet.

"Don't think so, kid. Last thing we need is some barbie bimbo making us wait on her cuz' she chipped a nail or broke one'a 'er heels," He was proud of himself for that, I could tell.

"Alright. Enough," I spun around, feeling a surge of anger. "You don't know me. You don't know nothin' about me, nothing about where I come from, and you sure don't have any idea what I'm capable of. I've seen shit these last few months, shit that's made me mean and hard. You best remember that when you get up the nerve to call me Barbie again. Asshole." I jammed a finger on Daryl's sternum, seeing him grimace, and stormed off towards the RV, leaving him dumbfounded, and for once, without some smart ass comment.

"Heather, wait up," Amy followed me and stopped me outside of the camper.

"It was cool you could stand up to him. No one has since him and Merle joined up with us," she brushed a stray strand of white-blonde hair behind her ear. I could tell she wasn't done, so I waited for the next statement, raising my eyebrows.

As expected, it came.

"You're similar to my size, and I have some extra clothes if you want to use them. Just a thought. I think you should stay with us today, get accustomed to camp. I can show you around, whatever you need. We even have a shower!" Amy smiled, and I couldn't help but smile along.

"A shower would be nice," I admitted. "Thanks, Amy."

"No problem. Let me just grab you some clothes," and she hopped up the stairs into the RV.

"I would take anything to the disgusting things I have on now," and it was true; grime coated my clothes, my mother's blood still pronounced in a now dark brown stain across my chest. My once faded blue jeans were now stained with blood and dirt, turning them a sickly brown hue. I had been too afraid to shower or change in any of the places that I hid; I could have, most likely. Fear was a new thing for me. I had always been outgoing.

As Amy came back outside, I saw Rick separate from the group, heading over to where I stood.

"I'm sorry 'bout him," He said.

"Don't have anything to be sorry about, Rick. I'm fine. He just lost his brother," I gave him the nicest smile I could muster.

"Don't say that, you don't know if Merle's dead," there was a brief pause and Rick went on,

"Gotta say one thang; when you get fired up, your southern accent comes out. I was wondering if you were even from around here, but when I heard you take off on Dixon, I heard the south come out."

"Shut up," I said, chuckling, knowing he was right. My mother had always said, "You got the sass of the south in you when you get mad." I faltered momentarily, but returned when I realized that my mother would want me to find something to smile about, especially now.

"Rick could I ask you a dumb favor?" I said, deep in thought.

"Yeah, sure," Rick said, peering around, and trying not to seem shady.

"My car. The car that kept me safe. It's blocking the alley from the back side into the department store. Bring it back for me? I promise it's worth it, keys in the console, I siphoned gas from the highway into Atlanta, so it's got a full tank of gas, spare crow bars and blankets that I found in an abandoned shelter. It's a white Prius... And it's got my wallet; the only thing I have left. There's pictures of ...people I lost," I mumbled the last part, fearing that my emotions would hear me speaking of them and threaten to become visible.

"That's a lot to ask," He rubbed his chin.

"I know. I'll repay you any way you want!" I sighed, hoping this would do the trick.

"I'll try," Rick said, holding up his index finger, "TRY."

"Thank you so much! Be safe out there," I said, hugging him quickly.

"See ya later," Rick said, and headed off towards the big white truck that had gotten them safely back to camp. Daryl obnoxiously hit the horn, yelling "Come on, let's go!" He jumped from the back of the truck and look around, the cruel expression voided from his face momentarily. He spotted me, and didn't frown, or scowl, and I saw how soft his face was; almost youthful, and very attractive.

I thought about what he would look like without his grungy clothes, cleaned off.

"Really, Heather. Really?" Those thoughts again. I shook my head, trying to rid the mental image of Daryl naked; tight muscles, tan, smooth skin...sweet baby Jesus.

"You alright?" Amy came back outside, just as the guys were pulling away from camp. She handed me a pile of clean clothes; a white tube top with knee length ripped, light denim shorts. Laid on top was a little lime green thong.

"I'm fine," I smiled, and held up the underwear.

Amy laughed again; "I couldn't afford to be too picky. Follow me," And I followed her over to a tarp strung up around a clump of trees on the edge of the camp.

"Okay, so you pull this string, and it'll lift the black tarp up, which is full of rain water. It'll dump down on ya. Here's my shampoo and a bar of soap. There's a towel under the clothes too," Amy said as she handed me the pile of clothing.

"Thank you, Amy." I said again, heart flooding with gratitude. No one besides Rick and Carol had been this kind to me since I arrived.

I stepped behind the tarp, and began to peel off the grimy clothes. Once I was free, the cool breeze brought up by the water in the quarry hit my skin and gave me goose bumps. I pulled on the string, preparing for the rain water to hit me, and it did with force, and I cried out from the cold. I realized didn't mind after a minute because of how good the clean water felt on my skin. Once my hair and body was wet, I lathered shampoo in, and scrubbed down with the soap. I stood for a moment, breathing in the smell of the shampoo mixed with the pine trees that surrounded me, and smiled, pulling the string again to rinse off.

I dabbed at my skin with the towel, and pulled on the clean clothes. After getting dressed, I took the now damp towel, and wrapped it turban style around my head to dry my hair.

Coming back to the camp, I saw Dale and whom I suspected was Jim working on the RV, managing to keep conversation cheery.

All of a sudden, Jim stood up, grabbing a shovel and he walked, determined towards a hill on the outskirts of the camp. He was talking to himself, muttering, and smacking his own forehead, seemingly frustrated.

"Is he okay?" I asked Dale.

"Dunno," He said, grabbing his binoculars and heading up the ladder on the RV to keep an eye out.

I walked back with the women, just as Andrea and Amy were coming up from the quarry with two lines full of fish.

"Whoa! Look at all the fish, Mom!" Carl said, poking at one of the limp creatures.

"That looks amazing," I joined the group, and Carl smiled at me.

Dale wandered over and, with a worried expression, said, "I don't want to alarm anyone, but..it's Jim. He's up on that hill digging. Said he had some dream," Dale pointed up, and everyone just saw the end of a shovel rhythmically tossing dirt.

Shane sighed, and got to his feet, and he started to walk towards Jim.

"I'll watch the kids while you go," I offered to the rest of the group, and Carl and Sophia came close to me as they made a little circle.

Carol, Lori, and the rest of the group headed off, following Shane to talk to Jim and see what was wrong.

After a few moments in silence, Sophia said shyly,

"What did you do before the change, Heather?"

"I was a model, and I wanted to be in movies," I said, ashamed that my previous life had been so boring.

"I hope I'm as pretty as you when I grow up." Sophia said, blushing slightly.

"I went to school to work with people, and read their feelings. I was planning on working with kids like you! Money just got in the way like it always does, and that job wasn't enough. But Sophia...let me tell you that you're gorgeous the way you are. Don't try to be anyone but you," I said, ruffling Sophia's hair gently.

"I agree," Carl said and the two of them giggled.

"Let's go to the RV, and wait for the others to come down. We'll play cards or something," I suggested, wanting to get the kids out of the hot, late afternoon sun.

"Okay!" they both said, happy to be going inside for a while.

"So, we've got...Connect 4, and Sorry," I found the vintage board games in a small space under the couch cushions.

"Can't we just sit? I can braid your hair, and Carl can massage your feet," Sophia said.

"Hey, count me out!" the little boy laughed, and jumped on the couch, putting his arms behind his head and pretending to fall asleep. His smile faded quickly, and I could tell he was thinking about his dad.

"He'll be fine. He's a strong guy, and really smart. He got us out last time," I tried to reassure him as I motioned for him to move his legs. I sat down next to him, and Sophia went to leave the camper.

"Where you going?" I asked.

"Just gonna get a few daisies. I want to put them in your hair!" Sophia said, pointing to a clump of pale pink wild flowers growing right outside the camper.

"No where else, you come right back in, ya hear?" I said sternly, and Sophia nodded fervently.

She returned in mere seconds with a clump of the pretty flowers clutched in her tiny hand.

She sat down on the couch next to me, and beckoned me to sit on the floor in front of her so she could reach my hair; I obeyed of course, though my aching body resisted. I tucked my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself, closing my eyes.

"Hey Sophia?" I asked.

"Yeah?" Sophia responded,

"How do you manage to stay so happy?" I asked.

"I think about pretty things. Like these flowers, and all of those fish Andrea and Amy caught. And my momma, Lori, you and Amy. Pretty people," She began to run her fingers through my still slightly damp hair and pulled it over to one side, beginning to braid it. After using her own hair tie to secure the braid, she began placing the flowers in strategically, and they stayed perfectly because of the coarseness of my curly hair.

"Pretty things, huh? That's a good tip," I said, tearing up slightly. Sophia's innocent mind brought my own to complete peace, and I sighed contentedly as Sophia put the finishing touches on my hair. I stood and looked in the mirror and gasped when I realized that the platinum blonde my hair had been when the outbreak hit was no more. I guess the color had faded with poor hygiene, malnutrition and my roots grew in light brown, the color it had been before I modeled..

"Your turn!" I said to Sophia and traded spots with her. I ran my fingers through Sophia's smooth bob cut, and twisted some of the hair back, pinning it up professionally with the bobby pin Sophia had and one of the remaining daisies. "There ya go," I said to Sophia.

Carl dozed off on the couch, and I glanced out the window of the RV when I heard voices. The rest of the group was on their way down, Jim bound in some way by Shane. Just in time, the sun had begun to set.

"Time to get dinner started, I reckon," I said, and woke Carl. The three of us walked over to where the rest of the group gathered, and began to gut and clean the fish.

"They should be back by now," I overheard Lori whispering to Jacqui, who nodded in silent agreement.

"They're fine. I know they are. I can feel it," I said, hoping I hadn't acted too nosy.

Lori just smiled and bit at her cheek, making her lips purse into a sour expression.

The fish had been cleaned and fried up over the newly started camp fire, and everybody sat, feeling the euphoria of having a full belly. It was quiet, besides Dale telling everyone about William Faulkner's theory of enjoying the time we are given...

Amy rose, and Andrea said quickly, "Where are you going?"

"To pee! Try to be discreet around here," and everyone chuckled, as she walked off to the RV.

"Thank you all...for being kind to me; Accepting me," I said boldly after listening to the fire crackle for a moment. Maybe it was the beer making me sentimental.

"We need each other now more than ever," Andrea said, and before anyone could say any more, there was a blood-curdling scream, and everyone turned to see Amy being bitten on the arm by a walker.

"Oh fuck," I said. "Keep Carl and Sophia behind you!" I ordered at Lori, and Shane was the first to his gun.

"Everyone down!" he yelled, and began firing at the walkers, now growing in numbers.

"Give me a gun!" I yelled, and caught the semi automatic that Shane tossed to me. I began to shoot at the walking corpses, and followed Andrea who was now running towards Amy. As we ran, I heard an arrow whiz by me, taking out a walker that I hadn't even seen to my left. I turned around to see Daryl, Rick, T Dog and Glenn, all back and unloading ammo on the remaining zombies.

I finally reached Amy's side and fell to my knees, keeping a protective eye out for Andrea, who was completely oblivious to anything but her sister, and understandably so. Amy's neck had been torn into, and the blood pulsed from her wounds with every breath she took.

Andrea's reaction was the most heartbreaking and gut wrenching thing I had ever seen; the all too familiar feeling when everything that you live for is snatched away in an instant.

Amy took her last breath, and Andrea lost her mind. There was the unbearable silence as the last of the walkers were killed, and all that could be heard was Andrea's guttural sobs, "Amy, Amy..."

Carl and Sophia began to sob harder than they were before, and I couldn't handle any more. I stumbled to my feet and ran; away from the sobbing. To think of pretty things. I tripped and fell, skidding my knees on the forest floor. As I cried, I felt her braid begin to loosen and a wilted daisy fell from my head to the ground before me.

"You best come back, Barbie. It sure as hell ain't safe out here, and you know it," A gruff voice came from behind me and I jumped.

"Fuck off," I gasped, and continued to cry.

"Come on!" Daryl's now clearly identifiable voice was right behind me, and I felt his strong hand grab my upper arm.

"Let go!" I cried.

"No. I'm not lettin' ya here. Come on," He yanked me to my feet and tossed me over his shoulder like I was a rag doll.

"Is this necessary?!" I grumbled, as I pounded a fist into Daryl's back.

"Apparently, since you don't listen to no one," He said, unwavering.

I decided it was best to keep quiet. He wanted to get a rise out of me.

He set me down once they had arrived back at camp. The fire had begun to die, sending a thick gray smoke into the sky. There was nothing but total shock waving through the remaining members of the group, and the silence was almost worse to me than the screams during the attack.

I saw Rick holding his family tight, Carl, Lori and him all unscathed physically.

"Go to bed. We'll clean this up tomorrow, and bury the dead," He said as he wiped his nose and blinked rapidly to ward off the tears.

"I'll stay out here," I said to Carol and Lori, "Go in the RV with the kids, please," I begged, and the two women listened, carrying their crying children inside.

Andrea was still next to her sister, handling a shiny black gun for all to see.

"You ain't stayin out here," Daryl said, and spit loudly on the ground. He grabbed me again and carried me to a black tent, slightly separated from the others.

"Here, git in there. I'll stay out here and keep watch. Go on," He said, shooing me inside the tent.

I didn't say a word, but was thankful for someone watching out for me. I climbed weakly into the tent and gagged, smelling the metallic odor of blood on my clothing in the newly closed quarters. I removed the now crimson shirt I wore and peeled off the shorts, then collapsed on the lone sleeping bag that laid unkempt in the middle of the tent floor. It smelled strongly of man; the outdoors, wood smoke, and just a hint of body odor. It was strangely comforting, and I buried my nose in the flannel. I began to sob again, and it increased to the point where Daryl hit the side of the tent.

"Keep it down, damn it," He growled.

The crying continued. I heard the tent flap zip open noisily, and I buried my face deeper in the flimsy pillow.

"Christ, why didn't ya say you was changing!" he said, a little too loud.

"Come in here, please," I said, my voice muffled into the sleeping bag.

-  
Daryl's POV:

What should I do? Do I say no?

I realized how awkwardly tight my pants had gotten, and I could safely say that this was the most shameful boner of my entire existence. Sobbing girl takes her clothes off and I get stiff as road kill.

"Fuck," I whispered, and climbed into the tent, taking one of my shirts and draping it over Heather.

"I'm sorry, the blood..Amy," she stuttered,

"'s fine, just let me know next time so I don't walk in on ya,"

Next time? What next time?

My thoughts were racin'. I sat next to Heather, motionless, as sobs racked her frail looking body.

"Can you hold me?" She asked timidly, once the sobs slowed.

"Uh..I - I don't think...no," I said, moving my hand awkwardly as if to comfort her. I knew nothin' in the comforting department; the only comfort I knew was passin' out drunk after Mama made me kneel on grits for any damn thing she deemed fit.

I felt her hand search blindly, and rest peacefully when she found mine and grasped it.

I wanted to pull away, but I let her there; at least it stopped the cryin'.


	5. Hot Shower

Heather's POV:

I awoke the next morning alone, and the sinking realization that last night had been real hit home. I put on Daryl's shirt, slipped on my battered Nike's and stepped out into the morning mist. Andrea still kneeled in front of Amy's body, waiting for her to turn. Part of me wished I had the option to sit around and wait for Mom to turn, but I didn't have that luxury.

"Nice ride," Daryl said, as he drove the white Prius up into the center of camp.

"He got it!" I said excitedly, running over and hugging the hood of the little hybrid.

"Damn near died for this stupid piece of shit," Daryl said, getting out of the car and slamming the door, tossing me the keys.

"You coulda easily died taking your morning piss too. Hey Daryl, forget about last night, please. It was nothing, and I just needed a hand to hold. I'm not normally that weak," I tried to justify my actions, but in reality, I knew my mental capacity was nothing like it used to be. The apocalypse had taken its toll on me in more ways than one.

"Yeah, whatever. Would you please put some damn pants on? People are gonna talk," And he beckoned to me standing there in just his oversized shirt.

I noticed Daryl's expression soften again, his eyes taking her in, briefly, and I ducked, popping back in the tent. I slipped on my blood crusted pants, cringing in disgust.

"Keep the shirt," he called, and I was grateful. I rolled the bottom of the shirt up, so it hung loosely, but showed a bit of my tummy, and I quickly rebraided my hair. I grabbed the gun that Shane had given me and turned the safety on, tucking it in the back of my shorts. I stepped back out into the fresh morning air and glanced over at the main camp. The survivors were just beginning to stir and I saw Carol over by the fire starting to serve hot cups of her famous instant coffee. I wandered over and Sophia ran into my arms.

"I'm happy you're okay Heather. Daryl saved you!" She began to cry and clung to my bottom half. I was amazed at how attached the little girl had become to me in the span of 2 days.

"I guess he did," was all that I could manage, as I held back my own tears. It should have been me last night instead of Amy. Amy had someone to live for, a reason to keep going, and now Andrea was in the worst state I had seen anyone since this whole thing began.

"Alright everyone. We're gonna get these bodies piled and burned, then we're heading out. It's not safe here anymore, especially with the children," Rick pointed to the walkers. "We've decided to head to the CDC to see if there's a life for us there. I expect to see everyone pitchin' in today besides the kids; we need all the help we can get. We lost 12 of our own last night, and they'll all be buried up on the hill," He said, pointing to where Jim had been digging.

" I remember my dream now," Jim said, bloodshot eyes, sweat running down his face, which was odd since it was barely after sunrise and the air still had a certain chill.

"You gotta go play with Carl for a while, ya hear? You're not about to do what we're doing today," Carol said to Sophia who clearly did not want to be alone. "Go on, into the camper. Close the door behind ya," She said and Sophia went off, dragging her feet, and Lori pushed Carl after her.

Daryl began working right away, but he chimed in with a very typical comment, "That dead girl's a ticking time bomb. I could get a clear shot to the brain from this distance."

"For god's sake, let her be," Lori retorted, with a sting in her voice.

I just shot a cold glance towards him, and he looked back at me with an expression sort of like

' _I can't help what comes outta my mouth, honest!'_

I looked over once more to Andrea, and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach when I saw that Amy was stirring, raising her arm. She didn't attack yet, but I felt my hand go instinctively to the gun that I'd held on to since last night. There was a loud bang and Amy's second life ended as Andrea fell over her sister's finally peaceful body, shaking.

I winced as Andrea's crying began again, and I decided it was best to get to work with the others disposing of the dead. Everybody helped out, and as unpleasant as the chore was, the time seemed to pass by quickly when we were all busy. Everyone was anxious to move on to the CDC so I thought maybe that's what was keeping up the motivation. Shane backed Daryl's pick up down to where Glenn and I had piled the bodies of the people that were lost and Daryl and Glenn began moving them to the bed of the truck to be be taken up to the graves on the hill. We kept up the hard work until late afternoon; by the time the dead were burned or buried, everyone was tired, hungry, and smelled absolutely terrible.

"I'm gonna go up to the graves," I said to Carol, and she nodded.

I wiped sweat from my brow and walked back up the hill to pay my final respects, and as I reached the top, the sunset burned orange and pink; some sort of strange proof that there is always beauty in the world. I sat cross legged around the 12 graves, and prayed a silent prayer to anyone listening. I thought about Andrea having to shoot Amy, and cringed as the lone gunshot resounded in my ears. "Momma and Logan are still like that," I said quietly to myself, and realized that I couldn't go any further with the group until something was taken care of.

"I was bein' nice to ya last night to make up for what I said before we left for Atlanta," Daryl's voice came from nowhere and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I looked up and saw him propped on a branch in a pine tree, cross bow laid across his lap.

"Jesus Christ, Daryl, you scared the shit out of me."

"I'm just sayin', you said you was weak earlier...I didn't see weak at all. You're still a stupid Barbie though," He just had to add the rude remark at the end.

"I was just ready to say thank you, but hey, fuck that," I said wryly and got to my feet, walking back down the hill, and I heard Daryl jump from the tree, landing with a soft thud on the ground. I heard his footsteps following mine, and didn't know whether to be annoyed or flattered.

"Hey y'all, I just wanna let you know I can't come with you now. There's something I have to do back home," I announced as I reached the canter of the encampment where people were rolling up their tents, packing bags, and piling stuff into the cars. "If I make it, I can meet up with you all at the CDC in a couple of days. That's all this'll take," I continued, wiping sweat beads from my upper lip.

"You're doing this alone?" Rick asked.

"It's probably better that way. I've got the car, if you wouldn't mind sparing a few supplies," I said.

"She ain't goin' alone- you ain't goin' alone. I'll go too. Gives me a chance to look for Merle some more." Daryl said, matter of factly.

"I'm going alone, Daryl,"

"No, you ain't," he smirked and leaned on his cross bow defiantly.

I just sighed, not knowing how to change his mind.

"Give her a few guns from the bag Rick. We're gonna need 'em," Daryl said.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? There's no guarantee we'll see each other again," Rick said, looking back and forth between me and Daryl.

"Rick, I need to do this. Besides, I have a feeling we will meet again. All of us," I said, smiling weakly.

"What about them walkies you use?" Daryl turned to Shane and Rick. "Would help us a hell of a lot when we try to meet y'all,"

"They're crap, but they could possibly help us to connect again," Shane said, unbuckling his walkie from his belt and handing it to Daryl. Rick nodded and made sure his was attached to his belt.

"Let's head out," Shane said after I had said my goodbyes, and everyone got into their respective cars. Before they pulled away, Rick put a finger up, motioning for Daryl and I to stop. We did so, and Rick ran into the RV, grabbing a big bottle of water and 2 boxes of granola bars. He brought them to the Prius and put them in the trunk.

"Thank you Rick," I called out, jumping out of the passengers' side and giving him a quick hug.

"We'll see ya Heather," He said, seemingly down.

I climbed back in the car and pulled out a book that I found in the console, and then proceeded to recline seat back fully. I slipped my old sneakers off and stretched out my legs on the dash, toes pressing on the cold windshield.

"The hell was that about? You Rick's mistress or some shit?" Daryl asked, not making eye contact as he pulled out onto the road going the opposite of where the rest of the vehicles went.

"Shut up. This is already going to be one hell of a trip. Do you know where Druid Hills is?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, now I understand everything. 'Course you're from Druid Hills...so uppity." He rubbed his beard and began chewing on his thumb.

"Are you serious? One nice thing? Or no?" I waited to see what Daryl said.

"..I got nothin'," Daryl said, looking vague as he turned onto the abandoned highway towards Atlanta.

"Charming," I said, as we passed a small herd of walkers meandering into the city.

Brief Daryl POV:

 _I looked over sneakily and glanced at the girl named Heather McBride, laid back horizontally, and the seat belt that laid squeezed between her tits. She was still wearing my flannel shirt, rolled up some so her lean belly was exposed. I bit my lip as my thoughts were wandering and I had no cover of darkness this time to cover what was growing between my legs. I begged my own mind to stop, but all I could think about was her naked body laying in my sleeping bag, the skimpy underwear that I wanted to bite off of her._

Back to Heather:

I was used to being scantily clad for photoshoots, so I didn't think twice about my choice of apparel in front of Daryl. It was just a bit of tummy after all. I peered around the pages of my book conspicuously and noticed that Daryl shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and though he continued driving, his hands twitched nervously on the steering wheel.

"You okay?" I asked him, afraid something was really wrong.

"Mm, fine," Daryl grunted, and tried harder to shift himself from my sight, his cheeks burned as he tried to focus on something else.

"Are you sure you're okay, you look li- whoa," I sat up and saw what Daryl was trying to hide. I gasped and turned to look out the window, trying not to embarrass Daryl.

"Get rid of that!" I smirked and looked back, slightly curious; I could see every outline of his erection down the left side of his worn black pants. I felt myself clench in sudden anticipation of having something fill me up.

 _No, brain._ I thought.

"I'm tryin'! Maybe if you didn't lay there like that...shit," He was fighting the urge to touch himself. It'd been a long time since he'd even had the desire to masturbate, but today, he was finding it rough not to. Oddly enough, he couldn't stand a lot about this girl, and she wasn't his type at all.

"Funny how that works," he said out loud, accidentally.

"How what works?" I asked.

Daryl just grunted and kept driving, heading straight through to the other side of the city. He knew where she was from already. After ten more minutes of incredibly awkward driving in silence, he said,

"Which way now?"

I was surprised he had gotten her this close to home without any directions given.

"Left." I said, "then a right. My house is in the cul de sac at the end of the road,"

Daryl swung the wheel to the left, then to the right, noticing how many walkers were out here.

"Dangerous shit we're gettin' into, Barbie," He chewed at this thumb nervously.

"Everything's dangerous now, Daryl," And I proceeded to load two handguns, setting the safety on, and place them in my back pockets. I grabbed one of my crowbars from the back seat.

I saw the house, still untouched; the front door open where Logan had managed to get out. I saw the now brown blood stain that painted a trail to the spot where my mother had died, but my mother wasn't there anymore.

"This is it," I pointed, "I would drive up to the front door and we'll run in, lock the doors and clear the place of any walkers. I wanna stay here tonight, it's getting dark and I won't be able to find who I'm looking for." I said, and he obeyed, driving the Prius up over the yard slowly and silently, then came to a halt in front of the door.

"What the hell happened here?" Daryl saw all of the blood and began to piece the puzzle together.

"My brother turned after a stay in the hospital, and he bit my mother," I finally said it, and it felt good to get it out.

"So why'd you wanna come back?" Daryl asked her, curious as to why this would be anywhere in Heather's top destinations.

"I need to kill them. They both turned, and I can't leave them like they are now,"

"That's rough," Daryl wasn't nasty this time. He was at a loss for words, which doesn't happen very often. He cleared his throat and prepared to run for the house.

"You ready?" I asked him.

He nodded, and we both made a mad dash for the front door, pushing our way in and slamming the door behind us.

"You clear the upstairs," I told Daryl. I couldn't go upstairs and see where the accident had happened. I lifted the crow bar in a defensive position and began my search around the bottom level of the town house. The first floor was clear, and all of the windows and doors were locked. I heard a groan and thud from upstairs, and swallowing my fear, I ran up and nearly gagged seeing my mother's blood, stained and permanent on the carpet, mixed with Logan's blood on the bed.

"Was it him or mom?" I asked aloud, looking around the corner at the walker that Daryl had just downed. It was an older woman, and part of me was disappointed. I'd still be faced with the task of killing both of them. I shook my head, and Daryl held his hand to his mouth, motioning for me to be quiet. "One more room," He whispered and checked the den, the last room.

"Clear," He said and came back out to the hallway where I stared at the spatter on the wall in Logan's room.

"That ain't gonna help ya. Come on," Daryl pointed towards the stairs and led the way, crossbow still lifted, ready to shoot.

I followed and went to the kitchen immediately, curious as to what was still available to eat. The refrigerator was surprisingly still on, probably because of the massive, underground back up generator that powered the three houses in the cul de sac.

I opened the fridge and saw that the only salvageable thing would be three bottles of beer; my brother's Coors. There had been vegetables, cheese, eggs and meat, but everything had spoiled. The smell of cold mold and rot caused me to gag, but I grabbed the beers and put them on the counter, slamming the fridge door shut. Opening the freezer, I suddenly appreciated Mom saving a serving from what seemed like every meal we'd had. There were frozen chicken tenders, French fries, and even Ziploc baggies of her home made chicken noodle soup.

I grabbed the chicken tenders and fries and tossed them on the counter, tearing open the bags and tossing the contents onto a plate to go in the microwave. I shut the microwave door and put the food on for 7 minutes.

Daryl's POV:

"Watch that, will you? I'm gonna run upstairs and pack some of my stuff so we can leave quick if we need to," she stated, turning to me. She brushed by my shoulder and I caught a whiff of her; faint hint of soap mixed with the soft scent of _her._ I didn't know how to explain it, but it was identifiable, and the smell made me feel higher than a deer in a pot field.

I felt ashamed, sorta. I ain't never been attracted to somebody like I was to Heather. There was one girl before her, and that had been before I quit school. She'd given me a hand job in one of the bathrooms in between classes, and I reminisced the day shamefully, cringing. I wanted Heather, and I wanted her bad.

I shook my head, trying to clear it of the unclean shit floatin' around in there. I walked over to the counter and took a beer, popping the lid by hitting it on the edge of the marble countertop. I took a swig; not flat, but Coors was still the grossest beer, in mah own opinion. Can't really afford to be picky, I guess. I took another gulp. Could be worse.

Heather POV:

Searching around upstairs, I grabbed one of my bigger backpacks and rooted through drawers, the clothes all untouched, and I threw in as many outfits as I could. I did a quick sweep of the bathroom and grabbed my toothpaste and bars of soap.

" _I wonder,"_ I thought aloud, and hesitated, glancing at the shower. After shoving the soap and toothpaste in my bag, I bent down to turn the knob, and much to my delight, water gushed out, becoming hot in seconds.

"Fuck yes!" I said victoriously and stripped off my stained pants, and I slipped off the thong and flung it like a sling shot into the hallway. I kept Daryl's shirt on, so that I could leave the door open, in case I heard anything happening downstairs. Jumping into the tub, I nearly squealed with delight as the water burned away the crud from the last month; sure, I'd had a wash at camp, but _nothing_ compared to the steamy, clean water, in my own bath tub, nonetheless.

"What are you doin'? Food's done," Daryl said up the stairs, gruffly.

"I'll be down then. You can eat," I replied. After another moment's silence, I found myself singing. My voice wasn't too good, but it felt right.

I was submerged up to my nose, and I glanced around noticing my razor perched in the back corner. I grabbed it and did a quick run over my legs and armpits, feeling like I'd shed a couple pounds of hair.

After I had rinsed my hair, I scrubbed myself with the coconut body wash, and I heard the stairs creaking; I didn't move, afraid to breathe. Had we missed a walker?

"'EY," Daryl said from the hallway, voice muffled and I presumed he was chewing on his thumb nervously.

"I'm fine. If you want to shower, you're more than welcome to," I replied, and felt my nipples grow hard underneath the wet fabric of Daryl's shirt. I didn't know if it was from the cold air on my breasts as I sat up or from hearing the deep, gravelly voice of a man that I admittedly found attractive.

 _Daryl peered his head around the corner and peeked at Heather; all he could see were her petite, tan legs, stretched out, glistening with drops of water. She had the curtain pulled halfway so her top half was hidden from view. She leaned forward, sensing eyes on her._

"It's fine. I'm still wearing your shirt. I'm just finishing up,"

I stood and stepped over the edge of the tub, gripping the shower curtain for balance.

"Could you hand me a towel?" I asked, throwing him off guard.

"Where?" he asked, stupidly.

I pointed to the cabinet under the sink, and he stumbled forward, putting his cross bow down for the first time in ages. He grabbed a pale pink towel and handed it to me, watching me as my chest rose and fell with deep breaths.

"Damn." He sighed, and turned to go back to the door way; his safe distance.

"Here. Hang this up to dry," I unbuttoned Daryl's shirt and threw it towards him, and I let him look at me fully before wrapping the towel around me, securing it under my arms.

"I'll go set dinner out. Clean up quick, and I'll grab you some clothes," I said as I walked out past Daryl, leaving him dumbfounded.

I regretted telling him I would get him clothes almost immediately. This meant I'd have to travel into Logan's room, and dig through his stuff. I peeked around the corner into the room and squeezed my eyes shut when I saw the blood stained bed where my life had by all means ended. Why the hell was I doing this for Daryl Dixon of all people? Why the fuck did I have to be so _nice?_ It was a trait that I had inherited from my mother; whenever there was any kind of one on one social situation, I would wait on the other person hand and foot, even if I didn't like them. I had to admit though, Daryl's eyes had softened since we left the others; I wondered why, and I also wondered why he had volunteered to come with me. I figured that he was more of a loner and would be more comfortable with just one other person, rather than a group of them, but I never thought I'd hear more than a word a day from him.

I heard the shower turn on, and felt a surge of desire burn through my most intimate parts, thinking about him naked. "Goddamnit," I cried, smacking myself in the head. What was wrong with me? I'd never felt vulnerable around anyone; I was outgoing and free, but around this man, I felt like it was all new again, like some sort of high school crush. I had never slept around, far from it, I had been with one man, but I liked to think of myself as a little more confident than what I was acting like right now. I grabbed a black v neck tee shirt and a pair of tan work pants; the ones that Logan had worn to paint the house, along with a pair of red plaid boxers, and took them back to the bathroom, stopping short when I heard quiet moans, and raspy breaths that increased in speed.

I realized that he was touching himself; and I had no idea what to do.

Daryl's POV:

I heard the hallway creak, and secretly hoped she heard me. I continued on, feeling the pleasure again as I stroked myself, propping up on the wall with my free hand. The water from the shower hit my hair, and ran down over my face as I closed my eyes. I felt the familiar start of tingling in my muscles, my climax imminent. _Her beautiful face; those gray eyes, and full lips._ I imagined her wrapping those lips around me and pulling me into her throat.

"Fuck." I grunted, and my knees shook from the pleasure that I had had to wait for for so long; I thought about her taking my wet shirt off and tossing at me, making her breasts jiggle, glistening with water droplets.

This threw me over the edge and I felt my toes curl in the hot water as I came; I shook and thrust my hips with every throb. I wasn't able to hold back my groans as I finished, breathing heavily. I wondered if she was listening.

"Goddamn," I added as the throbbing ceased, in case she was.

Back to Heather:

 _Oh my god._ I thought as my own knees went weak; the sounds he made drove me _absolutely mad_. _He definitely did it on purpose. He would've shut the door if he didn't want me to hear._ I thought, and grasped at the towel that had fallen to my feet somewhere in the span of the last few minutes.

I ran to my old room and picked out an outfit from the clothes that I had left behind; a black long sleeved cotton top and a pair of gray cargo shorts. I grabbed my hiking boots and laced them on over a pair of wool socks.

 _I would pretend like I hadn't heard him._

And I walked back to the bathroom to get my backpack.

"Food's probably cold," I walked in and grabbed my pack as he turned off the water, the smell of my body wash mixed in with the steam from the hot water. I bent over and threw my hair into a messy bun, the wet ringlets still dripping down my neck.

"Here," I said, as I grabbed a towel and handed it around the curtain. He snatched it without a word.

He heard her clomp down the stairs and then put the microwave back on, and then the pop of another beer bottle opening. He dressed in the clothes she had left next to the sink, and dried his hair quickly with the towel. He glanced at himself in the mirror.

"Ugly ass," He whispered and walked towards the stairs.

"Where the hell's my crossbow?" he said as he came into the kitchen, looking angry.

"I brought it down with me, in case I needed it. You want me firing off rounds?"

"No, but you got the crowbar, use that!" he snarled, and took the crossbow back that I had laid on the counter.

"Here's your food," I handed him a full plate of chicken and fries. "Enjoy it, rude asshole," I said, scowling his way.

We were both too stubborn to admit that what we wanted at the moment was each other, so we continued with the rude jabs and below the belt underlying and obvious sexual tension would have to be paused.

We ate in silence, and after I was done, I meandered into the living room to make sure the windows were covered. Night was beginning to fall, and I didn't want to have any reason to be swarmed and stuck in the house. As I adjusted one of the dark curtains, and glanced outside, I noticed a familiar face. My brother walked alone out on the street.

The tears stung my eyes, and my spine prickled with fear; I didn't want to do this, but I knew I had to.

"Daryl, can I use the crossbow?" I asked meekly.

"For what?" he said, finishing up his own meal. As he came into the room, I wiped at my eyes, and he already knew what she as asking. He handed the bow over to me without any more questions.


	6. Wool Socks

_"He'd probably bite your neck and pull your hair, but he wouldn't make the first move...and he wouldn't want to cuddle afterward. Maybe that makes him seem kinky."_

 _—_ _Norman_ _Reedus on Daryl's unusual sex appeal (from interview in Rolling Stone)_

Daryl rubbed at his nose as he walked over to me and handed me the crossbow.

"I've gotta go out to him," I said,

"Are you crazy? He's alone now, but once they smell you, they'll be all over this place. That's what you said you didn't want. No way," Daryl protested, and I had to admit, he had a point.

"How should I do it then? I've gotta be quick or he'll be gone," I contemplated the options.

"Upstairs from the bathroom window?" Daryl asked, and I nodded in agreement, running up the stairs. I got to the window and cracked it, cutting at the screen with the pointy end of the arrow. The sun was now setting, and I locked eyes on the corpse that had once been my brother. A few more walkers emerged from the yards of the other houses, but I didn't care about them. My eyes burned and my vision blurred as I saw Logan get closer to the house, the hot sunset illuminating his gray skin.

"Just do it, Heather," Daryl pleaded, and before he could say anything else, I pulled the bow back, hearing it click into place and ready to shoot. I released the trigger and missed him totally, but the clink of the arrow hitting the pavement cause him to look towards me. I loaded the bow again, hands shaking vigorously, and as I aimed and released, I sighed in relief as I hit the empty shell of Logan square in the forehead. I heard him growl as the force of the arrow sent him backwards, and he froze on the ground, his mouth wide open, as if in surprise.

"Fuck," Daryl said simply, rubbing at his eyes.

"Yeah," I said, "but we're one step closer to getting out of here," I finished, and handed Daryl his crossbow, wiping away more tears.

"Hey," he grabbed my hand, and we both looked abruptly into each other's eyes, clearly feeling the electricity as our skin made contact.

"Sorry," He mumbled and let go of my hand, embarrassed.

"It's fine. Let's go back down and finish the windows so we can rest easy. Grab the duvet and pillows from the last room on the left," My voice cracked and I cleared my throat, also embarrassed. I made my way to the stairs, lightly walking down to the lower level.

 _Daryl obeyed, and went to the last room. It was painted a deep eggplant purple with olive green bedding, stuffed animals lying untouched in a row along the dresser, along with pictures of Heather with her loved ones. He spotted a picture of her and her brother sitting on the front porch. He sighed and shook his head, pocketing the photograph. She would want it someday. He turned to grab the bedding and struggled to carry it all down stairs without tripping._

He stumbled into the family room where I was sealing off light from the last window on the first floor. "Where do you want these?" he asked me.

"Wherever you want to sleep," I replied, and jumped on the couch, curling up, knees tucked up to my chest.

I stared sadly, my lip quivering uncontrollably.

"Sorry 'bout your brother," Daryl said.

"Yours too," I said.

"I think yours is maybe a bigger loss to the world, but hey," Daryl chuckled, and felt relieved to see her smile a little bit.

"I need chocolate," I said, feeling fidgety. I went into the kitchen and looked down in the lazy susan for my Nutella. I carried it back in, spoon in hand.

"Oh hell naw," Daryl said, scrunching up his nose.

"Who knows when I'll get to eat it again? Nutella's such a great food to eat your feelings with! Try a bite," I said, as I ripped off the seal on the jar and dug my spoon into the rich, chocolaty spread.

"Uh uh! I ain't got feelings, so you enjoy that," Daryl said, seemingly genuinely disgusted by the sweetness.

"You have to," I said, "I made you dinner."

"That don't persuade me muc-" and before he could finish his statement, I shoved a spoon full of Nutella into his mouth, smearing the spoon on his tongue.

"Very nice," He said, after licking the chocolate from his lips.

"Isn't it just? I do feel sick now though," I said 5 spoonful's into the jar. I screwed on the lid and sank back into the indented cushion on the couch. I sneakily placed the jar into the front compartment of my bag. The kids would love it.

"Nuh uh, you gotta keep goin'. Get some meat on them bones," Daryl finally flopped down on the couch next to me, and I looked over at him, staring at the worn features of his face; rough, sun worn skin, countless scars, and hard, small eyes that were icy blue. His hair lay tawny, tousled and slightly greasy, despite him having just showered. My thoughts traveled back to him in the shower and what I knew he did.

"God," I said aloud, accidentally, and focused back in, noticing Daryl's changed facial expression, squinting more than usual and scrunching his nose up.

"Sorry," I whispered and let my hair out of the messy bun, which had begun to dry leaving the ringlets damp but set.

Daryl's POV:

 _She was so gorgeous; not just searingly hot, but genuinely pretty. I looked at her intently, breathing in the fresh smell of coconut as she let her long hair down. Her slender, heart shaped face was a creamy tan with freckles spotted under her eyes. Blue eyes surrounded by thick lashes, and full pale pink lips. I let my eyes wander further down, and saw her breaths rising and falling, making her breasts strain and pull at the fabric of her black shirt. I noticed the two dots through the shirt, and looked away, feeling awkward._

Back to Heather...

"Can you please just kiss me?" I asked him, watching his eyes travel my body.

Daryl groaned in anticipation and leaned forward timidly, taking my cheek in his rough calloused hand. He pressed his lips to mine and despite obviously not knowing what he was doing, he went with it. He moved closer to me and pushed a stray ringlet back from my neck, feeling the smooth, warm skin form goose bumps as his fingers grazed it. I kissed him with force, and eased my tongue through his lips, massaging his tongue with my own.

"I've never done this before," He gasped between me sucking on his bottom lip.

"Shh," I mumbled, and ran my hand down to Daryl's belt and fumbled with the buckle. I unzipped his pants and felt around, first reaching the coarse hair below his belt, and my hands found his hard member; his breath hissed and he groaned, kissing me with more force as I wrapped a trembling hand around him.

"I heard you in the shower," I whispered, daringly.

"Good. I wanted ya to. Can I...?" Daryl said, moving his hands from my face down to my breasts, and he cupped them in his hand, thumbing my nipples. I didn't have time to answer, and my breath caught in my throat, as I broke free from Daryl's grasp only to remove my shirt and unbutton my shorts.

"Christ girl," He said, a chill running through his body.

"Are you gonna be able to...? You just did it upstairs," I taunted, sticking my tongue out.

"Are you kiddin' me?" Daryl pulled his own pants down, and pushed me back on the couch and grabbed at my shorts, pulling them off with some difficulty. He slid my panties off and I saw the sweat begin to bead on his skin as he stared, dazed over my now completely nude body, minus my socks, scratchy and wool, but warm as hell. Seeing him looking at them, I reached down to slide them off.

"No!" Daryl grasped at my ankles, "keep them on,"

I put a hand to his chest, and pushed him so he put his hands behind him to hold him up. I then climbed onto his lap, wrapping my legs around him with some difficulty, and I proceeded to line him up with my entrance, my breasts were tickled by his beard and I got the chills.

I spread myself, I smelled the scent of my arousal, and I hoped he did too; the distinct sweet smell of my wetness.

"It's been a while." I said breathily, and reached down to guide him into me.

"Fuck!" Daryl cried out as he took over, sliding into me.

I felt my walls tighten and convulse as my body melded into his, fitting together perfectly. I burrowed my head into the nape of his neck and rocked in sync with his thrusts.

"..So fucking good," Daryl said, hardly able to find the breath to speak.

"I'm close," I said, feeling myself twitch, my peak impending.

He spoke no words, but his breaths shortened, and he rasped, picking up the pace as he placed his hands on my hips, feeling the bones grind under his tight grip. We rocked in unison, groaning and breathing heavily.

"Oh god," I bit my lip as I felt a warmth begin to spread from my center. I gasped and arched my back as the orgasm hit me, wave after wave of almost unbearable pleasure coursing through my veins. The deafening heart beat resounded in my ears as I went limp, letting Daryl take over completely. His arms reached around my back holding me up.

"Come for me," I sighed, and Daryl pulled me close, feeling his release building. I still throbbed around him, and it pushed him closer to the edge.

"Talk to me," Daryl said; he loved to hear her throaty gasps and hearing her say what _she_ wanted.

"I want you to fuck me till you come deep inside of me. Let me feel you fill me up, Daryl," I said his name, and overwhelmed, he cried out as he twitched and released inside of me. I kept rocking for him as he felt and got over the shock of losing his virginity.

"Stop..stop, it's too much," Daryl panted, holding my hips so I stopped moving.

"How was that?" I asked, suddenly back to my embarrassed and shy self. Daryl fell back on the couch, and caught me as I fell forward onto his chest, nuzzling his chest hair briefly, inhaling his scent.

"Amazing," Daryl sighed, and pushed me up so he could get up. He pulled out of me and stood, yanking up his boxers, and then his pants.

"Get dressed," He said simply; I could see how uncomfortable he was, and I just wanted to understand why.

I gave him a quizzical expression but hopped up, running into the bathroom to clean up. I slipped on my shorts and pulled my top back over my head, straightening it out. I put my boots back on, and headed back out to the living room to make sure the guns were still next to me on the floor.

The sun had gone down, and I stood, feeling my legs strain where I used my muscles to cling to Daryl. "Thank you for that," I said quietly, and went to the kitchen.

Daryl POV:

I heard her rummaging for something, and I fought internally with mahself.

 _Why ain't you sayin' anything to her? That was the most amazing feeling in the world. What do I say though? Thank you? More than thank you?_

I ran my hand down my face as she reentered the living room with a bag of chips that hadn't been opened yet plus the one beer that was left. She tossed it to me and I nodded meekly, using the butt of the handgun to break the top off, and I took a sip.

Heather POV:

"We headin' out tomorrow?" he asked, twiddling his thumbs.

"As long as I find Mom," I said and motioned for him to give me the beer. He did so, and I took a sip, followed by a handful of chips.

"Ah right," He said, and his heart sank further as he remembered the real reason they were here, alone, not because she wanted to be with him; she didn't even want him to come, but he forced it.

"Sorry if it's a burden. Gotta be done," I sipped the beer again and handed it back to Daryl.

"I'm just not a touchy person. Don't like that warm and fuzzy shit," Daryl said, his words tumbling out.

"Well, I do, and I've been without it for too long," I said, turning over on the couch. The rejection was overwhelming after a month of nothing, amazing sex, and now back to nothing, like it hadn't happened.

He didn't say anything else and he turned over as well, clutching his cross bow to his chest.

The next morning, I heard Daryl start to stir on the couch. I'd been up since it started to get light, and I'd torn off a small section of board from the window to fit my weapon through.

"Whadya doin?," he said groggily.

"I found her," I said, hearing Daryl shift on the couch, and stretch, groaning quietly as he stirred.

"I don't think I can do it. I thought I could," I went on, finger on the trigger of the gun.

I looked through the scope and saw my mother again. Wearing the same outfit that she had been when she was torn apart; a fuchsia dress shirt with a matching sweater and a pair of tan capris. The entire outfit was splattered with the brown black blood stains, and the bite was pronounced, searing and red. The pearl necklace dangled from her emaciated neck still, and her beautiful red hair had mostly fallen out.

"I can do it if you want," Daryl said, hesitantly.

"Okay," I said, surprised by my own words. When push came to shove, I could never shoot my mother.

"Go sit on the couch. And don't watch," Daryl got up and came over to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to the couch. I didn't fight and listened to him, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

"It'll be quick. No more pain," And Daryl crouched at the window, aimed his bow, shot, and I heard the hollow thud of a body in an instant.

"Done. Let's get what else we need and get the hell outta here," He said, and momentarily I saw the burn of emotion light up his face. He shook his head and bit his thumb nervously.

I jumped as the walkie in my bag crackled and I heard Rick at the other end.

"CDC's a shit storm; completely wiped out. Comin' back to the highway, close to Atlanta. Meet us if you're alive," More crackling.

"We'll be there," Daryl said, grabbing the walkie from the pack and holding down the transmit button on the side.

"Good timing." I said as I threw on my black cardigan and hiking boots. I grabbed my pack and headed for the front door. "Come on Daryl. Wasting daylight." I called from the hallway, irritable yet apathetic, and waited for Daryl to hobble around the corner holding his crossbow, a small bag of Logan's clothes, and the bag of chips from the night before.

Daryl's thought:

 _He looked at her intensely, taking in her presence. There was no girl prettier than this one here; the one with the knotty hair, circles under her eyes and crookedly buttoned sweater._

Heather:

"Quit it." I said, I felt my cheeks flushing from his smoldering glance.

Daryl just grunted, and he pushed me aside to go out the front door first. We made it to the car with no incident and drove silently away, back towards the city to meet the rest of the group on the other side.


	7. Wind and Rain

"Wake up, Barbie. I need eyes," I was roused by Daryl shaking my thigh. The sky had darkened, thunder began to rumble and the wind picked up its pace so that we could hear whistling in the cracks of the car doors.

Even with the headlights, Daryl had trouble seeing ahead of him, and my stomach lurched as Daryl swerved to avoid hitting a walker that had emerged from the fog.

"Fuck!" He yelled, and tried to straighten the car out without fish tailing it.

I had a sense of foreboding in my gut; a real uneasiness.

"We need to get out of here, Daryl. Something doesn't feel right," I nervously picked at my thumb nail and squinted, trying to get a better view into the ever darkening sky.

"Well, what do ya want me to do? I can't see shit, so I don't see no way out right now," He said, joining in the nervous habit of biting at his thumb.

I was sure that the lights on the car were drawing any walker that was in the vicinity to them, and I racked my brain trying to think of what to do.

"We gotta go," I said again, more urgently this time. He heard it then; the moans and growls of walkers; a lot of them, by the sound of it.

"I know! Christ!" And he flipped on the high beams, which helped very slightly, and he weaved around the dark shapes of walkers. "We're swarmed," He said, and though he was scared shitless, he tried to pass it off as nothing.

"There!" the car inched along and I saw the outline of a white house, the fog clearing enough so we could pull up to the garage door. "I'll get it," and before Daryl could stop me, I was out of the car, slashing at two walkers with my crow bar and pulling up the garage door so Daryl could pull in. Fortunately, the garage was clear and Daryl sped in, and I slammed the door down as soon as the back of the car cleared the entrance.

"Don't pull somethin' like that again!" Daryl got out of the car and yelled at me in the dimly lit garage. I could hardly stand the mood swings of this man. Worse than me on my period. Almost. Kind of.

 _Okay, not really. I'm the worst._

"Sorry, I saved our asses," I said, slightly smug.

"You can't do that no more, not by yourself. You got someone who-," he stopped himself.

"Cares?" I answered, my heart swelling.

"Nah. I don't care," And Daryl grabbed his crossbow from the back seat, "I don't give a shit what you do," He yelled and spit on the ground, turning to go into the house angrily. My heart shrunk again, and I walked after him. I could tell he regretted what he said, by the falter in his icy stare.

"We'll stay here till it clears up then," he continued, subdued now, and hobbled into the abandoned home, and I followed right behind him. All of the doors had been locked from the outside and the place was spotless. They cleared all of the rooms and went for the kitchen again.

"I meant what I said about you talkin' to me that way. I won't have it. I don't care what we did back at my place, it still doesn't give you the right to treat me like a piece of garbage," I said.

"It's how I show people that I'm interested," Daryl said, taking me off guard. He raided under the counters and threw cans of food into his pack, obviously eager to forget his outburst.

"Daryl," I said, coming up behind him and wrapping my arms around him.

"Quit it," He said, trying to shrug me off, but I wouldn't have it.

"You know what gettin' mad does to a girl?" I breathed into Daryl's ear, exaggerating my southern accent.

"Wha'?" Daryl's muscles eased up a bit but his skin still prickled uneasily at my touch, and I could still feel the muscles tighten nervously as I touched him.

He turned around, my hands still on him, and he just stared at me, waiting for me to make the next move. I took the hint and turned around with a quick smile. I bent over, and gyrated my hips into Daryl's crotch. His breath caught in his throat as he watched me.

He fought the urge to reach out and spank me; I saw his wrist twitch.

"Come on, Daryl," I beckoned for him and placed my hands up on the counter in front of me, still bent over.

Daryl reached out and caressed my bottom with the palms of his hands, and he hooked his fingers under the waistband of my shorts, pulling them down in a rush. I gasped.

I leaned into him again as I stepped out of my shorts and panties, rubbing my wetness over the bulge in Daryl's pants.

"Christ," he said, and started to unbuckle his belt. He left his pants fall to his feet, and pulled his boxers off, feeling himself spring free.

"That's right.," I said, still bent over, but listening as the articles of Daryl's clothing came off, one by one.

I moaned slightly when I felt the warmth of Daryl teasing my exposed entrance. He pushed in, just slightly, and my body ached for more. He placed his hands on my hips and sunk into me, listening to me gasp for breath.

"More. Hard and fast," I pleaded, but he wasn't gonna play by my rules.

"You never said what you gettin' mad does...Don't matter..when you make me angry, I wanna hit you hard," And he slapped my ass with force, causing me to buck my hips forward, knees bending and he slipped out.

"Stay put!" he warned, pulling me back and groaning as I engulfed his length once more.

"This is so hot," He said, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as he started moving rhythmically in and out of me. He reached around and massaged me between his thumb and index finger.

"Let me," I said, and began swaying and rocking forward and back. I moaned once again, throwing my head back.

"You seem to know what you're doin' sir," I said between breaths as Daryl started pumping again.

"I watched a lot of porn," He said, smiling, even letting out a little chuckle.

"OH, lovely. I'll stop talking now, before I ruin the moment. Mm," I let him guide me, control me again, and lost my thoughts completely as I began to see white spots. The familiar warmth began to move its way from my core down to the bottoms of my feet. "I'm gonna," I whimpered, breathless, and as my orgasm began, Daryl stopped completely and groaned himself as he felt me pulsate around him, my knees buckling.

"Oh my god, that's amazing! Keep going!" I cried out, and he obeyed, ramming into me; I began making sounds like I was crying; I had so many immense feelings running through my body, and he stopped, I assumed because he was afraid he had hurt me.

"WHAT ARE YOU STOPPING FOR? This feels so fucking good," I cried.

And he started again, hardly missing a beat. He let me make my noises and shuddered as his own climax began, and as he released, I felt myself tense up again. "Fuck!" we both yelled in unison, and my knees gave way again, and this time it was too much as I fell to the ground, shaking. Daryl dropped to his knees as well, our skin sticking to the cold tile floor.

"Oh my god," I put my hands to my face and began to laugh, and as I laid on my side, I pulled my knees up so I was in the fetal position.

I saw his ribs rise and fall with rapid, heavy breaths.

"Still angry?" he said, rubbing his nose with a smirk; pursed lips and narrow eyes.

"Livid," I said, the after affects of my orgasm taking its toll as i let my body relax. I spread out on the cool floor.

"Remind me to piss you off more often," Daryl said, and he got to his feet uneasily, running a hand through his greasy hair as he leaned down to pull up his pants. "Shit, Barbie,"

"Watch it," I warned, jokingly, and I felt my heart leap as Daryl reached down to help me to my feet.

I stood, trying to cover myself, feeling awkward.

 _He's beautiful._ I thought to myself, admiring his subtly attractive physique. He bent down to pick up my shorts and handed them to me, and his muscles flexed, glistening with sweat.

"What's a girl gotta do to get something to eat around here?" I said after I pulled my shorts up, buttoning them with haste.

"This is good as it gets," Daryl pulled a can of kidney beans from his pack and tossed it to me, and I reached in my own bag for the can opener I had gotten at home.

We opened our cans and ate in comfortable silence, only glancing up occasionally and throwing half smiles in each other's direction.

After we had finished eating, we sat and listened for the sound of the walkers to die down. There were a lot of them, and they were way too close for comfort, so even though the sky had begun to lighten, it wasn't yet safe to leave. Despite the regained visibility, there was a steady down pour of rain and he wanted the fog to lighten a bit too. It was only late afternoon by the time the fog had lifted, and even then, the rain remained.

"Sleep for a bit. Then we'll head to the highway," Daryl said, nodding towards the fluffy couch in the living room. I obeyed, happy that Daryl noticed I was dying for a nap.

I closed my eyes, and was out in minutes, my mind taking me to the shadow lands again. I didn't want to have this dream again; I was tired of the same nightmare.

"Hey! Heather!" Daryl shook at my shoulders. "Wake up, you're talkin' in your sleep,"

"We gotta go," He said, and helped me to my feet. I snapped out of my reverie and got to my feet shakily. I bent down to lace up my boots, and threw my pack over my shoulder.

The rain still fell as Daryl backed the car out of the garage and sped off down the country road. The highway was close now.

Rick's voice came in relatively clear on the walkie that I had placed in the cup holder.

"There was a herd this morning, Sophia got spooked by two strays and she ran into the woods. We're staying the night. Look for the RV," Static.

"Shit," I said, smacking the dash board emotionally, and pressed my fingers to my temple. Just when I thought I was catching a break.

"Musta been the herd that got us too," Daryl said, looking concerned as he pulled out on to the jammed highway, looking at every car closely.

"There they are," I said and pointed to the big tan vehicle when i saw Dale sitting on top with his binoculars.


	8. Don't think too much into it, Barbie

The rain continued to fall as Daryl pulled the car up close to the RV. Steam rose from the still hot asphalt, casting an eerie atmosphere; the abandoned cars piled up, bodies inside them and blood smeared like paint, the bright red of it returned as the rain water moistened it again.

"What happened to Sophia?" I called up to Dale, and he put a hand to his lips, beckoning for me to climb the ladder to talk. I got the hint and crawled up the slippery rungs, not minding the cool rain one bit.

"A huge herd of them came through. Everyone hid under the cars, and we were almost in the clear, but Sophia made a move too early. Plus, the RV burned up another radiator hose," Dale swallowed audibly.

I felt chills erupt down my spine, partially from the cool breeze blowing through, making me even cooler as my top was dampened, and partially from the thought of Carol and what she was going through. I pulled my cardigan closer, fiddling with one of the buttons. "How's Carol?" I asked, looking Dale straight in the eye.

As if on cue, we both heard wailing from inside the RV, followed by the slamming of objects inside.

"Oh," I muttered, nibbling on a hang nail.

"Rick is out looking for her. He feels terrible. Ran after her, and he tried to distract a couple of walkers and he left Sophia by a creek, told her to come back. She never did,"

"I'm goin' out too," Daryl said and shouldered his crossbow, looking up at us while shielding his eyes from the raindrops.

"Are you sure?" I said, pursing my lips.

"What are you, ma mom? Yes, I'm sure, since her own momma ain't doin' shit!" he yelled, and punched the side of RV, jabbing at Carol. She was silent for a moment, and then began to cry louder than before.

"Daryl!" I called out as he stalked off. "Sorry Dale," and I hopped down the ladder, darting between the cars to catch up with Daryl.

"Wait!" I cried out.

"Shut up! You want more walkers here?!" he hissed at me, "Go back," he spat, and his words stung.

I felt guilty about what we had done after knowing each other for only a few days. I could tell that he was too, so I continued trying to reach him.

"I'm sorry, about the last few days. I shouldn't have, it was my fault," I said, fishing for some positive reinforcement that it _wasn't_ all my fault. I tried to keep up with him, tripping up over the leaves and snapping twigs.

"Just go back," Was all he could mumble.

"No!" I shouted and that got his attention. He halted abruptly, causing me to slam into his back. He spun on his heels and stared into my eyes, icy glare burning into me.

 _I should really pay more attention to where I'm going._

"Then shut up and keep up, _Barbie,_ " He spat the nickname with cruel intent, and pulled his knife out, tossing it back at me so I wasn't defenseless.

I trudged on behind him, wondering why he was acting this way. I'd seen glimpses of the sweet personality I knew was in there somewhere, and I wished I could reach it again.

"Daryl, please," I pleaded, and reached up for his shoulder. He winced like I had hurt him and he flung around, pushing me to the ground.

"Don't TOUCH mah BACK!" he screamed at me, and I was surprised to see his angry face redden, and his eyes were wet. I knew he didn't mean to knock me over, but a man with his pride wasn't about to turn around to help me to my feet.

I sat there on the wet forest floor listening to the rain pat the leaves. I was unsure of whether to follow him or give up and go back to sit with Dale. I decided to admit defeat, and I started to cry. Blubbered like a baby and got to my feet. The tears blurred my vision as I walked back up the creek bed to the embankment that would bring me up to the highway and screamed as a walker clamped its hand onto my shoulder from behind; I hadn't been paying attention, and this was the result. I was going to die.

 _No. I 'm not proving Daryl right. I can take care of myself._

And I swung around, pulling the knife from its sheath on my shorts, and plowed it straight through the walkers skull, resisting the urge to cheer as it slumped to the ground, even though warm tears still fell down my cheeks.

"Hey!" Shane yelled down the embankment. "You alright?" he was soaking wet for some reason, and though it was raining, it wasn't raining that hard...

"Never better," And I hauled my ass up the embankment over the guard rails, and back to the RV.

"He's too much for me to handle," I said, seeing Dale's knowing smirk as I climbed the top rung and pulled myself up onto the roof of the RV again.

"I figured as much. Enjoy the rain with me," He smiled and sat down in a lawn chair with a built in umbrella on one of the arms.

"Easy for you to say!" I laughed and pulled my sweater up over my head in a futile attempt to save my hair from the humidity.

I heard Carol crying again, and wondered if I should try to talk to her. It seemed like every time I did, something bad happened. And so I sat with Dale, and the light rain turned into a heavy one. That was when I gave up and headed for shelter.

"Vamanos, Dale," And I waved nonchalantly at the old man as I wriggled down the ladder, trying not to slip and fall.

I walked into the RV, half expecting to have something thrown at me, but Carol sat in on the built in couch looking empty, frail, and honestly, not much better than one of the corpses that milled about in the woods.

"Carol?" I said meekly, and waited for her response. None.

"They'll find her. You know they will. And Daryl didn't mean what he said. He doesn't mean half the shit that comes out of his mouth," I surprised myself; defending him, especially with what had just happened in the woods. But I stopped and thought, taking my own advice. I'm sure he didn't mean what he'd said and done, I'd just have to get tougher skin I suppose.

"I hope so, sweety," Carol finally looked at me, her face pale with red streaks around her eyes and on her cheeks from crying.

"Can I hug you?" I asked, knowing that my mom's hugs always made everything better.

"Sure," She said, and got to her feet, wrapping me in a tender embrace. "Do you want some Nutella?" I asked randomly and grabbed my backpack, unzipping the front pocket to reveal the full jar.

"I've never had it," She said, slightly intrigued. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer next to me and handed it to her.

"Just on a spoon? Dunno about you, kiddo," she smiled very vaguely, and scrunched up her nose.

"It's best that way Carol, believe me," And she did it; she took a spoonful and globbed it into her mouth, and she began to laugh, sputtering the chocolate around her lips. This caused me to laugh, because it looked like she was missing teeth where the sticky stuff stuck to the inside of her mouth.

"Behave in there!" Dale stomped on the top of the RV, and Heather could picture his smile.

I eventually turned my attention to watching the raindrops hit the windows and make their way down. It got so bad that I bet on two raindrops; which one would run down the fastest and I was narrating it like a horse race in my mind.

As it got closer to darkness, I saw Glenn climb the ladder to take over for Dale, and Andrea and Shane together, discussing something intently. Shane called out, "No luck?" to an unknown source.

"Nah," It was Rick and Daryl, and they both stalked in between the cars, soaked to the bone, Daryl looking angry and miserable( something new...) and Rick looking defeated and just plain tired. _They found each other then_. They were both drenched in the blackish reddish goop that indicated they had a run in with some walkers. I got to my feet and ran to the door, pushing the latch to open the screen. Carol was right on my heels.

"Anything?" she asked as we ran up to the guys.

"I lost her trail after a while. She went the wrong way; she was spooked," Daryl said, wiping rain drops from his brow.

The smell seemed to punch me right in the face as Daryl moved his arm back down.

"Holy shit! You guys smell soo bad!" I gasped and gagged, clasping a hand over my mouth.

"Well, we ran into a walker, looked like he just ate...so I killed him and cut the sum'bitch open to make sure...well ya know," Daryl said, "Gross bastard had himself woodchuck for lunch." He finished, and Carol and I let out simultaneous sighs of relief.

"Disgusting," Glenn had made his way back over, and joined in the conversation.

TDog stood by the guard rails and paced, holding a rifle in one hand.

"We'll go out first light." Rick said, his brow furrowed permanently, and he headed for the red Chevy that him, Carl, and Lori were staying in.

"I'm going back in, Sweety," Carol rubbed my shoulder and turned to go back inside and Glenn followed her, TDog shortly following suit, leaving Daryl and I alone outside, the rain falling hard as ever.

"You alright?" he said to me, not making eye contact.

"Thanks so much for asking. You didn't even check whether you'd hurt me,"

"Well, did I?" he asked, smirking.

"No, but- that's not the point. I laid there crying and almost got bitten," I suddenly felt a little angry again.

"Dunno why you hadda get so emotional bout it. It was an accident," He said.

"I know. But I wish you could've just said that before."

"Get inside 'fore ya catch a cold," He said, poking me in the rear with his bow, and I couldn't help but smile a little, squinting my eyes at him to let him know he was still on my shit list. I turned and headed inside, Daryl right behind me. I dug into his pack and threw some of Logan's clothes at him.

"Please?" I said to him, plugging my nose dramatically. He obliged, after an eye roll and a scoff, cramming himself into the small bathroom where I heard banging and grunting. The space was obviously too small for his lanky frame.

"God damnit, sumbitch!" and more clatters. I snorted.

He stumbled out of the door a few minutes later in a pair of old Levi's and a red plaid shirt. "Do ya mind?" he asked as he readied himself to rip the sleeves from the shirt.

"I guess not," I sighed and watched the crazy man tear off his sleeves. "Such lovely arms," I said chuckling, as his cheeks flushed ever so slightly. He threw the tattered sleeves at me, and I laid them on the window sill, beckoning for Daryl to sit. He did, hesitantly and kept his distance from me.

Glenn, Dale and Carol sat opposite us around the tiny kitchen table. Glenn threw glances back at us, raising his eyebrows and winking. I grabbed one of the sleeves and threw it at him, smiling sheepishly. I looked out of the window, and though it was dark, we all heard Shane and Andrea arguing about something, God knows what.

"Best eat somethin' and head to bed. We'll wanna be up early in the mornin'," Daryl said, rooting the cupboards and pulling out a couple cans of beans.

"Beans again, yay," I said, and pulled out my trusty can opener. I sliced a bigger can open for Carol, Dale and Glenn, another smaller for Daryl and I, and I left one sealed for Andrea and Shane, if they wanted it. We tucked in to the little meal that we had, and though it wasn't much, I was happy we wouldn't go to bed with grumbling stomachs. After eating, Daryl moved down so I could lay and he sat, watching out of the window.

"G'night," I said, and drifted off almost immediately.

"Please no," I grasped at myself, feeling the pain, seeing the blood, and I crumpled to the ground.

"PLEASE NO," I heard myself repeat, screaming so my voice cracked.

"It's okay, calm now," Daryl's voice was sweet and soothing, unusual for him.

"I'm so sorry, Daryl," I whimpered now, and my breath became shallower, and I felt like my ribs were caving in, crushing my lungs.

"It's not your fault. Not your fault," He soothed, and I jolted, my eyes opening to me lying in Daryl's lap.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he looked down at me quizzically. It was light, and it looked like he hadn't slept a wink.

I couldn't speak, but flew up, and dashed to the bathroom where I proceeded to vomit. "Sweety?" I heard Carol call out to me.

I couldn't answer, so I continued to heave. I saw Glenn reach around the door with a bottle of water.

"Thank you," I choked out before falling back onto the floor, no room to move.

I exited the bathroom shakily and rejoined Daryl on the couch, taking a sip of the water Glenn had given me.

"You're the one who stinks now," He said and turned up his nose.

"Jackass," I grumbled and laid my head on the table.

"Bitch," He said, chewing on his nails.

I couldn't stop thinking about the dream. It's like my nightmares had thankfully shifted from my family, but I found this much more terrifying because I had no idea what it meant.

Glenn spoke up,

"We're all about to go out looking for Sophia, but you should stay with Dale and TDog. T's hurt anyway, he should have someone with him 'sides Dale so he can keep watch."

"I can do that," I said weakly.

"I'll send Rick over to make sure you're both okay to stay. I would scour the vehicles that are close by for medications; any kind. Who knows what would come in handy."

I nodded, having no energy to reply any more.

Not five minutes later, Rick came over, not looking much better than the night before and he checked me over, deciding it was indeed best if I stayed behind. I agreed to help keep watch and an eye on TDog. He had cut himself on one of the car doors in his panic to avoid the herd passing through the street and since the accident, his fever and delirium rose.

"You lay for a while, Heather. You look like you've seen a ghost," Dale said to me as he, Daryl, Glenn, and Carol went out of the camper door.

I laid with my head pressed against the cool glass of the window and watched as the breath from my nose fogged it up.

"I'm going with you! The more people, the better chance there is to find her!" Carl said to his father. I watched and listened through the window.

"Your call. I can't always be the bad guy," Lori said, replying to Rick's silence.

"I'd say he's in good hands," Dale encouraged.

"Okay. Okay," Rick said, fiddling with his sheriff's hat, "Never leave our sight. Get the RV fixed!" He said sternly and turned to Dale. He then went to pack some more supplies. A moment later, there was Andrea talking, angrily to Dale.

"I'm not leaving without my gun," She said.

 _What was her fascination with guns?_

"Don't put me in this position, Andrea," Dale pleaded; he went on, "I'm doing this for you."

"No, Dale, you're doing it for you, and it needs to stop! What, you think I'm gonna stick it in my mouth and blow my brains out as soon as you hand it to me?"

"I know you're angry...but if I hadn't done what I did, you'd be dead!" he tried to calm her.

"Jenner gave us an option and I _chose_ to stay."

"You chose suicide!" he said.

"What's it to you? You barely know me,"

"I know Amy's death devastated yo-"

"Keep her out of this! It's not about her. It's about us. The only reason I left that building was because of you. I didn't want your blood on my hands. What did you expect from me?" she was starting to cry now.

"A little gratitude, I guess," Dale said, his own voice dropping, barely audible.

"Gratitude?" Andrea scoffed, "I wanted to die my way, not torn apart by drooling freaks. Since Amy died, I wanted to escape, and you took that choice from me, Dale. You expect gratitude,"

"I don't know what to say," Dale's voice continued to sag from Andrea's cruel words.

"I'm not your little girl. Not your wife. And sure as hell not your problem. That's all there is to say," and I heard her heightened footsteps as she stormed away. Everyone followed her except for Dale and TDog.

I didn't know what had happened at the CDC, but apparently a lot went down. Jacqui died, Jim too. I decided for myself that it was better I didn't know for now. Less stress.

I heard the metallic footfalls above me as Dale took his spot for watch.

"You alright?" TDog came back inside and sat at the table.

"M'fine," I mumbled and drank some more of the water.

He looked rough, ashen and shook when he moved.

"Are you? You look awful," I said, more alert now that I sense someone was in need of TLC. There's the part of Mom again.

"Thanks, girl. Infection, I'm sure of it. I gotta go look for some meds in the cars," He coughed.

"I'll do it. You lay down for a while," I said, though not exactly feeling like braving the heavy Georgian air to dig through the even hotter cars.

I got to my feet and pulled off my cardigan and black shirt so I wore my sports bra and the same pair of shorts. I slipped my boots on at the door, positioned my knife in the loop on the side of my shorts and grabbed an empty backpack from the drawer beneath the sink, finally forcing myself into the hot air.

"Jesus," I sighed. The rain had cleared up and instead there was just sweltering sun reflecting off of the black pavement causing an inescapable blast of heat from below _and_ from above.

Throwing the pack over my shoulder, I motioned, looking up to to Dale, letting him know that I was gonna walk a bit to find what supplies I could. He nodded back.

As I crept quietly between the cars, I thought about how awful the day the outbreak occurred must have been for these people. There was blood on nearly every surface, and unimaginable carnage, yet 98% of the bodies were nowhere to be found, meaning that they were now walkers; still alive in a sick sense.

I shook the thoughts from my mind as I raided glove compartments, picking out what ever looked decent. Found some clothes, feminine products, a pair of boots, blankets, and some food. There was a red car, all of the doors opened, and I slipped in the passengers seat to clear out the console. I found bottles of medications; high quality pain pills, and antibiotics for infections. As I sat down in the seat to throw the bottles into the bag and pack in a few cans of food, I saw a car seat out of the corner of my eye. I turned around fully, and gulped as I saw little pink seat, empty but sprayed in blood and flesh.

"Holy shit," I gagged again, feeling sick from the thought of a child dying like that, or worse coming back as a zombie. The sun had moved down, and from the looks of it, it was around four in the afternoon. As I got hurriedly from the car, I walked back to the RV, mind racing.

Dale had gotten down from the RV and was sitting with TDog who was now on the ground, propped on the camper tire. Sweat ran down his face and his eyes were glazed.

"Here," I said a little harsher than I meant to, tossing T a prescription for pain. The car seat had really gotten to me, and I was bad at balancing my emotions with my social skills.

"Sorry," I added, handing him my bottle of water.

"Thank you," He said, slurring his speech and he downed one of the pills.

There was a gunshot; a single gunshot and then silence. The shot rang out, so it was fired from a high velocity gun. I wasn't aware of the guns they took with them, but this sounded like a hunting rifle.

Were there other people out there? Of course there were. Before Atlanta, it had felt like years since I saw somebody alive. I hardly remembered life before anymore, sad as it was.

I went inside to get TDog and Dale some more water and came back out, though every bone in my body protested. I just wanted to lay and sleep. I walked back around to join them and realized Dale hadn't worked on the RV at all.

"Dale, aren't you supposed to be fixin' this?" I asked and smacked the side of the camper with a resounding metallic thud.

"It's already fixed," He said simply.

"...for how long?" TDog asked, drinking pink powerade that Dale had found.

"Since yesterday. We need to be looking for that little girl. It stops the rush a little bit if everyone thinks we're still broken down,"

"Honorable, but also sneaky," I said.

"And our little secret," He said to T and I.

I nodded, unsure of how I felt about Dale's choice. I thought back to this morning with Andrea and how Dale had taken her gun.

"I'll take watch," and I went up the ladder to observe. I dozed off in the lawn chair to the sound of TDog and Dale arguing about something; TDog was saying that the two of them should leave. I guess he forgot I was on the roof.

"Carl! He's been shot!" They were interrupted by Carol's voice ringing clear, and my drowsiness wore out instantly. I wiped dribble from my chin and bolted to my feet, nearly tripping over the metal trim and falling from the top of the camper.

"Some girl rode in on a horse and found us in the woods; She took Lori and told us Rick, Shane and Carl are at a farm a couple miles down," Andrea said.

"They could all be dead by now. We didn't know that girl," Daryl said, sweat beading on his tan skin.

"They told us where to find them, though," Glenn reasoned, and no more time was wasted.

"What if Sophia comes back and we're not here?" Carol's small voice suddenly sounded loud and strong.

"That would be awful," Andrea agreed.

"Okay...We gotta plan for this. I'll stay the night with the RV. That'll give us enough time to rig a big sign and leave some supplies if she's not back by mornin'," Daryl thought aloud, motioning his words with his hands.

"If the RV stays, so do I," Dale said.

"I'm in," Andrea said, still casting Dale a squinty stare.

Carol just nodded.

"But Glenn, you take Carol's Cherokee and go to the farm. You need to go and connect with our people. Find out what's going on. Plus, TDog NEEDS medical care. He's got a serious blood infection that's gone from bad to worse," Dale chattered on.

"It's always me," Glenn said, sighing heavily, but knew it had to be done.

After Glenn and TDog were on their way, there was an awkward silence throughout the RV. Well, silence besides Carol's sobbing, and Andrea playing with her gun, which she'd finally gotten back. I sat next to her reading the same book that I had found in the car, and Daryl laid on the floor, looking up at the ceiling uncomfortably.

After more of the gut wrenching sobs, Daryl sprung to his feet and announce to us that he was going to go walk the road for Sophia.

"I'll come along!" I jumped at the chance and grabbed my knife and boots, following Daryl into the night, which had cooled off considerably.

"Gonna go shine some light in the woods. If the girl's around, it'll give her somethin' to look at," Daryl said up to Dale, and he countered,

"Are you sure that's a good idea right now?"

"We'll be fine, Dale," I said and followed Daryl towards the guardrail. We trudged into the woods in silence, the only sounds were the night bugs and the underbrush crunching beneath our feet. My footsteps were loud and awkward, and I can't even count all of the times I snagged my legs on briars causing me hiss in pain.

"Shut up!" Daryl grunted at me at least three times.

"Do you regret what happened?" I blurted out.

"What the hell you talkin' bout?" he said, but he knew what I meant.

"You know. My old house. Then the other house," I whispered, shy again.

"Don't regret it, but that don't mean it meant somethin'. Don't think too much into it Barbie," His words cut like knives and he rubbed more salt in the wound; "Shouldn't ah happened that way. Prolly shouldn't ah happened at all. But it did, and there ain't nothin' we can do."

"Great," I said, apathetically, even though I was dying to embrace him and beg him to just open up. My family talked about our feelings. I could tell it wouldn't be that way with Daryl Dixon. I changed the subject quickly to avoid more awkward silence.

"Do you think we'll find her?"

"We just started lookin'! Christ, am I the only one zen here?" he scoffed and shone his light through the trees, casting eerie shadows into the darkness.

"Seriously," I said, itching the back of my head and trying to keep up with him.

"People get lost and find their way back. It happens all the time," He said seriously, with no smart ass comment.

"She's 12," I retorted.

"Hell, I was younger than that and I got lost. Old man was on a bender with some waitress and Merle was doin' another stint in Juvie. Didn't even know I was gone. Found my way home after 9 days eatin' berries and wipin' my ass with poison oak. Made mahself a sandwich, and I was no worse for the wear. 'Cept my ass itched somethin' awful."

I snorted and looked over to see him smiling.

"I'm sorry," I said, laughing.

"Sophia's got people looking for her. I call that an advantage," He said, his personality starting to warm up again like it did when we were on our own before.

We both jumped when we heard rustling in one of the trees ahead of us. Daryl pointed his flashlight up so his face was illuminated and placed a finger to his lips, motioning for me to be quiet. I did so, and as we came around a bend in the path, we saw a tent, bright yellow, so slightly visible in the dark. It seemed to be abandoned, and we continued looking around. The rustling and then the all too familiar growling.

"Christ!" I had to clap a hand from my mouth to keep from screaming. In one of the trees hung a walker.

"Dumb sumbitch tried to off himself. Didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head."

"God," I groaned, the nauseousness creeping back when I saw the walkers legs. They were stripped to the bone of flesh, and dangling limply as it flailed its arms.

"Turned himself into a giant piñata" Daryl said, "they ripped the flesh right off his legs."

And with that, I fell to my knees and puked on the ground. "Change the subject. Please!" I begged.

"That's payback for laughin' at my itchy ass," He said, snickering almost inaudibly.

"Let's go back. Ain't nothin' out here," He pulled me to my feet roughly and we set back on the trail we blazed on the way in.

We only ran into one walker on the way out, and I got it with my knife before Daryl could even load his bow. I did it mostly to prove I wasn't worthless, but a part of me just wanted to show off.

We got to the guard rail and Daryl helped me over, feeling the familiar tingling when our skin made contact. I knew he felt it too, because I saw him look directly at me, the same yearning in those icy eyes.

I looked over and saw Carol climbing down from the RV, and she ran inside, slamming the door and starting to sob loudly again. No words were needed as we reached the camper with no little girl. Daryl looked at his feet and I shook my head, feeling as low as could be.

"Get on back there," Daryl motioned for me to go to the back of the camper. Carol laid on the couch, crying, her shoulders shaking, so I laid on the ground next to her and tried to block out the woeful sounds.

"G'night," I said, and received no reply, from anyone.

The next morning, I was awoken as we went around a turn; the camper was already in motion, Dale driving and Carol sitting on the couch behind me.

"Almost there," She said, and smiled weakly through leaky eyes.

I stretched briefly and stood, balancing myself by leaning on the table. Glancing outside, I saw we drove a narrow dirt road surrounded by wheat pastures, scattered with padlocks and fences. Daryl was in the front driving my car, and Andrea in another car, and we brought up the rear. As we rounded another bend, I took in the most picturesque farm house I'd ever seen. Bleach white with a grand wrap around porch. I saw Lori and Rick from far away; they stood on the porch in an embrace. Along with the familiar faces, I noticed some new ones, and my stomach flipped thinking about more survivors.

The camper slowed and jerked to a halt, and we milled to the front to step out in the stony drive way leading to the porch.

"How is he?" Dale asked.

"He'll pull through," Lori said through her tears.

"Thanks to Hershel and his family," Rick pointed to a man with white hair and stony eyes. His brow was furrowed in a perpetually concerned state.

"I'm Hershel Greene, and this is my farm."


	9. Welcome to the Farm

"Y'all can set up under those trees. I'm Maggie, by the way," a stunning brunette said, her bob cut extenuating her chiseled cheekbones and jaw. She hopped down from the porch steps and led us towards the small clump of trees, perfect for a camp setting. She turned to face us again, green eyes blazing in the sunlight.

"This do?" she asked, and her expression almost seemed to say _'say it doesn't suit, I dare you.'_

We turned to Rick, waiting for his response.

"Perfect. Thanks so much," and he nodded curtly. He looked tired; eyes were red, pale skin and his sheriff's shirt was stained in Carl's blood. He then turned to face the rest of us, and Hershel spoke,

"We're getting' ready for a memorial service. Shane went with one of our men to get medical supplies for Carl. The man's name was Otis..he didn't make it," He informed the new comers of the camp. As he spoke, an older woman with blonde, curly hair and red eyes began to cry again, and a young blonde girl comforted her by rubbing her shoulder gently.

I looked at Shane and saw that he'd shaved his head; he looked dumbfounded, as well as years older with no hair. His eyes were wide, pronounced with deep gray circles around them; whether he was scared of something, or angry, we'll never know. Something didn't seem right. After collecting some stones and piling them in a wheel barrow, we made our way to the edge of a padlock where trees shaded a small, deep green patch of earth. Hershel laid the first stone, and we all took turns layering them into a Cairn like structure.

"Blessed be God: Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ," Hershel began to speak, and I realized how perfect his voice was for reciting scriptures. Regardless of what god I believed in now, Hershel's deep stony voice was entrancing, and the southern twang really topped it off nicely. It all sounded very _'Gone with the Wind'_. He went on, praising Otis for his life saving actions; for Carl _and_ Shane.

"Will you say a word for Otis?" Hershel went on, after her turned to Shane. I noticed he wore a pair of large overalls over a baggy plaid shirt, making him look even more crazed.

"I'm not good at it, I'm sorry," He said quietly, folding his hands in front of him.

"You were the last one to see him! Please. I need to know his death had meaning," The pretty blonde woman said, her face blotched with ugly red spots from where tears had been wiped away.

Shane shifted uncomfortably and spoke, deciding that he couldn't avoid it.

"We were about done, but down to our pistols. My ankle was all swollen, could hardly walk. ' _We've gotta save the boy._ ' That's what he said. He said, _'I'll take the rear, I'll cover you,'_ " Shane paused, his voice trembling with emotion, "' _We gotta save the boy_.' And when I looked back...If it weren't for Otis, Carl'd be dead. I would be too," his voice trailed off, unable to continue, and he limped forward to place a final stone on the cairn. No more words were needed to realize how horribly Otis died, and it seemed to finally sink in to the other members of Hershel's family that Otis wouldn't come walking back across the field; he was gone.

I didn't realize that I had begun to cry until I felt a hand on the small of my back. Looking around, I noticed it was Rick, just like the first time we'd met in Atlanta. I smiled weakly and looked up at him.

"It's alright," He said, though we both knew that nothing was guaranteed alright anymore.

I saw Daryl looking over, shooting daggers with that cold glare. Lori did the same.

 _If only they knew..._ I thought to myself, feeling a pang of guilt creep through my gut. I could tell that Rick felt the same, as he cleared his throat and removed his hand from my back, even though we both knew it was nothing more than a platonic sign of comfort.

After we'd recovered somewhat from the emotional morning, the guys gathered around Carol's Cherokee, laid out a map on the hood, and discussed a plan to search some more for Sophia. Hershel was adamant that Rick stayed around the farm because of the amount of blood he'd given, and Shane was bound up because of his ankle.

"I guess it's just me," Daryl said.

"I'm going too. You're not to go off on your own, remember?"

"I can handle mahself," He said, spitting gruffly on the ground next to my feet.

"Look, Daryl, I'm going with you. You know I won't give up."

"You're on yer own then. I ain't responsible for ya," he said, picking up the crossbow with ease, his muscles shining with sweat as they flexed.

"Okay! Jesus," I made a face behind Daryl's back and set off after him, hearing the others get into a discussion about guns. Shane was arguing about 'his right to have a firearm.'

"Hey Daryl, wait up!" Rick called out after us when we were close to the edge of the front yard, and jogged over. "You don't owe us anything, and you don't have to go alone," he said, rubbing his stubbly chin and adjusting his hat.

"Hey! I count for something," I huffed, and blew some frizzy hair back from my forehead.

Rick smirked, and looked back at Daryl.

"That little girl deserves _someone_ out there lookin' for her," Daryl snapped, and continued quickly on his way.

"Sorry," I mouthed back to Rick and tried to keep up with Daryl.

"What're you so mean to him for? He's the only reason you're still around," I said, immediately regretting what I said.

"Oh right, and they weren't Rick's cuffs that trapped Merle on that roof," He scoffed and continued on, ducking to enter the brush at the edge of the property. I followed as quietly as I could.

"I'll say again, I'm sorry 'bout Merle. No one deserves that."

"It's nothing to do with what he deserves. He would deserve much worse, the shit he's done and put me through. It's about blood, and I let him down cuz I trusted him with y'all!"

"My first impression of Merle was watching him call T a 'nigger' and beating the shit out of him. I had nothing to do with what happened after that."

"Never said ya did." And I could tell in the finality of the statement that that was the end of the conversation about Merle.

He walked in silence and I followed, stopping when he kneeled to look at tracks. He even tasted the dirt a few times, God knows why, maybe he was just hungry. He stared around the woods, keeping his eyes squinted in thought the whole time.

We came to a clearing and saw an overgrown lawn that led to an older, dilapidated home fenced with chicken wire. I followed Daryl as he approached the open back door, crossbow drawn defensively. We walked in through the foyer of the house, and I coughed from the dust that gathered on every surface, our every movement making it worse.

"SHH!" Daryl hissed at me, throwing a glance over his shoulder. Yet again, when we were away from everybody else, he didn't look nearly as hard; his lovely facial features softened, and I gazed at his beauty, somewhat entranced.

"Hey," He said, and pulled me towards the kitchen. We both smelled something at the same time, and looked around for the source of the odor. He saw it first; an empty sardine can, still moist, lying on top of the trash. I jumped as a floorboard creaked, and Daryl motioned for me to get out of the way as he pushed past me to look in the pantry. He pulled the door open, and I braced myself for the worst, but saw only a mess of blankets with a pillow; perfect size for a child like Sophia. The child was nowhere to be found though.

We continued our search of the house, and after gathering a few canned things from the cupboards, we went back out into the hot sun. Daryl helped me across the fence, lifting me with ease, but I snagged my sock on thorns, and looked down to see a beautiful flower snaking its way up the wire.

"Cherokee rose." Daryl said, and he knelt, slicing off one of the dainty flowers with his hunting knife. He pocketed it, and I didn't question his motives. I knew he was losing hope for Sophia, but he wouldn't admit it was over till he saw her dead, and I admired him for that.

"Let's head back," he went on, and beckoned for me to follow him back on the path we had beaten through the woods.

We got half way back, I could tell by a scratch that Daryl had made in a tree with his knife, plus we were by the long familiar dirt driveway that led back to the farm which we could follow all the way back. He stopped me, suddenly, and my eyes widened, afraid something was wrong.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Nothin'," he stared at me intently, one eye squinting more than the other one.

With a swift movement, he moved in and placed his lips on mine, wrapping his hands in my hair.

"Random," I said, between the forceful collisions of our mouths. He leaned closer and pulled my pony tail a bit so my neck was exposed completely. He placed his mouth first below my ear, slowly moving down and nipping at my collar bones. As I felt his tongue graze the base of my neck, we both heard voices, and looked up abruptly.

It was Glenn and the brunette girl, Maggie, who I guess went out looking for supplies. They were both on horseback, giggling like school kids.

"Havin' fun?" Maggie said to me, and Glenn winked. He knew about Daryl and me for a while. Don't know how, but he did.

"Just lookin' for Sophia," I said, clearing my throat and wishing away the red spots that appeared on my cheeks. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Daryl move his crossbow down so it covered his crotch, and his cheeks also turned a shade of red.

"Mmhmm...We'll see ya back at the farm," Maggie said, and they continued on their way.

"Better git back," Daryl said, and the mood was ruined.

"Thank you for that," I whispered and shuddered. I felt goosebumps erupt on my neck where I had felt his stubble just a moment before.

"Mm," Daryl just grunted and we began walking after Glenn and Maggie, the silhouettes of them on horses still visible.

We luckily encountered not one walker on the trek back to the farm house, and just as the sun was beginning to lower itself, we hopped another paddock to get to where the RV was parked.

"Wait here," He said to me, picking a piece of long grass to chew on, and I listened happily, laying out on the grass and staring up at the sky through the green of the trees.

"Almost didn't recognize the place," I heard Daryl say, no doubt talking to Carol.

"I wanted it to be nice for her," Carol's small voice squeaked, she continued, "A flower?" and I knew he had given her the Cherokee rose.

"Cherokee Rose. The story goes, when American soldiers were movin' Indians off their land on the Trail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were grievin' and cryin' so much because so many children just disappeared, so the elder's would say a prayer; to ask for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirits. Anything to give them hope. So, the next day, this rose started growin' and bloomin' where the mothers' tears fell on the trail."

There was a brief pause, but he went on.

"I ain't fool enough to think there's flowers bloomin' for mah brother, but...I believe this one bloomed for your little girl."

I bit my lip to keep from crying too loud, but the tears fell mercilessly, and I stumbled to my feet as Daryl exited the RV. He looked at me, and I saw that his eyes were brimming with moisture as well.

"Come on," He said to me, and as the sun set in brilliant shades of orange and pink, we walked to Daryl's own little personal camp; a lone black tent under a tree 100 feet from the RV.

I cried for the remainder of the daylight, sitting on the threshold of the tent, my feet in the cool grass.

"Stop it, now," Daryl said, not in a mean or harsh way. As night fell, he made himself busy stringing up squirrels on some sort of make shift clothesline...except it was for dead animals. Cute.

"Go on over to the fire for a while. You needa eat," He said, motioning for me to join the others at the glowing campfire.

"Come with?" I sniffled and wiped at my nose, knowing the answer already.

"Nah," He said, and continued on with his task.

Getting to my feet, I looked out over the field and saw someone there, knelt down in the long grass. I heard muffled sobbing and I craned my neck to see who it was.

"Lori?" I said, seeing the hunched over silhouette of Rick's wife. She got to her feet and wiped at her eyes vigorously. It was only a second; only took a second. I saw her buckling her belt and in her hands she had a white plastic stick, and she hurriedly tried to hide it from my view.

"Lori?" I repeated, this time louder.

"Don't say anything," She pleaded, and for the first time, I pitied Lori Grimes.


	10. Babies and Zombies don't mix

"Lori? Are you serious?" I felt a surge of fear and anger, wondering why she would let this happen.

"Please. Don't say anything," She whimpered and looked at me, holding one of her shaking hands up.

"Why would you ask me to keep something like this a secret?" I stalked over closer to her and whispered angrily to avoid attracting Daryl's attention. He was but 50 feet away, and had impeccable hearing.

"I know I got no right, but Rick's got so much pressure already, from Carl and Sophia. He can't know. Not now. Not yet," She began to cry again, and despite my best efforts, my heart ached for her. I was never much good at being intentionally cold towards others, only those who had really wronged me. And Lori hadn't. If we were being honest, I'd wronged her.

I brushed through the grass as quietly as I could and knelt next to Lori, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"I won't say anything. Not yet anyway. It's not a matter having something to use against you, I would only tell someone if this whole thing threatened our safety. Which it will, Lori, you know this will threaten all of us," I said, swallowing noisily.

"I know," she said, and bit at her nails.

"Why would you put yourself in this position then?" I said, probably sounding harsher than I meant to.

"No, I mean, I know. I know about you and Rick."

My hand recoiled from her shoulder as if she had burned me.

"What?" I said, trying and failing miserably to act clueless.

"He told me about y'all," She didn't seem mad, honestly. Hurt though, yes. Very.

"He's always gotta be the hero, the good guy, like you said," I inhaled shakily, and the dirty and shamed feeling returned, highlighting what I'd done. I wiped my now sweaty palms on my jeans.

"He thought I was dead. Just like I thought he was dead," she paused, "I made mistakes too, Heather. I ain't got no right to be mad."

"You have every right, and I'm sorry. It was only once," I said, feeling the sting of tears returning to my already wet eyes.

I thought about what she said; _she had made mistakes_ , and everything began to fall into place. The growing animosity between Rick and Shane and Lori's discomfort whenever she was left alone with either of them. And I remembered the cold gaze in Shane's eyes at the memorial; almost seemed unfeeling.

"Shane...?" I whispered, eyes widening.

"Heather?! What the hell ya doing?" Daryl's voice called over the summer bugs. Lori didn't say anymore, but I saw the truth in her eyes. I got to my feet, and brushed my knees off, making my way back through the tall grass to the edge of the camp.

"Please just come sit with me." I said to Daryl as I returned to his tent.

"Don't beg. I'm only goin' so ya eat somethin'," He said, and stalked off ahead of me towards the glowing embers of the fire. I heard a tent zip up, and figured it was Lori going to bed. We were the only ones who were still outside, though we saw Andrea, Dale and Carol sitting at the table in the camper eating.

"I'ma go get ya somethin'," Daryl said, seeing the others eating as well.

"I'm not hungry Daryl," I lied. I was actually famished, and it was a weird feeling, going so long without food, then back to having 2 and sometimes 3 meals a day again.

"Don't care, Barbie," He sauntered off to the camper door. I was surprised he didn't go back and get a squirrel for me to roast.

And I chuckled, despite everything that had just come to light. I was terrified for Lori, and pissed at her for some reason. Possibly because I was assuming she'd wronged Rick. But I'd wronged her, so I couldn't say anything. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Daryl emerged from the camper with a large plate of food, and my mouth watered. I had hardly eaten today, and my stomach growled in anticipation. He tossed me a can of coke and set the plate on the ground next to me.

"Where were ya before?" he asked me as I put a spoonful of beans into my mouth.

"Hm? Oh I went pee," I said, speech thick with a full mouth.

"Liar," He said.

"Do you wanna come out and watch me next time?"

"That's a loaded question. I might," He said, and actually chuckled.

"Gross," I smiled too, taking a swig of coke.

After a moment's silence, Daryl got up to tend the fire. The night air had become cooler and the grass began to dampen under our bums.

"When d'it happen?" he asked, all humor had left his voice, the tone that replaced it cold and gruff.

"What?" I asked him, unsure of what he was getting at.

"Oh come on, Barbie, you know I can hear everything." And he scoffed, throwing a log into the fire with unnecessary force.

My mouth went dry, I suddenly felt nauseous, and the food I'd eaten lay heavily in my gut.

"I knew you was with him. I see how he looks at ya. I asked ya if ya were with him the day we went back into Atlanta on our own," he went on.

"Stop Daryl. It wasn't like that. It happened before I met you. And if you don't recall, you called me awful names and degraded me, so why the hell would I have thought twice about it?" I hissed, speaking in barely more than a whisper.

"Did ya fuck him? Right before you fucked me?"

"Stop!" I said, louder than I meant to.

"Answer me that. I wanna know what you did with him," He continued remorselessly, jealousy oozing from his words.

"No, I didn't _fuck_ him." I said, dramatizing the foul word, and I poured a little bit of soda over the fire to hear it hiss.

"Tell me!" he yelled, not caring about any audience we might have had.

I figured I'd better just get it all out on the table, but as I was thinking of the words to say, I realized I wanted to make Daryl jealous. I had no idea why.

"I ..can't talk about this," I said, and I waited for the explosion.

"I bet you did everything. Just like I figgered. That's why you gave it up to me so easy huh? You just love when people tell you you're purty, that it? You get off on it."

"I was lonely Daryl! It was literally the first time I'd seen anyone alive since my family was ripped apart in front of me. I apologized for what happened between us, me and you, because it was too fast, and I figured since I had been with Rick before we met, it didn't matter. But don't think I didn't think about it. I felt horrible," My voice shook, but I went on, "you just told me back in the woods off the highway when we were looking for Sophia, that I shouldn't think so much into it right? You all but said we were nothing."

"We are nothin'. Just a mistake," he said quietly, biting meat off of a bone that I think had belonged to a rabbit.

I trembled, my anger flaring again.

"Then don't act like your opinion is going to matter to me. I don't care what you think about me. I'll suck off every guy in this camp, and not give a shit if you're jealous, if that's what you want. If we're nothin', stop coming back for more. It's not like I'm lookin' for marriage, but I can't keep this bipolar shit up. I still have feelings," I got to my feet and purposely kicking dirt on Daryl, I stormed off. "AND I'm still sleepin' in your tent." I called back and ducked to avoid hitting my head on a low branch of the tree next to the tent.

After I had zipped myself up in his tent, I listened to the silence for five more minutes, then heard him storming over. He nearly ripped the zipper from the tent and he plowed through the entrance.

"I could throttle ya, girl!" He said, voice still a bit shaky. I flinched as he dropped next to me.

"Do it then. You'd have to kill me when I come back, add me as another tally on your walker count," I mumbled, wiping snot from my runny nose.

"I ain't gonna let ya die," He said, his voice softening.

"Don't say shit like that. You act like you couldn't care less, then you come back and talking like you'd die for me. That's what I was talking about before. It's confusing," I said, placing my fingers on my temples, rubbing to relieve the confusion and building pressure.

There were no more words, just a quiet rustling and I felt the wind knocked from me as Daryl pushed me back so I laid horizontally. I stared up at the silhouette above me, and my breath hitched in my throat as he pressed his lips to mine gently. There was no force this time; no rush.

"Don't do this and then push me away again," I said breathily in between a kiss.

"We don't have to do nothin' if you don't want. I always think of when you got real mad at me and we ended up fuckin'. Best night of my life." He sat back down next to me, leaving me to catch my breath.

"Do you wanna do it again, or no?" I said, meekly, and I added, "stop saying ' _fucking'_ like that. It's not pleasant to hear anymore,"

He nodded, almost looking embarrassed, and said, "Is that a serious question, Barbie? Who would say 'no, I'm not into sex during the apocalypse?'"

"Touche," I said, and I decided to try something new. "Lay back." I said to him as my vision adjusted to the dark. I watched as he narrowed his eyes and leaned back so he was supporting his upper body on his elbows.

I lifted the bottom of his shirt up so just the trail of coarse hair was visible above his belt line. I shuddered, lust taking over, as I traced the thick line of hair, and I felt his skin twitch where my finger made its way down. As I unbuckled his belt and fumbled with the button, he fell back and his breath came in quick puffs as he anticipated what I would do next. There was the quiet noise of the zipper and before I could blindly fumble some more, his length sprung free and slapped me right in the forehead.

"Really?!" I busted up laughing and though he tried to hide it, his quiet laughter shook his body. "Do you want something?" I asked sarcastically and without warning, I wrapped my hand around the soft skin of his shaft and began to rock my hand up and down. He groaned with pleasure and felt him squirm as I stopped pumping to press my index finger and rub on the under side, that sensitive area. I moved in and placed my lips on the very tip of him and breathed deeply, letting him feel me kiss him.

"Christ," he moaned and I felt one of his hands move to my head and pull me towards him. I obliged and opened my mouth, taking him in slowly. I got into a rhythm that seemed to please him; his back was arching and he had resorted to entwining his hands in the sleeping bag he laid on.

"Do you like that?" I asked him between gulps.

"Mm," Daryl grunted, "faster," he said.

I listened and sped up, wrapping a hand around the base and massaging there while I continued twirling my tongue around his head.

"Not gonna take me long," Daryl managed to gasp out, and he continued soon after, "stop, stop!" and I listened as I felt him throb from reaching his peak and stopping it at the last minute.

"Where do you want me to...? I don't wanna do it on you..or make you," he asked, still out of breath.

"I'll let it up to you, Daryl."

"Can you take off your shirt?" he asked, the shy boy coming out again. "I want to make you feel good,"

I didn't reply but sat up and reached my hands round my midriff to pull my shirt up and over my head. He motioned for me to lay down , and he aided in spreading my legs, leaning in close to me. I was wet; very, and could feel the cold air hitting me, making me clench up.

He touched me, very briefly, starting at my neck. He moved down towards my chest, and grasped my breasts, squeezing them and I squealed, writhing under his touch. It was nearly unbearable and I bit my lip, a little harder than I intended to. His hands traveled further down, stopping at the start of my pubic hair- he continued on, using only his index finger, and slid it down between the folds; he pushed the one finger into me slowly, torturously, repeating this 3 times, only 3 times, and removing his finger.

"I think I'll make you wait for it," he said to me, but he reached up and placed the same finger that had been in me to my lips. I opened my mouth and allowed him to place it on my tongue. I tasted myself, along with the saltiness of his skin. I sucked briefly and sat up.

"I'll wait for it patiently," I said breathlessly, so aroused I could hardly speak. "Let me finish you," I said calmly, and I pushed him back gently so he was laying again. I looked down at him with wide eyes, brushing my breasts against him. He groaned again as I took his length in my hand, stroking fast. He placed his hands behind his head, and I felt him begin to swell under my finger tips. "Keep going," he said, and he released himself onto my chest with a final grunt, followed by rapid breaths as his whole body trembled when I stroked.

"Goddamn," he said, a little to loud and rubbed his eyes, "seein' stars," I grabbed my dirty shirt and wiped away the mess from my exposed chest and after tossing it aside, I scooted over closer to Daryl; not touching him, but close enough to feel his warmth.

"I'ma sleep good tonight," Daryl said simply, and turned over, wiggling down into his sleeping bag.

"night," I said, and did the same myself.

"Oh, an' I heard about Lori too. Dumb bitch's gonna get us all killed," He whispered.

 _Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck._

"Please don't say anything. She'll think I told you," I said, shivering a bit from a cool breeze that drifted through the tent's fabric.

"You gotta tell Rick," He said, the grumpy voice was back.

"I promised her I wouldn't. Not yet. You know it's not my place!" I justified keeping my mouth shut.

"If you don't tell him, I will. He got a right to know, even if it ain't his."

Though I knew he was right, the sympathy I felt in my heart for Lori trumped everything else, because my heart was just too soft.

"Just let it go for now," I bit at my nails, "also, you owe me something," I said, reminding him that I was still waiting for his touch.

"Mm," Daryl grunted and he was silent then. I drifted off into a deep sleep; deeper than I'd slept since this thing began.

 _"I'm gonna make you wish for death," his voice was cruel and emotionless, and I felt rough hands pull me back by my hair, forcing me to the ground. My eyes were covered with a bandana, my hands were tied, as well as my ankles, and I felt the burn of the rope digging into my flesh as I struggled for freedom._

 _Though I sobbed, no noise came out. My mouth was full of gag cloth; it tasted dirty and bitter. The tears ran hot with anger and sorrow, and I dreaded what would happen next._

 _"Where is he?!" the cold voice screamed in my ear, and he pulled my head back harder by the hair so that my neck was so strained, I gasped for breath. He ripped the gag out._

 _"Answer me, damn it!" and his fist landed with a crack on my back. I slumped forward, unable to move or breathe._

 _"I don't know...I don't know, I swear I don't know!" my voice cracked, and I heard a belt buckle clink behind me._

"Heather!" I woke with a start to Daryl leaning over me. I flinched and recoiled; I was surprised to find that I was crying full tears.

"What the hell's a matter with you?" Daryl asked me, scratching his head. It was already sunny and hot, so I'd slept clear into the next day.

"Nothing. It was just a dream. What time's it? Why'd you let me sleep so long?" I mumbled, wiping my tears away as I sat up lazily.

"It's only around 9. Figgered you hadn't slept well since, you know. I'm goin' out looking for Sophia. Andrea, T, Shane and Rick are goin' out too, splittin' up two and two to cover more ground in the woods. Ya sure you're okay?" he asked again, obviously not convinced.

"I said I'm fine! Leave it Daryl!" I said.

"Arighht! Sheesh," Daryl was eating an apple and widened his small eyes at me as he got to his feet.

Although I knew it was a dream, my skin hurt and crawled like everything had really happened. Shaking off the thought, I watched as Daryl walked off toward the horse barn with a small bag and his bow and arrow.

I rummaged through my pack and picked out an outfit. My black and orange _White Riot_ Clash tee shirt was still my favorite, and holding it up, I pulled it to my face and breathed in. It still smelled like home, faintly mixed with the musty smell of the bag. When I modeled, I modeled more feminine clothes, and even though I love to extenuate my body, I love it more when I can really feel like myself in a battered tee and a pair of leggings. I rummaged a little more, and dug out my faded gray leggings and untied the laces from my dark green doc martens so they fell free from the strap of my back pack where they'd been secured. I got to my feet shakily and slid the leggings up, pulled the tee over my head, and I balanced myself enough to slip on my boots. As I walked out into the sunlight, I bent over and threw my hair into a messy high bun so my hair resembled what I'm sure looked like a fully formed bee hive set precariously on the top of my head.

I made my way over to Carol who was working on laundry. She smiled when she saw me approaching, and smiling back somewhat, I took a pile of clothes and clothes pins. I took a place next to Carol and began hanging clothes along with her. Just then, Lori came out of her tent looking rough, might I add.

"I can't believe I slept so late," She said after 'good morning's were exchanged.

"You seem like you need it. Everything alright?" Carol asked her and my eyes automatically went to my feet.

"Yep fine. Be sure to wake me next time, especially on laundry day," Lori insisted, and I went back to hanging clothes.

"I've got it covered, Lori. And Heather's not useless, she's helped since we met her," It felt nice to have someone stand up for me, even though I knew for a fact I hadn't helped near as much as I wanted to. I'd prove my worth here someday, I was sure of it.

"I have an idea...What would y'all think of cooking dinner for Hershel and his family? Seems like the least we can do for letting us stay, and it feels like it's been so long since I been in a real kitchen," Carol said longingly, and she like the rest of us seemed to have nostalgic memories with food.

"Seems like a fair idea," Lori said, and she also began working on laundry.

As the two talked, I heard their voices trailing in and out, my brain focusing unceasingly on that dream, and my eyes began to feel like they were jumping up and down. As the dizziness subsided, a wave of nausea hit me and I fell to the ground, and I heaved, though nothing was there to expel.

"Heather?" Carol knelt down beside me and ran a hand over my forehead.

"She's hotter than a pig on a spit. We should see if Hershel would let her rest inside," I heard Carol continue, and I felt the two women lift me, placing my arms round their shoulders.

 _"I'm so sorry Daryl," I cried again, and unexplainable pain nearly ripping my heart in two. I'd been here before. I'd felt this pain before._

I woke again, choking on saliva and I sat upright, coughing raspily.

"Keep it down," the familiar gruff voice said from next to me, and I wrenched my neck around to see Daryl laying next to me. We were in a bedroom in the farm house, and though I had no recollection of getting here, I was glad for the cool, crisp sheets and the open window that blew in a calming breeze from outside. Night had fallen, and the weather cooled.

"what the hell happened to you?" I said, as I finally took in the man before me. He wore a bandage on his head, and he was bruised and scraped up on almost his entire body.

"Long story short, I went crazy in the woods, took an arrow to the side, made my way back, but I looked so fucked up, Andrea shot me when she saw me. Thought I was a walker." He said casually, like this was a normal occurrence.

"What the actual fuck are you talking about?"

"I don't know," Daryl said, and we both started laughing. I saw bottles of antibiotics, pain meds, and sedatives lying on the night stand next to the bed, and I figured that was why I felt high as a freaking kite. Daryl looked how I felt; absolutely dreadful, like he'd been drug through a hedge backwards.

There was a knock at the door, and Carol came in carrying a tray with two plates full of food.

"How're you feelin'?" she asked Daryl first, understandably.

"As good as I look," Daryl said, pulling the sheet up to his chest.

"Just brought y'all some food. Figured you'd be hungry. You feelin' better, Heather?" she asked me, and I replied with a quick nod.

"What happened to me anyway?" I asked, realizing that I had no clue what had gone on today.

"Hershel said you're dehydrated, along with what he's assuming is anxiety. You had a fever, but I'm thinkin' it broke since you been sleeping all day."

"Thanks for the food Carol," I said and offered what smile I could, and as Daryl turned over, I saw brownish welts that covered his back. They had faded with time, but still contrasted from his skin color. Now I realized why he'd pushed me over in the woods that day. I'd triggered something in him.

Carol made to leave after smiling at us both, but stopped abruptly.

"Just so you know, Daryl, you did more for Sophia today than her daddy ever did for her her whole life," she said, sniffling.

"Rick or Shane woulda done the same thing," he said.

"I know. You're every bit as good as they are," and she leaned down, placing a quick peck on his forehead.

As Carol left, silence descended on us once again.

"Whatchoo lookin' at?" he said, somehow aware of my eyes on him even though he faced the other way.

"Nothing," I said, for once with nothing else to say.


	11. Georgia Peach

After a brief awkward silence, I sat up shakily and hung my legs over the edge of the bed. I stood and hobbled over to the table where Carol had placed our food, and as I passed the window, I saw the glint of a flashlight, and as I squinted, I could make out Glenn's figure in the moon light, almost frolicking towards the barn, blanket in hand. I heard the screen door downstairs slam, and then saw Maggie running towards Glenn, full speed. Chuckling, I continued my journey across the room for the plate of food. I plopped down on the velvet chair in the corner by the table and began feeding my face.

Daryl laid motionless, but I knew he was awake yet, I could hear the rapid breathing of someone deep in thought, rather than the slowed puffs when your mind is at rest.

"You alright?" I said, between bites of mashed potatoes.

"Fahn," He said, and he turned over to look at me.

"Eat something?" I asked him, and he nodded, sitting up slowly.

"Stay, stay, I'll bring it to you," I said and got to my feet again, picking up Daryl's plate and rushing towards him, like his life depended on it.

"Here," I said, and handed him his plate. I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him and slowly turned to crawl behind where he sat.

"What're you doin?" Daryl asked me as he began to eat. He didn't look back at me, though I know it was killing him not to.

"Can I rub your shoulders? You gotta be sore," I asked, shyly.

"Nah," He said gruffly, and kept his head down.

Me being me, I reached out anyway, and traced a finger along the neckline of his dirty shirt. He flinched lightly, but didn't pull away, "Okay?" I asked, and placed the palm of my hand on the tense muscles on his shoulder.

He nodded slightly, so I placed my other hand on the opposite shoulder and began to knead his muscles. I could physically feel them soften and relax as I rubbed.

I continued, not moving below his shoulders, and when he was done eating, he maneuvered himself around so he was facing me. "My turn," He said, licking food from his fingers, and twirled his index finger, motioning for me to turn around. I did so, and shivered as he placed his hands on my neck, his rough, weathered grip was gritty against my sensitive, soft skin. I sighed as he wrapped my hair gently in his hands and pushed it off to one side so it draped around my shoulder down to my chest. I felt him slide the straps of my tank top and then my bra down, so my shoulders were bare.

"We should head outside," I said, not knowing why I was fighting the inevitable. I held strong though, and got to my feet, pulling my straps back up, "but first, I'm showering," I said, remembering the bathroom with a lovely claw foot tub not 15 feet from where I stood. Daryl grunted, and sat back on the bed. He chewed on his lip, eyeing me moodily. He shook his head and scowled at me, knowing that I knew he was joking, mostly anyway.

I smiled, and stuck my tongue out as I backed into the bathroom, closing the door all but a crack behind me. I turned the hot water on, and breathed deep as the warm vapors opened every pore on my skin. I slipped off the old grimy clothes and threw them in a pile by the door. As I adjusted the temperature, stepped into the sultry water, and pulled the old cotton curtain around the tub, I heard the door squeak and quiet footsteps followed suit. I sunk down into the water, wetting my hair immediately, and surfaced with a gasp as the shock of the burning sensation made goose bumps erupt from my neck down.

"Daryl, can you grab clothes for me? My pack's next to the door," I called out to him, and heard him stump out of the bathroom. He returned a moment later, and I peered out from around the curtain. He had brought me a fitted shirt and a pair of olive green cargo shorts. He set them on the closed toilet and sat down with some difficulty on the floor by the sink.

"Thanks," I said, and grabbed the bar of soap that laid unused on the top of the faucet. As I lathered up, the smell of my Nana's house became present through the soap. It smelled just like she had. She had died nearly 8 years before the outbreak, but I would know the smell anywhere. As I looked at the soap, I saw the familiar engraving: Yardley's Lavender. The smell soon permeated the air, and I heard Daryl cough.

"Goddamn, it smells like old people in here!" he called out, and I tried to contain a giggle. I sunk down further in the water, so I was submerged up to my nose. After I lathered and rinsed my hair, I waited for Daryl to do what I wanted him to do. Though it wasn't what I expected, what came next was a lovely surprise.

"Lemme finish that rub down," he pulled the curtain aside, causing me to shiver from the cooler air penetrating the warm cocoon I was wrapped in.

"Turn around," he ordered, and I sat up, covering my breasts as I turned my back to him, and I reached one arm up to pull my heavy, wet hair over my shoulder again.

"Such nice skin," he mumbled as he palmed my back. I felt myself melting into his touch, and he went on, "that's it. Enjoy it a little bit."

"What is up with you? I mean, it's wonderful, but you seem almost happy," I said quietly, hoping I didn't send him plummeting into another stroppy mood.

"Gettin' shot made me think about how mean I've been, and how my words could be the last someone hears. Don't want 'em to be awful things comin' outta my mouth."

I didn't say anything, but I smiled, twirling a few wet strands of hair round my middle finger. After he said that, neither of us pushed the other for sex. Though I knew we both wanted it, I felt like we could easily walk out of the house without fulfilling that wish. Waiting would make it that much more satisfying the next time, and my groin twitched in anticipation.

Daryl handed me a towel and after rubbing it through my hair, I dabbed off my skin, and once I was dry enough, I slipped on the tshirt and shorts.

"I'm gonna go to bed," I said to him, as I hung the towel on the edge of the bath. I picked up my bag and stuffed the dirty clothes from the floor inside. As I dressed, his jaw snapped up; he'd been eyeing me up and down, and I'm not gonna lie, I loved every second of it. I looked around for my boots and slipped them on, neglecting to tie them, and as I headed down the creaky, antique stairs, I nearly toppled down them because I stepped on the stray shoe lace.

"Careful," I heard Daryl croak behind me, but he quickly tried to cover up his nice words with a sarcastic snicker.

We walked out of the front door, closing the door more subtly than Maggie, and when we got to the edge of the yard, close to our tent and the barn, that's when we both heard it. Glenn and Maggie stood outside, yelling at each other.

"Why does your dad have a barn full of walkers? That's creepy," Glenn's voiced rasped over and as the words were processed by my brain, my stomach did a somersault.

"He just say what I think he said?" Daryl asked me, his little eyes widened and glowing in the moonlight.

"I think so," I said, and placed a hand over my mouth. It was taking everything I had to keep my mouth shut about this one.

"Please! You have to be quiet! Don't tell anyone," Maggie begged, and I couldn't remain quiet anymore.

"What the fuck!?" I said, perhaps a little too loud.

"Please, Heather, keep it down!" Maggie said, her voice shaking.

"How could you keep this from us? We have children with us! What if it was one of them who went nosing around and found those things?" My voice stayed surprisingly steady.

"You don't understand. They're just sick, there's a cure! My step mom's in there! And step brother."

"They're already dead, girl," Daryl said to Maggie as he walked up behind me.

"I can't believe this," And I stalked off towards Daryl's tent. Pulling up each of the 4 stakes, I drug the tent closer to the RV. "No way in hell I'm sleepin' this close to those things," I scoffed and stepped on the stakes again, securing them once again in the hard, dry earth.

I crawled inside the tent and left it open, hoping that Daryl would join me soon, and he did, not 10 minutes later.

"Poor chinese kid. He's got too many damn secrets to keep."

"He's Korean. And it's not just him anymore, we're all stuck keeping these goddamn secrets. I would feel like an asshole being the one to tell, but someone's gotta do it." I reasoned with my thoughts as Daryl zipped up the tent and hunkered down into the sleeping bag. I did the same and despite my efforts, and a few cat naps, I was awake the entire night, my ears prickling at every little sound.

 _Poor little Sophia was still out there. Or was she? Was she alive? How was Carol doing?_

 _Did my momma suffer before she turned? Were any of my friends alive? Are there ANY survivors besides us? Did Daryl have feelings for me like I have for him? Did Lori tell Rick about the baby yet?_

These thoughts and many others plagued me until I heard the birds begin to chirp and the light broke over the horizon, sending stripes and patches of muggy sunlight through the thin fabric of the tent. Daryl snored, still as a rock next to me, so I got to my feet quietly and exited the tent with as little noise as possible. I walked over towards the other tents and realized that Lori and Rick were up. They sat at a fire, and Lori tended to a pot of boiling water that she was probably preparing for coffee.

I tried to sneak back quietly without them seeing me, but I managed to snag my boot in a foot rope holding one of the tents down.

"Shit!" I said as I toppled forward and crashed onto my elbows and knees.

"You alright?" Lori rushed to my side, and when I looked up I saw the surprised expression on Rick's face, his kind blue eyes wide and staring. I shrugged at him subtly as Lori helped me to my feet and he snickered softly.

"How're you feeling?" I said quietly to Lori as she brushed the dirt away from my elbows.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" And she smiled at me, widening her eyes.

"Oh, I don't know. Just asking," I said, acknowledging her nonverbal request for me to shut the fuck up.

"We're all gonna do target practice today, down in one of the other fields," Rick said, "you should come along," He finished as people started emerging from their tents. They must have heard my grand entrance a moment before.

"I'm a good shot. Not to toot my own horn," and I imitated pulling a truck horn down, "but I'm probably one of the better ones you got. I've gotten better. More steady since the outbreak. I've had to," I said, and Glenn held out a large basket full of peaches. He wouldn't look me in the eyes, and he was lucky. I coulda bored a hole right through him from the heat in my stare.

 _You better say something, Glenn Rhee._

"I'll stay here. Gonna help Dale and Glenn with the RV, ain't that right?" I said, biting into the peach and my taste buds erupted from the tart but sweet flavor of the ripe fruit, and I looked at the two men.

"Right, sure," Glenn said, and walked again with his basket of peaches.

"'sup?" Tdog yawned and stretched, look at Glenn.

"Nothing. Nothing's up, why?" Glenn cursed under his breath and stormed off.

"Odd kid," Dale said and took a bite of his own peach.

"Daryl, you want a peach?" I called over, and began walking back to the tent and I saw Andrea stooping down holding a book.

"It's not that good, but it's somethin'," She said, and handed it to him.

"What, no pictures?" Daryl said jokingly, flipping through the pages.

"I'm sorry, okay? I feel like shit. I don't expect you to forgive me but..." she said genuinely.

"You were lookin' out for the group. We're good," Daryl said, poking a hole through the plastic on the side of the tent with a spare arrow. Andrea got up to leave.

"But hey..you shoot me again, best pray I'm dead," He called out after her. She came out the tent and looked at me, almost a smug look on her face, though I couldn't quite place it.

"Here," I said, walking into the tent and throwing Daryl a peach.

He bit into it, and I found myself watching his mouth. His thin lips glistened with juice and it then dripped down through his stubbly beard. His teeth were surprisingly white and straight, giving him a gorgeous smile, when he chose to do so.

"Thanks for the peach," He said, holding up the half eaten fruit, "ain't nothin' like a Georgia peach in the middle'a summer."

I smiled and walked back over to the fire. Everyone was up now, and in the process of loading up the cars for the target practice. After they had gone, it was only me, Dale and Glenn left at the camp, besides Daryl who was ordered to stay in the tent while his wounds healed a little bit. I heard Glenn conversing with Dale and gasped.

"The barn's full of walkers and Lori's pregnant," He said breathlessly. No wonder, the poor boy was probably about to explode from the stress of keeping everybody's secrets.

"I'm gonna go talk to Hershel." I said, making my presence known.

"But Maggie'll kill me," Glenn ran his hands down his face.

"You know someone's got to do it," I said and hobbled off towards the stable where I had seen Hershel go into when we first woke.

"That Daryl's horse?" I asked as I saw Hershel wiping down a beautiful copper mare.

"You mean the horse that he stole from me? Yes, this is Nelly," He said

"Borrowed is a more polite term, I think. Daryl's no thief," I said, and went on, "I love the fields round here. Gorgeous. I went for a walk this morning...I ended up outside of the barn," and Hershel's head snapped up and he made eye contact with me briefly.

"I heard the moans," I said, giving some hay to the now relaxed horse as Hershel brushed the dirt and dust from her hair.

"That's unfortunate," He said, and hardly flinched after that.

"Those things are dangerous, Hershel. You have to believe me."

"It was peaceful here before. Until that episode at the well."

"What episode at the well? I was passed out yesterday."

"There was a sick person in one of the wells. It turned very ugly very quickly when your people intervened; they killed him."

"There are children here. We must not have heard the same warning system when this all happened. Those people that got sick, they attacked and killed, they didn't lay in bed asking for chicken noodle soup and tea... They're dangerous," I warned again.

"A paranoid schizophrenic is dangerous too. We don't kill them," Hershel argued.

"These things don't care what mental disorders you have. My brother was a paranoid schizophrenic and he was killed and killed others all the same. Came back a monster that killed my mother right in front of me. _He ate her, Hershel._ It's time to realize what you're dealing with here. You're cut off from the whole world, your whole family is, and you have no idea what it's like outside of these fences."

"My wife and step son are in that barn," Hershel said, not backing down.

"I'm sorry, but they are dead. There's no cure, no one coming to save us. We protect the living now, not shells of the people we once knew. I went back and killed my mother and brother after they came back. So yes, I'm a murderer, but I didn't know those things that I shot. They weren't my family anymore," I said, feeling a little heroic at that moment.

"Keep quiet about this, that's the best thing you can do to help. My land, my rules," He said, and I realized that I wasn't going to hit this target on the first try, so I decided to try again later.

"Foolish old man," I said, under my breath, but loud enough that he heard me, and I stalked off back to camp.

"What's yer problem?" Daryl was out walking around. He'd taken to carving points onto small branches to make backwoods spears.

"Hershel's a dumbass, that's my problem. Can I have your knife?" I asked Daryl, and though he hesitated, he pulled the old hunting knife from his belt and handed it to me.

"I'm going for a walk," I said, after tucking the knife in the back of my shorts.

"I'm comin' too." Daryl said, obviously bothered by the fact that I wasn't being my normal cheery self.

"Just let me be for a while. I won't go outside the fences. I just need time," I put my hand up, pressing it against Daryl's chest, and my finger instinctively traced the faded tattoo on the right side.

He didn't say anything, but nodded, his eyes squinting in the bright sunlight.

I turned and walked towards the path that had been beaten by Daryl. He went out multiple times a day to hunt, and these woods were his now. As I walked, I thought long and hard about what would happen to the group. All of the things that were happening now were physically and emotionally draining me because Daryl, Glenn and I were the only ones who knew. These secrets would tear us apart, but I didn't want to be the one to have to say something. I found a small cave in the side of a hill and hopped in to sit on one of the huge tree roots. My knees were stinging from when I fell on them this morning, and I rubbed them gingerly. I folded my legs indian style and closed my eyes briefly, trying to find Zen in the solace of the woods. It worked, and I drifted off to a happier time; before any of this.

 _"Merry Christmas, honey," Momma said as she pecked the top of my head with a quick kiss. She handed me the last gift under the tree; a small square box wrapped in a deep purple paper with a shimmering golden bow._

 _It was just Momma and me. Logan was in rehab, and Daddy'd been long gone for a while now. I didn't even remember what he'd looked like anymore. Momma took away all the pictures of him so we wouldn't know him if we saw him._

 _I pulled the bow from the gift and picked the tape from the box, careful not to ruin the paper. I opened the tiny box and pushed aside the tissue paper to reveal a delicate necklace; and thin rose gold chain with a matching pendant, a Celtic knot with a miniature emerald perched in the center of the design._

 _"Momma!" I exclaimed and unhooked the necklace, pulling aside my thick hair to fasten it. "Thank you so much," I said, standing up to admire the beautiful jewelry in the hallway mirror._

 _"You're welcome. It looks gorgeous," and she began to cry. They weren't tears of sadness, she was happy. The happy days were far and in between because of Logan and Daddy, so when she smiled, I smiled too. I didn't care what we smiled about, I just wanted to see the old joy that I remembered so favorably._

I heard a twig snap, and my eyes opened to see a chipmunk scurrying through the leaves not 3 feet from me. I reached up to scratch behind my ear and felt the cool brush of a chain on my neck. Feeling around, I realized I had my necklace on. I hadn't before the meditation. "Can't be," And I looked down at my chest to see the little emerald sparkling up at me, pretty as Momma's eyes. _How?_

I didn't care if I was hallucinating; this was beautiful and I would cherish it. As I got to my feet and made my way back towards the familiar path to the farm, I heard Rick's voice booming through the trees.

"This was the answer? Why wouldn't you tell me about a _baby?_ Lori? And you were harpin' on and on at me for keeping things from _you?_ Who were you to say anything? This stops now, we can't live like this anymore," his hoarse voice echoed.

"I threw up the pills, nothing happened!" Lori cried exasperated.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" Rick's voice cracked, and there was a brief pause.

"Shane...I thought you were dead," she whimpered.

"I know...of course I know."

Silence.

"You thought I was dead, world gone to shit. I know," They both sat down on the edge of the path near a padlock facing the setting sun. I figured I better get by them while I could, so I walked as loudly as I could as not to startle them. I kicked rocks and stirred dust up, walking by the two and casting a glance towards both of them.

"Heather," Rick said and nodded. I smiled and nodded back, thankful that at least one of the secrets was out on the table.

After eating a dinner of roasted squirrel, I walked towards the barn, the remnants of the sun shining through the slats in the walls, casting golden stripes along the dry, dirty ground. After I looked inside and seen the walkers, about 20 of them, I turned and went straight back to Daryl's tent and collapsed, rubbing my sore joints. I hadn't done any form of exercise since the outbreak, and just the small hike I'd done today was too much.

"You goin' to bed?" Daryl asked me.

"Yup," I said, yawning and pulling my boots off. I fell asleep in a matter of minutes and woke only once to Daryl unzipping the tent and coming in a few hours later.

The next morning, I woke feeling whole and rested; a feeling that had evaded me long ago. As I went to turn over, I felt Daryl's arm draped over my side.

 _Oh my god..._ I screamed a little bit internally, and rolled over as quietly as possible, trying not to move his arm from my body.

He twitched a little bit and one of his eyes opened. He eyed me up and down, and went to retract his arm.

"No," I said, and tried to hold it there. He listened, and I saw a bit of color rising in his cheeks. I reached over and gently touched his jaw with my fingertips, and saw him clench his lips, the muscles in his face contracting. I moved in and kissed him firmly, and that's when his other arm snaked around me as he rolled to his back and pulled me up so I was straddling him.

"good morning, sir," I said, giggling, and I gyrated my hips over the bulge in his pants.

"Ma'am," He said in a mocking tone and placed his hands behind his head so he stared up at me. I reached through my legs and undid his button and zipper, running my hands over his length as it sprung free. I felt his warmth rub my inner thigh and I shuddered. I pulled my shorts to the side, and positioned myself over him, so his tip just grazed my wetness.

"Do your worst." I said and rubbed my most sensitive part against his. He reached up and placed his hands on my hips, and as he squeezed the supple skin, he pushed his own hips up and I felt him enter me almost painfully, slowly.

"god," he said and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Be careful of your side," I said, randomly remembering that his had just had an arrow through him two days previously.

"Mah side's fine. I don't feel a thing no more. Only you, and it feels amazing," He said and began to pick up his pace a little bit. The tingles started in my fingertips and I placed my hands down on his chest to balance myself. I became dizzy and the comforting and calming pulsing began in my groin. I let myself go as he pumped faster, and I sighed, accidentally moaning louder than I intended as I came. He smiled and placed a finger on my lips, begging for entrance. He continued to penetrate me as I bit on his finger tip gently.

"I'm gonna," he grunted.

"Come for me, Daryl," I whispered in his ear and he placed his hand around my neck as I felt him tremble, and then jerk as his orgasm hit. All movement stopped so I could feel him throbbing inside of me, so I started rocking again as we both came down.

"Christ almighty," He said, his breaths hitched in his throat. I swung my leg over, removing him from me and collapsed next to him.

"Best get out to breakfast. I smell it cookin'," Daryl said, his voice still slightly shaky.

"That was amazing. And I could go for some breakfast," I agreed, and used some baby wipes that I'd found in the camper to clean myself up. After I slipped on my tee shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans, I got to my feet and pulled Daryl to his. He buckled up his pants and belt and reached over to me. I was so surprised that I almost flinched.

"Your hair's all fucked up," and he patted down the puffs of frizz, "here," he said, giving up, but he handed me a black bandana from his pocket. I tied it and put it on like a head band, pulling the rest of the hair back and braiding it loosely.

"Thanks," I said, and smiled, as I turned and unzipped the tent. As I emerged, I froze. I had completely forgotten than we'd moved the tent right near the fire, so everybody sat there, silent as could be, staring at me and Daryl.

"You're lucky Carl's still sleepin' and didn't have to hear any of that," Lori said to me and she tried and failed to keep a straight face. She couldn't hold it in though and snorted, her laughter was a beautiful sound.

"Fuck all y'all! You coulda said somethin'!" Daryl acted mad, but a smile teased even his lips. His cheeks blazed with embarrassment.

"I am so sorry," I clapped a hand to my mouth and looked from Daryl back to everyone else.

"At least someone's gettin' some," TDog said, and this set everyone else off. Carol gave us both a plate of eggs, still laughing all the while. It had been five minutes before I noticed Glenn sitting by himself, face completely emotionless, and far in the background I noticed Maggie standing on the porch, her arms crossed, a scowl on her face.

He looked at her and then me, and got to his feet.

"Guys," he said, and cleared his throat, "the barn's full of walkers."

Any joy that had been in my heart had evaporated as quick as it came. I had actually managed to forget about the walkers, forget about this crazy, messed up world we're living in...

Shane looked crazed, and Rick was livid. Daryl, Andrea, Lori, TDog, Carol and Dale just looked stunned, but neither of them looked angry like Shane and Rick.

Everybody got to their feet and sprinted over to the barn. Shane went up to the door and peered in through the wooden slats. He jumped as a growl pierced the otherwise silent morning.

"You can not tell me you're alright with this!" Shane said, pacing nervously.

"Of course I'm not...it's not our land. I'll talk to Hershel. Don't do anything stupid Shane," Rick said.

"This isn't right!" Andrea chimed in.

"We gotta go then! Gotta leave!" Shane spat.

"We're not goin' anywhere," Rick said, and Carol removed her hand from covering her mouth, only long enough to say,

"My daughter's still out there."

"I'm close to finding this girl, I just found her damn doll two days ago!" Daryl cried.

Shane laughed menacingly and said, "I think it's 'bout time we think of the other ...possibility. You found a doll, Daryl, just a _doll."_

"You don't know what the _hell_ you're talkin' about," Daryl was yelling now, poised to jump at Shane.

"I'm just sayin' what needs to be said. You find a good lead in 48 hours, otherwise you just gi.."

"Shane! We're not leaving Sophia," Rick said, with finality.

"Let me tell you somethin' else, man, if she saw you out in the woods, all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she'd high tail it in the opposite direction!" Shane screamed at Daryl, and it took Rick to hold him back. I saw Daryl look like he was about to cry, and I took it personally. As Rick tried to stop the confrontation from escalating, along with Carol, I stormed over to where Shane stood and punched him square in the cheek.

"Don't you dare speak to him that way." I growled, and turned around towards Daryl, scowl pasted on my face. I shook my fist out, feeling pretty certain that I broke a finger or at least jammed it.

"Let me figure this out. I'll talk to Hershel,"

"Man what're you gonna figure out!?" Shane screamed again, cradling his cheek.

"Hershel sees those things as people. Sick people. His wife. Stepson," I said, still shaking my hand.

"You knew?" Rick asked me.

"Just since yesterday. I was going to say something this morning, but Glenn wanted to be the one to..." I said.

"The man is crazy, don't matter who or what's in the barn," Shane said, and Rick tried to calm him. The doors of the barn shook, making the chains and locks clang on the wooden frame. It looked secure enough, but the walkers could get through anything if they were hungry enough, and it wasn't safe, especially not with children.

"I'll keep watch here with Daryl," I said, and sat on a rusted barrel outside of the doors.

Daryl nodded and paced back and forth. After what felt like hours, he had had enough.

"I'm goin' out to look for her."

"Not alone," I said, eating a piece of jerky that Maggie had brought out for me.

"You went out alone yesterday. It's like that for me today, I need time by mahself," He said, and he stormed off around to the stable where he proceeded to saddle up a horse. I felt the necklace around my neck, and smiled up, and though I heard what he said, I followed him anyway.

"You need time to heal, Daryl," Carol had come over from the camp, knowing what Daryl was gearing up to do. I nodded my head, agreeing with her.

"I'm fine. I can't just sit here and do nothin'."

"We don't even know if we're gonna find her. We don't," Carol said, surprising me, "I don't," she said, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Can't lose you too," And she cried.

Daryl walked over, a rage in his eyes like I'd never seen before. He walked by Carol and shoved the saddle from its rack with such force, he cried out in pain as he stretched his side where he'd been pierced with the arrow yesterday.

"You alright?" Carol asked, eyes still wet.

"Just leave me be," Daryl breathed heavily, and limped off saying, "stupid bitch," as he departed.

"I'm so sorry Carol," I said, and followed him. He stopped in his tracks, hearing my heavy footfalls behind him.

"Jus' leave me, Barbie. I don't wanna say mean shit to ya," He started walking again, and this time I left him go. "Be careful," Was all I said.

He waved me off and disappeared into the woods, abandoning getting the horse ready.

I saw Rick walking towards the house and joined up with him.

"Talking to Hershel?" I asked, flexing my stiff fingers from where I'd hit Shane.

"Yeah. You can come with, you're pretty persuasive if I remember correctly," He immediately blushed and looked away, because we both knew what he was referencing.

"We'll get that wrapped up for ya too inside," Rick said, acknowledging my swollen wrist and fingers. "Good hit, by the way," He chuckled and held the front door open for me, after he'd knocked and Hershel told him to come in. We walked into the dining room and saw him sitting at the table with a nicely spread lunch and the bible lay open on the table.

"A little light reading with lunch?" I asked, and chuckled.

"I've been so busy, I get my studying in when I can," Hershel said, not amused.

"We can help you, anything you need," Rick said, laying it on pretty thick right from the start.

"It's my field to tend," Hershel said, not looking up from his reading.

After a moment's silence, Rick spoke.

"We found the barn."

"Leave it be. It don't wanna talk about it, don't wanna debate-"

"Just a discussion. Not a debate," I said, grabbing gauze from a drawer in the coffee table.

"You and your people need to be gone by the end of the week," Hershel said, wiping his face with a napkin.

"How could you send us back out there? After everything I told you yesterday?" I growled at Hershel, feeling defeated. I finished up wrapping my wrist.

"The world is different out there. It changes you. Either into one of them, or something a lot less than the person you were." Rick said, a tone of begging in his voice.

Silence.

"My wife's pregnant. That's either a gift in here, or a curse out there. Don't do this to us. We can live together, work together."

"No, we can't."

"Think about it," Rick said.

"I have-"

"Think about it again!" I yelled and followed Rick as he stormed out, looking as broken as on the day we met in Atlanta.

Rick headed off towards the barn where Shane sat keeping watch. I went over to the camp to help Carol with laundry.

"How're you feeling?" I asked her as she handed me piles of wet clothes.

She shook her head, unable to speak. Daryl's words had hurt her deeply, and I could tell.

"He doesn't mean it you know," I said as I reached up to clip pants on the clothes line.

"I know," She squeaked, and started hanging clothes herself.

We finished the laundry and had some spare time, and Carol went off to find Daryl, so I cleaned the camper again, laid a fire for the evening and got some food out that the Greene's had gifted to us; potatoes and onions, which we'd chop and fry, along with some smoked ham.

I sat down under a tree with the book that I'd found in the console of the Prius and settled in to read a little bit.

"If you're going to stay here, you need to follow my rules. I'll show you how things are done, and you don't argue," I heard Hershel's distant voice on the edge of the woods. I could make out Hershel, Rick and Jimmy, the young kid who was with Hershel's youngest daughter, Beth.

They had the restraints that animal control officers used to collect dogs and cats from the street.

"Oh Christ," I mumbled, but stuck to my reading. After about a half an hour, I got up and decided to look for Daryl and Carol, just to make sure they were okay.

I hobbled back through the woods awkwardly, and came to a huge pond. It was beautiful and serene; the water looked black and shone like micah, and the old dock and dilapidated row boat added to the serenity.

"I'll find her," I heard Daryl say faintly from the other side of the pond. I walked around and met up with the two of them, and they stood by the water's edge looking at a Cherokee rose that snaked its way through the tall grasses and bloomed like a diamond in the rough.

He saw my face, and immediately turned back to Carol.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," He said.

"You wanted to look for her. Why? I've just wanted to ask you this whole time, why Sophia?"

"Because I think she's still out there," He said, wiping his nose., and I knew that he felt more for this little girl. He saw himself in her shoes; abusive father, and a seemingly weak mother who'd all but given up. I would never get to analyze real clients, so Daryl Dixon would have to do.

"We'll find her. We will," Carol said, reaching out to stroke the velvety soft petal of the rose.

"I don't know about y'all, but I'm going for a swim," I looked at Carol and Daryl, and Carol smiled, but shook her head.

"I'll head back. You two have fun," She winked and turned to go.

"Carol, I got out the potatoes and onions, meat's in the house and the fire's all laid. There's some mint sun tea brewing on top of the RV. Have fun getting it down, because it was a total bitch to get up there," I laughed.

"Thanks Soph- Heather! Thanks Heather," My heart fell again when I heard the longing for her daughter in her voice.

"Let's just go back," Daryl encouraged, knowing that he wanted to be near Carol.

"I'm fine with that, babe," _Oh no..I called him babe._

 _"_ Babe?" and he busted up laughing, "okay, _pumpkin,_ let's go," He wiped sweat from his brow.

"Shut up," I said, narrowing my eyes with a smirk.

"Let's cut through the swamp. We can get back easy through here," Daryl led the way into the dimly lit forest, the floor was mushy beneath our feet.

"Watch you don't sink in," he warned, reaching out his hand so I could balance myself over a sink hole on a narrow branch. We came to a clearing and heard voices. Daryl immediately put his hand up to stop me, and I froze.

"You belong here Shane. This world," It was Dale, and his voice shook; we looked around the wide trunk of a tree and saw that Dale had his shotgun pointed into Shane's chest.

"How's that, Dale?" Shane said, voice dripping with disdain. Dale lowered the gun.

"What it is now. This is where you belong. I may not have what it takes to last for long, but that's okay. At least I can say that when the world went to shit, I didn't let it take me with down it," And he shoved the bag of guns that I assumed he'd brought out here to hide into Shane's arms.

"Fair enough," Shane snarled, and walked back towards the camp.

"Dale are you alright?" I asked, stepping out into the clearing. Dale jumped slightly.

"He's out of his damn mind. Be careful with him, you two," He warned, after Daryl had stepped out behind me.

"Let's head back," Daryl said and led the way back through the rugged undergrowth. After 5 minutes of silence, we emerged into the fresh air and I breathed deeply, getting the heavy, humid forest air out of my lungs.

I saw Glenn conversing with T and Andrea, and Daryl sped up when he heard their conversation.

"Haven't you seen Rick?" Glenn asked,

"He went off with Hershel, they were supposed to go out looking for Sophia hours ago," I said, pointing to Andrea and T.

"Rick told us he was going out, but he never came back with your dad," Carol said to Maggie.

"Damnit, isn't anyone taking this seriously?" Daryl said, and he turned around. "Here we go," And he went off towards Shane who was shuffling out of the forest with his precious bag of guns.

"You with me?" he said to Daryl, and Daryl took a shotgun, cocking it so it was ready to fire.

"Time to grow up," Shane said, and stalked off towards the barn.

"You gonna protect yours?" Shane handed Glenn a gun, who hesitated, but finally took the large weapon.

"Can you stop?" Maggie said, "You do this, you hand out these guns, my daddy will make you leave tonight,"

"Shane we have to say!" Carl called from the porch, suddenly seeming more adult.

"What the hell is this?" Lori said, storming off the porch toward Shane.

"Hershel's gotta understand. He'll have to," Shane said, and he knelt in front of Carl as he stepped off the porch. He moved to hand Carl a gun.

"No guns. They said no guns. This is NOT your call," Lori snarled, pushing Carl back out of the way, "not your decision to make Shane."

"Oh shit!" T said, staring off towards the woods. We all followed his gaze and saw Jimmy walking backwards, clapping his hands, leading two walkers on the animal restraints. On the end of each restraint Hershel and Rick were the ones in control of where the walkers went.

"What the fuck is this!? Are you kiddin' me?" Shane yelled and ran full speed towards his best friend. Daryl ran after him, and everyone else followed too. As we met at the edge of the driveway, the two walkers snarling, grabbing for anything they could make contact with.

"You see? See what you're holdin' on to?" Shane yelled.

"I see _who_ I'm holding onto," Hershel said, struggling a bit with the walker who'd once been female.

"Lemme ask you somethin'. Could a livin' breathin' person survive this?" Shane cocked his pistol and shot it into the belly of the female; 3 times, each shot resounding in the open space. The walker kept coming towards him, and he took two more shots. "Lungs, chest...still moving!"

"That's enough!" Rick called out,

"Yeah that is enough," Shane said, and walked over to the zombie, pointing his gun at her face, he pulled the trigger. Her head snapped back and she crumpled to the ground.

Hershel fell to his knees next to the walker, and I could see the tears swimming in his eyes. Lori protected Carl, looking disgusted.

Daryl still held his gun, but I could tell he had no intention of firing.

Shane continued on his tirade:

"Enough! Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone. Enough living next to a barn full of things trying to kill us. Enough. It ain't like it was before If you wanna survive, you gotta fight, and that's what I'm doin', I'm fightin'!", he ran over to the barn and pulled the plank that was barring the doors shut, along with breaking the locks with a pick axe.

"Hershel! Take it!" Rick tried to pass off the restraint to Hershel so he could stop Shane.

"Here, give it here Rick," I said and took the pole from him, struggling to keep the walker in cover alls at bay.

"This is not the way, brother," Rick yelled out to him, but it was too late, and the doors of the barn creaked open, and walkers began to flow out. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Hershel was still on his knees, visibly crying now, and his daughters surrounded him. Andrea took her place next to Shane and Rick and aimed her gun at the approaching walkers. Shane spun around and hit the walker I was controlling with his pistol, and I dropped the restraint as the man fell to the ground. All of the guns began firing at once, and as soon as it began, the firefight ended, and we all stood breathless, breathing in the smell of heavy rotting flesh and burning gunpowder.

There was a certain silence, one that couldn't be explained unless you were there. We could hear each other's breathing, and dust hung heavily in the air. As it cleared, the gunshots echoed still in my ears.

I heard a tiny soft growling, not loud and horrid like the others.

"There's another," I called out, pointing to the barn.

And then I saw her. Her blue rainbow shirt, holes torn in it and blood soaked through the whole thing. Her mud stained khaki capris and her dirty sneakers. She looked up at us, and it almost seemed like the old her. The old Sophia. There was something still human about her, something still innocent and precious. Her hair was still twisted loosely from when I had done it for her back at the quarry.

Before I could control my actions, I fell to the ground and began to sob. Carol's reaction was heartbreaking; she also fell to the ground, but only because Daryl grabbed on to her so she didn't run to the shell of her daughter. Rick struggled internally, but nobody else moved, so he walked forward with purpose and held up his gun. Pointing it to Sophia's temple, his hand shook, but he pulled the trigger, and everyone cringed when the sound of her little, emaciated body hit the dry ground.

"Jesus Christ," I whispered and tried to shield my eyes from looking at her body. Daryl beckoned me over and as I crawled towards him, he pulled me into an embrace, along with Carol.


	12. Chasin' Ghosts- TRIGGER WARNING

The afternoon was ominous, and no words were spoken for hours, aside from the occasional grunt of a 'yes' or 'no'. As the afternoon sun was getting lower in the sky, I walked back over to the barn where Andrea kneeled over Sophia, pulling an army green blanket over her tiny body.

"I had us chasing a ghost..she was in there the whole time," I heard Rick talking to Lori, and my heart broke for him. I looked over and caught his glance, his blue eyes bright from crying.

He ran a hand through his greasy hair, sighing deeply as he turned to walk towards the house. Lori reached out to comfort him, but he pulled away and stalked off.

"Alright...we need to dig graves. For Sophia, Annette and Shawn. Over under the pine trees," Lori took charge in Rick's absence, though she looked like a lost puppy.

"There's a lot of bodies," Jimmy said.

"We bury the ones we love...and burn the rest," I said, brushing sweat soaked hair back from my forehead.

Jimmy nodded, squinting from the sun.

We all got to digging, and a surprisingly short time later, three graves were dug completely, 6 feet down. Lori headed over to the RV to get Carol and Daryl, who had disappeared as soon as Sophia's body hit the ground. I followed her.

"We're ready," I heard her say as she reached the camper seconds before me.

"Why?" Carol asked, softly, but there was a bitterness in her voice.

"That's your little girl," Daryl said, emotion threatening to be seen.

"She died a long time ago. That's some other...thing. All this time, I wondered if she was starving, crying herself to sleep at night..she wasn't and she didn't," I heard Carol saying as I stood behind Lori in the doorway.

I choked on a small sob as Lori pushed past me, and Daryl followed her, looking his normal angry self, yet his eyes were moist and they looked more vulnerable; very sad.

I looked in the camper and saw Carol sitting, facing out the window. I didn't say anything, and turned around to follow the other two back to the edge of the woods for the service; where Sophia, Annette and Shawn laid in their cool, peaceful resting place. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be dead; if you're really dead that is.

"Heather," Carol said weakly, and I turned around to see her standing in the door way. She went on, "you have to understand that I physically can't stand to see her again...it'll all be too final, like she'll really be dead to me. I want to keep her alive in my mind, just for a bit longer. Just give this to her, please," And Carol reached over to the shelf next to the sink, and pulled back the Cherokee rose that Daryl had given her. It had started to wilt, the velvety petals browned at the edges.

"I will, Carol," I said, and took the flower, clasping it protectively in my palms. It was the last piece of the Sophia we remembered, and the pain in Carol's face was too much for me to bear. I turned to walk back towards the graves.

Hershel was dressed in a suit and tie; the rest of his family looking dapper as well. Our group were still in our grimy clothes; hair matted with dirt, sweat and blood. After minimal words were spoken, since no one could find the right thing to say, we dispersed, not really knowing what to do. I placed the wilted rose on the fresh cool dirt, and held my hand to it for a moment, half expecting or hoping it would rise and fall, signaling that this had all been a nightmare, and Sophia was just sleeping.

Daryl headed straight for the woods, and I decided to let him be. I went back to the camper and saw that Carol had gone. I figured I knew where she'd be, so I headed through the woods back to the ponds and saw her sitting in the brush, fingering the velvety petal of a fresh Cherokee rose. I heard her begin to sob again, becoming angry as she grabbed at the flower, ripping the whole plant out from its roots.

"Carol. Carol!" I said, and made my presence known. She didn't stop, but I grabbed her, keeping her from scratching herself up anymore from the briars on the rose.

 _Every rose has its thorn._ The phrase ran through my mind, and I heard Sophia's snarls again.

"Just leave me please," She sobbed, and I let her go, watching her slump back to the ground.

"Don't hurt yourself anymore, Carol. Come back to us," I said, and after standing with my arms crossed for a few moments, I turned to walk back to camp.

As I reached the fence at the edge of the property, the fence that separated us from the total chaos that was the world, I turned to look back into the swampy woods. I waited for Carol to emerge, but she didn't, so I continued to the house. As I hopped up the steps, I heard a crash from inside, and hastened my pace when I heard a girl crying.

"What happened?" I said, as I made my way to the kitchen. Beth was lying on the floor, eyes open and unblinking. Glenn and Maggie were in the process of trying to lift her up.

"What can I do?" I asked, wiping a few drops of sweat from my upper lip.

"Grab her feet." Glenn said, and I listened. We made our way up the stairs carefully and turned into one of the bedrooms. After placing Beth on the bed, I said, "Maggie what happened to her?"

"She's in some kind of shock. Where's my dad?" she asked me.

"I haven't seen him since last night." I said, and looked to Glenn who shook his head, indicating that he hadn't seen Hershel either.

Lori came up the stairs and poked her head around the doorway.

"Is Hershel in here?" She asked, eyeing Beth from the corner of her eye, but not asking any questions.

I shook my head.

"His truck's gone. I think he might've gone somewhere." She said, and we were soon joined by Rick and Shane. After Maggie threw a cover over Beth and dabbed her face with a wet cloth, she led us down the hallways to what we figured was Hershel's room. There were clothes on the bed, some in a suit case. All of them were elegant dresses and even night gowns.

"He was sure she'd recover," Maggie said, and rooted through the biggest cardboard box.

She picked up a flask and ran her thumb over the engraving on the front. Her eyes glazed in intense thought.

"Din't think he drank," Shane said, raising an eyebrow.

"He gave it up when I was born, wouldn't even allow the stuff in the house."

Maggie thought some more.

"He'll be at Hatlin's in town," She said finally.

"I'll go bring him home. Glenn, you can come too," Rick said.

"I'm going too," I said, stubbornly.

"Rick, are you serious?" Lori said, angrily.

"Yes, I'm serious. Hershel's the only reason we're alive," He said, jaw clenching.

"Always have to be the damn hero. Ironically enough, you're bein' selfish because you're only worried about what'll help you sleep better at night. Goddamnit, Rick," Lori snapped, Shane interjected.

"She's right, think about this Rick," he said, devlish eyes glinting in the dimly lit hallway where they spoke.

"I'm doin' this for you, you bitch," Rick seethed, and rubbed at his eyes in exasperation, "we need Hershel. For the baby. Even if it's not mine. I'm thinkin' ahead," And he slammed a fist into the wall behind Lori, making us all jump. He stormed off down the stairs and slammed the screen door as he went outside. Glenn and I followed, then Maggie and Shane.

As Glenn and Maggie said their goodbyes, Rick turned to me. I opened the door to the Cherokee and made to get in.

"Heather, I think it's best if you stay. Help Maggie with Beth. Go find Daryl and hunt with him. Hell, I don't want you with. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to anyone else today. I'm takin' Glenn because he knows town so well from all of his runs."

"Okay. Sure. Yeah," I said, trying to cover up the fact that I was majorly excited about leaving the farm for an hour or so.

"We'll be back," He said to me as Glenn came over to the truck.

"See ya," I said, waving to them as Rick started the truck.

I made my way over to the water pump behind the barn, anxious to wash away some of the grime from the day. As I turned the corner I saw Shane already at the fountain, dousing his face in the cool water. The trees began to rustle behind him and I instinctively cried out, startling him. He swung around and we both saw Carol come out of the woods. My stomach flipped as I saw her; almost thought she was a walker because of the paleness of her skin, combined with how she was dragging her feet.

"Carol?" Shane said, taking his hand from his holster.

"I'm fine," She said as she trudged on. Shane walked over and took her hand, leading her towards the water pump.

"I didn't know your girl was in there," Shane said as he sat down with her and began to wash the mud and bloody scratches on her arms and hands.

"I know," She said simply and stared at the ground lifelessly.

"Barbie!" I jumped as Daryl's voice called out from the edge of the woods. As he came into view, he nodded, motioning for me to follow him. I did so and smiled at Shane and Carol as I walked off.

"What?" I said as I ducked under a low hanging branch.

"I was just comin' back from hunting," he held up his string of squirrels for a dramatic effect, "and Lori found me, asked me to go in town and get Rick. Said somethin' about Hershel's daughter bein' in a state. I told her to go fuck herself, so she called me selfish...stormed off, and I saw her sneak out the back of the house just a bit ago. Took a car."

"Shit," I said, and threw my head back, stretching my neck and feeling the sun on my face.

"Just thought I'd tell you. There ain't nothin' we can do, but I know she's out there causing more trouble. Another person to risk our ass for is all," He spit on the ground and itched at his chin, "I'm done lookin' for people."

"I don't think that's true. You're a tracker, after all," I said, "lemme take these back to the house for you," I continued, offering to take the squirrels from him, and he pulled back.

"We'll both go," He said, and headed towards the grand farm house.

As we walked into the kitchen, I heard crying above us. I turned to Daryl and he motioned for me to go, as he laid the squirrels on the counter.

I went upstairs, taking two steps at a time. I walked into the bedroom and saw that it was Maggie who cried, and not Beth. Beth was still silent and still on the bed.

"They went to get your Dad, Maggie. They'll come back with him, you know they will."

"She ain't gonna be the same after this if she makes it. I can tell, part of her is dead," Maggie said and wiped her wet nose and eyes with the backs of her hands.

"Can I hug you?" I asked, not sure what the response would be. To my surprise, she got to her feet and embraced me, her full bodied sobs shaking me as well. I patted her back awkwardly as Daryl came through the door way, and Patricia, the older blonde went past him and down the stairs.

"Alright?" Daryl asked Maggie, surprising me.

"Been better," She replied, and wiped her sniffly nose.

"They'll be back," Daryl said, as he did his wincing scowl unknowingly.

It was then when I felt the undeniable need to go out and look for Lori; Rick, Hershel and Glenn had to get back to the farm safe too, and I feared if someone didn't go after them, that wouldn't be the case.

 _'She's pregnant.'_ I thought, my mind reeling.

 _'...and also stupid. Damn it, I need to stop sticking my neck out for people.'_

"I'm gonna go lay down for a bit," I lied, and went on, "not feelin' too good," I finished, and turned around to head back to the tent.

"I can come. Literally if you want," Daryl said slyly, leaning in and whispering the last part, and he shifted his weight. I was taken aback by his somehwat public show of attraction to me, and blushed as he reached up and ruffled his dirty hair. _He is so sexy, and he doesn't have a clue._

 _FOCUS HEATHER._

"Later when I feel better," I said. I needed to get going now before the sun set completely. I would stay close to the road and head straight for town. I'd either be back late tonight or tomorrow; as long as I had Lori with me. I had survived a month before I met up with the group, and the transition would be easy for me, better even.

"Pfft," Daryl waved me off and headed back towards his tent where he was widdling sticks into pointy weapons, "blow me off..." I heard his grumble as he walked off. I couldn't help but smile. Despite all of the shitty things that were happening, I was looking forward to getting to know Daryl; I wanted to see him smile, most of all. Hear all about him and where he came from.

I snuck over to the tent and grabbed the backpack I had stuffed full with supplies when Daryl and I went home to... say goodbye to Mom and Logan.

I rummaged through it and pulled out things that I didn't need. I came across the tub of Nutella and tears welled in my eyes as I thought back to the day when I tried to comfort Carol when little Sophia had just gone missing. I set the tub in the outside pocket of the bag and grabbed a small blanket, some rope Daryl had under his pillow, (what the hell that was for, I'm not sure I want to know. Or maybe I do..) a sharp hunting knife, another for good measure, a pistol, a bottle for water, and some of the squirrel jerky that Daryl had hung up to dry. After I tied a sweater around my waist and put my hair up in a high bun, I slung the backpack over my shoulder and peeked out of the tent. The coast was clear, and I snuck over to the RV. I placed the jar of nutella on the top step inside the door and dashed into the woods before anyone came out of the house and saw me.

As I trudged off into the woods, I suddenly felt weird; like someone was holding me back. As I shook off the heavy feeling, I came to the fence on the edge of Hershel's property. I ducked under the deactivated metal fence and continued on my way. I heard the swamp crickets begin to chirp as the sun went lower in the sky. To my left was the road into town, and I knew that because of watching the others go off on runs. I stayed out of sight in case of walkers or any other unwanted attention.

After 20 minutes of walking, the sun was down, and visibility was limited. Luckily, since the outbreak, my eyes had gotten much sharper and used to seeing in the dark seeing as electricity was no longer a convenience. From overhearing enough conversations about the runs to town between Glenn and Rick, I felt more confident of my bearings than I should have, but after a while, I realized that I should have gotten to town already. Naturally, I started to panic. I thought the road was a straight shot to the main street where Hatlin's was, but I had only been down the road once when we came in, while asleep, twice if you count the time I went with Glenn and I was so focused on my own issues, I paid no attention to my surroundings.

In the distance, I saw headlights to a vehicle approaching, and realized that while I was thinking, I had slowly moved onto the road, in full view. I darted back into the woods and hid behind a tree, my heart pounding. The headlights were too high from the ground to be Rick and his gang or Lori. There were men shouting, no voices that I recognized, and as it got closer, I saw the outline of a light colored pick up truck. It was diesel and the opposite of quiet, so I figured these people weren't just out for shits and giggles, they had somewhere to run and somewhere safe to return. My breaths began to even as the truck drove by, and I sighed, relief flooding over me.

I began to walk again, trying my hardest to be silent, but the crunching leaves made it near impossible to move quietly. I stopped again when I heard the faint sound of the diesel engine, and flattened myself against a tree as I saw the headlights again, this time there were deer spotting lights powered on and shining into the woods. I swallowed deeply as the engine switched off, and the doors to the truck slammed.

"Come on out. We ain't gonna hurt you," A man's voice said, deep yet seemingly friendly.

Part of me wanted to reply, but that heavy feeling returned, and this time, it felt like a hand over my mouth. I listened to the feeling and kept my mouth shut. I felt a cool breeze on my neck, and the necklace my mother had given me shifted on my neck. _Mom._ I touched the necklace and squeezed my eyes shut. I was glued to one spot since any movement caused leaves to crumble beneath my feet so my only option was hoping the men didn't come in looking for me.

"Either come out, or we'll come in. We'll find you."

"What do I do now?" I whispered to myself. I kept myself from gasping as I heard footsteps coming towards me, each one like the ticking of a clock. Time was almost up.

A flashlight came on behind the tree that hid me, and the same voice said, "Come out. I know you're here. I can smell you. I can hear your breathing."

I clasped a hand over my mouth, and felt myself getting ready to cry.

The flashlight rounded the tree and shone in my eyes, making me recoil as my pupils readjusted.

"We said we weren't gonna hurt you," The man said, his face still hidden behind the flashlight. "Come on," He reached out and grabbed me by my wrist.

"No! I mean, I'm not lost. I know where I'm going, I'm fine," I stuttered, and my voice shook.

"You don't look fine," And the man dragged me towards the truck. I protested, pulling away and trying to move back, but his grip was tight.

"Stop fightin' it," He said, as he took my backpack and threw it into the truck. He then tied my hands behind my back with twine. He put me in the bed of the truck and bound my feet together.

"It didn't have to be like this. You could've just come out," He said, and slammed the back gate on the truck up. He had two other men with him, and they all piled into the front of the truck. The diesel engine started again, and my hair began to whip around as the truck started moving, picking up speed. I stared up into the clear sky and even the stars were a blur now. After what felt like hours, the sky lightened to a cobalt blue, finally to the periwinkle blue of a summer morning and the truck began to slow.

I heard the squeaking of a metal gate opening and the truck crept forward. As I looked up, I saw a woman sitting on a barricade of some sort with a bow and arrow. She looked at me, and her eyes widened. She looked away suddenly and pretended she'd seen nothing.

Something isn't right here. I heard children laughing, people talking, even a dog barking. It's funny really, what used to sound normal and good, now was out of the ordinary and left me feeling uneasy.

The truck stopped and the three men got out. I still hadn't seen their faces.

"Come on." The leader who had put me in the truck said and he pulled me to a sitting position. He pulled out a knife, causing me to gasp, and he smiled then said, "Not yet sweetheart," And he cut the twine that bound my arms and legs.

"Come on," He repeated and pulled me to my feet, "get your bag. Follow me," and he handed me my backpack. I looked into his face for the first time and found myself afraid. He had brown hair; very clean and well maintained. He had perfectly straight teeth, a chiseled jaw and nose, but he had dark, small eyes. Eyes that seemed dead; like he had lost something.

I felt goosebumps rise on my skin and I followed the man into a brick building, past kids and parents who milled the streets like nothing had happened. This place was too bizarre.

The man led me up stairs and down a narrow hallway, "In here," He said and nodded towards an old wooden door. "Pretty little thing," he said as I passed him. I went in and looked around, doing my best to ignore the comments; it was an apartment. Everything was well organized, yet it seemed scattered and crowded. A big wooden desk was in front of one of the windows, and papers laid on it, along with a clock and family pictures of the man with a woman and child; I'm assuming they were his wife and daughter.

"Take a seat," he said, "we need to talk."

I swallowed hard and sat lightly on the edge of one of the black leather chairs.

"Name?" he asked, sitting behind the desk and leaning forward, put his hands together.

"Heather," I said blankly.

"You said you weren't alone. Where were you staying?"

I realized then that I shouldn't have told anyone that I wasn't alone. Especially not this guy.

"There're 6 of us," I lied, "staying in an old barn along the highway. That's all I know. We don't pay attention to road signs and maps anymore," I said.

"Are you with family?" he asked.

"My family's dead," I said, leaning back and crossing my arms.

"So is mine, Heather. I'm gonna need you to do something. Maybe this'll help...loosen your tongue a little bit. You see, I can tell when I'm bein' lied to, and I don't like it much."

He got to his feet, and I tried to distract him.

"You didn't tell me your name," I said, voice trembling as he took me by the arm and then stood me up.

"You'll know exactly who I am very soon," He pulled my arm, dragging me towards an empty spot on the wooden floor.

"Take off your shirt," he said, and when I didn't budge, he reached behind him and pulled out a gun, "I don't play games, Heather."

"Do it," he went on, and I felt the panic rising. My whole body began to clench up in fear. The warm tingly sensation of bile creeping up my throat made it hard for me not to gag, this all being made worse by the dryness of my mouth.

I reached for the bottom of my tank top and pulled it up, revealing my upper torso. I covered my breasts in embarrassment, and stared at the floor as I dropped my shirt.

"Pants," He said.

"Please. There has to be another way. I'll take you to them," Which of course I would never do, but I'd buy some time. Anything was better than this.

"It's too late for that. This has already started, and I'm afraid you'll find me very insistent. Take off your _fucking_ pants," His voice rose slightly, and his eyes narrowed, those dead, angry eyes.

 _ **WARNING: The following is disturbing, and it might be a trigger for some. Please don't read it if it will upset you.**_

I unbuttoned my shorts and slid them over my hips, letting them drop to the floor, along with my underwear. I sat down and tried to cover myself, and began sobbing openly.

"Such a pretty girl. Such a shame the world ended like this. You could've been a model; coulda been somethin'," The man said as he began unbuckling his own belt.

"Please no. Don't," I cried and pleaded as he walked over and pulled me to my feet.

"On the bed."

"Please no! I'll do anything. Anything! Just please not this," I stumbled backwards as he advanced, pulling the belt taut so it made a slapping noise.

He pushed me onto the bed and grabbed my arms, wrapping the belt around them and pinning them above my head so I had no use of my hands. He tied the belt to the headboard, and as I protested , he opened my legs, all while I was kicking at him and screaming.

"I like it when you fight me," He said, smiling, and he fell on me, pinning my legs open. He pressed his lips to my mouth, and his stubble scraped at my wet cheeks.

Besides the sobbing, it was then that I gave up everything. I stopped moving, stopped fighting. I didn't want him to enjoy this.

He unbuttoned his pants hastily and I felt a burning pain as he pushed into me.

 _Please be over soon, please be over soon._ I kept repeating the phrase in my head hoping that this wouldn't last long.

After what felt like an eternity, I heard his breaths hitching in his throat, and he slowed, reaching up to close his hand around my neck.

"Fuck," he sighed, and squeezed me until I gasped for air. He got to his feet, and I saw blood; on him, coming out of me. In that moment, I didn't care.

"Well, you _were_ tight," and he _laughed._ Laughed right in my face.

I would kill this man. The tears flowed down my face and ran into my ears and down my neck. I hadn't moved from the bed, and I didn't plan on it unless he dragged me.

"My name is Phillip, by the way," And he winked. There was a knock at the door.

"Cover yourself up," He said and threw my clothes at me.

I slipped my tank top over my head and pulled my shorts on, wincing from the unbearable pain. The blood stained my upper thighs and continued to run down my leg as I sat shakily on the edge of the bed.

"Come in!" he called out, and the door pushed open. The first thing that I saw was a metal knife attachment strapped to his wrist; he'd lost a hand and turned it into a weapon.

I looked up at his face and my heart stopped momentarily as I realized that I knew this face; I had only seen him once, but as soon as he spoke, I knew the voice immediately. It was Daryl's brother. I looked away in hopes that he wouldn't recognize me from the rooftop in Atlanta.

"Merle," Phillip said to him, and Merle's eyes wandered, stopping on me. He looked down, saw the blood and looked at my face. _He recognizes me. He knows._ I began trembling again knowing that I might have more trouble coming my way.

"Right, Gov, there's a herd on the outskirt here. We used some live animals to distract 'em," Merle kept looking at me.

"She's mine, Merle," Phillip said, as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Course, Gov. Did ya hear what-" Merle said, looking away.

"Yes, I heard. Great, great. Keep them around though. May need them," Phillip went on, "take her down. Lock her in room 3."

Merle beckoned for me to come over, and though I didn't want to, I got to my feet and followed him, hardly able to walk. He took me by the arm and led me back down two flights of stairs into a basement.

He opened the door to a room and led me inside. After he locked the door behind us he looked at me closely.

"Is my brother alive?" he asked, sitting me down on an old rusty chair.

I nodded, not knowing what else to do.

"He's okay?"

"Yes," I squeaked quietly and realized I had lost my voice.

"I may be an asshole, but this whole thing that Gov does. I don't do it. I can't cross him or he'll have me dead."

I stared at the floor, gasping as pain shot through my hips, and blood began to drip from the seat of the chair to the floor.

"Jesus Christ," Merle backed away from me and rubbed his eyes with his fingers.

"I'll get you out of here. But you gotta tell my brother I'm alive. He needs me," Merle said, not sentimentally, but in a controlling way.

"He doesn't need you. He has me. He has a family now that loves him."

"That right? Look, you want out or not?"

"I couldn't find my way back to where we're staying. I was tied up in the truck so I couldn't see anything but the sky."

"I'm gonna tell him I killed you; you put up a fight, tried to put a knife in me. You're gonna have to play dead here," Merle reached down and wiped up some of my blood; he reached out to me, and I flinched, starting to cry again.

"Not gonna hurt you," He said, and wiped the blood onto my ears and the side of my head.

"Punch me in the face. Scratch me. Leave marks so he'll believe me."

"Why should I trust you?" I flinched every time his rough fingers touched my skin.

"That boy's all I got left. I would do anything to get him back."

"He's not your pet. Maybe I'd rather die than see him go back to being your bitch. Daryl's somebody now. He's productive and hard working."

"To save his own ass. He ever tell you he cared about you? Showed it in any way?"

"None of your business," I said, and went back to staring at the ground.

"Take that as a no. Listen, you want out or not?" Merle asked me again, and I knew that he was like Daryl; rough around the edges, mean, dirty, and an asshole. But there was a good side to Daryl, so there had to be a good side with Merle. _Right?_

I nodded and surprised myself by swinging out and punching Merle in the face. Immediately blood poured from his nose and his eyes watered.

"To make it look more real," I said and flexed my fingers, shaking out my wrist.

Merle pursed his lips and wrinkled up his nose.

"You broke it. Feel the bones crackin'."

"Get me out of here," I said, and Merle then took some of his own blood and thickened the layer on my head, so that it looked like my hair matted over a head wound.

"I gotta carry you," Merle said, "don't move a damn muscle," and he hoisted me up, carrying me over his shoulder. I let my muscles go limp and dangled from Merle.

"That's good. Make sure you don't sneeze," He said and he walked up the stairs haphazardly.

"What the fuck did you do?" Phillip said when he saw Merle coming towards him with my 'body'.

"She turned on me. I tried to set her down, and she bucked, punched me in the face and took the knife from my belt...had it to my throat. So I killed her, to save my own ass. Sorry, man."

"She was a good fuck. I just found her last night outside of Atlanta. Alone on the road." Phillip said, and I felt my muscles begin to tighten again. Merle squeezed where he was holding the backs of my legs, and I relaxed as much as I could.

"I was going to get information from her. She was with others."

"She told me the truth. Said she was alone, just tryin' to get away from ya."

"Don't believe it," Phillip replied, and walked off, "take her body out the back. Don't let anyone see, throw her in the river down by the railroad tracks. I'll expect you back by night fall." He called behind him, and waved Merle off.

I felt Merle's body relax. He was even scared of Phillip.

"Not outta the woods yet," He said under his breath, and he hoisted me up, and turned around to walk through an alley to the back gate. He walked and walked until we were deep in the woods. It was around midday, and it was hot as hell; my skin stuck to his shirt and the blood caked on both of us cracked and itched my skin.

"I don't expect ya to show me where you're stayin', but I gotcha half way through these woods; come out the other side, and you'll be a 50 minute walk from Atlanta. Go on," He put me down, and I winced falling down. The pain in my groin throbbed, and I remembered again what Phillip did. I began to cry, and finally felt the bile come all the way up. I heaved violently and threw up foam onto the dry ground. I stared at the bubbles in the bile popping through my teary, strained eyes.

"Here," Merle gave me some of his water, "like I said, I ain't like him. I'm a bastard, and I'm sure you heard stories, but I ain't never hurt a girl like he hurt you."

"Why did you call him Gov?" I gasped through heaves, needing to know the answer.

"He's the governor of Woodbury. That's the town we was in. He made himself into some sorta deity, so the survivors that live there all worship him. Everything's great from the outside, but inside's like the walker's brain; all fucked up, and it ain't right."

I scoffed, "Fucking ridiculous."

"Gotta go. You tell Daryl I'm alive, hear? Tell him. Here's your knife, by the way," Merle said, tossing me Daryl's knife, and he disappeared through the thick cover of trees, leaving me on my own.

"I will," I said to the air, alone again. I stood up and breathed deeply; fresh air. Even if it was hot, it was fresh. I was alive. Do I even want to be alive?

I reached for my neck and felt that the necklace was gone.

"You tried to tell me, Ma. I never did listen well huh?" I started to walk in the direction Merle had told me and I thought again about Lori. And Rick. Glenn and Hershel. I hadn't solved anything. Just another person missing. Daryl was going to shut me out again, and everyone would be livid.

"I am so sorry," I whispered to myself and walked on quietly. My stomach ached with hunger, yet I feel I couldn't eat, even if I was offered a 5 course meal. My throat ached from where he grabbed me and squeezed; that would be a bruise to explain if I made it back to the farm alive.

After two hours of silence, I heard the familiar groans of the undead; maybe 2 or 3. I could handle it. I saw them and stood still, waiting for them to get close to me, since moving fast was not my current strong point. The first, a female, lunged, and I plunged the knife into her skull, hearing the bone crunch, and she slumped to the ground. Three more followed close behind her, and I slashed at one, stabbed another and after killing the first two, kicked the final walker to the ground, where I leaned over him and killed him with ease.

I felt better now. I guess this would have to be my therapy.

I would have to tell everyone. I have to. Especially Daryl about Merle. Merle saved my life, and it's the least I can do. Daryl would want to know.

The woods were thinning, and I sighed with relief as I saw a guard rail to the main highway going into the city. I pulled myself up the hill and peered around. I was around five miles from the farm.

Unbelieveable.

I made my way through the cars that were piled up and crashed, weaving in and around them for a couple miles, and found myself short of breath. My groin throbbed and my stomach pressed on my diaphram, leaving the air in my lungs nonexistent. I leaned on the guard rail for support and knelt down. After a rest, I trudged on, and finally saw the turn off for the Greene farm. I found myself crying again, and turned onto the winding gravelly road, so happy that I had something familiar to hold on to.

I got to the wire fencing at the edge of the property and climbed through it, feeling the barbed wire cut into my skin.

"Oh my God," I heard someone saying, and I looked around, seeing Andrea running towards me.

"Heather? Heather!" she said, and I felt myself falling to the ground.

"Help! Dale, help! Someone!" I saw Shane and Dale coming over, and felt myself being lifted into the air. Shane carried me with ease up the rest of the path and into the house.

"Is that Barbie?" I heard Daryl yelling from outside.

"Heather? Yes, it is," Andrea said and followed shane up to the bedroom next to Beth.

"Hershel. Hershel," Andrea yelled, and Maggie and Patricia came out into the hallway.

"What's happened?" Hershel asked, coming out of Beth's room.

"It's Heather. She went missing last night, and turned up on the path just now."

"In here," Shane said as he laid me down on the bed.

Hershel came in and gasped. He looked at the blood on my legs that stained my pants through.

"Leave us," He said, and Shane listened, Andrea left as well.

"Who did this to you?" Hershel said, eyes stern. He went to the cupboard and pulled out a wash basin. He went into the bathroom and filled it with water, coming back out with it and some wash cloths.

"I know what happened. You need to let me help you," He said to me as I curled into a ball to avoid eye contact.

"You could be seriously hurt Heather! I'm not a monster like whoever did this. I'm here to help you. Please," He reached over to touch my arm, and my skin crawled.

"No! No! Don't fucking touch me!" I screamed and began to hyperventilate, the events of this morning replaying over and over; every thrust, every drop of his sweat that fell on my skin, the smell of his breath; everything. And it was too much.

"I'll run you a bath. You need to get cleaned up to avoid infection. We don't have all of the medicine that we did before," Hershel walked into the bathroom and I heard the water start.

"Please. I will help you when you want me to," He said, and made his way out of the door.

"Daryl, please. She needs to rest."

"What the hell happened to her?!" and he burst through the door.

"Shit. Fuck!" he said, and he nearly tripped running around the bed to look at me.

"What the fuck happened?!" he yelled, voice cracking.

"Someone took me. But I'm fine. Daryl, your brother's alive. He saved my life and sent me back to you."


	13. Solitude

"What do you mean mah brother? He saved you? He don't do that," Daryl said, though his expression faltered briefly.

"He helped me escape because he wanted me to tell you that he was alive. He said that you need him," I said, blankly. I didn't want to argue, but I knew Daryl would make this complicated.

"I don't need him. Don't need anybody," Typical response.

"Just cut the bullshit please. I'm not sure everyone else here can see through you, but I can."

"What the hell you mean? You don't know jack. Makes you think you can come in here and assume shit bout mah family, who I am. We fucked- that don't mean I'm gonna make us hot cocoa and we'll sit and do each other's nails." He snarled at me, and the words cut me, just like they had the first day I met Daryl Dixon. He said just stupid and awful things.

To my own surprise, I began to sob. I was in such a state that I physically could not make myself stop crying. My body ached, as did my heart, and I squeezed my eyes shut in hopes that they awful memory of Woodbury that plagued my mind could somehow be erased.

I began to writhe in the bed, and everything came back to me as Daryl reached out to put his hand on my shoulder.

"No, please don't. Anything but this," I sobbed, and opened my eyes to rid myself of the picture of Phillip that was engrained in my memory. Everytime I close my eyes, I see him.

There was Daryl, and the sight of his icy eyes calmed me. He retracted his arm and backed off a little bit, saying, "What happened to you?"

"He...raped...me," Was all I could manage.

"Merle?!" Daryl screamed,

"No. Not Merle. Phillip. The Governor. It hurts so bad. Woodbury. Merle saved me," I felt my heart beat slowing and I calmed down as Daryl lay next to me. He didn't touch me at all; I felt his warmth and smelled him, wood smoke, leather and sweet body odor. This is what I needed all along. I felt at peace and safe, like no harm could come to me.

"I'm sorry," Daryl said as I drifted off, "I'm so sorry."

The next time I woke I was alone. Daryl had left his leather vest with me, and at some point I had entwined it all around myself. The smell of it kept me calm.

I don't know why, but Daryl was all that I needed anymore. With him I was safe, and without him, I was not. Before Woodbury, I was self sufficient, useful even, but now, I could feel the parts of me that made me unique were chipped away and damaged. I had finally become the victim.

There was a knock at the door. I didn't try to speak.

"It's Hershel. Can I come in?" he asked meekly.

"Yes,"

He opened the door to the spacious bedroom quietly and made his way in. He carried a note pad, pen, and a small metal tub with different tools in it.

"Can I sit?"

"It's your house. Don't need my permission," I said dryly.

"You've been in bed for 10 days, Heather. Got up to go to the bathroom, but you seemed still asleep."

"God," I said and looked around. "Lori? Everyone made it back safely?" I asked.

"Yes, everyone made it back the morning after you came back. I'm sorry about the other evening. I didn't mean to frighten you, and I should've known better than to put my hand on you without knowing what you went through," he apologized fervently.

"I'm not angry with you Hershel. I'm scared of what happened. Scared that I can't just make this all go away, no matter what I do. I don't feel safe anymore, unless Daryl is around. If I talk about it, that'll make it real, and I don't want it to be."

"It'll make you feel better to talk to someone, don't you think?" he asked me, and it was then when Daryl came into the room carrying a little glass vase from downstairs with a cherokee rose and some lily of the valley.

"You wasn't s'posed to be awake to see this," He blushed a little bit, and set the flowers down on the night stand. I smiled, and looked up at him.

"I'll talk to you both," I replied to Hershel's question and asked Daryl to shut the door.

I got to my feet shakily and walked over to the window seat. I hoisted myself up and sat on the cushions, staring out the window at the bright blue sky.

"Heather, you need to get cleaned. I've left it go this long only because I can't imagine what you're going through. But it can't wait any longer." Hershel said, and I looked down. I realized that I still had my blood soaked clothes on and I hadn't washed...since it all happened.

I stood up shakily and walked over to a mirror. The woman in the reflection didn't even resemble me anymore, and I cringed looking at her. I smelled myself, and I began to cry.

Both eyes were black; bruised and exhausted. There was a distinguished bruise hand print around my throat, and I felt my breath catching when I thought about it. I shivered and looked down at my own stomach. It was brown with bruises, and red puffy red scratches were painted across my skin. My wrists had burns on them from where I struggled to escape the belt.

"I'll get a bath," I said simply, and Daryl jumped to his feet, running into the bathroom. He put on the hot water and rummaged the cabinet under the sink for towels.

He threw two haphazardly by the sink and came back out, offering to help me to my feet again. I shook my head and got up dizzily and made my way into the bathroom.

"Let me know when she's done, Daryl," Hershel said to him as I hobbled into the bathroom.

"do you want me ta go?" Daryl asked quietly.

"You can stay. Just in case," I said, needing my Daryl security blanket.

I pulled my shirt up, wincing as I stretched the muscles that had been bruised. I dropped the tank top on the ground and slowly reached down to unbutton my shorts. Daryl had sat down on the bed where he was still out of the bathroom, but I could see him looking at me in the mirror.

I gingerly pulled my shorts down, and cried out in pain as the denim pulled from a wound that had started to heal.

"Lemme help."

I had never seen Daryl like this before, and never expected that he would be so...empathetic.

"Somethin's not right," I said, and looked down to see the blood flowing freely again. I must have dislodged a clot.

"I'll get Hershel," Daryl said and turned to leave.

"Just help me into the tub, please."

He obliged warily, eyebrows furrowed more so than usual, and turned the faucet off, reaching out for me to grab onto his forearm for balance. I placed my hand on him and shivered; I wasn't repulsed by any man on the farm. Terrified that _anyone_ is capable of doing such awful things? Absolutely.

The hot water grazed my toes and worked its way up as I lowered myself into the water with Daryl's help.

"I'm so sorry I've been so useless," I said, settling in. The open wounds on my body burned as the hot water penetrated them.

"You ain't useless. You didn't miss much; just shit hitting the fan with Rick and Shane, Carol's a mess, and I geeked out on her..still ain't apologized yet...Lori and Andrea fightin' Hershel's youngest tried to off herself...that's it really."

"Oh yeah, that's not much..." I said sarcastically as I set my head back and closed my eyes. I sunk down into the water further to get my hair wet.

"Just bein' humans. No different than before, really. Besides the walkers. There's always been anger and jealousy; the end of the world just made those emotions the strongest one, I guess," he said. I opened my eyes to see Daryl passing me a bottle of shampoo.

"Wisely said, sir," I commented, taking the shampoo and squirting an unnecessary amount into my palms, lathering it and rubbing it into the bloodied mats on my head.

"You gonna talk about what happened?" he said after clearing his throat.

I was quiet for a minute, all we heard was the sound of me using my nails to scratch my scalp through the shampoo.

"Why do I need to tell anyone?"

"I need to know," He said.

"A man kidnapped me and raped me, and your brother saved my life. That's all there is to it, really." I slid down again and rinsed my hair in the dirtied bath water, not caring much. I was still cleaner than when I stepped into the tub.

"I'll kill the guy who did this to ya," He said as I re-emerged from the water, and I couldn't help but feel a little adoration for the guy. He would probably never tell me he loves me, but I loved him already and I knew it.

"How chivalrous," I said as I pulled myself into a sitting position. I looked down and the water had turned a deep red-brown, mixed with the bubbles from the shampoo. After I rubbed at my skin a bit, I started to feel dizzy.

"Maybe you should get Hershel," I said, and I saw little starry spots forming in my vision.

"Hershel!" Daryl called out, and Hershel must've been waiting outside of the door because he came in not a minute later.

"Let's get her to the bed," He said, and they tried to pick me up. Even in my deliriousness, I protested.

"Don't touch me! No!" I yelled, and thrashed about in the water.

"Here," Daryl said as he offered his hand to me again. I grabbed on and pulled myself up, using the edge of the tub as a support as well.

"Here." Hershel gave me a towel as I stood, looking away, obviously embarrassed.

"Thank you." I said, and stepped over the edge of the bathtub onto the spongy bath mat.

"You're bleedin'," Daryl said, and Hershel grabbed the other towel.

"Put it between your thighs to stem the bleeding. I think I'm gonna have to stitch something up." He said, his eye twitching uncomfortably. I listened to him, and felt tears coming up.

Only a few fell as I made my way out to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. I laid back and stared at the ceiling as I saw Hershel grabbing his medical bag from the floor by the door.

"Please, don't be afraid. I am here to help you."

"I know," I said, and I did. I took deep breaths as he made his way around the bed.

"Scootch over here. Bottom towards the edge of the bed," Hershel said.

I obliged and tried hastily to cover myself with the towel.

Hershel pulled out a small stitching needle and threaded it with black suture string.

"Look at the ceiling, and it'll be over before you know it," he said, and I felt my heart rate begin to accelerate and a wave of nausea set in as I let Hershel look at what Phillip had done to me.

"It's just a tear. It's nothing internal, or doesn't appear to be anyway, so I'll stitch this up and you'll be on your way. This is going to hurt, but it'll be over before you know it. Only temporary."

I gulped and reached to my sides to grab at the sheets. As the needle pierced me, I screamed in pain, and all of a sudden I felt rough calloused fingers snake through mine. I looked up at Daryl, hoping it would relieve the pain, and though it didn't, I sure was glad to have a hand to squeeze. No words were needed as he looked down at me; I could see it in his eyes that he felt my pain.

Another week passed, without incident, and I was back on my feet. I was finally permitted to go back out to sleep in the tent, and I was amazed at how the weather had changed. As I limped from the front porch stairs, I felt a chill in the air. The deciduous trees surrounding the property had begun losing their leaves; some just starting to change color and some had already shed all of the leaves.

"How ya feelin' Barbie?" Daryl said, startling me. He sat on the porch eating an apple.

"Never better," I said, cynically, and I kept walking.

"Heather!" Carl called out when he saw me. Approaching the camp, I saw Lori and Carol doing dishes in a metal tub, and Glenn and Rick sat by the fire, stretched out and actually relaxing. Shane sat by the fence near the barn and stared out into the open field. Dale and Andrea were on the RV, keeping watch.

"Heya Carl," I said, and hugged him lightly when he walked up to me.

Nobody spoke; they just looked at me. My bruises were faded, and Maggie let me use some of her foundation to try to cover the mark on my neck, but I felt like the blemishes on my skin were the only things that anyone paid attention to.

"So, uh, I'm trying to get back to normal, and staring at me like that isn't doing the trick," I said, rubbing at my throat instinctively.

There was still only silence.

"I shot us a bunch of rabbits for dinner. Startin' em' now," Daryl said, as he ambled over behind me.

"Sounds great," I said dully, and walked towards the RV. I went in, slamming the door as I sat on one of the seats gently.

Lori walked in and sat next to me.

"What's up?" she asked, and I looked at her incredulously.

"I'm not a freak show," I said.

"Look, none of us really know what happened to you, but we assume. We're not quiet because we're judging you, we're quiet because we have no idea what to say."

"What happened to me is my business, and y'all don't have any right to treat me like less of a person because of it. I can still work, hunt, do laundry, help out...I'm not broken," I said, trying to convince myself as well.

"I know you're not. We all do," She said, unconvincingly, and she beckoned me to follow her back out to start dinner. Later that night, after we were all full, Daryl approached me as I tended to the fire.

"You kin have mah tent," He said, warming his hands with the heat from the embers.

"No, Daryl. I trust you more than I trust anyone anymore. Stay with me. I had you in the house with me every night, anyway." I said, again in need of my Daryl Dixon security.

"Mm," he grunted and headed towards the tent. I followed shortly behind and crawled into the small tent. Daryl laid looking up, hands behind his head.

"Was always my favorite time of year." He said, "the hunting is good, weather ain't so damn hot, and there're a lot less bugs."

"Always a plus." I said. I was full of these rude, short, one-line-wonders lately, and I wondered when my ability to have a long conversation with someone would return.

"G'night, Barbie," Daryl said to me.

"Could I?" I motioned laying my head on his chest, and he nodded, almost looking happy.

I laid down gently and scootched over to Daryl. I laid my head gently on his chest and listed to the beating of his heart. The heartbeat picked up and breathing accelerated ever so slightly, and I smiled at the thought of Daryl still getting fidgety around a girl.

As I drifted off to sleep, I was woken by a loud scream.

"The hell was that?" Daryl bolted upright, scaring me and I also sat up. The screaming continued, and we both scrambled to our feet, following the scream to the middle of a field closer to the swampy forest.

As we neared the fence, we saw someone lying in the grass, a walker over them.

"Shit!" I said, and ran as fast as I could toward the person.

"Dale!" I screamed and as the ugly walker rose to lunge at me, Daryl placed his longer hunting knife between the walker's eyes.

I looked back down at Dale, and immediately gagged; his stomach cavity had been pulled open, and he had been eviscerated. He was still alive, staring up at us with his wide eyes.

"HELP! Someone help!" Daryl yelled, and everyone else came running over.

"Oh my god," Andrea said and kneeled down next to him.

"HERSHEL!" Rick yelled, and luckily the old doctor heard him and he came sprinting over.

"What can we do?" Rick asked desperately.

Hershel shook his head solemnly and got to his feet.

Rick pointed his gun at the kind old man; he faltered, and couldn't pull the trigger. Dale actually grabbed the nozzle of the gun and pulled it towards his forehead. Daryl grabbed the pistol and pointed it at Dale.

"Sorry Brother." He said, and went to pull the trigger, backing down twice before he clicked the gun, the resounding bang echoing around the property.

"Damn it!" Rick yelled, upset that we had lost another. I kneeled down next to Dale and closed his wide eyes.

"He's with his wife now. No more fear and pain," I said, and planted a kiss on his forehead.


	14. The Monster Inside

* _3 months have passed; the Greene farm has fallen, and they've lost Patricia, Andrea, Shane, and Jimmy. The survivors are out on the road in search of a safe haven._

"I'm so hungry," Carl groaned from the back of the truck.

"We all are!" his mom said to him, patting his knee. Her hand moved to her belly and she rubbed the growing bump.

Today, we were at an old, dilapidated home that was set way back from the main roads. In searching the cupboards, we found 4 cans of red kidney beans and a jar of peanut butter. It was hard to stomach, but the protein was what everyone needed.

"Upstairs is clear," Daryl came back downstairs, crossbow slung about his shoulder.

"I'll stay down here with TDog, Daryl and Glenn; everyone else can get a little shut eye upstairs," Rick said, rubbing his eyes.

"Too late," T said, and pointed out the window. Walkers had already found us, so we scrambled back to our feet and made our way out the back door to where the vehicles were parked.

My feet ached, as did my back, and my eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and food. My emotional state had declined, and everybody could see it. Everyone knew what had happened when I was taken. It still felt like yesterday, and I could feel eyes on me all the time, boring into me. Daryl and I had grown apart some; not because we chose to, it just didn't feel the same. We had all but forgotten the relationship we had, and it was like we were back to square one.

"Heather," he called from behind me, "ride on the back of the bike. You need some air," He said, trying to make an excuse for me to be near him. We had abandoned the car that had helped me out of Atlanta, but we'd picked up a Dodge Ram and Merle's old bike that had been in the bed of the blue Ford on the farm, so we had the red Chevy carrying Rick, Lori and Carl, Shane's Hyundai, with Maggie, Beth, and Hershel, and the new Dodge, claimed by Glenn and T, and the bike with Daryl and I.

I nodded slowly and jumped on the back of the bike as it kicked to life.

"Can you hold on?" Daryl yelled, and I grunted, wrapping my arms loosely around his toned midsection. God, I missed touching him.

He set off, in the lead, and everyone followed behind him, heading down more back roads. All of our eyes were peeled for somewhere to stay. The winter had been brutal and cold; any fat that I had was gone, and my skin lay sad and drooping on my bones. Some of the others fared worse than I did.

The weather had started getting nicer now, and the back of the bike felt good; the chill had left the air, and I breathed deeply, pulling myself a little closer to Daryl's back.

We stopped riding mid afternoon when we heard the horn of the chevy honk.

"We should camp here. Lori's having contractions and she needs to be out of the vehicles for some fresh air," Rick said.

My stomach lurched when I thought about how quickly Lori's pregnancy had gone. From Hershel's guesses, she had about a week to go until she was due, and as it turns out, she had already been 5 or 6 months along when we lost the farm.

"Well, while we're here, we're gonna go fill up with water from the creek. We'll boil it later," T Dog said, reaching into the back of the Dodge for the empty water jugs.

"While the rest of them wash their panties, let's go hunt," Daryl said to Rick, and Rick nodded.

"Stay here, stay together," He said, looking to Lori and Carl.

"Can I come with you?" I asked. Daryl and Rick both nodded their approval.

I made sure my knife was still strapped to my thigh and hiked up my socks so the briars wouldn't cut me up too bad. I followed as Daryl and Rick disappeared into the woods, following a set of old train tracks next to the creek. Daryl had gotten 3 squirrels already when we came to a clearing and looked out over a field; there stood an old prison. There were gates still standing, and the place looked in tact from this angle, except for the fact that it was crawling with walkers. I whistled out a deep breath.

" 'S a shame. Coulda been good for us," Daryl shielded his eyes from the sun and stared across the creek at the massive stone structure.

"It's perfect," Rick said under his breath.

 _I remember when we left the farm, when Rick told us what had happened with Shane. We were all in shock, and some of us, myself included were upset with how Rick handled the whole thing. I was scared of him for a while, but still didn't like to hear other members of the group sittin' around talking about him in a negative way. He stepped up; became the leader, after Shane died. There was no more competition._

 _"If you wanna go, then fine," I remember he said, "there's the door. Let's see how far you make it."_

Rick had always stuck to his guns about there being more for us out there; there was a place for us. He never doubted it, and he never let any of us either.

Maybe his dream of a safe place was finally coming true.

The forest had become sticky, and my tee shirt stuck to the base of my back, dripping with perspiration. I guessed it was partially adrenaline as well.

"Well, let's go get the others," Daryl spoke up, and we both followed him to bring the vehicles to the clearing out past the creek. We searched, and not 100 feet down the creek, there was an old wooden bridge crossing right to the outer fence of the prison barricades.

Everyone crossed over, Rick at the front and Daryl at the very back, making sure the soft wood on the bridge didn't give way. Rick took his bolt cutters and began snipping through the chain link fence with ease; I took out 2 walkers that were getting too close for comfort, and Rick got another one. He guided everyone through the slit he'd made in the fence, and came through himself, pulling out heavy duty wire to patch the fence back together.

We were now protected by the fencing on either side of us; the prison yard had around 50 walkers meandering round the grass. As we got to the main gate, I realized that Rick's plan was to fight through the walkers outside, AFTER someone had run up and closed the gate from inside the prison, blocking any more walkers from coming out.

"I'll run," Glenn said; "just watch my back," he finished, gulping and making for the gate.

"No. Split up and get into the two towers here. Carol, you've become a pretty good shot," Rick said encouragingly, stopping Glenn from leaving. Everyone separated, lining up the fence and taking aim. Carol climbed to the top of a guard tower, along with Glenn in the other one.

His plan went flawlessly, and all of the walkers were taken down easily. Before the last body could hit the floor , we all ran through the long grass, and despite the bodies strewn about, we were all so incredibly happy to be able to have space; space to run and sleep, and do things that would've been done before the outbreak.

TDog, Glenn, Rick and Daryl worked on sorting the bodies out; they were drug to a far corner so no one would have to see them unless they went out of their way to do so.

As the sun began to set, I relished in the newfound freedom. I didn't care how long it would last; I felt free and happy _right now_. Daryl even seemed to be enjoying himself; I looked over and he'd started setting up his own area; he laid a bright patterned, wool blanket on the ground and it settled in, a cushion being formed by the long grass. He threw his pack down and plopped himself back, leaning on the pack like a pillow. I saw his muscles relax as he rested his arms behind his head. Glenn and Hershel had built a fire, and we all gathered slowly, getting comfortable. I felt the warmth of the flames licking the bottom of my feet.

Rick wandered around the perimeter, checking the fence for at least the 10th time. None of us could deny that Rick loved every single one of us; his sole goal had become to protect us as a group.

"Sing us a song, Bethie. Paddy Reilly?" Hershel asked.

"Not that one, Daddy." Maggie said, emotion flooding her beautiful face.

Daryl had gotten up and come over to sit next to me.

"Parting Glass?" she said to Maggie and she nodded in agreement.

 _Of all the money that e'er I had_

 _I spent it in good company_

 _And all the harm I've ever done_

 _Alas it was to none but me_

 _And all I've done for want of wit_

 _To mem'ry now I can't recall_

 _So fill to me the parting glass_

 _Good night and joy be to you all_

I felt Daryl's hand graze the bottom of my back, and I hardly flinched. I could feel the warmth from his skin radiating through the thin fabric of my cardigan.

 _So fill to me the parting glass_

 _And drink a health whate'er befalls_

 _And gently rise and softly call_

 _Good night and joy be to you all_

 _Of all the comrades that e'er I had_

 _They're sorry for my going away_

Rick had made his way back over and knelt down by Lori, offering her some of the dried berries we all were munching on. They both looked so sad and distant; Lori's belly, bigger than ever, and Rick's beard, as bushy as I'd seen it. Through the awkward tension we'd all suffered from about Lori and Rick's relationship, tonight I saw something that resembled softness, and hopefully was the beginning of a reconciliation. Rick loved her so much, and anyone who knew him, knew that he would do anything to protect her, but covering that up, his anger flared often, and it was always directed at Lori.

 _And all the sweethearts that e'er I had_

 _They'd wish me one more day to stay_

 _But since it fell unto my lot_

 _That I should rise and you should not_

 _I gently rise and softly call_

 _Good night and joy be to you all_

 _My mum used to sing this song to Logan and I when we had trouble sleeping, usually during thunder storms. When I got older, I found a version by the Pogues that I adored, and had it on my ipod at the time of the outbreak. Logan and I shared a bunk bed until we were ten, and when our interests started changing, so did our relationship. When he died, I hardly knew him anymore; his skin marred with a plethora of tattoos, his skin sallow and grey. His addictions had taken their toll on him, but my mother would never give up. That's why she's gone now. To my surprise, I began to sing the last verses with Beth._

 _Fill to me the parting glass_

 _And drink a health whate'er befalls_

 _And gently rise and softly call_

 _Good night and joy be to you all_

 _But since it fell unto my lot_

 _That I should rise and you should not_

 _I gently rise and softly call_

 _Good night and joy be to you all,_

 _Good night and joy be to you all._

"Beautiful," Hershel said.

I felt tears spilling over my eyelids, and the familiar burning sensation in my nose returned. I leaned into Daryl and cried openly. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the eyes that I knew stared at me. I heard Daryl take a deep breath and he placed his other arm around me, and then I felt someone else hug me; I opened my eyes to see Beth at my side, joined by Maggie and Carl. Everybody gathered around and held hands, enveloping me in their protection. I hadn't felt so safe in months.

"We should all get to bed. Gonna be a long day tomorrow," Rick said, slicking his hair back.

There were murmurs of agreement and we dispersed, each laying freely in the cool grass. I laid down next to Daryl and he placed the wool poncho that he'd recently taken to wearing over me. I shivered as the wool created warmth instantly.

"How're you doin'?" he asked me, and I replied knowing that I hadn't talked to him really since the farm fell.

"I'm alright. Better," I said, and I was being truthful. Despite the tears around the fire, I felt good today and that's what mattered. There were many days that were completely miserable, and I was grateful for any glimmers of happiness.

"Liar," He said to me and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up and blowing smoke into the sky.

"That's gross," I said, and feigned gagging, "I'm better today though. Really," I said and turned on my side so I was facing Daryl. I stared at his profile, shadow of his strong chin silouhetted in the indigo sky. The fire died slowly, and the only sounds were the sporadic last of the summer bugs and light snoring of the others.

Movement caught my eye, and I looked over to see Rick still walking the perimeter. "I'll be back," I said, and hoisted myself to my feet. I swished through the tall grass over to where he stood and stopped next to him.

"You should try to forgive her, you know. I know what she did, but I also know that I would never be able to do what she's doing for the baby. I would've given up ages ago."

"I know," He said simply.

"We ain't without our faults, Rick. You and I...we've made mistakes. Lori has been trying to deal with that as well, and she told me she deserves it, you hating her, because of her and Shane. She doesn't deserve for that guilt to eat her up inside. No one does."

"Goddamnit Heather...I know," He wasn't angry with me, but his temper heightened as he hit himself in the head, running his fingers through his greasy hair.

"What's so different about you and Lori, huh?" he said to me, and I cocked my head, anxious to hear what he was about to say.

"You feel guilty, all the time. I can see it, when Daryl looks at you, when he touches you. I still look at you that way! The way I did in Atlanta. I have... feelings for you. And I don't want to, but I do! I love Lori, always have and I always will, but there's a hole from what she did. Even if I tell myself to forgive her, I know I'll always be bitter towards her. You gave me hope on the day we met, and a part of me wanted it to be just me and you," Rick had sunk down to his knees, and he began to cry.

"You're tired," I said, and rubbed my eyes, trying to comprehend what had just happened, "I can't be with you..I can't be with anyone. Like you said, I'm guilty. I don't know what I did that day, but I must've deserved what I got," The feelings from Woodbury returned, and I began to shake as I turned to walk away.

"Heather, don't walk away."

"Come on," I said, turning back to him and helping him to his feet, "go to bed. I'll keep watch," I said, and pushed Rick off towards camp. He said nothing more and stumbled away, breathing heavily.

I slumped down in the grass and watched the walkers mingle outside of the fence. I laid back and stared up at the sky, and I jumped when I saw Daryl's shadow as he crept towards me.

"The hell was that?" he asked and sat heavily next to me, dropping his crossbow noisily. He had been eavesdropping, again.

"I don't even know, Daryl. I honestly don't. He's going through so much right now, just try to give him a break."

"You didn't deserve it. What you said, that's some bullshit. No one deserves that."

I felt a tear leak from my eye and wiped it away hastily.

"I'm tired of being the victim. I just want to be strong again," I whimpered, and reached over, stroking Daryl's cheek. My eyes had adjusted to the dark, so I could see him clearly; his tired eyes, sallow cheeks, thin lips. That little mole by his mouth, and the stubble that had begun to grow in with gray patches.

"You are strong," He murmured and stared at me.

"Kiss me, Daryl," I pleaded, and he obliged, pressing his lips against mine gently at first. His hands pulled me closer and I straddled him, both of us still sitting in the grass. I pressed my lips to his again, and tasted him; salty sweat and the remnants of a stale cigarette.

"I never wanna hear that again, Barbie. Never blame yourself," He said, and he nuzzled his nose into my neck. I could hear his breath hitching, and his body shook subtly. He was crying.

"Hey, stop! You're supposed to be the strong one here," I said, and began crying myself.

He grunted and looked up, wiping at his nose vigorously.

"Can I say something before I shy away again?" I asked, shyly, snaking my arms around his waist. I pressed myself into him and hugged him.

" 'course," He said shortly.

"I love you."

Silence. Of course, it's what I expected, but I said my bit, and felt lighter now.

He responded by hugging me back, squeezing tightly.

I felt him growing beneath my lap, and I suddenly became afraid again. I swallowed the fear, but stood quickly, and helped Daryl to his feet.

"I'm not ready," I said, and Daryl nodded fervently.

"Nah, I know. Damn thing has a mind of its own. Sorry," He said, and the corners of his lips turned up into a small smile.

"Let's get some rest, hm?" I said, and took his hand, pulling him towards the glow of the coals in the dying fire. After he'd sat down on the blanket, I joined him and removed my hair tie, the long and heavy hair fell down my back and I sighed. I kept my hair up all time time because of walkers grabbing it, so it felt nice to...breathe a bit. I heard the crinkling of a wrapper and turned around to see him munching on a candy bar.

"Gimme!" I said, and he chuckled and broke off half of the bar for me. I turned back around and stared into the night. I ate my candy and listened to the bugs. After Daryl had finished his food, he licked his fingers, and I felt a hand at the base of my neck. I shivered as Daryl massaged my shoulders, brushing the hair to one side so my shoulders were bare.

"Mm," I said, and melted into his touch.

In the complete stillness, I suddenly felt a jolt in my lower belly; not pain, but like something moved.

"Oh my god," I said, and pressed my hand to my stomach. With a bit more pressure, there was another wiggle, and I removed my hand, suddenly feeling nauseous. I leaned off of the blanket and vomited. What a waste of a candy bar...

"What the hell's wrong?" Daryl said to me, moving so he kneeled in front of me. He patted my cheeks as I stared ahead, the dread returning to haunt me.

"WHAT?" Daryl said a little too loud.

"Shhh!" I hissed at him, snapping out of my reverie. "I just felt something move inside of me, Daryl," I gagged again.

"Are you...you can't be," Daryl rubbed his stubble and I could see his hands shaking. "Is it...is..?"

"It can't be yours. I had my period..when..Woodbury," my vision began to blur, and I stared ahead again. I had no energy, not even to cry. "Oh my god," I said again, my hands shaking too.

"Lay down," Daryl instructed.

"I don't want it, Daryl. I don't want it," I breathed fast, and buried my face in my hands.

"It ain't the baby's fault!" he said, angrily, and I spun my head to look at him.

"I could never love this child! It's father violated me, and that's the only reason it was conceived."

I laid down and stared up at the sky.

"Maybe that's not what it is. Maybe you're jus' paranoid," He bit at his thumb nail and stared at me through slitted eyes.

"Gotta sleep," I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to sleep; the night had gone from as close to perfect as one could get in this world, back to me feeling the all too familiar emptiness.

"Hershel will check you out tomorrow."

"I don't want it," I repeated as I drifted off to sleep.


	15. Sacred Vessel

I awoke the next morning alone staring at a cloudless blue sky; as I sat up, body aching, I saw a majority of the group heading into the next adjoining court yard, now surrounded by walkers. _Good._ Daryl and Rick were in the lead, and as I pulled myself to my feet, I walked over to stand with Lori, who stared nervously at her husband.

"How ya feelin'?" I asked her.

"Been better. Feelin' pretty big," She said, rubbing her belly, and I stared at the baby bump, the thin fabric of her white tank top stretched over it. Her belly button was a major outie now, and her back looked uncomfortably curved to support the extra weight on her normally frail and tiny frame.

"It'll be over soon," I said reassuringly, actually petrified of what would happen when Lori went into labor.

"That's what they're doin'. Tryin' to get a block cleared out so we can get inside for when the baby comes," she said, leaning against the fence and glancing at me sideways.

"Figured as much. Should've gotten me up, I would've helped," I said, willing myself to forget about last night, to forget about the thing inside of me. Anything to distract me.

"Maggie went along, even though Hershel is pissed. She wanted to go with Glenn," she said to me, reassuring me that it was fine I stayed behind.

"Thank you for being a friend to me, Lori. We don't really have a reason to be friends, but I like you, and I'm glad Rick has you."

"Don't be absurd, he hates me and you know it," she said, looking at the ground and wiping her nose.

"He doesn't. I know he doesn't," I shuddered and started feeling a tear gathering in the corner of my eye.

"What's wrong?" Lori asked and got closer to me.

"I can't say. I'm embarrassed. And sickened. I'm so, so sickened," I felt compelled to tell someone what was happening and ask for advice. "Is Hershel up?" I sniffled, and wiped snot from my nose.

"He's over scoping out a place to start a garden up. Come on, I'll walk you over," she said and began walking to the front corner of the prison yard.

"Getting a bit ahead of ourselves," I said and followed after her.

"No, he's being optimistic. We need more of that," she said and brushed her bangs form her face as she hobbled along.

We reached Hershel and Lori called him. He strode over, brow furrowed per usual.

"Heather wants to talk to ya," Lori said, and made to leave.

"No, stay. Please," I said a bit too aggressively, but Lori turned and sat on the ground.

"I have to sit," she said, smiling slightly. Hershel smiled and sat down with her. His beard and mustache were growing in thick, and he looked like a different man; more happy, I thought.

"Sit, Heather," He said, and I hesitantly and sat down. I picked at the grass and sighed feeling the warm sun beating down, rays penetrating my now relatively fair complexion. The winter always takes away my tan completely, and my freckles come through.

"I have..." I stuttered, and felt a lump growing in my throat. I cleared it and went on, "It's complicated. When I was taken...a man hurt me, raped me. The only reason I made it out alive is because Merle Dixon found me and got me out. He's a right hand man in a place called Woodbury. Before he could get me out, the head of the town, community, whatever you want to call it...he's the one who...His name's Phillip, but they call him the Governor. I'm rambling now, but story made short is that he got me pregnant. I mean I think he did," I pulled at my thumbnail and winced as I pulled raw flesh back. I sucked my finger to stop the bleeding and groaned as my saliva burned the wound. "I told Daryl last night that I felt somethin' moving, but that's the only symptom I had. I haven't bled for months but I thought it was malnourishment, and I've always been irregular."

"You're sure it's not Daryl's? And did you say Merle Dixon? He's alive?" Lori asked at me, and I felt my cheeks flush, the discomfort crawling over my skin like roaches.

"It's not. I did have one period, and it was the end of the cycle of it when I was taken. Daryl and I haven't been together since before this all happened. Yeah, Merle recognized me from Atlanta and assumed I knew his brother...which I do, very well," I cleared my throat, "he got me out and made me promise to tell Daryl he was alive."

Lori nodded, contemplating.

Hershel looked at me, tears swimming in his eyes. "Lay back," he said, "and don't get too worked up about it. You may just be paranoid."

"That's what Daryl said too." I said.

I obeyed and laid back on the grass. Hershel lifted my shirt tenderly, just above my belly button, and he began kneading with his finger tips, pressing into my lower abdomen. I wasn't as afraid as I had been, and I knew now that I only had to fear the man who did this. Hershel had become like a father to me, and I trusted him with everything.

I felt the squirming feeling as he pressed down to the right of my naval.

"That was it," I said, and felt the blood draining from my face, my skin going clammy and cold. Hershel pulled out a small measuring tape from his back pocket, and laid one end down below my waist line, and flattened the measure up a little bit above my naval.

"You are pregnant," Hershel said and he was still crying. He cleared his throat. "What I just did was measure the fundal height, which is from the base of the pubic bone to the top of the uterus. From what I found, you're around 25 weeks gone."

"Don't cry," I said, "none of this is your fault and I wish I didn't have to bring anyone else into it, but I can't do this alone."

He wiped his eyes. "You're dear to me, like one of my own girls, you are too, Lori. There are monsters in this world, and I could never understand why humanity turned on each other when the world ended. The opposite should be done."

I pulled my shirt back down and sat up, arms crossed against my sweaty skin.

"Hershel, you've got to understand that I do not want this child," I said after a brief pause.

"I understand totally," he said, but when I looked at Lori, she looked down at the grass.

"I do not have the tools to terminate a pregnancy this far along, Heather."

"What do you mean? Why can't you just cut it out? You saw what its father did to me, you examined me. You know," I trailed off, panic rising, and I heard my heartbeat loud in my ears.

"It's still a baby!" Lori chimed in.

"Let's not even go there, Lori. You tried to get rid of your child too, and you willingly slept with two men. This was against my will; I will never love this child. That is a promise," my own anger surprised me, and for a minute I feared myself.

Lori got to her feet haphazardly and stomped off, back to the fence to wait for the others to come back outside.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but I will try my best to help you. I would do it for my girls, and you have every right to make choices for yourself. I do not blame you at all. Let me see what I can find. Maybe the infirmary hasn't been rooted through yet, and they have some left over medications. There are a number of things that can induce labor...just give me a chance to think."

"Thank you, Hershel," I said, sighing shakily, yet still unconvinced of what was going to happen.

My mind raced, and I pulled myself to my feet, walking back towards the fence with Hershel behind me. Lori glared at me, but I looked down, feeling a painful kick from inside.

"You have no idea what this is like," I seethed, hissing at her.

She just scoffed, but I noticed her expression soften a little bit.

It had been an hour since over half of the group went inside the prison. We heard the clang of a metal door and all peered around each other, trying to see what was happening.

Rick and Daryl came down the rusty stairs and ran across to us.

"We've got C block clear for now. It'll work great temporarily. The others are clearing out the cells," Rick said, and unlocked the gate so we could all follow them towards the door.

I saw Daryl looking at me, questioning with his eyes. I nodded, and watched his expression fall. I followed the rest into the dark prison, the only source of light was foggy, dusty patches of light that shone through the bars in the windows.

"Home sweet home," TDog said as we entered through the barred doorway. He was busy dragging bodies towards the gate. There were only 4 walkers, so clean up would be easy. ish.

Everyone chose a cell, and I was left alone with Rick who stood in the common room, if you will, under one of the windows.

"Go on up and lay down. Lori told me what happened," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"That bitch..." I whispered and heard Daryl say "I ain't sleepin' in no cage," and he headed up the stairs, throwing his bow and pack on the ground. I followed him up and sat next to him.

"I'm pregnant," I said, and watched to see Daryl's reaction.

"I know," he said, and scratched his nose uncomfortably.

"I'm gonna try to get rid of it," I went on, and looked down.

"Fine," he said, but I could hear the anger in his tone.

"Get some shut eye, guys. Long day tomorrow," Rick said. He said this same line every night around sunset, and we all listened. I laid back on the hard ground and stared up at the gray concrete ceiling.

"I'm gonna go crazy in this damn place," I said, "I can tell already." Everything was gray and bland, cold and stony.

I felt Daryl grab my hand and hold it tight. I turned to look at him, and he actually smiled at me, then looked back at the ceiling.

"Get some sleep," was all he said and I scooted closer to him so our shoulders touched.

"Goodnight," I said and closed my eyes.

The next morning, I walked down to the common room and watched as the guys sorted through the weapons that they'd found so far. Glenn, Rick, Maggie, Daryl, Hershel and TDog all strapped on equipment, holstered weapons and sheathed knives as they prepared to clear out another block of the prison.

"Let me go," I said, and Hershel, Daryl and Rick all said "no." simultaneously.

I hated this. I hated feeling even more useless, and I hated sitting around doing nothing. My mind had nothing but time anymore, and it seemed that all I did was sit around worrying about what could happen.

As they made for the door, Hershel hung back and handed me a little plant.

"I went out this morning and foraged. I found black cohosh, which can induce labor. This is dangerous, Heather. You can seriously deform the baby without fatally hurting it."

I didn't say anything, and I looked at Hershel with tears in my eyes. Taking the plant, I went back to sit with Carol who was in the process of making a little makeshift kitchenette.

The next half hour was torture. I stared at the plant that Hershel had given me, and listened for any sign of the guys and Maggie returning. I jumped with a start as I heard a number of loud clicks, and all of a sudden, lights came on.

"They must've found the generators!" Carol said excitedly, and she checked the walls for outlets, discovering some back behind the stair way to the perch.

She disappeared into a cell and came back out a moment later with a coffee maker.

"I knew I'd get to use this again." she said and smiled as she plugged in the white cord.

"Brilliant." I said, as she measured out some of the instant coffee from a ziploc bag and poured out a bottle of water into the back. It began to brew immediately with a hiss and some gurgles, and soon the cell block smelled like a coffee house.

"I brought these from the farm too." and she disappeared again, coming back in a moment later with a bag of styrofoam cups. She handed me one and filled a cup for me.

I took in some of the amber liquid and it burned as it hit my dry throat.

"Perfect, Carol." I said, and leaned against the wall.

It was then that we heard screaming. It was Hershel, I knew it was.

Minutes passed and there was silence. After listening, we all ran to the locked door.

"Shit," Carol said, and ran towards the gate. Carl used a key that his dad had given him and let us through. We were greeted on the other side by shuffling, and Maggie crying.

They burst through the dark doorway, scaring us all to pieces, and we saw Glenn pushing Hershel on some sort of trolley. I looked down, and saw that the lower half of his right leg had been cut off, and my head spun momentarily from the sight of the fleshy stump.

"He got bit and Rick took his leg off to save him," Daryl answered the burning question as we raced to get Hershel onto one of the cots in the closest cell.

"He has to be fine. I need him," I said, and dabbed at his forehead with a piece of towel.

"We all do," Lori spat, "stop being so selfish," she continued.

"Ey!" Daryl said to her warningly, and I did my best to ignore them snipping at each other.

"Enough!" Rick said, and glared at all three of us. "We've got more important things to do than bicker," he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, like these assholes," and Daryl nodded towards the gate to the cell block. He had his bow trained on a target; 5 men, all dressed in prison garb.

I ran over and hid behind him, peering around his huge arms to get a glimpse of the intruders.

"That's far enough, fellas," he said, and reinforced the fact that he was the one with the weapon.


	16. Shit Happens

"How many'a you in there?" One of the men said, looking back and forth from Daryl to the door.

"Too many for you to handle," Rick had come through the gate and made his way over so he stood next to Daryl. "Heather, go back in," he looked at me and ordered.

"I'm fine," I said and stepped out from behind Daryl.

"Go!" Daryl yelled at me, and I obeyed, pushing my stubbornness down. Rick cast me a second glance, shaking his head subtly.

I waited as Carl opened the door for me and stomped through, turning around to look at the conflict in progress. I crossed my arms and stared, honing back in on the conversation..

"How long've you been trapped in that cafeteria?" Rick said, and the same man as before replied,

"Going on ten months. Guard locked us in there and told us to sit tight."

"294 days ago," one of the other men said.

"There's nothin' left you know," Daryl said, "the world ended,"

"Far as we know, half of the population is wiped out," Rick finished Daryl's sentence.

"Nah," One of the men said.

"See for yourself," Rick started leading the men towards the door that we had all entered from.

"Lemme out, Carl," I said and he opened the gate hesitantly. I crept after the others quietly as they made their way outside.

I snuck by, unseen, and headed towards the front grassy yard, and once I'd reached it, I made my way to the fence by the entrance. I had seen just what I was looking for; an old terracotta pot lying on its side. I knelt down and sat the pot up, digging around it and throwing some grassy soil into the bottom.

"Goddamn it Heather!" I heard Daryl yell across the field.

"I'm fine! I'm comin' back," and I hobbled back to the flat pavement, lugging the flower pot with me.

"What the hell you doin'?" Rick hissed at me, and I side glanced the prisoners who looked at me with squinted eyes and tilted heads.

"Gardening," I said simply and headed back for the door.

As I left, I heard one of the prisoners say to Rick, "She touched in the head'er somethin'?"

Carl let me back in the cell block and I carried the pot over to a card table that had been set up. On it sat the coffee maker, and the little plant that Hershel had gotten for me, withered and drooping. I placed it into the dry dirt from outside and patted it down, grabbing a bottle of water from under the table and watering it lightly.

 _Hershel.._

I sighed, my hands shaking, and I walked over to the cell where Carol, Lori, Maggie, Glenn, and Beth crowded in, waiting for some sort of sign that he'd come back to us. I thought for sure that I would never get to see those kind old blue eyes again, and my heart hurt from losing the only father figure I'd known.

"Hi Heather," Carl said. He stood outside the cell door, looking in with sad eyes. He wore his dad's sheriff hat with pride. Just in the last 4 months, Carl Grimes had grown up so much. He sprouted at least 2 inches, his voice began to crack and lower itself, and his hair did that dreadfully stereotypical teenage boy, smoothed over side flip.

"How ya doin' buddy?" I asked him, and patted his shoulder.

"I don't know anymore," he went on, and his mother heard him talking and looked over at us, smiling lightly and she turned back to dabbing at Hershel's forehead with a damp towel. Carol had stopped the bleeding, and for now he was okay; low pulse, but still breathing.

I entered the hot cell and offered to take over for Lori, but Maggie wanted to sit with him for a while, so I sat on the floor by the door.

"Canned beef, canned vegetables...canned cans!" T had entered the cell block, followed by Rick and Daryl. All of them had their arms filled with different foods.

"Any change?" Rick asked Lori as he hoisted huge bags of dried corn on his hips.

"The bleeding's slowed...no fever. But his pulse is weak, and he's breathing heavy," Lori replied, tone turning solemn.

"Heather, take my cuffs and put them on him. No chances," he said to me as I got to my feet, and I obliged, taking the handcuffs from his belt. He continued over to the back cell to set down the bags of corn. I went in and knelt down next to Maggie, taking her father's clammy hand in my own, and I slid one cuff on his wrist, the other to the metal bed post.

I clicked the locks into place and kissed his hand gently, departing and leaving Maggie with him.

"Rick, what's with the other prisoners?," I asked, reaching the last cell where they were organizing the food.

"Struck a deal. We help 'em clear out a cell for themselves, they give us half their food," he said, grunting as he hoisted bags onto a pile.

"Right next to us?" I asked, hesitating.

"What other choice is there?" he asked me, skirting around the obvious option that we were both thinking.

"We don't kill the living," Rick's words stuck in my mind, and I thought of how much times have changed, how eager we had become to kill if it meant protecting our own.

"Keep us safe, Rick," I said, and glanced at Daryl, who glared at me from the back of the cell where he was sitting cross legged, separating the canned foods with T.

I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. Despite him tensing up a bit, he didn't shy away from me, and he said,

"The hell were you doin' out there anyway?"

"I needed a flower pot," I replied, trying not to smile.

"Always knew you were strange," he said, looking over at me.

"It's called black cohosh, I think Hershel said. He got it for me this morning...just a little plant that I wanted to get in the dirt so it doesn't die. It'll maybe get rid of the baby," I didn't even know why I was calling it the baby. The thing.

Daryl didn't say anything to me, but I felt his muscles tighten up and he pulled back from me slightly.

"I wish this never happened to you, Barbie. I really do," he said, and he pulled away from me, getting to his feet.

"Ey Rick, you ready to go back out and clear the other block?" he called to Rick, leaving me sitting alone in the cell.

"I'm comin' with," I said, following after Daryl, "no questions. Please," and I sheathed one of Daryl's hunting knives to the belt buckle on my shorts.

Rick nodded and I glanced into Hershel's cell before walking through the unlocked door once more, T, Daryl, and Rick. The five prisoners stood outside our block, clumped together, looking frightened. I imagined what it must've been like for these guys to hold out hope for 10 months, only to find out there there was nothing left.

"You brought flower pot girl," said one of the men. He was pretty short, and had medium length, brown hair, with a perfectly waxed, fancy looking mustache.

"I have my uses," I replied to his comment, reaching down to finger the leather sheath that held the knife.

We headed out, moving around the corners in the hallways in a loose circle.

"Tight formation is the key," Daryl growled, frustrated with how disorganized the prisoners were.

"Shh," I said, hearing the first growls and shuffling of feet of the afternoon.

Three walkers came around the corner and milled towards us, speeding up slightly when they caught a whiff of us.

Two of the prisoners stepped forward and began to wail on the zombies, aiming for everywhere but the brain. I looked over at Daryl and almost laughed because his face was contorted, as if trying to cope with the fact that these guys were total idiots. And to think, these dudes would've been the ones to avoid if you ended up in prison with them.

"Enough of this prison riot shit!" Rick yelled, and charged forward, killing two of the walkers with ease; Daryl stepped in and put a bolt in the last one's brain.

I heard a scream, looked back to see the biggest of the men surrounded, and Rick and I ran over to eliminate the two walkers that were an immediate threat. The big guy, who ironically seemed like the gentlest, reached his hand to the back of his shoulder, and when he pulled it back, his hand shone with bright red, human blood; his blood.

"I don't feel nothin'! Please don't do anything bad, you gotta help me," he cried out.

"Quarantine him!" the mustache man called out, and before anyone could stop him, the first prisoner we'd seen, charged past Rick and Daryl, and dug the sharp end of his weapon, a hammer, into the big guy's skull, killing him instantly. To add insult to injury, he bent down over the body and hit the skull with such force, that blood flew in every direction, staining the walls and the off white wife beater that he wore.

No one said a word, and we moved on. I stepped over the big man, saying a quick prayer for him. Poor guy.

"See the look on his face, little fuckin' psycho," Daryl said, "just say the word, and I'll do it," he finished, wiping sweat from his upper lip.

Rick nodded in acknowledgement, and followed the rest of the group through another set of heavy iron doors. We crept into a large, open room, filled with washing machines and dryers. Since the generators had been kicked on, I saw the lights blinking on the washers and thought to myself that I'd sneak back here later and do some laundry. Honestly, my priorities...

There were snarls from the other side of the door, the door that led to the cell block that needed clearing. Rick tossed the keys to the blood covered man, not saying a word.

"I ain't going in there," the man said, and looked at Rick cautiously.

"You want that block, you best pick up the damn keys and fight for it," Rick said, rubbing at his beard.

The man picked up the keys and turned to the door. After jiggling the key, the locked clicked and he looked back at us; "You bitches ready?" he asked, and flung the doors open, unprepared for the number of walkers that waited behind them.

"Damn it!" Rick cried out, and charged forward, and just as he did, the other man grabbed a walker by the cuff and swung him around so that he landed directly on top of Rick.

"Son of a bitch," Daryl grunted and ran over to Rick, stabbing the walker in the head.

"Sorry man...he was on me...shit happens," the man said, looking at Rick warily as T killed off the last of the undead.

"Yeah...shit happens," Rick said, and stood shakily, wiping blackened blood on his pants. They stared at each other for a moment, and before I even knew what was happening, I unsheathed my knife and plunged it into the man's skull, yanking it out with a surprisingly satisfying crunch. His body hit the floor heavily, and I wiped the knife on his shirt.

"It had to be done. He would've killed someone else," I said, voice shaking. This man was the first live person I'd killed, and I realized the fact with sudden guilt and a heaviness that I couldn't explain.

"She's right, Rick," Daryl said and swallowed loudly.

I gasped in pain as I felt a sharp kick to my lungs, and I leaned on the wall for support.

"Let's call it a day," Rick said, becoming panicked when he saw me in pain.

"I'm fine," I reassured them.

"What about these two?" Daryl said, pointing to the two prisoners who remained. One had run off in the struggle, so there was only a tall black man, and Mustache man.

"We should end it," Rick said, pulling his gun from the holster and used it to motion the two men to their knees.

"We ain't have nothin' to do with what Tomas did, honest. We ain't like that," the man with the mustache begged for mercy.

"That's a convenient story," Rick said to him, and I'll admit, I was a bit frightened of him.

"C'mon, man, you saw what he did to Tiny, we ain't like that. I like my pills, but I ain't a killer," his voice began to shake, and he became hysterical, "Oscar's in for the same as me, we ain't the violent kind, they were!"

This was when I saw the anger leave Rick's eyes, and the compassion that I knew when we had first met returned. He kept up the hard facade, and led the man with the mustache towards the last door that separated the prisoners from their new home; T led the other man called Oscar and we deposited them in the cell block.

I gagged from the overwhelming odor of death as we rounded the corner, and as I looked in the block, every prisoner had been shot, execution style, and left on the concrete floor to rot.

"I knew these guys. They were good men." Mustache man said.

"You think this is sick? You don't wanna know what's outside," Rick said.

"Consider yourselves the lucky ones," I said, and followed Rick as he left the block, Daryl and T following me.

"Sorry 'bout your friends," I heard Daryl say.

Daryl caught up to me and grabbed my arm, and that dark part of me panicked, and I cried out in fear, terrified all over again. I hadn't replayed Woodbury in a while, and it was insane to me how fast a terrible memory could resurface.

"Just don't," I said, and continued walking.

"Ey, Heather, you know I ain't gonna hurt you. I just wanna know what was with you cringin' back there? Are you hurt?" he asked me, staying close behind me.

"I said I was fine," and I mustered a fake smile as we turned into the little food court that was outside of our cell block. As we approached, Carl unlocked the doors and said, "Hershel stopped breathing, but Mom saved his life."

"It's true," Glenn said, as I pushed by him to get into the cell where Hershel laid sleeping.

I gasped as he began to stir, my heart rate increasing rapidly.

"Daddy?" Maggie said first, and then Beth joined her. Rick hurriedly removed the cuffs and knelt down next to him. Hershel reached out his hand, silently asking Rick to grab it, and he did so without hesitation, his eyes swimming with tears.

I smiled over at Daryl, and he surprisingly smiled back, nodding in my direction.

The sun had set, the others had gone to bed, and after we had enjoyed a cup of fresh coffee, Daryl went up to his perch, laying out a few blankets on the floor. I grabbed my plant from the card table, a flash light, and followed him up the stairs haphazardly, hoping that I wouldn't fall. After I set the flower pot down on the floor, I plopped down next to Daryl, who sat cleaning his bow and bolts. I sat the flashlight down on the ground, pointing up at the ceiling so we could see each other.

"Whatya lookin' at?" He said to me in a hushed voice without looking up. He could always feel eyes on him.

"Just you," I whispered, leaning back so my weight was on my arms.

"Jus' as ugly as I was before, huh?" he asked, chuckling.

"Au contrare, Daryl," I said, fully silly, french accent in play.

"Don't speak that Spanish gibberish to me," and he focused back on the bow, running a rag along the strings that were pulled taut.

"..It's French," I giggled, "Come here," I said, feeling my skin warming up, and I leaned forward. Though Daryl didn't move too quickly, I saw him look up from his work at me, his blue eyes sparkling from the glow of the flash light.

He did listen eventually, crawling on his hands and knees over to me and plopping down so his thigh touched mine.

"I'm too scared to touch ya," he said to me, looking down.

"I know," I said, already knowing how I must've made Daryl feel.

"I think I want to," I went on, placing my hand on his thigh gently, caressing the worn fabric of his khaki pants. He shifted awkwardly, and looked at me.

"You don't get it...I'm petrified of hurting you and bringin' back those memories."

"I want to feel good again, Daryl. Please, make me feel good," my hand moved up his thigh and he squirmed, but eventually allowed me to place my hand on the growing bulge in his pants.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked me, and I nodded fervently as his mouth entrapped mine; gently, almost lovingly. I kissed him back and felt the warmth and softness of his lips sending a hot feeling to the tips of my toes, and I shivered from the immediate pleasure.

I began slipping off Daryl's worn vest quietly, and unbuttoned the tattered brown and tan plaid shirt that he wore. I ran my hands over his bare chest, and felt the bumps on his skin, signs of his traumatic past. He didn't pull away or even flinch. I felt his hands reach for my tank top, and I lifted my arms willingly so that he could slip the shirt over my head. His fingers traced the fresher scars on my stomach, the stretch marks, bearing the undeniable and depressing fact that I carried another man's child, and the welts from where said other man whipped me, beat me and scratched me. Daryl moved up, massaging every inch of my skin, and finally reached my breasts. He faltered slightly, and looked at me. I nodded, knowingly, and he ran his thumbs over my nipples causing me to gasp a little bit louder than I intended to.

"Shh," he whispered, chuckling as he placed a finger on my mouth, tracing my lips as he continued to touch my breast with one hand.

My hand found his belt buckle and I unclipped it as quietly as I could, moving on to the zipper, which unfortunately echoed throughout the block.

"Damnit," I whispered, and reached down to grab Daryl in my hands. He moaned so quietly, but the sound he made was enough to drive me over the edge. I stroked him, and listened to his breathing increase in pace. I suddenly stopped, and laid back on the ground, waiting for Daryl to make his move.

"You take your pants off," he leaned down and whispered, brushing my knotty hair behind my ears, and I listened to him willingly, sliding my shorts down over my ankles. I felt his rough hands run up my legs, starting from the ankle, shakily up past my knee, and stopping at my center.

"I don't know if I can do it," Daryl said, hand frozen over my warmth. I reached down and pressed his palm to my wetness, and he gasped, rubbing me ever so slightly. He knelt between my legs and positioned himself at my opening, and I felt his warmth teasing mine, and as we melted into one another, ever so gently, the breath left my body and I gasped for air, clamping a hand over my mouth to quiet myself.

"You okay?" he asked me.

"Fine. Perfect even," I said breathlessly, still at a whisper. I smiled up at him and let the pleasure take over.

The next morning, I awoke tangled in Daryl's arms, and looked down to see that I was still naked, as was he.

"Shit!" I gasped, and scrambled around trying to collect my clothing.

I suddenly spotted the plant sitting on the ground. It had revitalized itself from my TLC and was perky again. Surprisingly, it wasn't on the top of my priority list to ingest the plant. My mind seemed to put that on the back burner for now, and I couldn't complain, because I was feeling lighter already.

I smelled eggs cooking and coffee brewing, and as I wiggled back into my shorts and slipped on my top, I turned around to see Daryl staring at me, nude and glorious, still covered with the blanket though. I tossed him his shirt and pants, and he slipped them on silently. As we descended the stairs, Rick looked up at us, his eyes blank but contemplative. He looked at Daryl, then at me, my stomach, and back at Daryl.

"Carl almost went up to wake yins up for breakfast." Carol said, stirring the powdered egg and water mix in the electric skillet.

I just smiled, and looked at Daryl; to my delight, his cheeks blazed red and he looked at the ground, trying to keep a straight face.

"We're gonna go out, check the perimeter and scope out damage from the outside in," Rick interrupted the light moment, "If there's time, we'll head out and do a bit of foraging and hunting," he finished as Carol handed a paper plate of eggs to Daryl and me.

We ate in silence, and after we cleaned up, Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie and I all headed outside to check out where the civilian walkers were coming from. The front yard of the prison was pretty full of walkers today, and the increase made me incredibly scared. Nobody wanted me with, I could tell because they thought I was the burden. But, I was prepared to pull my weight, and I did just that; taking out as many walkers as Daryl, and going with Maggie to check the back of the prison.

Unfortunately we discovered that an entire block had been blown up, so there were multiple places for the walkers to make their way in. Positive; this was the only breach, and with a lot of grunt work, it was fixable.

The afternoon was sunny but cool, so Daryl and I headed out to hunt after the damage had been assessed through the rest of the property.

"Look up ahead!" he called back to me as I struggled to keep up with him. To my dismay, becoming pregnant just made me more uncoordinated and noisy. I followed Daryl's finger which pointed to the sky. There were great clouds of billowing, black smoke puffing up and polluting the otherwise pearly white, cumulus clouds.. It was either from a campfire, not likely, because of the size, or was caused because of wreckage of some sort that had caught fire. Gasoline and chemical fires burned hot with lots of black smoke.

We followed the smoke for an hour and came to a wheat field, and as we crossed, we both smelled the strong fumes of gasoline, mixed with charred smell of plastics and metals corroding and burning. We entered the woods again, slowly creeping through as quietly as we could. There was a clearing up ahead and we saw the remains of some sort of military vehicle, and upon closer inspection we realized it was a helicopter.

Daryl started to head over when I grabbed him and pulled him back. There was a woman standing by the wreckage; chocolatey skin, absolutely stunning, with long dreads that were pulled out of her face with a colorful band of fabric. She held a katana closely at her side and looking down at the ground. She stared at the body of a young man who'd been severed in half by the helicopter blade. From my spot behind a tree, I saw her peer into the woods on the opposite side of us, and there on the ground sat Andrea. Her skin was sallow and gray, and her eyes bloodshot. She had a blank stare, but kept her gaze firmly on the woman in the clearing.

We both heard the sound of a loud vehicle approaching, and I saw the woman run back and kneel next to Andrea, rubbing her back as she coughed, muffling the sound in the crook of her arm.

I remained plastered to the side of the tree and motioned for Daryl to do the same. I heard faint voices, the slamming of car doors, and waited, eyes squeezed shut.

"We've got a breather!"

I tried to keep from screaming. My insides squirmed, and my legs gave way like jello. Daryl motioned for me to be quiet, but I couldn't help but fall to the ground. I vomited as quietly as I could and buried my face in my hands, the tears running hot and free down my cheeks.

"Heather, stop!" Daryl hissed at me, and jumped quickly so he was behind me. "What's yer problem?" he said, pulling me to his chest.

"It's him, Daryl," and he looked at me, "It's Phillip."


	17. Sittin' Pretty at the end of the World

"I'll kill the sum'bitch!" he snarled, and I clung to him, begging him not to go.

"Please, no, stay with me. He sees me, and I'm dead. Let me hide, please," I continued crying, and didn't loosen my grip on Daryl's midsection. He eventually gave up and leaned against the tree, holding me, even running his hand through my hair.

"Little brother?" I would know the voice anywhere, and I looked up to see Merle standing over us.

Daryl was completely silent, obviously his emotions were more active than they'd had reason to be in years.

"You let the sum'bitch do that to her? Just stood by!? Don't play the little brother card, big brothers are s'posed to care, s'posed to be heroes...you ain't no damn hero. You give us up to that bastard, I won't hesitate to kill you," Daryl was having trouble whispering and it took all of my strength to hold him down.

"I ain't gon' give you up. I'm gon' use these other two as a distraction so you can get yer lily white asses outta here," Merle pointed over to Andrea and the black woman. His semi-smug look faltered when he looked down and saw the bulge of my stomach, straining against my tank top.

"I'm sorry, pretty lady," he said, knowing already that the baby was the result of what had happened in Woodbury. "Ah really am," and he was completely genuine. He had the same honest, blue eyes as his brother.

"Now, shh..." he put the knife arm attachment and pretended it was a finger as he shushed.

"Nothin' over there boss," and he walked into the clearing, holding up his arm(s), "but lookie here!" and he called pointed directly at the Andrea and her companion who were now ducked so far down, they were not visible to us. I had seen the shape of two men standing behind them, but they weren't advancing. I squinted and saw they were in fact walkers, and they were chained to the tree behind the women. The woman with the katana stood up and decapitated both of the walkers, standing and facing the enemy with her weapon drawn.

"We need to go," I said, when I peered around the tree and saw the men going towards the other two. I saw Phillip clearly; his black leather vest over a black button up shirt, brown pants and work boots. His hair was perfectly combed, and as he turned in the light, I saw scratches that had turned to white scars on his neck. At least I left him a little reminder of me.

"C'mon," I said to Daryl, and we began to run in the opposite direction, as fast as our feet would take us. After what felt like hours, we finally came to another open field, and I collapsed into the long grass, laying face up and staring at the sky. Vultures circled around us, and my legs screamed in agony from cramping.

"Here," Daryl said, and he put his canteen to my lips, letting the still cool water trickle over my lips and into my mouth.

"We gotta get back. Ya need to rest, Barbie," Daryl said, his voice was uneven and squeaky.

"So do you," I managed to say between gasps for air, "Told ya he saved me, and I told ya you'd see him again."

"Don't care if I never see that prick again," Daryl said, anger rising.

"Daryl, he didn't have control over what happened to me! He set me free!"

"Did he? How do I know this ain't some plot...maybe the baby's Merle's, and you just hidin' it from me. He's always had to have what's mine, always!" Daryl screamed at me, spit flying from his mouth, and tears fell from his eyes.

It's like I had been punched in the gut and I swear I felt my heart shatter. I couldn't speak, and I began to hyperventilate again.

"Heathe-" he started,

"You shut the fu- don't talk to me. Don't even look at me. You could honestly leave me here. I don't care, just stay away from me." I said the words, but my heart continued to break, and my anger soon subsided to the deepest depression I had been in since the day Phillip found me.

"We have to head back," he said, wiping his sweaty hair from his forehead.

I got to my feet, swiping away his arm as he reached out to help me. I followed him in silence as he tracked our way back through the woods. We came to the clearing again, and after checking to see if everyone was gone, headed through and got back onto the path we had blazed this afternoon. By the time we got back, the prison was nothing but a black silhouette in front of the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen in my life. There were purples, pinks, orange, yellows, even mixed with blues.

I grabbed my knife and swung around, plunging it into the brain of the walker that was trying its best to sneak up on me. Daryl hadn't said another word, but had looked at me at least 20 times. The anger and depression that I felt at that moment were like nothing in the world. It was almost worse than someone dying; when you know that someone doubts you, doesn't know whether you are telling the truth, even though you'd never do anything to hurt them, even if you love them. _I love him._

As we pushed through the front gates, Rick ran down the field, followed by Carol, Carl, and Maggie. Rick shoved by Daryl, and put his hands on my shoulders, causing me to shake with fear.

"What the hell happened? You were out there all day," Rick said, after I'd writhed free from his grip.

"Saw smoke, followed it. It was a National Guard helicopter, crashed in the forest about an hour south. When we got there, someone else was there too. It was the Governor," Daryl said, "Merle was there too. Got us out again today," he sounded guilty, and I hoped he was feeling every minute of this. We all started walking back inside and once we reached the little common room, Carol and Maggie turned to me immediately. Despite my best efforts to be quiet, I couldn't.

"Tell 'em what else you said, huh Daryl?"

"Stop," he said, color flushing his cheeks.

"YOU TELL THEM!" I screamed, unaware of how loud I was being until I heard my voice reverberating in the bars of the cell doors and windows.

He was silent, so I spoke up.

"I'll tell ya what he said, since he seems shy all of a sudden. He told me he wondered if I'd made the whole thing up, about Phillip. He thought that this _thing_ that's inside of me is Merle's! I just wanted to cover up an affair, so I cried rape. Bastard," I spit at his feet, and went into the cell where Hershel laid. I sat next to him and took his hand.

"I need you," I said, squeezing his hand. To my surprise, he squeezed back.

"I'm here," was all that he said, voice barely audible, but I was happy with that.

I exited the cell around a half an hour later and went into the empty one next door, lying on the bottom bunk. I curled my legs up and breathed deeply, praying for sleep, but it never came.

It had to be midnight by the time I finally got myself up and crept from the block. I slid open and walked out through the barred door, carrying my flash light and knife, and I sat down in the courtyard, moonlight shining down on the pools of dark blood that stained the pavement. There was no escape to the carnage that is this world.

"Knew you'd come out eventually," the familiar, gravelly voice said through the darkness.

I jumped lightly, but part of me had known I wasn't alone. I didn't say anything but occupied myself by pulling strings from a tattered hole in the knee of my pants.

"You know damn well how I am, the stupid shit I say," he continued, and I heard him get to his feet. His light footfalls got close to me and he finally sat next to me.

"I'm...sorry," he hesitated, but he said it. I had to give him that.

"I'm a basketcase anyway, so nothing new," I said flatly, running my fingers through my hair.

"Ya forgive me?" Daryl asked me, nudging me with his elbow.

"I know you're an idiot and didn't mean what you said. I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of the whole group. It was unnecessary," I apologized in my own way for making Daryl look bad in front of the others.

"I've gotten worse, don't worry," was his only reply and he got to his feet again, offering to help me up. He went on, "You okay? 'Bout today I mean? Bout what happened..?" he kept talking, and it instantly annoyed me again.

"Just don't talk about it, that's the best you can do," I crossed my arms over my growing belly and followed Daryl back towards the door.

"'The fuck?" Daryl stopped and held up his hand, motioning me to stop. I saw it too; there was a person, not one of ours, hiding, only peering around one of the edges of a brick wall.

"Ey!," Daryl called out, and the person disappeared silently, "Let's just get inside, lock the doors," he concluded, figuring it would be better to chase someone around when we at least had light. We ran up the stairs and, back into the block where everyone slept, creeping quietly up the stairs to the perch. Daryl laid out a blanket for me and told me to lay down. I listened gladly, and I was so relieved that I'd sleep tonight, in the arms of someone who could piss me off to no end and make me love him even more all in a day.

After a moment's silence, and after Daryl laid down next to me, I felt his warm breath in my ear, the light puffs of air blowing at the frizzy hairs on my forehead.

"Barbie," he started, "you said you loved me the other night," he said, and the stubble on his chin rubbed on my neck as he planted a kiss there.

"I did," I said, remembering two nights ago out in the long grass.

"Honest?" he asked.

"Yes. Honest," I whispered and pressed my body back into his and reached around to take his hand in mine.

Daryl just grunted and left his hand in mine, hanging limply.

"Come a long way from the quarry that day, huh?" I asked, and he chuckled as we both fell into a restful sleep.

I woke to Daryl's palm pressed to my stomach.

"What're you doing?!" I slapped his hand away, and he suddenly looked embarrassed.

"I saw it moving around, just wanted to feel it," he said hurriedly, looking at the ground.

"...well, don't..." I replied, sitting up suddenly, feeling uncomfortable. I grabbed my pack from the floor, and picked out a gray crop top tee matched up with a pair of light denim shorts. I cursed in disappointment when the button wouldn't close, and the zipper wouldn't come up on the shorts. ("Fuck me sideways," was the term I so endearingly used. That earned a look from Daryl.) I slipped on my Doc Martens and put my hair in a thick plait down my back.

"Gotta pee," I said, and hobbled down the stairs to go outside, grabbing a roll of toilet paper from the table by the door. I squinted as I exited the block, the sun already blazing down from above.

The walker activity was up, and I tried to hide the nervous flip that my stomach did when I noticed the fact that there were more of them everyday. Eventually, something was gonna happen.

I went behind an overgrown shrub by one of the walls and pulled my shorts off, squatting in the grass. I finished my business, cleaned myself, and stood, sliding the shorts back on and not even bothering to attempt buttoning them. I made my way back to the steps and moved up them, my knees and ankles cracking sorely as they flexed.

It happened faintly; suddenly. There was the clang of metal on metal, and I heard the creak of a gate opening around the corner. As I went to slide the door open to tell the others, it opened first out came Rick and Daryl;

"Anyone seen Glenn?" Daryl asked, "we could use his help."

I chuckled, knowingly and answered, "up in the guard tower, I think," I led them over to the main gate underneath the main guard tower.

"Hey Glenn! Maggie! You comin'?" Daryl chuckled, along with the other two, and we saw Glenn pop out of the door, buttoning his pants.

"What?" he yelled.

"You comin'?" Daryl said again, everyone snickering this time.

"...yeah," Glenn said, and disappeared again.

"Hey Rick," TDog interrupted the laughing to point out Oscar and Axel, who had come out of their cell block and into our. Rick looked pissed, though I'm not sure why. Those two wouldn't hurt anyone, but I guess we can't be too careful nowadays.

"We had a deal," Rick said, walking up to the two men.

"Listen, I know. I can't stay in that block another minute. All our friends are in there, dead, blood and brains everywhere," Axel said, crossing his arms.

"The deal isn't negotiable. We agreed that you'd stay away from our people, keep to yourself and clean out your own block," Rick said.

"Look, I ain't saying we're saints, but trust me, we paid our due. I would rather hit that road then set another foot back in that shit hole," Oscar said, the sweat beading on his head.

Rick turned from them, running his fingers through his hair, and started walking away. Glenn and Maggie emerged from the guard tower and came over to join us.

"Gonna go get firewood," he said, and Daryl and Glenn followed after him. I nodded and headed back to the courtyard with Maggie, where the block gate had opened again, and I saw Lori and Beth standing with Hershel. My eyes filled with tears as he hobbled along on crutches, honestly looking better than I thought he could. I rushed to his side and helped him as he approached the stairs.

"Careful," I said, standing in front of him with my arms up in case he fell.

After we'd walked a little bit, we stood still out in the sunlight, soaking up the rays and actually enjoying ourselves. Hershel was the happiest of them all, and the feeling of joy I got from seeing him smile was incomparable to anything else.

We led him over to a bench by the fence and helped him to sit down.

"I thought we lost you for sure," I said to him and smiled, nudging his elbow.

"Where'd you find the crutches?" I went on and asked Lori as she sat down with us.

"Right in the room next door, actually, propped up like they'd just been used!" she said, obviously proud of herself.

"ALRIGHT, HERSHEL?" I heard Glenn yell across the courtyard as he came back in through the cut in the fence, followed by Daryl and Rick. They all threw down piles of wood and continued looking our way.

After a moment of silence, I heard a sharp intake of breath from Carl who stood watch, and as we turned around, we saw, to our horror, a group of about 10 walkers not 10 feet away from us.

"Get out of there!" I heard Rick screaming, and I looked over at them briefly to see them all frantically running around the fencing to try to get to us. Glenn still stood at the hole in the fence, tying it up with the electrical wire.

"Lori!" Rick was screaming, and it was only after a minute delay that I sprung into action. I pulled the knife from its sheath on my thigh and swung around, hearing the groans and smelling the rotting flesh of a walker right on me. The knife made contact, and the walker released a final hiss as it slumped to the ground. I wiped the gray matter on his coveralls, and surged forward to help Lori and Carl who both had hand guns. Carl shot with amazing precision and I couldn't help but be jealous; he was a kid, and he had better aim than I ever would.

"So kick ass," I said to him as I stood back to back with him, taking down another 4 walkers with ease.

"Lori, Heather, Carl, come this way," Maggie called out, and we ran towards her. She lifted one of the heavy metal doors and led us into one of the many corridors; this one completely dark.

"Why here?!" I asked, frustrated at my lack of vision. I repeatedly stepped on Beth's ankles and apologized fervently for my temporary blindness.

"Shit, go back," Maggie yelled as we heard the growls coming from the corner ahead of us. We all turned back and as I went to run, I crashed right into a walker coming from the other direction.

"Fucking shit!" I yelled, and fumbled for my knife, barely keeping the rotting corpse from biting into my neck. I saw the glint of a sheriff's badge and Carl grunted as he stabbed the walker in the head.

"Thanks," I said, and knelt over, my heart racing.

"In here," he said, and led us into a room with a locking door. We all ran in as far as we could go, and Carl locked the door behind us.

"Oh no," Lori's voice shook, and I already knew what had happened. Liquid trickled down her legs, tainted red with blood.

I began to feel dizzy and forced myself to look up at the ceiling.

"I've gotta go get help. We can't do this without Carol or Hershel," and I bolted for the door.

"You'll die out there," Beth said, seriously.

"No, I won't. It's not time for me to die," I said simply, and flung the door open, running out into the hallway. Surprisingly, the small hoard had dispersed from lack of noise and vision. I killed a straggler and made for the red exit sign that illuminated the end of the hallway.

I heard a scream as I opened the door and as the light shone down the hallway, I saw Carol and TDog, slowly becoming surrounded.

"No!" I cried out, and ran towards them as fast as my tired legs would carry me.

"No, fucking no!" I repeated and slashed through the walkers, finally reaching T as a walker lunged for his neck. After stabbing it in the throat, I pulled T towards me, and looked for Carol. A door behind the mob clanged shut and I knew she would be safe in there for a while.

"Run!" I said to TDog, and he listened. We made haste to the open door, which thankfully was clear, and we ran out into the sunlight.

When we got outside, we realized that the courtyard was far from clear. T ran over to try to pick off a few from the fence so Daryl, Rick, and Glenn could get back in with less trouble. Another walker made for him, and he didn't hear it, so I lunged, but the walker turned to face me, so instead of grabbing its neck, I stuck my fingers into its mouth.

I felt sharp teeth bite into my hand, and I screamed in pain as two of them were severed from my hand.

"BARBIE! NO, HEATHER!" I heard Daryl yelling from the gap in the fence that they were stuck in. Rick couldn't get the right key, "Come on, damn it!" Daryl went on, kicking the fence in frustration. They got through as TDog killed the walker who had bitten me.

I was _bitten_.

 _No. I don't want to die. I don't want my baby to die. He was my baby. Not Phillip's. Mine._

My hand throbbed and blood spurted from the stumps as I reached down to cradle the bump on my belly. As the blackness closed in, I heard a loud alarm begin to blare.

"Stay with me, Heather," Rick and Daryl knelt behind me, and Rick pulled out the axe he had been using to cut firewood.

"Just stay with me,"

Before I blacked out, the only thing I could say was, " _Lori...baby,_ "

 _Thwack._

Searing pain, then blackness.


	18. Carryin' a Stranger

There was a song playing. A faint song, but ever so familiar. I closed my eyes and swayed to the definitive rhythm. I saw black, with zaps of lightning-like bolts flashing inside my head.

 _Her breath began to speak_

 _As she stood right in front of me_

 _The colour of her eyes_

 _Were the colour of insanity_

 _Crushed beneath her wave_

 _Like a ship, I could not reach her shore_

 _We're all just dancers on the Devil's Dance Floor*_

As I felt myself begin to relax, there was a sudden stab of pain; my fingers throbbed, and the uncomfortable warmth swept my body, leaving me drenched in sweat and paralyzed with fear. I felt my heart rate increasing, the pounding of blood pumping through my ears. The song still played quietly around me, in my head, the lyrics fading in and out as my brain struggled to remain human.

My vision twitched and spasmed, like an old television with poor connection, and a nauseating dizziness swept in, spinning the blackness and flashes I was seeing so they blended together in a sickening swirl.

"She's wakin' up," I heard Maggie's voice, and tried to speak but no words would come out.

"Be ready," Rick's gruff voice said, as his familiar face started to form, blurry and almost pixelated.

"I'm alive," I croaked, and I cringed in pain as my dry throat moved for the first time in what felt like ages. I swallowed, trying to get the metallic taste off of my tongue, and my eyes rolled back into my head, once again obscuring my vision.

"Heather?" I heard Rick say, and I heard the metal-on-metal sound of a knife being unsheathed.

"No," I mumbled, "I'm alive. Don't kill me," I cringed again, and lifted a hand to my face. As I tried to touch my skin, I only felt rough fabric, and I opened my eyes again to see a blood stained gauze stump at the end of my arm. I screamed, panic rising, and I thrashed about on the cot I was placed in.

"It's okay," I heard Daryl's voice, and my eyes searched wildly for him, needing to see him. I calmed myself by taking deep breaths.

I remembered coming out of the tunnel, the hot sun on my hair, and the walkers. So many walkers.

"Is TDog okay?" I asked, slowly remembering what else had happened that day. I gazed at what had been my hand, now only a thumb remained.

"Thanks to you," Maggie said, smiling, and I saw the big, burly shape of TDog emerge from the back of the cell.

He knelt down and took my good hand, kissing the back of it and showing off a toothy smile.

"I don't want to lose anyone else," I said and smiled back. It was then when Rick got to his feet and left the cell, and he kicked a stool on the way out. The loud clang was startling and I suddenly heard an infant crying. I remembered then, about the baby. I reached down and felt my abdomen, suddenly anxious, and felt the bump still there.

"The fetus' heartbeat's been stable; I've been checking every few hours," Hershel said, holding up his stethoscope, and I nodded lightly, looking around.

"Lori," I said, question obvious.

"She didn't make it. I ended it before she turned," Carl had stepped up, and he looked right into my eyes as he spoke. I got the chills and looked around at the rest of the group, who was trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else.

"But the baby...?" I asked, fishing for answers.

"Healthy girl," Hershel said, and I heard Beth's quiet voice singing a lullaby from the common room.

"Bethy, bring her in here so Heather can see her," Maggie said, as she wiped silent tears from her eyes, and the sheet blocking light from the door was moved again as Beth came in. She held a bundle of tan and pink blankets, and I held out my arms to take the baby. I caught glimpse of the stump that was once my hand and cringed in disgust as I made to pull myself into a sitting position.

"You sure," Daryl asked, biting his thumb.

"Yes, I'm sure," and I couldn't help but smile as the newborn was placed into my arms.

"She's beautiful, looks like Rick," I said, and blinked rapidly to evict the wetness inhabiting my eyes.

"See!" Beth said to Maggie, like they had some sort of bet.

"I still think she looks like Lori," Maggie retorted, but began to cry.

"It was Maggie...she had to get the baby out," Beth said, looking at the floor.

"Enough talk about that," Hershel said, trying to change to a lighter subject, and I was thankful because I didn't know if Rick was outside listening or if he'd left the block.

I flinched as a searing pain ravaged my whole arm, and as I seized, Daryl reached out and grabbed the little girl from my arms. He smiled down at her as she began to fuss, and after a moment's disappearance, Beth returned with a full bottle. Daryl took it, and placed it gently in the baby's mouth. Her fussing subsided immediately, and Daryl looked around, apparently pretty proud of himself.

"You like that, huh, sweetheart?" he chortled, as he rocked her back and forth.

Through the agony, I smiled, but couldn't help blinking furiously to dry my eyes from the new tears that formed; tears of excruciating pain.

Beth noticed my grimace and tapped Hershel's shoulder, causing him to look at me and lean in close to me.

"Here," He said and handed me a bottle of pills. I read the bottle through blurry eyes, and saw the prescription written out:

 _Norah Ramirez_

 _Ultracet-Tramadol 10mg_

 _1 pill twice a day_

 _Used to treat pain caused by Fibromyalgia_

 _May cause drowsiness. Consult doctor before use during pregnancy._

Hershel nodded at me, as I looked at him. He knew exactly what I was about to ask, and I trusted him.

"Norah Ramirez, huh?" I said, and cracked open the top of the bottle, pouring one into my hand shakily. Hershel grabbed a bottle of water that sat by the bed and handed it to me.

"Thank you, Hershel, and thank you Norah," I said, and tossed back one of the oblong beige pills.

Daryl hadn't said a word to me, but I knew he was like that. God forbid if he shows that he cares.

"Name yet?" he asked, and looked at Carl.

"Nah," Carl said, and removed his dad's sheriff's hat temporarily.

"Little Ass Kicker. You like that?" Daryl looked down at the baby as he continued to feed her her bottle and rocked rhythmically from side to side. Carl managed a little smile, and Maggie helped me to my feet. I stood, and was surprised at how stable I was. My skin was a grayish color, and I felt like I'd had my arm run over by 3 buses, but I could stand on my own, with help initially.

"I wanna go out in the common room. Just sit with everyone," I said, and hobbled out, holding on to the cell door for support.

Daryl looked over at me from the corner of his eye as he continued feeding the baby, so I smiled lightly. He turned away, and I stumbled a little bit. T guided me to a small chair and helped me sit down.

"Where's Carol?" I asked, and looked around. Daryl didn't move, and I saw the faces of the others fall.

"She went back in and got trapped. Haven't seen her since the attacks, which has been around 2 or 3 days," T said, wiping his nose gently.

"Let's go look then," I said, unsure of why I was volunteering, "I saw her down there, locked herself in a cell. Once I got TDog out I was going to go back in...there were too many to stop at the time,"

"You ain't goin' anywhere," Daryl said and turned around, showing me those icy blue eyes.

"Unless you see a body, I don't know why you gave up," I said, and suddenly felt like my rescue effort had been in vain, even though TDog made it out alive. We couldn't lose Carol, not yet.

"Whatever," he said, and handed the baby gently back to Beth. He shouldered his crossbow and made for the cell doors.

"Carl, Oscar, let's go back out," he called to the two who sat on the stairs by the entrance. They both jumped to their feet enthusiastically and grabbed their weapons.

"You okay?" I asked Carl as he strode by me, his hair wet with sweat and sticking to his skin.

"What'dyou think?" he spat and followed after Daryl and Oscar who'd exited the block into the dark hall.

"Don't you come outta there, Barbie. I'm serious," Daryl said to me as he flicked on his flashlight and put it in his mouth shining in front of him so he could hold his bow at the ready.

I nodded, still shocked to see Carl in such a strange mood, and turned to face the others.

"What happened?" I asked, wanting to get to the bottom of what had gone on in three days ago.

"The prisoner that ran off..." Maggie said quietly and trailed off.

"We ain't like him," I heard Axel say from near the door, "I'm headin' over to sort the generator out," he said, and exited through the creaky gate, closing it with a resounding clang.

I remembered with a heavy heart that I had heard the sound of the chain on the gate being cut that morning, and I pushed it out of my mind. I also remembered that Daryl and I had seen someone, presumably the last prisoner, and we hadn't done anything about it.

"Maggie," Glenn came inside, sweat gleaming on his forehead. He was covered in dirt and grime and I assumed he had been out in the yard digging graves for the people we lost.

"I talked to Rick and told him I would go up to the Piggly Wiggly's to get some more formula for the baby. What we have won't last long," he said.

"You know I'm goin' with then?" Maggie replied and stood, stretching gracefully.

"Don't think so," Glenn replied, and wiped some of the sweat away.

Maggie gave him a look, and eventually, he cracked a small smile and waved for her to follow him. Maggie looked to Hershel who nodded, knowing that she would do what she wanted to anyway.

"We should be back by night fall," Glenn said as he picked up one of the empty backpacks and swung the straps around his shoulders. Maggie grabbed one as well, filling hers with bottles of water and weapons; two handguns and knives.

"Bye, Daddy. Beth," she said and kissed her father on the forehead, and Glenn nodded to the rest of us, saying goodbye.

As those two left the block, Rick entered. He had cleaned up, changed clothes, but his eyes were wild with emotion and the skin around his neck and cheeks was taught and strained, veins popping and he shook lightly. He strolled over to where Beth sat with the baby, and Hershel stood next to her, stirring a pot of something, probably what ever was our next meal.

Rick looked down at the little girl, and he looked around, his eyes full of tears.

"Can I?" he asked, and Beth held out her arms, motioning for Rick to take the newborn.

As Rick stared at the tiny baby, Hershel served us some of the food from the pot, which was instant oatmeal with some brown sugar that had been in the pantry for the prisoners. It was stale, and had a few tiny bugs floating around in it.

"This is disgusting," TDog said, and laughed. I nodded, and as I tried to adjust the spoon in my left hand, I cursed in frustration as I dropped it on the floor with a clatter.

"God damnit!" I yelled, and stomped my foot down on to the cement with force that actually caused me more pain.

"It'll take time, be thankful it's not your leg," Hershel said in his smooth drawl, and I half smiled, realizing that missing a few fingers wasn't near as bad as it could be. I looked back over at Rick, and emotions came to the surface as I thought about the loss of Lori. Her and I had been shitty with each other, and of course I felt guilty now. There's always something to feel guilty about when someone's six feet under.

"She's yours, Rick," I said to Rick at a whisper, not sure of the reaction I'd get.

He turned to me and nodded, his bright blue eyes burned into mine, making me shudder and lick my lips unknowingly.

As we finished our food, if you could call it that, Rick carried the baby around, rocking her, and began walking towards the cell block door. It opened it with ease, and we followed him, the hot sun beating down on us; the first time the baby had been outside.

"Welcome to the world, kid." Rick said, "the great, wide, ever mysterious, fucked up world," he smiled, and I nudged his arm,

"Language," I said sarcastically, and my hand instinctively moved to my own belly. I hadn't felt the baby kick yet, since I'd woken up, and a part of me was uneasy about the fact.

"Hold on," Rick said as he stared down at the far end of the fenced in yard. I saw immediately what he saw; there was the woman. The one who I'd seen. The one that Daryl sold out with Andrea back in the clearing with the helicopter. She looked different somehow; broken, limping, and covered in blood. She was alive, and I knew it because she held a grocery basket full of infant formula. She saw us through the fence, and her hand went to the katana strapped to her back.

"Here," Rick handed me the baby and I held her to the best of my ability, cooing and comforting her. She was hungry, and she rooted into my chest. "Soon, little one," I chortled and covered the baby's head from the hot Georgia sun.

It was then that I noticed the walkers wanted nothing to do with the woman; she stood among them, not daring to speak, and as she got more fidgety, they began to pick up her scent; the scent of fear.

"Should we help her?" I asked, and handed the baby to Beth, motioning for her to go back inside. I stumbled after Rick, still lightheaded, but I pushed it aside because of my intrigue in the situation.

"Should we help her?!" I repeated with more enthusiasm this time, because the walkers were now onto her. As we got closer to the gate, we saw that she was covered in entrails, black and purple bits of stringy gore that clung to her brown vest and stained pants.

She unsheathed her katana and swung aimlessly, and we could tell she was losing consciousness as she tripped over her own foot and fell to the ground.

"Shit, I have to help!" I said and fumbled with the keys on Rick's belt.

"Help me!" I cried out, and he then snapped back to reality. His mind had taken somewhere else. I opened the gate with a clang and took his gun from the holster, firing at the walkers nearest to the woman.

He ran over, scooping up her now unconscious body and carrying her with all of his remaining strength. I followed, swiping up the red basket of formula.

"Can you lock the gate?" he asked me, and I nodded, trying my hardest to hold the key and successfully lock up the gates. I managed somehow, adrenaline most likely, and turned away from the growing number of walkers. The basket was on my arm, and I hobbled after Rick and the stranger in his arms.

" 'The hell's this?" Tdog said as he let us in, looking over at the woman.

"She was standin' by the gate, holdin' formula," Rick said, and laid the woman down on the floor near the holding cell.

"Why the formula?" I said, and I suddenly remembered what Maggie and Glenn had left in search of, not two hours before.

" 'EY!" I heard a familar gruff voice yell, and I looked over to the cell block door to see Daryl, struggling with his keys, and he carried a body. "Gonna wanna see this."

"Oh my god!" I got up and fought off dizziness to get to the door. I used my right hand and took the keys, unlocking the barred door with difficulty.

"Not too bad, Stumpy," he said, and pushed through, huffing even though the body looked like nothing but skin and bones.

"Too soon," I chuckled, trying to keep up a stony expression, but I softened immediately as I saw the woman in Daryl's arms.

"Carol?" I asked, and she looked up at me with dazed but ever beautiful azure eyes. Her skin was more sallow than before, her cheeks sunken in, but she stood as Daryl put her down.

"How?" I asked as Carl, Rick and Hershel all came over.

"Solitary," Carol joked, and Daryl filled us in,

"Poor thing passed out in the cell she locked herself in. Lack'a water, I think."

I could tell he was so happy to have found her, as was Rick. Beth stepped up from behind her father and Carol saw the baby. She smiled at first, staring down at the wriggling bundle, but as she looked up at Rick, the tears of happiness that glazed her eyes turned to large drops of sadness that fell as she realized that Lori hadn't made it.

"I'm so sorry," she cried into Rick's neck as she embraced him.

"Me too," he cried along with her and hugged her, the grief was back to the surface again, like a wound that was rubbed raw.

"I'm glad you're here though, huh? And her," he wiped his nose and leaned forward to look down at the baby. "Huh," he whimpered and cried, raw and frankly terrifying sobs.

"Hey," I said, and pulled him by the arm over in front of me. I placed his face in my hands(minus 4 fingers), forcing him to look at me.

"She loved you Rick. She always did. She always will. She told me, and she was so, so sorry for everything. This is _your_ little girl. You still have Carl. You have more than most of us have left. Be thankful, Rick Grimes, and you hold these two close," I said firmly, and removed my hands from his face. The nubs where the fingers had been on my left hand throbbed, and I winced in pain as I put my arm down.

Rick sniffed and nodded, wiping his eyes. He went back out to the common room and stood for a moment, staring straight ahead. I walked out past him and stood at the locked gate, staring at the woman. She had woken up and she stood, watching warily.

"Rick, Daryl, she's up," I said, and made sure my knife was in its place on my belt loop, and I saw her searching for her weapon, which Rick had removed and placed on the floor by the door.

"Stay here, Barbie," Daryl said as he and Rick pushed past me to get into the holding cell where the woman stood.

"Not a chance," I said, and followed them into the room, swallowing any fear that I was feeling.

I could feel tensions rising as Daryl raised his bow, an automatic reaction for him. I saw his hard expression falter as he realized who the woman was. He remembered her now. Rick wasted no time, getting right up in the woman's space. He was releasing pent up emotions on her, and I didn't think it was fair.

"Rick, let her tal-"

"Heather, shush up, I've got this. We've got this," he looked at Daryl from the corner of his eye. I glared at Daryl waiting for him to stand up for me, but he was silent.

" 'Member that time you said you were nobody's bitch? Well..." I grumbled, cradling my stump as the pain caused heat to radiate through it, throbbing rhythmically.

Daryl just glared at me and looked back at the woman, still aiming a bolt to her forehead.

"We can tend to that wound, and get you on your way...but you gotta tell me how you found us...and why you had formula," Rick said, trying to calm down. You could see that he was having an internal struggle to remain cool and collected. I looked down at the woman's leg and saw that she had a decent sized hole in her thigh, and it was definitely caused by a bullet.

"Spit it out!" Daryl grunted, and waved the crossbow around threateningly.

"Shh, put it down," It was Rick's turn for calming Daryl down.

The woman hesitated, but spoke with a surprisingly soft yet articulate voice,

"The supplies were dropped by an Asian kid, with a pretty girl,"

My stomach sank and I saw Hershel hobble in, face falling to the ever present frown again.

"Were they attacked?" I asked, placing my good hand on my hip and leaning most of my weight to one side.

"Taken," the woman replied, looking at me.

"Taken by who?!" Rick's volume increased slightly.

"Taken by the same son of a bitch who shot me," the woman pressed a clean towel that Hershel had tossed her down onto the wound.

"These are our people...Tell us what happened!" Rick said, reaching out to press on the woman's wound, causing her to jump to her feet. She screamed,

"Don't you ever put your hands on me again," she spat at Rick's feet.

"Please," I begged, "They're our friends. That's the pretty girl, Maggie's dad." I pointed to Hershel.

I wished that this had been approached differently, without the violence, and without the shouting. None of this was helping anybody; the woman was shot and in obvious pain, as was I, and now there was this new gutting revelation that Glenn and Maggie were taken.

"Find them yourself," she snarled at me, and looked back down to the ground.

"Hey, you came here for some reason! Why? Why did you bother?" Rick yelled again, his deep voice reverberated in the high ceilinged, concrete walls.

The woman paused and looked around at all of us, seemingly scoping out how dangerous we each were. She finally spoke,

"There's a town called Woodbury with around 75 survivors; a whole town. It started as a refugee camp type of thing, and it escalated to one man callin' himself 'Governor'. There's some sick shit goin' on in that place, none of it's right," she said, and sat herself back on a stool near her.

Rick turned to look at me and I realized that I had started shaking. This was an eternal side effect of anything related to Woodbury or what had happened to me in my time there. I saw Daryl look over at me as well, but him and Rick both made to leave.

"Hershel will help you," I said and hastily exited the block after the two men.

"How do we know we can trust her?" I heard Oscar say as we approached the stairs to the perch where we all sat discussing possible outcomes.

"Of course someone's goin'. That's my sister out there," Beth said, not looking near as courageous as she sounded.

"I'll go," Daryl said, and I couldn't help but smile.

" Was'so funny?" he asked me, and I turned to him.

"Better be careful...your heart's starting to show a bit," and I raised my eyebrows at him. To my surprise, the others around me smiled and chuckled in unison.

"shut up," he said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Alright...so Daryl, Oscar, Axel, you're all with me?" Rick asked, and was greeted by unanimous nods.

"And you..." he looked at the woman, cocking his head slightly.

"Michonne," she said and stood as tall as she could on her injured leg, "I'm in. Gotta get the bastard that did this."

"I seriously would go. You know I would. I just can't. Please don't ask me to do this. Don't make me do it. Anything else, but I can't go back there," I pleaded, hoping that I wasn't sounding beyond pathetic.

"No one would ask you to do that, darlin'," Rick said and rubbed my shoulder lightly, his empathy showing again.

"Let's head out and get this shit over with," Daryl's lip quivered in anticipation of the fight ahead.

After the car was packed up, I hissed at Daryl to come over to me.

"Merle's there. I know he still is. He's sittin' pretty next to Phillip, and he won't give it up till he has to," I said.

"I know. I don't know what the fuck I'm s'posed to do 'bout it though, d'you?" he asked me, rubbing his stubble.

"Not a clue. Don't go in firing. Try to be as quiet as possible. Michonne got out, and I think it's because she's quiet and stuck to herself. Do that. Don't get noticed. You need to come back to us." It was then that I took my hand and placed it on my belly. I felt the kicking sensation for the first time since I'd woken up, and felt my heart swell with happiness knowing that it was alive.

"What made you decide ta be happy 'bout it?" he asked me, rubbing my belly gently.

"I can't change it. It certainly ain't the baby's fault. I still don't really want to be a mom, not in this way, but sometimes life doesn't give you a choice. I just have to make lemonade outta the shitstorm of lemons comin' my way."

"What I would do for a cold glass'a lemonade. Lotsa sugar and a little moonshine," he kissed his fingertips, smiled a genuine smile, and leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips.

"Come on," I said to him and pulled him away. I looked around and saw Carl having a much needed conversation with his dad, so I figured we had a little bit of time.

"In here," I led Daryl into one of the storage units by the gates, and he helped me out by lifting the metal door just high enough for us to slip through. He slammed it back down with a resounding metal rattle.

"Shh..." I said, and to my surprise, my body took over. I let it go. All of the anger I had felt, the sadness, the frustration...I let it all go.

I pushed Daryl back up into the nearest wall and ran my hands through his hair as our lips collided. I tasted his tongue, and grazed his lips with the tip of my own.

"You sure," he started to ask me.

"Don't you dare gimme time to change my mind, damn it." I kissed him more fervently and ran my hands over the taut muscles in his arms, feeling the sweat on them moistening my hands. He put his hands on me, first on my neck, and he traced my protruding clavicles, then moved down to the sternum, and finally to cup my breasts.

"They got bigger," he said between heavy breaths.

"Thanks?" I said, smiling, and I threw my head back as he released the clasp on the front of my bra. He leaned down and twirled his tongue around my nipples, alternating between the two.

"Please fuck me," I begged, and unbuttoned his pants for him, struggling because of the wound on my hand. He helped, and fumbled with my shorts, finally resorted to pulling them to the side.

"Always wanted to try this," he said, and his fingers greeted my warmth. He slid two inside of me and rocked them around, hitting every nerve, as deep as he could go.

"Fuck.." I sighed, and after he got me wet, he released himself from those tattered brown pants, and lifted me up with ease, setting me down onto his member. He held on to me by my thighs, and I gripped my arms around his neck, kissing him while he began thrusting into me, softly at first, but then the pace picked up as did the power.

All of the pain from before, all of the sadness, was forgotten in this moment, and I threw my head back as his length stroked at all of my most sensitive and vulnerable parts.

He spun me around, so I was pinned to the wall, and set me on a wooden crate that was at the right height.

"Good lord," he said, and pressed his lips into my neck, breathing staggered now. Every thrust brought me closer to certain release, and when I felt him begin to slow his thrusts and the swell of him inside of me, I completely lost control.

My body writhed beneath his as my orgasm hit, and I lightly bit at his ear lobe as he pressed his hands to my hips.

"I'm coming," he said, and his hips bucked uncontrollably, his face contorted in ecstasy in its entirety.

"Fucking fuck," he groaned as we both came back down to earth.

"Fucking fuck is right. How bout that lemonade, huh?" I asked, and giggled like the Heather from before the world ended.

"That'd be nice, hm?" he said, as he pulled out of me with a final grunt.

"DARYL? HEATHER?" We heard Rick screaming.

"Fuck!" I whispered and failed to clasp my bra back on. Daryl did it for me, and I adjusted myself, pulling my shirt down.

"Here," I said, as he buttoned his shirt back up and I zipped up his pants with my good hand.

"Be right there," he yelled back.

I waited for the shameful walk back to the car as Daryl pulled the door up again. To my surprise, only Rick and Oscar stood relatively close and they spun around to face us when the sound of the door startled them.

"Now, though?" Oscar said, "Damn crazy white people," he finished, pocketing his gun again.

"Let's go," Rick said, unamused, and we all walked back to the car.

"When's a better time than now, bro?" Daryl said to Oscar, nudging his arm.

"Guess you're right," Oscar agreed, and they all jumped in the car.

"Come back to us. All of you, d'you hear me?" I leaned in to kiss Daryl goodbye, and as I let his arm go, the dread set in that the people that I cared the most about in the world, the only family I had left, were headed straight for the place that had ruined so much for me.

"Please be careful," I whispered under my breath, and touched my lips where Daryl's had been just moments before.

"My dad'll take care of them, and I'll take care of all of us," Carl said, and at this point, I had no other choice but to believe him.


	19. Here and the Gone

I flopped down on the steps to the perch back in Block C and reached up, pulling my hair tie out so that the tangled tendrils rolled down my sweaty back.

"Hey Heather, sorry about earlier," Carl said to me as he sat next to Beth.

"You just went through hell, man. It's fine, really, I shouldn't have asked how you were..." I said.

"We named her Judith, after one of my old teachers," he said, nodding towards Carol who held the baby close to her.

"That's a lovely choice," I said, smiling.

"Heather, let's get your bandages changed, huh?" Hershel said to me, beckoning me over to the little designated 'infirmary cell.' He patted the bunk next to the stool where he'd plopped down, and as I sat heavily, he reached out and took my arm. There was a metal box filled with supplies; rubbing alcohol, fresh gauze, cotton balls, towels, a bottle of water, and antiseptic laid out on the bunk next to me. My stomach turned at the thought of the pain that was fast encroaching.

"This is going to hurt, sweetheart," he said, as he began to unravel the gauze that wound all the way up to my elbow. As he neared my wrist, I began to feel little stabs of pain as the gauze that had dried to the wound started to peel itself away.

"God damnit! Son of a tit!" I cried out, and Hershel stopped, not only to give me a break, but to mull over my extremely classy choice of words. I heard Beth and Carl giggling from outside of the cell. "Don't you dare repeat that, either of ya," I called out to them.

"You've been seeing too much of that Dixon boy, Heather," he smiled, "you were so mild and well mannered when we met," he joked and even cracked a little smile. I could tell that he was worried sick about Maggie and Glenn, especially since we found out they were taken to the same place I was.

"He's the best, Hershel. With him and Rick, the bad guys don't stand a chance. Maggie and Glenn'll come home," I offered my sentiments as I itched my ear with my free/working hand. Funny I referred to the prison as home. Maybe it could be.

"It's all in the Lord's hands now. We just pray," he said, and took my hand again, waiting for me to nod in approval that he could go on.

As he unraveled more, I thought about who to pray to. Was there a God? If so, why would all of this happen to us? Why were children ripped apart, and mothers torn from their newborns? When I thought about it, I decided that there was already bad and good in the world; that hadn't changed, but circumstances had, drastically. Whoever was the puppeteer in this whole grand scheme of things had a pretty messed up view of how the world should be.

I flinched as Hershel got to the raw part of the wound. He opened the fresh bottle of water and poured a little bit on the stuck-on gauze; it peeled off much easier after it was wet. I hissed as the cool liquid hit my mutilated skin, burning and tingling the exposed flesh. As much as I tried to avoid it, I looked down at the wound, and stared, fascinated, by the fact that I could see tendons and bone exposed in my hand. I tried to wiggle my fingers, or where they would have been, and screamed out in pain as a partially healed bit of flesh ripped again. Blood poured out and I felt my head spinning.

"Stay with me," Hershel said and moved a little quicker. He poured more of the water on the wound to rinse off blood and residue, and after patting it gently with one of the clean towels, he drenched a couple of cotton balls in rubbing alcohol, not even giving me a chance to protest. As he wiped at the most irritated parts of the wound, I bit down on my lip as not to scream, the burning of the alcohol was impossible to ignore.

"Almost done," he went on, and put some of the Neosporin antiseptic cream onto a cotton ball, rubbing it around on the wound. It shone glossy in the dim light of the cell, and Hershel started wrapping me back up. I sighed in relief as he covered the awful nub back over; the pressure almost felt good on it, because after a while, there was just numbness rather than excruciating pain.

"Just out of curiosity," I gasped as he accidentally poked the sensitive part of the injury, "Why did Rick leave my thumb? Losing a hand looks badass..this just looks ridiculous," and I wiggled my thumb around lamely, making some stupid face.

"You are a piece of work, Ms. McBride," Hershel said, and couldn't keep from smiling. "Let's check one more thing," he pulled out a stethoscope and motioned for me to lay back. I did so, and he placed one end of the steth on my belly, the ear pieces in his ears. I waited for a minute while Hershel poked and prodded, and finally I felt him move.

"Got a healthy heartbeat," he said, "if you could just lift up your shirt, and we'll check the fundal height," he said, pulling out his hand tape measure.

"At least buy me a drink first, Mr. Greene. Goodness," and I laughed, feeling entirely relieved that the baby was moving. My heart had done a complete turn around; it felt like it had, anyway. Hershel pulled my shirt down and helped me up into a sitting position once more.

"Thank you, Hershel. For everything; you've been on my side since we met, and I appreciate it," I teared up a little bit, truly gracious of how Hershel had been with me. I got to my feet, stretching out the tight muscles in my back.

He nodded, and as he finished wiping his hands off, he enveloped me in a loose hug.

It was then when we heard faint, but definitive crying; screaming even. There were others in the prison.

"The huge hole blown in the back of the prison that Maggie and I found...more survivors must have gotten in," I said, and hobbled out to see Carl bounding for the door.

"Hey! You're not going alone!" I said, but he'd already snuck through the door and off into the dark corridors.

"My dad would've gone!" he called out behind him, and he disappeared around the corner.

"Damnit, kid," I said, and turned back, knowing that it was a suicide mission if I chased after him. He would be fine. He has to be fine.

Trying something different, folks...

DARYL'S POINT OF VIEW:

I hid behind the brick wall as shots clanked and bounced from the walls around me. Rick was by my side, along with Maggie, and we took turns popping out from behind the walls firin' at the opposing side.

Rick pulled one of the three flashbangs we took from the prison out and pulled the pin, throwing it out onto the road to cover us as we made for the wall to get out of Woodbury. There was a loud crack, followed by screaming and cries of pain as the gas from the explosive hit the bastards.

"Go, go go!" Rick was yelling, and we all ran for the other side of the road, where we'd snuck in over the wall.

"You're not goin' anywhere!" a large hand appeared from the smoke and grabbed at me, claspin' onto anything he could get. He managed my shirt cuff and pulled me, despite my strongest efforts to get away.

"Daryl! DARYL?!" I heard Rick calling out for me, along with Oscar.

"Shit!" I yelled, fighting the strong hands that pulled me back. He drug me through the warehouse that we'd escaped from with Maggie and Glenn and threw me on the ground.

"You know why you're here, kid?" he growled, and I looked at him, my vision still hazy from the grenade and darkness. He kicked the crossbow from my hands and stomped on my fingers.

"What the fuck you think you're doing?" I cried out, trying my best to overpower the man, but he had the advantage of size, he was a big, burly fucker.

"Come on, dirtbag," The man pulled me to my feet, and holding onto my neck, his fist landed with a crack on my cheekbone. Blinded by the pain, my legs stiffened, and I tried to fall, but he held on, chokin' me.

"Heather," I said, muffled into the man's hand, ' _Heather, I love you,'_ I said mentally.

 _I love her, and I didn't even tell 'er. I'm gonna fuckin' die here._

I choked as the man let my throat go, and he put a pillow case over my head. As he led me from the warehouse, I felt the night air hit me as we went outside.

I heard it, loud and clear, the voice of Phillip was speaking loud, to a crowd of people. I saw the faint flickers of flame through the pillowcase. I thrashed yet again, trying to free myself, but to no avail.

"...one of the terrorists is here...Merle's own brother," and I was shoved forward so I fell to my knees. Someone grasped at the pillow case and yanked it off, causing me to squint. There were torches lining some sort of makeshift arena. There, in front of me, was my brother.

I couldn't speak, but I continued looking around at the people. I saw Andrea, and made eye contact with her. Her blue eyes swam with tears.

"What should we do with them?" Phillip said, and I turned to him. One of his eyes was patched, and fresh blood started runnin' down his cheek.

"Kill them!" the raucous crowd yelled and screamed, booing.

"You som'bitch!" I screamed and lunged at the 'Governor.' Two of his cronies held me back, and I struggled to free myself. I thought about what he did to Barbie; thought of him putting his hands on her.

"Phillip, don't do this," Andrea said, "he's my friend," her voice shook.

"It's not up to me anymore. Merle's got the ultimatum here. He says he's loyal to the town...prove it. Brother against brother, fight to the death!" he called out, loud enough for the crowd to hear over their jeers.

No matter how hard I tried to control it, my breathing became erratic, and I looked back at Merle, who looked at me the same way.

 _'What do I do?'_ I said in my head, hoping that he understood. He nodded slightly; he knew. He hadda plan. Merle always hadda plan.

As if on cue, Merle called out, that familiar, raspy voice, "Y'all know me. Ya know, I'll do whatever it takes," and his fist pounded into my stomach, "to prove mah loyalty to this town," and he hit me, and hit me and hit me. I tasted blood, but jumped to my feet, giving Merle just one good punch. He pummelled me to the ground again, and I wrapped my hands around his throat.

"You really think this asshole's gonna let you go?" I snarled, spit flying out of my mouth.

"Just follow mah lead, little brother. We're gettin' out of this, right now!" and he pulled me to my feet, swung me around so we were back to back, facing walkers. I hadn't even seen them before, but they surrounded us, all controlled by Phillip's cronies.

We had no weapons, so we stood, not knowin' what to do. We punched at the walkers, but that only distracted 'em momentarily.

My heart nearly flew outta my chest when the rapid fire of a machine gun started in behind us. I turned to see Maggie and Rick firing.

"Let's go!" I yelled at Merle, who was beating someone's face in with his metal stump. We turned to run, and I saw the som'bitch who led me out here usin' mah crossbow as a weapon.

"Oh fuck naw," I yelled and ran over to him, kicking him in the back of the knee and grabbing the crossbow before it fell to the ground.

"Now, let's go," I said, and we ran towards Rick, who was motioning for us to hurry. We all ran, leaving the arena in a state of disarray; people were runnin', screamin', cryin'...but I didn't pity 'em.

"He ain't goin' _anywhere_ with us!" Rick growled, and an anger sparked in him again that I hadn't seen since Shane was alive.

"You really wanna do this now?" Merle moaned, and started pulling down one of the metal panels on the wall to get outta this shithole.

"Ain't got time for bitchin'!" he said, and wasted no time killin' the walkers that stood on the opposite side of the wall.

Michonne and Glenn were back at the car, few miles out. We get to them by morning, and then...well I don't know what the fuck happens then, but we all ran. We didn't stop, for anything. We cut down walkers, didn't fuckin' matter. The walkers were the leasta our problems.

The sun rose as we reached the edge of the woods. I saw the car parked, and Glenn ran towards us, face contorting when he saw my shithead big brother.

"We got a bit of a problem," Rick said, "Just calm down!"

"He tried to kill me!" Michonne screamed, and drew her sword.

"If it weren't for him-" Glenn started, but I cut him off.

"He got us outta there," I tried to defend him.

"Right after he beat the shit outta you," Rick yelled at me.

"We both took our licks, man," Merle defended, and my inner rage roared.

"Just shut the fuck up for once, jackass!" I screamed at him.

"Back up!" Rick screamed at Michonne, who'd tried to shove past him with her weapon drawn.

"GET THAT THING OUTTA MY FACE!" I roared at Glenn, who had his loaded handgun inches from my forehead.

And Merle laughed. Of course he laughed.

"Man, looks like you gone native," he chortled.

"No more than you, hangin' out with that fuckin' psycho back there!" I went on, so pissed, I was seein' red.

"He is a charmer..let me tell you. Been bonin' your pal Andrea for a while now," and I watched as Michonne's lips tightened, and she seethed, facial features shaking.

"Do you know Andrea?" Rick asked her, "DO YOU?!" He screamed,

"Sure does," Merle said, "spent all winter cuddin' up to keep warm, mmm," he went on. "This one here's a specimen. Had herself two pet walkers, jaws cut off, arms too...real piece'a work."

I looked at Michonne, back to Merle and Rick. I couldn't read anything that was goin' on.

"Hey, we saved 'em. Andrea was near dead, but this one knew..she knew 'bout Phillip from the very start,"

"That why she stayed with him?" Maggie spoke up for the first time in a while.

"Mmm," Merle said simply, "so whatcha gonna do? Surrounded by a buncha thugs and cowards, huh?" he said to Rick.

"Man, shut up! Yer the fuckin' coward! You knew what he did to Heather, and you stay, lickin' the _Governor's_ asshole!" I yelled, which earned a smug smile from Merle.

"Little brother, how's yer girlfriend? Last time I saw her she was gettin' round. My niece or nephew in there?"

He wouldn't stop talkin' and I suddenly wished for the silence of Rick's contemplative personality. He stepped up and clocked Merle in the back of the head with the butt of his gun, and I didn't say a word...he deserved it.

"Asshole," Glenn muttered and walked back towards the car.

HEATHER'S POINT OF VIEW:

"Someone's comin!" I called to the others, and we all waited at the gate to see if it was Carl. He came first, followed by three men and a woman.

I lost my footing as I looked into the face of the youngest looking guy; he was identical to Logan. _My brother._ The only difference was that his hair was long and unruly, opposite to Logan's crew cut.

"What the fuck?" I whispered, and peered around. The last man into the room was about 6'5", with a lean build and the brightest red hair I'd ever seen. Even his beard was a brassy orange.

I ran back to one of the cells and sat on the edge of a cot. The man standing out there made me think of Logan, think back to the first day of the outbreak. _He was dead. I did it myself._

I began to cry, head in hands, and I looked up when I heard someone walk in. It was Carol with the baby.

"Sweetie?" she said to me quietly.

"He just reminds me of someone I knew. Someone I had to kill," I said, trying to shove aside the terrifying similarities to him and Logan.

"It's not good to sit and dwell. I did it for too long, and missed so much. There's so much to be thankful for," she said, and reached out her free hand. I took her hand in mine and followed her back to the gate.

"You can't keep us in here!" The girl screamed at Carl, who stood on this side of the gate, locking it behind him.

"His house. His rules," the big black man said, and went on, "Sasha, this is the best we've had it in months," and he looked around, "Food, shelter, and quiet. No snarls," he finished and sat at one of the tables. The girl named Sasha nodded and sat down next to the man.

"Let's go in with them," Beth said, and I looked around, surprised that everyone agreed and went into the room with the new people.

After we'd all gone in with them, Axel boiled a large pot of water, and dumped in multiple packs of Ramen noodles. The smell filled the air, and even I was drooling over a college meal, of all things. Axel served up bowls of food to everyone and we sat around the tables. Sasha discussed where they had come from; a group of 25 was ambushed two months ago and they'd been running ever since.

"Shall we make quick introductions, then?" The Logan lookalike spoke, and my stomach turned as I heard his voice. I didn't know what was happening, only that I was absolutely losing my mind.

"I'm Tyreese," the black man said, "this is my sister Sasha.

"And I'm Brody, this is my Dad, Callum. About a month after the outbreak, we went looking for family in Atlanta, and found nothing...so we met up with this group, and we've been with them for eight months."

"I'm Hershel Greene, and this is my daughter Beth. Little Judith is the baby, a week old, and this is Carol, Axel, Carl, and TDog." he pointed to each of us, realizing that he'd missed me as I was hiding behind him.

"This is Heather," he said, and I saw the man named Callum turn his head fast, his eyes locking with mine.

"Heather, you say?" he asked and got to his feet. He came closer to me, and I flinched, trying to cover the bump on my stomach, "what's your last name?" he asked me, and it was then that I knew.

"McBride," I stated simply, looking down at the ground.

"From Atlanta?" he said, his voice was shaking with excitement.

"Right outside, yeah," I said, and I waited for it.

"My little girl? Little Heather?" he took my chin in his hands and looked into my eyes. His blue eyes were identical to mine, and they filled with tears.

"Dad?" I asked, knowing that this was him, even if I didn't remember him.

I looked over to the man who'd introduced himself as Brody.

"You look like my brother," I said, staring at him.

"He _is_ your brother! To my late wife, that is," Callum said, and ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide with fear, shock, and probably a bunch of other emotions.

"Where's your mum?" Callum asked me, "And Logan?"

"They're both dead. Logan tried to kill himself right before the outbreak. Mom was slowly losing her mind, but she took care of him to the very end. He ripped her throat out, and I had to kill both of them when they turned. Mom didn't even let me look at pictures of you..she hated you that much," I spoke softly, aware that this was the first time that anyone else had heard my story.

"Jesus," Brody said.

"Can't believe it," Callum said.

"I'm 24 now. or 25. I don't really know. I don't even remember you, you realize that that's how long it's been since I've seen you. You never even sent a birthday card. Nothing," I said, my wild hormones getting the best of me. From what I'd heard, this man had left us when I was 4 and Logan was 6.

"I fucked up," he said, and looked down, shifting his weight uncomfortably, "You're having a baby?" his eyes fogged up once more, and he cried openly.

I turned to go back into our block, and went straight up to the perch. I laid down on Daryl's mat, held his coat to my chest, and breathed him in, hot tears dripping onto the fabric.

DARYL'S POINT OF VIEW:

"There's gotta be another way," Rick said to me as I stormed to the back of the car. I lifted the trunk angrily.

"No him, no me, I ain't leavin' him again. Already did it once," I said, and grabbed the bag of spare bolts I had, swinging it on to my shoulder. I looked over and saw that Merle was coming to, and he stood, shaking his head.

"Take care of Little Asskicker. and Carl. He's one tough kid," I said. I nodded at the others, and headed off towards Merle.

"Daryl are you serious!?" Glenn yelled after me. I couldn't turn around.

"C'mon bro," Merle said as I reached him, and put his arm around my shoulder. _Just like old times._

HEATHER'S POINT OF VIEW:

Later that afternoon, Carl, Carol and I went out to watch for the others to return.

"It's too quiet," Carl said.

"I remember bitching about the noise all the time, construction, airplanes..." Carol said.

"I'd love to hear an airplane now, or some car horns. The sweet smell of air pollution from the big cities..." I said, playing with a rock from the stone drive way.

We heard the grinding of turning tires on the stones and all jumped to our feet, watching over the horizon.

"It's them!" Carl cried and ran towards the gate.

"Thank fuck," I whispered, so Carl wouldn't hear my foul language.

Carl unlocked the gates and pulled it open with all of his strength, allowing enough time for the small green car to pull through.

Rick got out of the driver's side and spoke to Maggie, who took his place. "Drive him up and get inside," he said and stopped Carol and I as he turned around.

Carol looked in the vehicle as it passed, as did I, eyes frantically searching for Daryl.

"Where is he?" I asked, voice breaking.

Rick just shook his head.

"What does that mean?" I sobbed, covering my mouth with my good hand.

"Found his brother...they went off." he said.

"They...he...Daryl _left_?" I asked, shock sending waves through my body.

Rick didn't say anything more about, but he headed back up the drive towards the confines of the prison.

"What's good to hold onto now, Carol?" I said, and scoffed, making for the front yard of the prison.


	20. Walker Warfare

"Heather!" Rick called out to me, angrily. He followed me to a spot in the far corner of the overgrown lawn in the front of the prison. I watched the walkers mill around outside of the fence, and a few of them snarled and twitched rabidly as they caught wind of the scent of live flesh.

"Why the hell you gotta be so mean? She's already upset because she lost Daryl; he did a lot for Carol, means a lot to 'er, you know that!" he said.

He was irrationally mad, but I tried to put myself in his shoes.

"It's not my fault you lost Daryl, don't try to find someone to blame. Both of the Dixon's do what is best for them at the time...they're selfish," I said, regretting the words as soon they exited my lips.

"Selfish? I ain't never seen Daryl happy, cept for when he was lookin' at you, and he took care of you, you know he did," he said, and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. He began to calm down.

"But he left. He chose someone who helped fuck him up over me," I said, and turned my attention back to the walkers at the fence; Rick's stare was intense, burning, and it gave me a weird feeling. I was aroused, but I knew I shouldn't have been.

"Come on. We need to go deal with the people inside," he said, and reached out his hand. He looked out past me uneasily, and I saw sweat begin to bead on his forehead as he avoided gazing too long.

"Two of those people are my dad and half-brother, you know. I can hardly look at them," I stated, looking behind me to see what Rick stared at. I saw nothing, so I took Rick's hand as he led me toward the cell block.

He didn't speak, but looked back at me as we walked, the smoldering stare returning. Something in him was about to snap, and I could feel it.

As we walked into the cell, Hershel followed after us. Rick looked at the visitors and kept walking, through the other gate and over to Judith. He took her in his arms, as I stood by the gate watching my father and brother speak quietly with Tyreese.

"Quite the chatterbox," I heard Brody say, and I ignored him, turning back to Rick. As Judith began to fuss, his eyes darted around, looking behind him, above him, and he swallowed, breathing deeply as he handed her back to Beth. He took a seat on the concrete floor under one of the huge barred windows, placing his head in his hands.

I followed Beth as she took the fussing infant up the stairs to the perch. Carol stood over a laundry hamper, laying blankets and towels in the bottom to make a relatively soft nest for the baby.

"I always wanted a child," Beth said, and I sighed under my breath. I felt like she was being naive and childish. She had no idea what it was like.

"You seem to have a knack for it," Carol said, and she motioned to lay the baby in the bottom of the container.

Beth obliged, but went on, "She wouldn't be here if it weren't for Daryl, he couldn't stand to lose anyone else."

"Sounds like him," I said, halfheartedly, "but why did he leave me here? Why wouldn't he ask me or just talk to me?" I said, as I picked up a black sharpie that laid on the table. I began scribbling on the white container.

"Merle got into his head, I'm sure. It's easy, I went through it," Carol said.

"Daryl doesn't seem like the type to take shit from anyone...but I guess that's when he's not Merle's shadow," I said, finishing up my design on the side of Judith's makeshift bassinet.

 _'Little Asskicker_ ', it read, and Beth smiled, but faltered, and said,

"We're weak without him."

"We'll get through this too," Carol said.

"I'm pissed that he left!" Beth said, her lip quivering.

"Don't be. He has his code, and the world needs men like that," Carol replied, and I scoffed, heading back down the stairs to see how Glenn was doing. Him and Maggie had hardly spoken any words, and I knew what had happened to Maggie without her saying a thing.

I knocked on the metal cell door, and poked my head in.

"You okay?" I asked Glenn as Hershel tended to some of the wounds on his face.

"Been better," he replied and coughed, wincing in pain as his bruised ribs took in air.

"It feels like you're holdin' something back from me," Hershel said, and at the same moment, Maggie came up behind me, stared at Glenn, and then turned to walk away.

"No, it's fine," Glenn said, and looked back at Hershel as he dabbed at the blood around Glenn's eye.

"You got worked over pretty good, kid," Hershel said after a moment's silence, and Glenn replied,

"Thanks to Daryl's brother,"

I gasped, trying not to believe it was true. I knew it probably was though. I felt awkward, so I turned to walk away, but Hershel called me back in;

"Time to change the bandages again, I think," he said, and I sat on the stool next to him heavily, huffing begrudgingly.

Glenn remained sitting, and stared at the ground, breathing labored and uneven. I made eye contact with him as Hershel removed the bloodied bandages and rinsed the wound with rubbing alcohol.

"That stings so..bad.." I winced, still looking at Glenn, who stared back at me, not an ounce of emotion showing. There was relief as Hershel poured water over the wound to rinse away the debris that remained. As he applied ointment and wrapped me back up, Glenn finally got up to leave.

"Glenn," Hershel said, and he got to his feet, steadying himself on his crutches.

Glenn turned around but said nothing, leaning against the cell door.

"Thank you for watching out for Maggie. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, and you too. You're like a son to me," Hershel said, soulfully.

Glenn nodded and left the cell.

"This is looking good, Heather. Just try not to use the arm as often. That's why you're bleedin' so much," he said and headed to the door himself,

"Gonna go check on Maggie," he said, and started moving.

"I'll check, Hershel. I'll be quick with her," I said and got up, thankful for the fresh bandages.

As I came around the corner to the cell, I saw Maggie sitting alone on the bottom bunk in her cell.

"Can I come in?" I asked, and she nodded, avoiding eye contact like it was the plague.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked right away, sitting down next to her. I already knew the answer.

"Yes," she whimpered, "but nothing like what he did to you. Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm just scared for Glenn. I haven't seen him this angry ever," she said, wiping the wetness from under her eyes.

Phillip had scared Maggie, there was no doubt about it, and from the looks of it, he got to Glenn as well.

"Glenn will be fine. Stay by his side, and tell him you love him. You are his life, anyone with half a brain can see that," I said, reaching down to the bump as I felt the baby somersault and head butt my bladder.

"Can I?" Maggie asked, nodding toward my belly, and I knew then and there that the people I was staying with, my family, didn't care how this baby was conceived, they only cared about its wellbeing, and mine.

I nodded meekly, and leaned back so Maggie could feel the little one beating on my ribs, like it was in a tiny prison of its own. She smiled as she daintily moved her hand around, following the movement as my skin stretched and rippled.

"I'm so sorry Daryl left, Heather. We all know how much you adored the guy. We could never really see why though," she said and straightened back up, folding her legs indian style.

"I saw a side of him that no one else did, and I loved him...love him. I always will. I just feel like, for some reason, that I won't see him again, and I have to move on. Maybe it's just my heart and mind's natural reaction anymore so that I don't hurt so much, but it's helped me stay stronger than I thought I could. Maggie...the way he touches me, how he holds me...massages my back...he's just sweet. He'd kill me if I told you that. I actually caught him one morning with his hand on my belly," and I looked at the ceiling, blinking away the hot tears that blurred my vision. I remembered how angry I'd gotten at him for doing it. Maybe he had left me because I'm such a bitch all the time. Maybe it was something I'd done.

"I won't believe a word of what you just said till I see it mahself," she said, and got to her feet," where did Glenn get to?" she asked me, and I shrugged. She walked off, leaving me alone on the bottom bunk.

I heard her speaking softly to Hershel, "I love you, Daddy," she said, and I heard her cry softly as she embraced the old man.

"I love you too, sweetie, don't you disappear on me now," he replied, embracing her in return.

In a moment of pure realization, I understood finally that my own father stood in a room not twenty feet from me. I got to my feet, and began walking towards the other cell block where Brody and Callum Butler sat chatting about the weather, while Tyrese and Sasha sat with a map, trying to prepare a route for their next step if Rick didn't let them stay here.

"How long till she can travel?" I heard Rick's rough voice growl through the air, and looked back to see him, Hershel and Glenn walking towards the other survivors who were barred off from us.

"She has a concussion, Rick, she needs rest," Hershel said, referring to Michonne, who still laid in a bunk fast asleep. She had been an emotional wreck since she got here, and something must have happened to make her this way. I would find out what it was.

"Maybe she should stay," I inserted my opinion into the conversation, earning a look from Rick.

"Why?" he asked me, stopping momentarily and placing his hand on his hip.

"She's smart, and talented with her weapons. I think she would be a good ally for us, especially with whatever is going to happen next with Phillip, " I said, and followed after Rick after he started moving again.

"We could use reinforcements," Hershel added, as we entered the room with the other survivors.

I saw Rick seriously thinking, and he started to look around the block like he'd been doing earlier in the prison yard. I had no idea what was about to happen.

"My name's Tyrese," Tyrese said and extended his hand for a shake.

Rick made no move to accept Tyrese's peace offering, so to say, and stood back, observing the others.

"Sasha, Callum, and Brody," Hershel pointed at the other three people with his crutches.

Rick finally spoke; "I'm guessin' you found your way in through the back part of the prison? We scoped it out before and saw that it was destroyed," he said.

"A fire took it, or some kinda explosion," Callum spoke up, looking around Rick at me.

"This must be your dad," Rick said, "and I'm assuming this one's your brother," he pointed at Brody. He turned to me as I nodded and motioned for him to keep talking to the others.

"We're not strangers to hard work. We can pull our own weight, hunt, and do whatever we can to help. We'd stay out of your hair," Tyrese said, speaking quietly, because he knew Rick was on edge.

Rick looked around, then back at Tyrese.

"No," he said simply, and looked at the ground.

"Rethink this Rick, you told me the same thing at one time, and I listened to you. I kept you at my farm, even though I felt the same way you do now," Hershel spoke up, and I nodded in agreement,

"They're still my family, Rick, I don't want them cast out when we have the space to help them,"

"Why do you get to have your family, Heather? Why should anyone get to have anything that makes them happy anymore?!," his volume was increasing, "It always gets snatched away!" he screeched, still looking at the floor.

"I can't be responsible," his tone had evened after a moment of silence.

"You turn us out there, you are responsible," Brody spoke up, the arrogant tone in his voice dissipated.

"Rick," I said to him, calling him over, "We have all done everything you've asked. We trust you, and we've feared you, but I need you to know that you are so wrong with this. We don't have any legitimate reason to say no. Only your personal fears are in the way here," I used some of the knowledge that I could remember from school.

He looked at me with tired eyes, and I saw a familiar flicker of a smile as he rubbed my shoulder.

"Yeah," he whispered, and as he turned to look back at the others, we saw him look up to one of the perches, his face draining of color. I thought for sure that there was a walker in here somehow. His expression was that of pure fear. I looked to where he looked and saw nothing; just the dusty bars of light that were cast through the air as the sun set.

What happened next happened to fast for me to really understand. Rick started saying no, repeatedly, and he walked with intent over to the balcony.

"No, no, no..." he went on, "I can't help you! Get out! GET OUT!" and he pulled his gun out, swinging it around haphazardly.

"Dad?" Carl asked, and he watched in horror as his father lost what little sanity had remained.

"We're going," Callum said, and he looked once more at me before him, Brody, Tyrese and Sasha bolted for the door from whence they came.

I couldn't help but feel the emptiness again, I suppose it was from knowing for sure that I had someone out there who I had known before that wasn't torn to bits. It didn't matter about the relationship we'd had in the past, my father was my father, and my brother was my brother, even if we had a different mother.

"Rick, that's not fair!" I said, trying to keep my tone even, but I caught my voice raising with emotion.

"You didn't even know they existed till they walked through those doors!" he hissed at me, spraying spit in my face.

"That doesn't matter, and you know it doesn't. What if Lori's sister walked through the door? Would you tell her to fuck off? What right do you have to turn away my father, my brother?"

"Every right! I am the LEADER of this group. I make the decisions, not you!" he yelled at me, still holding the gun loosely in his hands.

"Stop, Rick. Please stop this," I begged him.

"I can't, I can't be responsible for anyone else. No one else can DIE because of me!" he said, voice full of regret. He looked once again to the balcony and squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to block out an unpleasant sight. He left the cell block in a rush and slammed the barred door behind him.

Nobody spoke for the remainder of the night; I helped Carol to boil water for more instant noodles, and Carl took charge and went on watch for the entire night. I slept poorly, and dreamt of Daryl, and Rick, both in ways that left nothing to the imagination. My mind was so confused about what I should feel at the moment.

The next morning, I woke to Beth's high voice flowing around the cell block like liquid gold, smooth and bright.

"So what now?," she said, walking towards the rest of the group with Judith in her arms.

"Do we even know The Governor is coming? How?" Carol asked, looking from Maggie, to Rick to Hershel.

"He's got fish tanks with heads in them...walker heads, human heads...trophies. He is coming, I can guarantee," Michonne said as she put pressure on her temples with her index fingers as it trying to soothe a migraine.

"If they're on their way, we need to leave," Hershel said.

"And go where exactly?" Glenn asked, irritation rising.

"We lived on the road all winter! There can be something else for us," Hershel replied, and Glenn got to his feet, scoffing.

"That was when you had two legs and we didn't have a baby walker alarm that goes off every four hours!" he yelled, and Maggie stormed from the cell, her green eyes slitted angrily.

"We stay put. We can't run," Glenn stuck to his guns and declared that running was not an option.

I checked to make sure that my knife was secured in my pocket, and snuck out of the same cell door that I'd seen Rick leave from the day before. I followed a trail of demolished walkers, and I mean demolished. He'd destroyed them completely, their limbs and innards littered the cold floors, like bits of a macabre pinata, in the dark hallway.

I heard him before I saw him; loud breathing and sobbing coming from an entrance at the top of a small flight of stairs. I approached him slowly and said his name, so I wouldn't startle him too much.

"I'm losin' my goddamn mind, Heather," he said to me and opened the door at the top of the stairs. The glow of the sunrise sent golden splotches of light into the dark hallway, and he made his way outside. I followed him down a set of stairs and on into the main yard.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, trying to keep up.

"I keep seein' her, Heather, she's not gone," he said to me, eyes searching wildly for a ghost.

"It happened to me too," I said, trying to comfort him. Truth is, when I'd seen Mom and Logan killed, I never saw anything but that picture of them again. I couldn't remember them as humans for the longest time. I had known they were dead, right when it happened. I grieved, absolutely, but I was alone. I wasn't the leader of anything, I didn't have that stress.

Rick opened the gate to leave the prison, loaded gun strapped to his back, and I followed him, checking for my knife, once again.

"This isn't safe," I said to him, but followed anyway. Once we'd gotten across the bridge and into the woods a little bit, Rick continued looking around him.

"I know she's not really there, but there has to be a reason...I'm lookin' for the reason why I'm seein' her," he said, and approached me, taking my cheek in his hand.

My skin burned where he touched me, and I remembered, with vivid detail, every moment of the dream I had had the night before.

Before I knew what to do, I felt his lips on mine, and I didn't push him away; it felt wrong, but so right. Rick was the first person I'd trusted after the apocalypse started, and I had felt drawn to him from the very beginning. As our mouths collided, tongue on tongue, teeth hitting teeth, I felt the rage leaving me; the bottled up tension, depression from Daryl leaving me here. He reached around me and hoisted me back against a white pine. The rough bark scratched my skin, and I felt the sap that was hot and wet from the summer sun sticking to my arm hairs.

Rick slid my shorts down, and after hoisting me up again, he unbuckled his belt. My heart caught in my throat, my feelings conflicted again. There were no soft kisses, not chaste touches, and I felt him at my entrance before I knew what was happening. He pushed into me, and I gasped into his shoulder as he began to thrust, each time sending shockwaves of pleasure to the tips of my toes.

"Fuck, " I whispered, and before I knew it, I felt Rick finishing inside of me, his sweat dripping heavily onto my chest. I sighed heavily as he stopped moving, and he pulled out of me, tucking himself back into his pants. I hadn't had an orgasm, and honestly, the haste of the encounter made me less likely to in the first place. He looked at me, shame in his eyes, and he took my hand.

"I've owed you that for the very beginning, and I messed it up Heather. I blew it," he said, as I slid on my shorts, "this whole situation is fucked."

"Let's just pretend it never-" before I could finish my sentence, there was a distinctive gunshot, and it was too close to have come from anywhere but the prison yard.

"Shit," Rick said, and ran back towards the bridge, crossing over with me close behind him. As we reached the other side, bullets whizzed by our heads, and I screamed as Rick and I both dove on our backs, lying as flat as possible in the tall grasses next to the stream. I tried to peek at what was happening, even though I had a pretty good hunch.

I saw the beige Dodge truck, deer spotting lights and jacked up tires. The diesel engine still ran, chugging angrily, and I saw Phillip standing outside of the vehicle, his weapon aimed on someone in the prison yard. My first reaction was not one of fear; not anymore, but one of pure, unadulterated rage. Any release I'd felt could never compare to how I'd feel when I killed the man who'd taken so much from me, and given me things that I didn't ask for.

The gunfire ceased, and I heard the faint rumble of an engine. As I listened, I heard the engine accelerate considerably and I heard the smashing and clanging of metal gates upon the finish of a truck or car. After a moment, then engine idled, and was then switched off, leaving the yard eerily quiet. I looked over into the yard, and saw a delivery truck of some sort; the back gate flew down, and there was an outpour of at least 15 walkers.

"Oh no!" I cried out, and it was then when I saw Hershel laying in the grass on the opposite side of the fence, in plain reach of the newly released zombies. He saw us and nodded, but I knew that I had to get over to help him.

"Get the hell outta there, Hershel!" Rick screamed as Phillip got back into his truck, speeding off down the shady road.

"I can't run," I said after I'd sprinted half way over to where the cut in the fence was. Walkers were drawn from the woods by the gunfire, and they came through the brush like hawks on a carcass.

"You've gotta," Rick said to me, and tried to pull me onwards. My legs refused to move, and I gasped in pain as my entire right side froze up. Rick fired the few rounds he had left and yelled angrily as he flipped the empty gun around, using the butt to smash the heads of the encroaching walkers. He pressed me to the fence, protecting me from two walkers at once. Teeth were inches away to tearing into Rick's arm as an arrow whizzed through the air, piercing the corpse in the back of the head. The tip of the arrow emerged through its right eye socket, just a centimeter from Rick's forehead.

Daryl ran out into the clearing, Merle right behind him. As I sank to the ground, Daryl shot another arrow to get the other walker that was trying its hardest to break free of Rick's grasp on its neck. It slumped lifelessly to the ground, and Rick fell back, trying to avoid crashing into me. We both fell to the ground, and Daryl was there in an instant to help both of us to our feet.

"C'mon," he said, and we ran toward the split in the fence. After we were inside, Daryl looked at us both;

"You alright?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"Fine," I said.

I had never felt more guilty in my entire life.


	21. Hold On

Rick looked over at me, breathing heavily, greasy, curly hair hanging in his eyes. Both of our eyes traveled to Merle, who stood behind Daryl. He looked smug and pretty pleased with himself.

I slumped to the ground, realizing that a numbness had started in my feet and was slowly creeping up my legs.

"Go help Hershel," I said, remembering that he still laid over by the fence. Rick ran off towards him, Merle for some reason, followed him, leaving me alone with Daryl. My anger towards him flared up, but I leaned against the fence, grasping at my sides and trying to wiggle my toes.

"Wassa matter?" he asked, and inched closer to me.

"I'm fine," I said coldly, and tried to hoist myself to my feet, leaning entirely on the tree behind me. I peered around Daryl to see if Hershel was okay.

Daryl scoffed and darted past me, shooting arrow after arrow into the diminishing crowd of corpses.

I sighed with relief as I saw Glenn hoisting Hershel into the gray pickup he had taken out on a run before the attack. I realized I was still in the same place; my feet hadn't regained feeling, and the commotion of everything made me forget that being numb wasn't normal. My senses had numbed, along with my emotions, so what would be unusual about my body doing the same physically?

"C'mon, Barbie, get outta there," Daryl called from the other side of the fence, and I smelled the oncoming walkers before I heard them. I tried to put one foot in front of the other, but nothing happened; it was like my feet had been glued to the ground. As I focused on regaining feeling, there was a terrible jolt of pain in my groin, and I doubled over, seeing two walkers turn towards me, my sudden movement attracting them.

"Shit," I heard Daryl yell as I pulled my non-functional legs along, hiding behind the tree that sheltered me. Daryl was back over the bridge in no time, and he took out the walkers, frowning and moping all the while.

"Thanks," I muttered, as he picked me up, cradling me in his arms. He walked as fast as he could with my fat ass weighing him down, and with Rick's help, he got me through the fence and into the safe zone.

"I'll get her, you watch him!" Rick growled, reaching over and taking me, rather roughly from Daryl's arms. He nodded towards Merle with a smirk, and I could tell it was killing Daryl to keep his mouth shut, but to my surprise he did and let me go without a fuss.

I was carried across the field by Rick, following the others back to the gate into the sealed off cell block. Once inside, Rick sat me on one of the cots, and Hershel came over right away.

"I can't feel my feet," I said as I tried to sit.

"Just lay for a minute," Hershel said to me, motioning for me to stay put on my back, and he departed the cell, leaving me to rely on my hearing to understand what was happening.

"What the hell's he doing here?" Hershel said, angrier than I'd heard him before. I knew he was talking about Merle, and I jumped as I heard a series of scuffles, grunts, and then the clang of a cell door.

"He stays in there," Rick said, presumably to Daryl. There was no argument, not a peep of protest, so I figured Daryl knew where everyone was at.

"We oughta run, and you know I'm right," Merle drawled, and it was Glenn who spoke up this time,

"Rick says we're not running, we're not running," he said with finality.

"That's right, live like rats," Merle said, "Gov with the truck through the fence thing? That was just the tip of the iceberg," he finished.

"We ain't scared of that prick," Daryl chimed in from his place up on the perch, but I heard the tiny change in octave telling me that even Daryl was somewhat afraid of what was to come.

"Y'all should be," Merle said, and I heard a cot squeak.

"I said we should have left, we still can leave!" Hershel said, emotion spiking his usually calm voice.

"We ain't goin' anywhere," Rick growled and got to his feet, I heard his heavy footsteps pacing, the heels of his worn boots scuffing at the cold concrete.

"This is all Merle's fault! He brought all this shit on!" Maggie spoke up, and I heard movement from the perch above us.

"Who cares whose fault it is, what can we do?" Beth, who was previously silent, said as she came down the stairs.

Rick made to leave the cell block, and I jumped as Hershel screamed as loud as he could;

"GET BACK HERE!"

Rick's footfalls slowed and stopped as Hershel went on.

"We know you're slippin', Rick, and we understand why, but now ain't the time. I put my trust in you, with the protection of all the family I have left...I...We all need you," his volume decreased again, and I sighed, tension relieved from my body. Hershel had a way with words, and hopefully this time, it'd change Rick's path for the better.

Rick left without another word; I heard the heavy metal door to the front yard open with a clang, and shut with an even more resounding one.

After a moment's silence, I remembered my own predicament. My left leg was still entirely numb, and I focused on trying to wiggle my toes. As I tried and failed, the crippling pain returned to my entire right side and I gasped in pain. The skin on my upper abdomen began to heat up and throb; it felt like I had a fever, only in that part of my body. I felt the baby kicking me, a sign showing me he or she was still okay. As I reached down to feel the kicks, my head spun, and the small amount of food I had taken in climbed its way back up my throat and exited my mouth with force. As I gasped as heaved for breath, Hershel stumped back over to me, panic rising in his expression.

"Daryl, help me out!" he called out, but it was Glenn who came in and helped Hershel to roll me on my side. Glenn grabbed one of the towels that hung on the end of the bunk and wiped the vomit from my face.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked, wiping sweat from his own brow.

"I had fears before this, but now there's almost no doubt in my mind. Pretty sure she has preeclampsia. There's no way I can test out my theory, but she's got swollen hands and feet, and she's been complaining of pain on the right side, indicating that maybe her liver's gettin' overworked trying to filter out all the protein build up," he said, as he sat on the stool and began bending my knees manually to see if my legs were locked up.

Daryl walked in the room quietly, and didn't ask any questions, so I knew he'd heard what Hershel said.

"What do we do?" Glenn said. He asked my questions for me, it seemed. I wanted to talk, but no words would form.

"I'll look through the meds that Carl found again, and see if we have any low dose blood pressure medicine. Hopefully this can calm her system down a little bit and maybe prolong going into labor," he said as he felt my pulse, pressed on my abdomen, and I jumped, looking at him intensely.

"I'm in labor?" I asked, my heart rate increasing audibly in my own head; there was roaring in my ears.

"Sometimes, a woman can give herself some sort of epidural, a mental numbing if you will, when in a stressful situation. Anything can kick start labor at this point; you're measuring around 38 or 39 weeks. If y'all want to step outside for a moment, I'll do a pelvic exam," and I cringed at the term. Daryl stayed behind, letting the sheet fall into place, covering the door to the cell. He moved over towards me, and I tried not to look at him, because he was a tracker; not just of animals. He could smell the guilt on me, and he saw the regret in my darting eyes. He knew something happened. I didn't protest when he took my shaking and cold hand in his strong and warm one.

 _What if what happened with Rick caused me to go into labor?_

I let my thoughts reduce me to tears as Hershel slid my pants off. After he'd put on a pair of gloves and put his glasses on the end of his nose, he held onto one of my knees and propped the other one up on the cold side railing on the bunk.

"Cold, and maybe some burning," he said, and waited for me to nod. He inserted three gelled fingers into me and I cried out in pain as his fingers brushed my cervix.

"This isn't normal, Hershel, it hurts too much!" I screamed and writhed around. Daryl squeezed my hand and knelt down beside me, putting his face right in front of mine.

"You look at me," he said, and I didn't listen. I squinted, sobs wracking my chest. He put his free hand on my forehead, brushing sweaty curls from my face.

"Look at me," he said again, and his expression softened, blue eyes clearly visible without the almost permanent scowl that usually plastered his face. They weren't icy; not today. They were a rich blue, deep and entrancing. He kissed my forehead as I tried to breathe more evenly. Hershel moved his hand again causing me to jump and cry out in pain. I felt him remove his fingers and sighed at the temporary relief.

"You're already 4 centimeters dilated, Heather. I will try to stop this, do anything I can, but I'm just not sure," and he pulled off the gloves, throwing them in a bucket next to my bed. He got to his feet(or foot, rather..ha, still too soon...) and stumped off through the door, going next door to look through the medical supplies.

My tears came down, full force, and I felt my stomach contract as I gasped for air.

"Calm," Daryl said simply, as he continued brushing my forehead. He leaned in and pressed his dry lips to mine, and my breathing slowed temporarily. That feeling had returned; his smell, voice, everything intoxicated me and took me to a euphoric place. My security blanket was back. I sighed and breathed deeply, pushing my lips to his.

I suddenly remembered what I had done not two hours before now. I pulled away and looked at the wall.

"I'm sorry I left," Daryl said, and it was then that Hershel came back in the cell.

"Daryl, head out the back door to the yard, and go through the split in the fence there. I need you to collect a few of these, he held up the marked page in the book on herbs, "Nettles, for tea. Said to help stop contractions," he said, setting a ziploc bag on the bed next to me. I saw bottles with pills in them, and prayed there was something that could stop this for now. I wasn't ready. "Carol, put some water on to boil, could ya?" he called out the cell to Carol.

"I'll get it," I heard Beth say breathlessly.

Daryl got up and exited the cell as Hershel sat next to me. He leaned in close, helping me to slide my pants back up.

"Whatever you're doin', stop. You're gonna break that boy's heart," and I inhaled sharply, pulling away from Hershel. He didn't let up, and leaned in closer,

"Semen on your cervix caused the contractions to start, and I know Daryl just returned," I gasped again, clapping a hand to my mouth.

"No wonder Rick is going crazy," he said, and I pulled away,

"I didn't force him to do that! We were both caught up, and it just happened!" I hissed trying to remain quiet while my temper rose.

"I ain't arguin', just stop it. Stop all of it. We need Rick, and we need you, this thing you're doin' is toxic to us all," he said and patted my shoulder as he took some of the medicines out of the bag. He went on,

"Along with the nettle tea, we're going to try a few other things. I'm gonna have Daryl fetch one of the wash tubs from the laundry room. We'll use some of the generator's power and get you a warm bath. After a soak, it's complete bed rest and three medications; one for blood pressure, another for the prevention of seizures during and after the birth, and the other is a steroid to ensure the baby's lungs are ready if he or she comes early. Also, lots of water, no excuses. I can prolong labor for a little while, I think, but this baby will make his or her appearance sometime this week," Hershel leaned in and kissed my forehead, " I love you like one of my girls, and I will say to you what I'd say to them on this whole Rick matter; take care of this little one, and take care of yourself. This isn't helping either of you," and he got up, making to leave, and as he did, Daryl came back through the door, sweat on his forehead, matting his hair down, and the scowl back on his face.

"What Rick matter?" he said, gruffly, shoving the plant towards Hershel who took it hastily, jumping as a leaf pricked at his skin. He hobbled from the room to steep the nettles in the hot water Carol or Beth had prepared.

"Nothing, just the whole thing with Lori and Judith. He hasn't been himself lately," I fibbed, coughing lightly and my uterus spasmed, making me arch my back.

"Fuck," I exclaimed, and Daryl itched his ear.

"I'm gonna go get that wash tub. Sit tight," he said and left me alone in the cell again.

I wanted to sit up, but I was too afraid, and my body hurt too much. I cringed as the baby moved again, sending the newly familiar shockwave down my right side. I rolled onto my side again so I could see the door to the cell block.

"I'm gonna go keep watch," Maggie said, "this bastard'll be back, before we know it," she finished and grabbed a gun as she headed for the door.

"I'll come with you," Carl said and he followed her lead, grabbing a gun as well.

Daryl came clanging through the doors about a half hour later, dragging a wash tub full of steamy water. He pulled it into the cell, and Hershel came over, carrying a styrofoam cup of steaming nettle tea (yum..)

"Here," Daryl said, and as I looked sideways at him, narrowing my eyes, he helped me to a sitting position.

Hershel came in with the tea, sat it on the stool and leaned on his crutches.

"I'll stand outside, get her in the tub," he said, and I said,

"Just stay. You've seen more of me than Daryl has, really," I chuckled, grasping at my hard tummy as Daryl pulled me to my feet.

"Stop it," Hershel said, hardly smiling, and he turned to leave, "I'll be out with Bethy,"

Hershel stumped out, and let the sheet fall over the doorway again.

The sun had begun to set and the cells returned to darkness once more, until Daryl pulled out his lighter and lit up a few of the wide, heavily used candles that scattered the block. He came back in after lighting up the rest of the room for the others and leaned in to me, taking my head in his hands. He lifted my shirt up over my head, steadying me all the while with one of his hands. He unclasped my bra and let it fall to the ground. He leaned in even further and breathed deeply, his face nuzzled between my much fuller breasts. His hand traveled down to my belly, stopping on the protruding belly button. With the same hand, he continued south and slid my jeans and panties off, leaving them drop in a heap on the floor. He stopped and backed away, staring at me. I covered up instinctively, even though I didn't want to, not for Daryl.

"You are goddamned gorgeous, Barbie. This whole sacred vessel thing is definitely working for me," he faltered, as did I, thinking about what had happened in Woodbury, but I was able to let it go, and take the compliment.

"Help me," I said, and he obliged, taking my hand and leading me to the edge of the tub. With a swift movement, he lifted me up, cradling me briefly, and he sat me down into the warm water. I shuddered as the warmth from the liquid flowed through my body, bones and flesh being cleansed of all of the dirt, guilt and pain.

Another contraction rocked my body, and I sat up, holding onto the edge of the metal tub. My breaths faltered as the ripping pain returned, causing goosebumps to erupt on my skin.

"Drink," Daryl said, and he hastily handed me the nettle tea. I took a sip, prepared for the worst. What greeted my tongue was something unfamiliar, yet very, very pleasant. I swished the amber liquid in my mouth, and tried to pin a flavor on the taste; earthy, rich, and mildly bitter. Daryl had collected wild mint too, because I could taste it clearly in the after taste of the tea.

"Try," I said to him, and he did, gagging.

"Tastes like horse piss," he spat, and pulled a flask out of his vest pocket. "Nicked it from Merle earlier," he said and took a swig. He sighed contentedly, putting the flask away. With the dim light of the candles, he worked at making up my bed and putting my dirty clothes in the hamper in the corner. He grabbed a towel and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for me to tell him I was ready to get out.

I leaned down and dipped my head in the water, feeling amazing as the now lukewarm liquid penetrated my scalp. I looked at Daryl and he was at my side in a second, leaning down to pick me up. He sat me on a towel on the bed and grabbed another one, beginning to rub it on my skin.

"Here," he said, and handed me one of his old flannel shirts, with the sleeved still in tact, surprisingly. He tossed me a pair of my leggings as well, and helped me into them as I laid flat on the bed.

"Thank you," I said to him. Though I was grateful, half of me felt too guilty to really accept all that he was doing for me. I have to tell him. Or else he already knows. You never really know with Daryl.

Beth started to sing, her voice encompassing the entire block, but still sounding calm and angelic.

 _"Hold on, hold on,  
you gotta hold on,  
Take my hand,  
I'm standin' right here,  
you gotta hold on,"  
_  
Daryl picked me up and carried me out to the main group of candles, lit up like a silent camp fire.

"Look," Carl said to me, and pointed. I followed his gaze and saw that he had found a wheelchair for me to sit in.

"You're awesome," I said, and smiled as Daryl carried me over to the wheelchair. He wheeled me back over next to Beth and I smiled as she placed a hand on my knee. Daryl handed me my tea, and sauntered back over to the cell door where Rick and Hershel stood talking. He joined in with them seamlessly, and I was thrilled he was back. Rick held Judith and looked at her with true love for the first time she'd been born. Though the guilt clung to me like the air on a humid day, I was tired of thinking about all of the things I'd done wrong. Maybe that had been what we both needed to move on.

I looked over and saw that Merle had been left out of his 'cage', and he stood in the shadows with his flask, that Daryl had just returned. I caught his eye and he nodded ever so slightly, holding the flask up as if to toast to me. I nodded and smiled lightly.

As Beth sang, I sipped the tea till it was gone, and drifted off to sleep, my head lolling to my shoulder. For the first time in a while, I was at peace, even though there were two wars now raging; the one against the Governor, and the one against the clock.

 _Hold on, baby. You'll be here soon, just give us some time._


	22. The Reaping Hook

I awoke calmly, and darkness still surrounded me, telling me that the night hadn't yet come to an end. The contractions had all but subsided, except for the occasional twang of a muscle stretching or a nerve spasm. The numbness in my side had dulled to a warm tingling.

I remember waking briefly earlier as Daryl lifted me from the wheelchair to place me in the bottom bunk, and I remember feeling his hand on me, carressing my forehead. I sat up gingerly and peered around the cell, eyes squinted to adjust to the dark.

I saw nothing, so I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and made to stand up, steadying myself on the cold metal bed post. The lack of fingers on my one hand made me nearly lose my balance as I grasped with invisible fingers. My legs hurt less, but the numbness hadn't worn off yet, causing me to wobble a bit as I made for the door of the cell. I wandered into the little common room and saw a candle still lit and Beth was there, writing in one of her notebooks.

"What're you doin' up?," she looked up at me, brushing a loose trail of honey colored hair behind her ear, "Daddy said to stay layin' down," she finished and as she got to her feet, I saw the illuminated drawings of insects and flowers on the pages. She came over to hold me steady as I sat down on the dusty floor.

"I'm fine, Beth," I said, and looked back over at her. "Could you help me with something quick?" I asked her, sheepishly.

"What'dya need? Are you sure you're okay?" she asked me looking me up and down.

"No I'm fine, I was just wondering if you could put on some hot water and steep a few of the nettle leaves over on the table for me? I'm feeling achy again, just makin' me nervous I guess," I said, and she nodded, getting to her feet eagerly. She used the candle as a guide over to the table, and dumped a bottle of water into the coffee pot. She pressed the on button and I heard it gurgle as the water heated up, and started pouring into a styrofoam cup.

"Here ya go," she said as she dropped the nettles into the hot water, stirring it with one of those straws that are on the tables in diners; the real thin ones that were mostly for stirring, but had tiny holes.

"Thanks, Beth. Get to bed, it must be late," I said and flinched as the hot water burned my lips.

"Alright," she said to my surprise, and she knelt down to pick up her journal and pen. She handed me the candle and walked into a near cell, letting the sheet fall over the door.

After sitting and watching the flame on the candle dwindle, I jumped, "Hey, Darlin'," a rusty voice said from the shadows. It was Merle.

"Hi," I said, not really knowing what else to say to him. For a while I forgot that he took my security blanket away from me, my Daryl.

"Don't be like that, girl. Ain't nothin' personal. Brother's a brother," he said and drank a little bit from his flask.

"Don't try to take him away from me again, Merle," I said, and I started to feel a bit angry, even though I could still see the kindness in his tired, blue eyes.

"I chose to go with him, wasn't his fault," Daryl said, and I jumped, not realizing he was here. Of course he was here, he's always here. The thought made me shudder.

I noticed that the sun started to peek through the windows, casting long dusty sun streams through the air.

"Well, it was a shitty thing to do," I said and reached down to my belly, feeling where the baby was kicking me fiercely.

"Ah know, don't try ta guilt trip me, ya don't have to, I feel like shit about it," he said and bit at his thumb.

"Mornin," Rick came out of his cell, followed by Carl. He looked at me then at Daryl as he strode by towards the coffee machine. He went about brewing a full pot of coffee.

"Hey," I said, and I could feel my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Daryl and Merle nodded to them, their signature silent greeting.

"We're gonna go back to King's County today, get some weapons from the police station hopefully, and we'll try to find some stuff for Judith," Rick said, and he picked up one of the granola bars that laid on the table, opening it and biting into it with vigor. The others had begun to come out of their cells, and I heard sounds of the day livening up the otherwise dull prison block.

I nodded quietly, playing with one of my curls by wrapping it round my finger over and over.

"Heather, come here," Rick said and beckoned for me to follow him away from the others. Daryl helped me to my feet, and I looked at him briefly before going over to Rick.

"What's up?" I said as nonchalantly as possible, and I was greeted by a smirk.

"What happened to you yesterday, when we were...comin' back in through the fence?"

"I'm fine, just a scare. I'm actually 4 centimeters dilated already, but Hershel helped me to keep it under control and I'm feelin' much better now," I said, and went on, "you okay?" and I swallowed the lump in my throat, any of the awkwardness evaporating for some reason.

"Fine, as always. Just gotta get out of here, get some weapons and get back in time to protect all of us," he said, and leaned in to hug me, "I'm sorry, Heather," he said quietly, and pulled back, looking at me with the same burning expression.

"It's okay, Rick," I said, "We're all fine here."

" 'Ey Barbie," Daryl called out, and I turned to hobble back towards him, stretching around to crack my stiff back.

"Just asked if I need stuff for the baby while he's out getting stuff for Judith," I said, and sat down in one of the camp chairs next to Daryl, who had made himself comfortable on the floor. He laid on his side, head leaning on his arm, and he looked up at me with a curious expression.

"What?" I asked and rubbed my belly.

"Can I feel him?" Daryl asked, and I was surprised because Merle still stood beside Daryl. He took the hint and wandered over to his cell, where he pulled the door shut behind him willingly.

"How do you know it's a boy?" I tried not to smile and looked down.

"I jus' know," he said and sat up, "That's mah boy in there," and his eyes burrowed into mine brutally as I looked up again.

I chuckled as I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.

"His head's here," I said, emphasizing ' _his_ ', and I put my hand down above my right hip, "and the feet are up here," I touched the opposite side of my bump, under my ribs below my heart. "Feel here," I said, grasping Daryl's hand and pulling it toward the baby's feet. His skin touched mine and I quivered, and at the same time, the baby kicked me in the ribs and I groaned as Daryl laughed.

"Another little ass kicker, ah guess," he said, and caressed my skin.

"I guess," I said and placed my fingerless hand over Daryl's.

"Sorry if it gives you the creeps. It gives me the creeps," I said, wiggling my thumb around. Daryl chuckled.

"Heather," Hershel called out, ruining the moment.

"Yeah?" I replied, smiling slyly at Daryl.

"Time to change that bandage and do a quick exam," Hershel said, and I got to my feet. I grabbed my tea from the chair cup holder and headed over to the cell where Hershel was already waiting.

"How're ya feelin'?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"Much better, just a little achey. He's moving a lot today," I stated as I sat on the edge of the cot.

"Good, good. Shall we clean the hand up first?" he asked me, as I set the tea down, and held out my bandaged hand.

He began unwrapping the old gauze and I twitched as it peeled away from my raw skin. Looking down, I noticed the the redness had gone down significantly, and the skin, though still painful to the touch, had begun to seal itself up nicely.

"It's looking well, Heather. Better than expected in the circumstances," and he had me dip my hand in a bowl of warm water mixed with rubbing alcohol. It stung and soothed all at the same time, and I hissed quietly.

After he rinsed most of the residue from the wound, he wrapped the clean towel round my arm and dabbed everything dry. After he'd put the ointment on, he wrapped it up tight and had me lay back.

"You said not as much pain?" he asked, as he began the exam.

"Not till now!" I winced and tried not to jerk around for fear of more pain.

"Heather, you're nearly 6 centimeters! Shit," he whispered and removed his fingers.

"What? That can't be, I was feeling fine," I said, swallowing the fear momentarily.

"Labor can't truly be stopped, but I hoped this would give us some more time," he said, and went on, "we've got to prepare," he looked at me seriously, and I slipped up my leggings, sitting on the edge of the cot again.

"There's nothing to do?" I asked, and Hershel shook his head.

"I've exhausted the resources. You know I would try anything," he said and he helped me to my feet.

"Rick's already left, but we'll tell him all of this on his return. Until then, you go nowhere, you do nothing. You can't risk being alone if and when the baby comes," he grabbed my good hand in his own weathered one, balancing loosely on his crutches.

"You're going to be alright. You are," he said to me and squeezed my hand. I stayed behind to change into shorts and a white tank top before I headed back out into the common room and sat down in the camp chair again. Seeing my expression, Daryl got to his feet.

"What's up?" he asked me, and I looked at him sadly.

"Labor's progressing, I'm 6 centimeters now," I said blankly and played with a string on my sleeve.

"Damn," he said, and leaned against the chair, "what's Hershel gonna do?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Can't do anything more. He's helped a lot. I just can't be alone anymore," I said.

"I won't leave ya again. You'll be alright," he said, clearly trying to convince himself as well.

"I don't know how much more I can take of all this," I said, truly feeling defeated.

"You been through worse, you can make it through this too. Have to," he replied, leaning over and beckoning Merle to give him a swig from his flask.

"Hershel?" I called out, and he stumped out of the cell we'd been in moments before, drying his hands on one of the clean towels.

"Can I go outside? Daryl will stay with me, him and Merle can pick off some walkers, and I'll go pick some of the beans from the garden? I'll take the chair, I'll sit. I promise! Please?" I begged, I realized I was going stir crazy and since I had no nursery to nest, I felt like doing something productive, even if it was standing out in the heat snapping peas into a bucket.

"I'll watch her, and I'll help Daryl. The thing with the Governor the other day attracted too many of them things. The fences'll go down if we don't intervene," Merle said, polishing his arm piece with a grimy handkerchief.

"You stay close, and Bethy will go with you too, just in case," Hershel said, and Beth nodded in agreement, seemingly also excited to get outside.

"Axel, you wanna go outside? Keep a watch over Heather and Beth?" Carol asked the sleeping Axel, who got to his feet and stretched.

"Course," he mumbled and pushed his greasy mop of hair back from his face. I had quite grown to like him really. To my surprise, he leaned over and kissed Carol lightly on the lips. I looked at her smiling, and she waved me off with a sheepish grin.

Daryl gave me his knife and I tucked it into the thigh strap that I now wore out of habit as a part of my daily wardrobe, and he also handed me a simple revolver and some shells. He nodded lightly as we headed for the door. I slipped 2 shells into my left boot, and on my way out of the door, I bent over gingerly and picked up an old wicker basket for collecting the vegetables.

I sighed as the midday sun shone on my dry skin, and found myself throwing both of my hands, minus 4 fingers, up in the air.

"It's so good to be outside!" I said, smiling despite the grim situation.

"Speak for yerself, it's too damn hot and the stink from the biters is the worst this time of year," Merle said, and he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket.

"Ey," Daryl said and motioned for Merle to throw him a cigarette.

"Always a sucker for mah little bro," Merle said and threw the rest of the pack at Daryl.

" 'Les go," Daryl said as he lit up and the two brother went towards the fence to eliminate the group that had begun to build up on the north side of the enclosure.

I went to hobble towards the garden which was in a shadow cast by a block of brick building. Beth took the basket from me and held her hand on my shoulder to steady me.

As I walked, my skin began to crawl, sending uncomfortable waves of nausea through my body. I gagged lightly and bent down, clutching my belly under the bump.

"You alright, little lady?" Axel came over and he too reached out his arm to steady me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, and proceeded to throw up on the ground. I fell to my knees, and Beth sat with me, rubbing my back.

"We best get you back inside," she said, and as she tried to pull me to my feet, the shriek of a bullet piercing the air, and the thick thud of it hitting flesh. I heard the body fall first, and turned around to see Axel on the pavement, a crimson tide flowing from a neat bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

"Fuck!" I cried out and pushed Beth behind me to protect her, "go!" I cried again, my voice cracking, and tried to move fast myself, but I had not finished vomiting so the racking heaves paralyzed me.

"Get in! Go!" Daryl and Merle ran back across the field, and I heard more bullets whirring.

"Get inside!" Merle yelled, "I knew he'd be back," and he shielded me and Beth, who had insisted on helping me to the door.

Daryl fired off a few rounds in the direction from which the enemy's bullets came, and I heard a far off scream letting me know he'd at least hit one of them.

"Get the girls inside," Daryl said, and headed off towards the gate.

"Daryl no, you promised me!" I screamed after him, trying to push past Merle, "You son of a bitch you promised you wouldn't leave!"

He stopped and looked back to me. Seconds later, I saw his shoulder bolt forward and blood poured from a wound. He had been shot.

"No!" I repeated over and over and Merle pushed me back inside. I didn't have the strength to chase him, so I sat on the floor weeping, while Beth ran for her dad.

Merle had gone back outside, and moments later he pulled the door open, dragging Daryl in. Blood spurted from a hole on his arm.

"It's just a graze, a lucky hit. He'll be fine, just gotta stop the bleedin' " Merle said and drug him towards the cell block. Beth came back and helped me up, her small frame surprisingly able to support me.

"Bring them both here," I heard Hershel say, his loud voice booming through the block. He went on, "Can you handle him?" he motioned to Daryl, and Merle nodded, laying his brother out on the floor. Hershel threw him towels and as Merle stemmed the bleeding, Beth helped me to the floor where I laid, staring at the ceiling.

"Military trainin' did me some good after all," Merle said, chuckling.

"My fault," I whispered, and warm tears ran down my cheeks and into my ears.

"Stop it now, I shoulda never let you outta here," Hershel said, and put his stethoscope ear pieces in. He pressed the cool metal to my stomach and listened for a heartbeat. His face showed no emotion, and he moved the scope around, poking and prodding.

"He's moving, I know he's okay," I slurred and searched Hershel's face for any glimmer of hope.

" I feel him moving, but I can't find the heartbeat," he said, and I could sense that he was nervous by the way he fidgeted around with his equipment.

"I gotta go get those bastards outta here, I can hear the bullets still hittin' the walls," Merle said and ran back for the door, leaving Daryl lying on the ground with a towel around his arm.

"Daryl," I cried out and took my last ounce of strength to sit up. I crawled over to him and sat, peeling back the towel to see what damage had been done. It really was a graze, just like the one at the farm from Andrea, but it'd nicked a vein or something causing it to bleed pretty good.

"You're lucky," I said to him and leaned over to kiss his forehead.

"What the hell happened?" Carol sobbed as she came over. She had been folding some of the laundry with the baby up on the second floor perch.

"Woodbury came a'knockin'," Hershel said, glancing towards the door.

"Where's Axel?" she looked at me, and I shook my head.

"He saved me, but he didn't make it," I squeaked, "my fault," I said again.

Daryl looked at me with bloodshot eyes and reached his good arm up to stroke my cheek. Hershel stumped over to us crossly, and fell again to his knees. He breathed heavily, and I felt bad, knowing how hard it was for him to get around like he did before.

"Just patch him up, I'm fine," I said and squeezed Daryl's hand. Hershel nodded and threaded medical line through a suture needle. I cringed as I watched the needle pierce Daryl's skin, but Hershel laced him up like a well known pair of shoes.

"Merle," Daryl said, "all alone out there,"

"He ain't alone," Beth said. She had gone over to the door with Carol to reinforce the locks, and in looking out of the window, she told us what she saw; "Merle's there with Rick, Carl, TDogg, Glenn and Michonne. They're all back, they're all firing,"

I noted that the gunfire hadn't slowed since we came inside.

"I have to do this," I said, and got to my feet. Daryl held my hand, his eyes pleading for me not to go.

I pulled my arm from his grasp and breathed deeply, a sob catching in my throat that caused me to cry raspily.

"I love you," I mouthed to him, and blew a kiss to him.

"I love you too," he finally said it to me, and my confidence was renewed. I was about to die, but I would die loved.

I walked out of the door, my head held high, and I waved one of the white towels above my head. I walked on as a bullet missed my eye by inches.

"HOLD YOUR FIRE!" I heard his voice. My stomach tensed up, my baby stopping his movements.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rick screamed at me, and made to move in front of me.

"I know what I'm doing Rick. I can save your lives," I said, continuing to wave the towel. Rick stood stunned and motionless. The gunfire had stopped, and I saw a figure moving in from the opposite side of the beige pick-up truck.

Phillip pointed a pair of binoculars in my direction, and I froze, looking straight at him.

"Look at my face, Phillip. You know me." I cried out, my voice cracking and hot tears threatened to spill down my flushed cheeks.

"Heather, please get back here! There is another way!" TDogg spoke indignantly, and I looked over at him with solemn eyes.

"I have to do this, please," I said, and in that moment, I felt that the only way I could be happy again in this life was if the monster who had hurt me was laying in a shallow grave somewhere. It didn't matter if I died.

"You will die," Merle said to me as I put my hands in the air, seemingly reading my mind, "he will torture ya. He won't make it quick. Don't do this if you're lookin' for a way out."

"I won't beg for life, Merle," and I started walking towards the cut in the fence. I looked back to see Daryl walk through the door, disoriented but still aware of what was happening.

"HEATHER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, "the promise went both ways. You're leaving me," he said, and he cried openly.

I turned to face my fear, and blinked my own tears away. I trudged through the high grass, tripping over bodies, the tall grasses that had felt so comforting only a week ago now were scratchy and nothing but a nuisance.

"Heather," Phillip called out, "I shoulda known Merle wouldn't've had the sack to actually kill you," and he lowered his weapon, motioning for the rest of the group, around 5 men, to do the same thing.

"Come here, sweetheart," he said to me, and as I neared him, I smelled him. The sweat mingled with the blood from the wounded eye, the thick, burning smell of artillery being fired. He reached up and snaked his large hand around my neck, squeezing the same place where he had before, thumb pressing down on my jaw bone. I fought the urge to scream, to writhe and fall to the ground in fear. I stood, locking my knees and closing my eyes.

"Look at me. Look what your friends did to me," he said, and tipped up the patch that covered his eye. The flesh had putrefied and turned black around the hole which had been his eye. He pulled me closer to him, and pressed his lips to mine. I heard Daryl screaming faintly, his voice hoarse from exertion.

"FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! ,"

I didn't fight. I couldn't fight. I remembered the day when I was attacked; he told me how much he enjoyed watching me struggle; how it got him off. His hand tightened around my neck and he lifted me upwards, my feet leaving the ground as I gasped for breath.

"Please, it's- your baby. Phillip- it's- your baby," I choked out and he dropped me to the ground.

I saw almost a look of empathy in the otherwise cold and dead eyes that haunted my dreams.

"Get in the truck. We go back to Woodbury, and I leave them alone," he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

I got to my feet, and as I stood, I felt a gush of liquid pour down my legs, soaking my shorts through. I looked down and saw no blood; just clear fluid.

"Just in time for the arrival of my baby," Phillip said, smiling, and drug me to his truck by my ponytail.

Before he left, he pulled a megaphone from the floor of the truck, and leaned out of his window. His voice boomed through the quiet prison yard.

"Heather comes with me. Her water broke, so the arrival of my baby is imminent. That baby is mine, and I feel that it's only fair because Michonne took my Penny away, my sweet daughter, that I can keep it, watch it grow in Woodbury," he paused, and I thought he had finished, but he went on, "I want her too, Michonne, then I leave you and your people alone," the megaphone squeaked, and I cried into my hands, contractions beginning to rip through me like a reaping hook, its master coming to take me home.

"Ah, this'll be easy," Phillip said, and as I peered through my hands, I saw Michonne was already through the fence and coming towards us.


	23. And on this Day

"NO, GO BACK!" I screamed through the cracked window, and my head slammed against the glass as Phillip hit me with the megaphone.

Michonne sprinted towards us, and Phillip moved to grab his gun, but I cried out, my head swimming in delirium,

"No! If you hurt her, I'll kill it," my heart broke to hear me saying the words. I held Daryl's knife to my stomach, and pressed, just hard enough to draw blood. In my head, I heard the infant crying, and repressed a sob.

"She stays with me, unharmed, or I will kill it. You'll never know it. Even if you take my knife, I'll find a way to make sure you never see it breathe," I said to him, almost in a whisper.

He hesitated, but he put the gun down, and two men forced Michonne into the truck next to me. He bound both of our feet and hands, took our weapons, before the truck engine roared to life, and we retreated down the dusty road towards Woodbury.

I looked in the rear view mirror to see the speck that was Daryl fall to his knees, along with Rick and Carol.

"I'm sorry Michonne. You shouldn't have come out," I whispered to her after Phillip decided to blast shitty country music on the radio, which still worked oddly enough.

"He would've come back for me anyway, now maybe there's a chance he'll leave the rest alone, at least long enough to get the hell out of the prison," she looked straight ahead, but spoke to me directly.

"Shut up," Phillip said, and turned the radio up until my ears genuinely felt like they were bleeding.

The static of the radio became a familiar noise, and it felt as though we sat in silence and stared at the country roads, which turned even more back-woods as we got closer to Woodbury. I finally saw the familiar high wall around the town, and was somehow relieved that we had made it here alive.

Phillip drove the truck back up to his apartment building, and pulled into a narrow parking space behind the structure, slamming on the brakes so that the seat belt dug painfully into my stomach. I cried out in pain as the pressure from the belt caused another contraction to wave through me. My adrenaline spiked when I gave myself up at the prison, and I hardly had time to feel my body tightening and cramping until now.

"In," said Phillip, as he hopped out of the truck, hand gun pointed at us, and beckoned for us to get out and follow him.

"Up the stairs, to the left," he said, and we started up the stairs, me going at a snail's pace, and Michonne faltering in her own fast pace to help me.

As we reached the 2nd floor landing, I followed Michonne through the door and gasped, all of my memories coming back ten fold. I squeezed my eyes shut, but that only made things worse, as every single detail of the room was ingrained in my brain permanently.

"Shumpert, Moralez, stay out here in case I need you. Have a look around, Heather," Phillip said, and I jumped from his voice. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. I caught a glimpse of the bed and realized that there was still blood on the sheets, and a dried puddle of blood on the floor. My blood. I sank down onto the couch and began sobbing, and seconds later I vomited on the floor. He recreated this scene because it gave him pleasure. My abdomen contracted again, and I tried to think of anything else besides this place.

 _Daryl. His eyes, and his stupid nail biting habit. His smell, the clothes he wore and the strength of his arms. Rick, Carl and Judith, still a family after all of this time. Amy, when she gave me some of her clothes and let me use the precious shower at the quarry. Shane, when he fed me my first meal in Dale's camper. Loud sex in tents. Dale's smile. Glenn and Maggie catching us kissing in the woods. Glenn and Maggie doing it loudly in the guard tower. Hershel's smile, and his hugs. Carol eating Nutella. And Sophia. Beautiful, little Sophia, who told me to look at the pretty things._

Before I knew what was happening, I had opened my eyes and began to laugh. I looked into Phillip's eyes, still chuckling, and pushed my sweat soaked hair back from where it clung to my forehead. I began to braid it back, and tied it loosely with the old elastic band on my wrist.

My smile faltered as another contraction came, but I got to my feet and walked over to Phillip. I couldn't help but falter as he raised his hand, but he was only straightening the eye patch that now permanently adorned his face, courtesy of Michonne. I gathered up the courage to speak,

"I want a nice room. With nurses, equipment, anything I want and need. This child will be born safely, and I will live to hold him to my breast. You won't take that from me. Michonne stays with me, she doesn't leave my sight," I said, feeling a lot less strong than I acted.

I could feel Michonne swell with pride behind me, without even a glance in her direction.

"What position are you in to bargain, Miss McBride?" he asked me, tracing my jaw line with his calloused fingers.

"I'm carrying your child, and I won't hesitate to end its life if you give me no other choice," I said, voice trembling slightly.

"I don't believe that you'd do that to a child, darling, you're soft, and you're weak," he said to me, cocking his head to one side.

"You don't know me. Just because you violated me in every way imaginable doesn't mean that I am weak. You don't know who I am," I repeated and puffed my chest.

He smiled, and I cringed. His smile was the worst part about him. His perfect teeth, thin lips stretched over them in a silicone grin.

"You get your room, and your nice things, and your pet," he motioned to Michonne, "but there's not guarantee either of ya will live much longer than when the child is born,"

I figured he would say this, just to frighten us, though I'm sure he did have every intention of killing both of us.

My expression didn't falter, and Phillip pulled out a walkie, leaning down and speaking into it.

"Nurses' Ward, we're gonna need a maternity room set up. Found a breather out on the run who is in active labor. Hook all of the prenatal equipment that we have, and send a hot meal in, plus packs of jello and cold water,"

"The room is being prepared, sir!" I heard the walkie come back in clearly, and a young woman spoke through the other line.

"Quite the doting dad already," I said snidely, cradling the bump protectively.

"Shut your whore mouth!" he cried and backhanded me hard across the face.

"Fuck you," I said, spitting blood from my newly split lip on his shirt, " take us to our room," I grabbed Michonne's hand and pulled her close to me, protectively.

Phillip just laughed and motioned for us to go ahead of him in the hallway. He had us go left and continue down the hallway, until we can to a set of double doors that led to the stairwell.

"First floor. Room will be set up there," he said shortly and motioned for us to move ahead. I was finding it nearly impossible to walk down the stairs, but Michonne pulled me on. The bottom of the stairs finally came into view, and Phillip told us to go through the doors and turn left. As we went through the door, I saw a few women actually dressed in scrubs dashing in and out of a room straight in front of us. It was a large room, previously a one bed apartment, I believe. There was the bedroom, which was transformed into a delivery room, a bathroom, a little sitting space and a kitchenette. There were machines being hooked up, IV bags of fluid being hung on a rack next to the bed.

"Here she is!" Phillip's voice boomed to make sure all of the three nurses heard him. They stopped, and a woman, kind looking and blond came to escort me into the room.

"I want her with me," I said, motioning to Michonne who crept in, essentially becoming my shadow.

"We're going to have you hop into the shower, slip this robe on, when you're cleaned up and we'll have the bed made up for you when you come out. We'll check your dilation then, and see what else we can find out." she said, relatively calmly.

"Anything I can do?" Phillip asked the question and I was terribly confused. He must have been a decent guy before all of this. What had snapped in him that made him turn into a raging lunatic? I shouldn't care, but I was curious.

"I don't want him in here, or around the baby at all," I said, "I don't know him or anything about him. Also, my water broke between one and two hours ago," I finished, and the nurse nodded to me. She apparently had no idea what great secrets the Governor held. She shooed Phillip from the room, and Michonne led me into the en suite bathroom as my body clenched up yet again.

"I have to poop," I groaned and clutched my bum, waddling to the toilet.

"Leave me for just a minute,"

"Not a chance," Michonne said, trying not to smile.

"I'm going to shit violently right now, you realize that?" I asked, and clenched my butt, hardly making it to the toilet. Some of the pressure was relieved, and I stripped off my grimy clothes as Michonne turned on the shower for me. I looked down at my still bandaged hand and began to unwrap the gauze to wash the wound. It hadn't hurt terribly the last few days, and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Here," she said, and took my hand good hand, walking me towards the shower, and helping me to step in.

"Thanks," I said, chills erupting up my spine as the hot water pounded my skin. This was by far the best feeling I'd had in days, and I smiled despite everything. I picked up the trial size shampoo that sat on the edge of the tub and dumped it into my hair, using around half of the bottle. As I lathered up, I suddenly felt nauseous again, and knelt down. The water rinsed some of the soap into my eyes, and I cried out as a contraction hit and the soap burned my eyeballs.

"We gotta get you in bed," Michonne said, and helped me to stand and she ran her hands through my hair, trying to remove the shampoo seeing as I was incapacitated.

After she'd helped me back out of the shower, and she'd wrapped my hair and body up in fluffy white towels, I leaned out of the bathroom door,

"Nurse!" I called out, and someone came in momentarily. Can you just help me to the bed? My friend is going to take a shower," I nodded to Michonne, and removed the towel from my body, tossing it back to her. I slipped on the robe and was led by the arm by the blonde woman over to the bed, which was now made up and looked incredibly inviting.

"I won't be long," Michonne said, and I heard the shower come on again. I smiled to myself as I was lowered onto the bed.

"What's your name?" the nurse asked me.

"I'm Heather McBride," I said and held out my hand for her to shake. She did, lightly, and went on,

"I'm Lynn. I was a gynecologist before all of the...disaster struck," she said, and she placed a blood pressure cuff on my arm, squeezing the instrument repeatedly until the pressure on my arm burned and I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins.

"Blood pressure is good, vitals seem good. Mind if I do a quick dilation check?" she asked me, and I shook my head, knowing I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"Lay your legs open for me, just like that," and I obliged, relaxing my legs.

"You'll feel discomfort here. The level of discomfort will depend on how dilated you are," and she didn't give me a chance to question, she plunged two fingers into me, and I felt a searing pain right from my core as her fingers hit my cervix hard.

"Miss McBride...seems you're already at 9 centimeters! You're lucky Mr. Blake found you when he did!" she said, obviously a bit oblivious to Phillip's true self.

"Yeah, lucky," I said and tried to recover as she removed her fingers. Whatever Lynn had done made the contractions 3 times worse, and I struggled to stay still in the bed, finding that some sort of constant movement is better for dealing with pain rather than laying there, grinnin' and bearin' it, as they say. I asked for fresh gauze and ointment for the healing wound on my hand, and Lynn brought them to me, organized on a metal tray. I tried to busy myself by wrapping up my wrist tightly.

Michonne exited the bathroom 20 minutes later, wearing the tank top she'd worn before, along with the brown jeans she'd been wearing since I met her.

"Sorry I took so long. I couldn't make myself get out of the shower," she smiled and sat next to me on the recliner by the bed, and she adjusted her hair tie on her still dripping dreadlocks.

"I wish I could be back in there," I said, and winced as the fiery whip of pain slashed at my lower back once again.

"You can, if you want, Ms. McBride," Lynn had come back in with fresh towels, and newborn infant clothes, receiving blankets, and some medical tools, along with fresh clothes for Michonne and I.

"Could I?" I asked, feeling very close to my breaking point, pain wise.

Michonne had already re entered the bathroom and took the plastic chair from next to the toilet and placed it in the shower so that I could simply sit under the stream of hot water. My current idea of heaven would be this.

She helped me into the tub, lowering me onto the chair, and I sighed contentedly as I let the pressure of the water hit my spine once again, alleviating the current pressure that bound me.

"I miss Daryl," I sniffed. My mind took me back to the day we'd gone home to say bye to Mom and Logan, the first time Daryl had made love to me. The time we'd shared a beer and a bag of chips and we sat in contented silence. The long shower we both took.

"I miss people too," Michonne said as she sat on the edge of the tub, facing away from me.

I saw her shoulders shake lightly from silent sobs, and I reached a wet hand out to touch her shoulder. She reached up and squeezed my fingers, causing me to cry harder.

My vision lapsed temporarily, and the shower spun around me. If I hadn't been sitting down, I'd have fallen, and I grasped onto the arms of the chair to steady myself.

"Hey, someone help!" Michonne called out, and as I looked down, where she was looking, I saw swirls of red washing down the drain, mixing with the water and shining brightly on the white porcelain of the tub.

"What's wrong?" I tried to speak, and found that my lips were droopy and I had difficulty making words with my tongue.

"Let's get her into bed, come on," the nurse had come back in and helped Michonne carry me to the bed, where they set me down, a little less than gently.

I felt the cool cuff of the blood pressure piece wrap around my arm, sticking to my wet skin, and Lynn pumped air into the tube, causing my arm to go almost numb from the pressure.

"Blood pressure is low," she said and beckoned me to open my legs again. The sharp pinch and burning returned as she checked how dilated I was.

"10 cm. Do you think you can push?" she asked me as her and Michonne tried to get me settled on the bed.

"I just want to sleep," I said, my voice feeling disconnected from my body. I was still conscious but I could feel my eyes going closed, as much as I tried to keep them open.

"Okay, Heather, we have to push. You need to be strong now, and stay awake!" I felt gloved hands slapping at my cheeks trying to keep me awake. She hoisted me up, so I laid on my back, at a slant, and made me position my hands under my thighs, holding my legs up in the air.

"Can you hold one of her legs?" Lynn asked Michonne, and Michonne nodded fervently, her eyes still watery and red from before.

"I'll get the other one," said a familiar voice, and I began to rouse, possibly from the adrenaline, or possibly because my body knew it was time. I saw her blonde hair, pulled up in a tight ponytail, and she wore a leather and sheep's wool vest. Andrea got closer to me and held my other leg back with one arm, squeezing my hand with her free hand.

"I'm so sorry I defended him. I thought he was okay. The day we saw you in the woods at the helicopter crash, I knew something had happened,"

"You saw us?" I asked, and Andrea nodded,

"I saw the fear in your face, how you held Daryl back, and it was then...the first red flag. But it didn't stop me, and I'm so sorry," she said to me, her eyes bright blue and searching mine.

"You didn't know for sure. You saved our lives, when you had no reason to," I said, and squeezed her hand back, becoming distracted as a tightness rolled in over my belly like I hadn't felt before. It was intense, and I released short, exaggerated breaths as I tried my best to balance the pain and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

"She's entered active labor," one of the two nurses said, and she turned to me.

"The next big one, I'm going to have you breathe in big, push from your lower back, and hold the push for 10 seconds. Can you do that?" Lynn asked, locking eyes with me.

"I think so," I said coming down from the last contraction.

A minute went by with the nurses, Andrea and Michonne trying to position me closer to the edge of the bed so I would be more comfortable, and it was then when I felt the pressure building, causing my back to spasm in pain.

"Deep breaths," Michonne said to me, holding my leg back with force.

"You can do this," Andrea said, doing the same with my other leg.

"I need Daryl. I want him here. It wasn't supposed to be like this!" I cried out as my uterus tightened violently, and I screamed as loud as I could, earning a look from the other nurse who was outside in the hallway.

"You need to push, Heather. Please," Lynn said as she took a seat at the end of the bed, eyeing up my business.

I nodded frantically, feeling the blood draining from my face. It was actually happening. I was having the baby that I'd swore to hate. But I didn't hate it...I loved it terribly and couldn't wait to see its beautiful face.

"Now, Heather! Tuck your chin down to your chest and push. Breathe through your mouth," Lynn encouraged me and I listened to her to the best of my ability.

I pushed as hard as I could through rapid breathing techniques, and I felt as though my spine would snap from the unbearable pressure in my tailbone.

"This won't take long, Heather! We can see a little bit of blonde hair already!"

My heart fluttered during the brief break, and as the tightening recommenced, I pushed again, staring up that the ceiling.

3 more contractions came and went in the same fashion, and my that point, my body was exhausted and had almost cancelled out the pain.

"The head is out!" I heard Lynn say, and Andrea grabbed and squeezed my hand.

"Lots of blonde hair!" said Michonne, and she smiled genuinely looking back at my face.

"Stop looking down there!" I said, and I laughed despite everything, and Michonne laughed too.

"I never got to see this from this angle!" she said, and sobered, as if she had a memory come back to her.

"Here it comes again," I said quietly, my body not giving me time to ask Michonne what she meant.

I steadied myself and pushed, feeling bile rising to my throat as I did so.

"I'm gonna throw up," I said, and Michonne grabbed the trash can from beside the bed, helping me to lean over as my stomach purged itself of the water I had drunk when we arrived.

"This is actually helping the baby move along! The pressure made the shoulders come out!" Lynn said, as I felt a tearing pain.

"One more big push, now, come on!" She said, and as my stomach stopped tensing with heaves, I felt a huge relief as the pressure all but dissipated.

I became sleepy, and went in and out of consciousness, as I heard my baby begin to cry.

"It's a little boy!" Lynn said, and after clamping the cord, she handed Michonne a pair of scissors, with which she cut the umbilical cord with.

"One more big push and we'll have the placenta delivered as well," Lynn said, handing the baby to Andrea, who stood waiting with a blanket and open arms. She cooe'd at him, whilst I pushed again, feeling another weight lifted as I delivered the placenta. I laid there in an almost euphoric state, and I was briefly aware that Lynn and Andrea cleaned off the child with warm water and a wash cloth. I heard his first cry, which was not at all what I imagine. There was no fear, there was no sadness, only longing, and hope that his mother would love him. Which I did, more than the world.

"Here," Andrea said, and she laid the child on my chest. I strained my sore neck down to look at him, and began to sob as I did so. His skin was the softest I'd ever felt, and I couldn't stop touching him, running my fingers over his forehead, down behind his tiny ears. He had a decent amount of white blonde hair, and his eyes fluttered open, looking around at the bright lights and colors around the room. He began to root, and I led his mouth to my breast, where he latched on easily.

"He's amazing," I said to Michonne, who still sat very close and stared at the baby boy that I could now call my own. I looked at her and said, "Will you protect him? If something happens to me, I mean. Which it will," my eyes clouded up with tears again.

"With my life, Heather," she said and turned a corner of her mouth up into a small smile.

"And with mine," said Andrea, and she ran a finger over the top my child's head.

"I don't know what to name him. I never thought we'd make it this far," I said, and studied the scrunchy infant's face.

I thought about it as I continued looking at him.

"Callum," I said, my mind wandering to my father.

"Callum McBride," Michonne said, and helped me to cover up my chest with one of the receiving blankets while the newborn suckled away.

"Callum McBride the second," I said and smiled.

"Callum Blake has a better ring to it, don't you agree?" Phillip was walked through the door, and Lynn looked at me and said,

"I tried to keep him out."

"He doesn't know what no means. He hasn't since I've known him anyway," I said snidely and looked up at him, clutching my son closer to me. Michonne and Andrea both got to their feet and stood in front of my bed.

"With our lives, Heather," Andrea said, as the Governor swung his fist and it collided with her skull with a sickening thud.


	24. Escape

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1f2d50bf8e65dc180c3af75ee58bba94"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"SEMI GRAPHIC, TRIGGER WARNING./span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d3cf63e415134b8c36b57034daeb988f"I physically could not find strength to lift myself from the bed. I tried to sit up and my back cracked; I screamed in pain and turned to my side, cradling the infant to my chest./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="32161bbfe28d5eb1c1e3fa42a685b5fa""I'll take your other eye with no hesitation, bastard," Michonne said, and I heard her unsheathe her katana quickly and smoothly./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="04e9fc0fdc0d3ca18ed0e159b37b6a1e""Enough of this shit, Michonne. This whole thing is over. Lynn leave us please," Phillip said, motioning for the frightened nurse to leave./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a46a854d0930a09986069eb36705457d"The woman who delivered my child looked over at me, tears swimming in her kind eyes./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2604188c5370cf5d38ac290ef6d36067"I nodded to her, motioning for her to go./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5f1e3eac17ba7910e1aa938048551335""I'm sorry," she mouthed and exited the room in a hurry./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bb58fe5af8f9bbd50a9c7c9b3db62f2f"Phillip pulled a gun from his back pocket and trained it on Michonne, who retaliated without a second thought and charged forward, slashing Phillip's side with her sword. He gasped in pain, but recovered quickly, lunging towards Michonne and grabbing her by her hair./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c681ebef6169bac0a2349d71c0eab1dc"I saw the scarlet pool begin to blotch through the thin fabric of his blue shirt, and as Michonne struggled to free herself from Phillip's grasp, I managed to pull myself to a sitting position, still holding little Callum; I looked down at him, and he nuzzled to my breast. I pulled aside my robe and let him latch on, which he did with ease./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="304ea941f475122b8593519eac6b644a"He was a little fighter; strong minded and free spirited./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="049fbaf339ca45b81b28154f24caf596""Why did it have to be this way?" I whispered to him as tears ran from the corners of my eyes, forming a collective spout from the tip of my nose, "I'm so sorry," I went on, hardly able to force words out through my sobs./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="89f45d5cda2d0dfaea7cacb72b9d6925"I had blocked out the background noise momentarily, and when I looked back at Michonne, I saw that Phillip had drawn blood from her; the dark red ooze flowed from her nose, glazing her sweaty skin. He had her cornered, but Andrea had begun to stir and seeing the situation, she got to her feet as quietly as possible. She swung her fist hard, and hit him in the side of the head; he fell to the ground and laid motionless. After a moment of shock, I called out,/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="37cac11904c620283ac28a78b0a0d3aa""Take him. Take him and Andrea and go. I don't care where. Find formula and keep him safe. I'm begging you, please,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="14d0c24b4b34f3d7a55875445114dc6c""Michonne limped towards me and I saw her nostrils flare as she began to cry. My tears hadn't stopped since Callum's birth, and as she reached for my son, I whimpered helplessly./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bc54a8392dc30c93c5c43a3d51b64c81""I love you so much," I said to him, kissing him on his velvety forehead, "I'll see you soon, love," I wrapped him tighter in his receiving blanket and pushed him into Michonne's arms. Andrea stood behind her and looked down at the baby./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="96cabcc45bb336fb29d9ba3482e09372""We could get you out of here," Michonne said, "All together. We don't have to separate. I can kill him now," but it was like she knew. She knew I had to be the one to do it./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c4d8f16090441ed95ae9dc2496987415""You know I will slow you down. I made it away from him once; maybe I can do it again. If not, I'll be happy knowing that the baby is safe, away from here," I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the image of something happening to Callum./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="53ea88cd3d621611dc4c05b39964df85""He will kill you," Andrea said, he bright blue eyes bloodshot and tired./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7e818bd0a79f1e58144449939405facb""Not if I kill him first. I want to make him hurt. But like I said. The baby is safe. If I'm meant to get out of here again, I will," I thought back to my escape the first time; I only got out because of Merle, and even with someone the Governor trusted, I barely made it./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7d1deaf5833fa8c975f8c15b2adfd7ea""Be safe," I said, after a long pause, and I kept my eyes shut, "I don't want to see him now. Not here. Keep him safe," I said, and I laid back down on the bed, grimacing as my back tightened again, making it near impossible to move./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7920092c8f7c579db37d0c32b11fb939"I heard them gathering belongings; they cleaned out the cabinets, took the rest of the blankets at the foot of the bed, and bottles of water from the side table./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="add1c71347bf1fecca9f84f4d89a48c6""Get his weapons," Michonne said, and I heard Andrea patting down a still silent Phillip for his gun and knife./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="05116b6f92d69fc3cd8e9a43ff749700""And I'll tie his hands and feet," Andrea said, using some of the rope from Michonne's backpack./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a0e0b2f118c11545f74fb5fb57aa336e""This will hopefully give her some time," she whispered, and I heard the friction of a tight knot being tied./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3c74ec4e5b783324a8e7858038066f9d""Keep this," Michonne was in front of me, and I opened my eyes to see her lay down a knife. I saw the bundle of blankets in her arms move slightly and I heard the baby whimper. At the same time, there was a rustling on the ground as Phillip began to rouse./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="278c3bbc71cab4d9c5eab97b796f8aae""GO," I said loudly, and stuffed the small knife under my pillow. I watched them leave, and I laid down on the bed, taking in fast, shallow breaths, trying to keep myself calm./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5d8903cb57ff2b330f670f1849fd316f"Phillip got to his feet, staggering blindly in a few circles before he got his surroundings figured out./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="acef62e0a45bbd388a083024a857351e""Where is he?" After his eyes had locked on mine, he said to me, trying to keep up the calm facade that almost never faltered. Right now though, I saw his lip quiver, I saw him wipe sweaty palms on his tan pants./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="61b9d76b032f7987b0778bd90946a450""Safe. Away from here," I said, tears beginning to fall./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="295230bde510af87d98b233ebaa41b0a""The ultimate sacrifice, eh? How a mother suffers for her child," he said, glaring at me. He loosened the rope bindings from his hands with ease, and my breath caught in my chest./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7db53bff2fc8604460ffd03be4ffbf8d""There's nothing else you can do to me, besides kill me," I said to him, my voice sounding braver than I felt./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="608421a068c15013af092c6be977c8e1""You're wrong, of course, there is always something that I could do," he said, gritting his teeth. He went on, "I think you'll come join me in my apartment while you...heal. As soon as you can walk, we leave to find our son and kill his kidnappers,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="04cba9e3fc7938c7b41acaa00744b3b5""I want Lynn to take care of me," I said, knowing that he would laugh in the face of any proposal I would have./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7067f5feec20e15fba7eb8e6254341c8""I'll take care of that. I know you well enough now, don't you think?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0c0cb99321015c2350d3628e4309b948""Pig," I said, and spit at his feet./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ee0eaaa346815e732d651eb77132ee21""Come on," he said to me and yanked me to my feet. As I stood, my lower back screamed in agony, and blood pooled at the floor around my feet. I had no strength, and my feet wobbled. Losing my balance, I fell to the floor, slipping in my own blood./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2ab4c78ebe37ace1177e4bfc0b8f0e22"I sat there, humiliated, staring at the red smears all around me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2ca204a6139e4093dac2da8d69d70d54""UP!" Phillip yelled in my face, and hoisted me up onto his shoulder./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b755ee8207567624571fd4880ff615d0""No, please!" I screamed again as piercing pain shot through my entire lower half. His shoulder pressed on my throbbing womb, and I felt myself going limp; I was going to pass out./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d840980ee5835a13f6e50014cc5d6b4a""LYNN!" He bellowed, and the nurse came quickly. I heard faint talking and saw distorted people./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="92a3e7747755ba719dbd3e25799a2920""Bring witch hazel, some hot water, lots of towels, fresh clothes, and pads for the bleeding," he ordered and she nodded, looking back and forth from me to Phillip./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bac35782c3cfa3b900d84ac1365b9405"He carried me out of the room, down the hall, and up the stairs to the entrance of his apartment building./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d4005819b053dd0e4a272a06d3e8d10e""Just let me die, please," I slurred, and lost consciousness./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bfa2521c2ffe6500d2455106a4fb8f6c"_/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f9a0800efd6de5e0549520dbbb0a8fa3"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""That's mah boy in there," Daryl said, as he placed a gentle hand on my round belly./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1bf4663a29dd3fdef952a220b0710db9"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""It's not. You know it's not," I said to him, seeing his face fall./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3cf84772ffe64f7636baf9cceff3be93"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""It should be," he said back, lifting his hand up to rub his jaw line./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7aaba1ef7f9a295604a2775f0ca69317"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""I'm sorry,"/em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ad7a827c6061dcb8413a72c3cd3da176"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""No you ain't, ah bet you wanted this all along," he started to get angry./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f2fa33e2b8873555192d6509c7d56d0c"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""Daryl, no! You know I never wanted this," the tears started, wetting my cheeks like a heavy rain./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e0b2025189ced18714b686e4a3a60da"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""Slut," he said to me, "ain't nothin' but a slut, just like mah brother said to me," he said, and spit at me, getting to his feet and leaving me on the ground./em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c1be0abce9734bff06a28193b2915b63"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""Please no,"/em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="15f72d44eb697239579c145ab694aa1d"I said, and I started to wake up; I laid in a bed by a window, light streaming in brightly from outside. My hair clung in tight ringlets around my forehead and neck with sweat, and my breathing was fast again. Thank God it was a dream./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="88bf40d7889013fe7652e1f183a80fe7""Lost a lot of blood there," Phillip's deep voice startled me, but I almost expected it. I stared at him with contempt as I looked down at my clothes; they had all been changed, the blood wiped off, and a clean nightgown slipped on. I smelled of some sort of antiseptic or lotion; I couldn't place it./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="56dcbe9ff856e4d9e853b8cfb2dccb9b""Is your new thing raping an unconscious woman?" I gulped and waited,/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="84cf381a98c49fe5d4d8fbf28ae5bf31""I never raped you," he said, and I scoffed. He went on, "you wanted what I gave to you, Heather, and it gave us a son,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="01e23d63c70ac2b887f0765556967dfa""Stop reminding me," I groaned as I tried to turn on my side away from Phillip's piercing gaze. My foot caught painfully, and I realized I was cuffed to the bed by my ankle./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="12005b8464b9770cf880083f6b1d3917""And no, I had Lynn clean you up like you asked. I'm not good with being tender and caring, you know that," he said, waving a hand back and forth nonchalantly, "Knew if you didn't get proper care, you'd get some sort of infection and die on me anyway,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c5a0ea697cadbcd3bce3e6c65a4f3818""What do you think, that I'm going to stay here with you? You think I'd help you find my child, bring him back here after I kill two of my friends, and live happily ever after with you and Callum?" I looked at him as I pulled myself into a sitting position, grimacing and clutching a hand to my sore abdomen./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b575fc80cdea22e562336f100f5b80fa""You'll be the Governess," he said to me, smiling lightly,/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3db897a25bd0974f3604920a8122a72d""I'd rather die," I said, biting at one of my nails instinctively./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="82fc577bc57abfdd424a3107ca1b3eb4"My arm grazed my breast, and a tingle waved through my body. I felt a strong build up, and my breasts were hard and swollen./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6b26938ef7c0cd8454a79b379b96c2d5""That'll mean you're ready to nurse," Phillip said, his eyes hadn't left me since I woke./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3fe107ce34f199212c89a0a6a62723f1""I need a baby for that," I said sarcastically,/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="60576bf8040a2b1dff4a4ad379328d9f""I'll be back in a moment," he said and got to his feet, walking slowly over to the cabinet under his sink./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85bb3019075134a9c7d3e732fc097d43"He pulled out a pack of Ziploc baggies and brought two over to me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5c32bc9a719f4840f25edfc78aa85275""We'll express it in here, and put it into the only deep freezer we have; right here in this apartment,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="21f61619fa2754fa8fe8de3f9be02e5e""There's no 'we' in this situation. This is between me, myself and I, and I don't want or need your assistance," I snatched the plastic bag from his hand and fumbled to open the zipper on it./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="88fd2fd034aeea4aad8698dda7da62e4""I think you'll take what you can bear for your child, and I will make sure you realize that this will help him when we find him."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="dba1c74e5d47e8f956761c1d01a6c135"He sat down in front of me, and I flinched, swallowing hard. I knew what he was going to do, and my muscles clenched in fear./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b028e668d61da9f210445693ce85cf9c""Hold the bag open," he said, "right here, under your nipple," and I refused, shaking my head violently, a sob vibrating my lower lip./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="61ebf40a1a3c82e786920d0a7a7893d7""Just do it, Heather!" he said to me, and pulled down on my nightgown, exposing my breasts. From just the slight brushing, fluid began leaking out, and Phillip again forced the open bag into my hand. I fumbled to keep it open because I only had 6 fingers left. I held it in frustrated silence, and he placed his hands on me, pressing and kneading, expressing the milk into the bags with ease./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ef6280cc3ef648546233e18148ec004f"There was a relief; only from the biological standpoint. The rest of me quivered, and my skin crawled as he realized I was empty for now; after sealing the bags, he placed them in the freezer, and came back to me. He sat again in the same spot and pulled the gown down. He leaned in and placed his mouth on me, sucking and biting./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c8800d8b9a2bc46b014597962698d0e0""Please don't," I begged, my voice only managing a harsh whisper./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1c36f385df483820130a8f3a60437e06""They're so sweet," he said, and I squeezed my eyes shut, humming some familiar tune from my past./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b4bc26d3edd91845c0df1ca16431635e"I heard him get to his feet, and the zipper of his pants come undone./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d5aa98d780270a5b83f95dd3a0fe8ba0""Just help me with this one last thing...it'll be quick, I promise." He inched closer to me, and stopped right in front of my face./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a28dbd6164f738b5cd75580d36acb9bf"_/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e4e81d1c1f93614c7e5b9a3bfa725ba"The days started to run together. Phillip wasn't visiting me very often; he was gone almost all day every day, and I had a feeling he was scoping out the prison, and looking for Andrea, Michonne and the baby./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7e6d5548a854f98b044cc3b059087b6a"I looked out the window this morning, since Phillip had removed my cuff, and replaced it with an armed guard outside my door. As I gazed around outside down the sunny main street of Woodbury, I saw Phillip getting into the truck with Martinez and Shumpert, and they drove off, followed by another smaller pick up with 5 guys in it, all heavily armed./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2adbb85cdfffe1468da95f20fec3844a"I heard a faint thump at the door, and jumped as Lynn entered the apartment. I saw the guard slumped on the floor outside the door./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e4c311a61d9738fcb883d5035f94d633""You need to go," she said to me. She approached me with a backpack, stuffed full of supplies, and clean clothes. She tossed a pair of worn hiking boots next to me as well./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="893a0cea56b4e50839be2fc6b30022d2""What do you mean? Go where? He'll find me and kill me,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ccf584b3972bdad45e9696e6b7d1af66""So you're just going to give up?" she said to me, thrusting the backpack into my arms./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7717411fa06a074000338a3efe306a72""If it means I can stay alive until I'm stronger, yes!" I said, exasperated./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f5fb8454a34bc868e390e6a1199b588e""Go. Your son is out there, Heather. I've been taking care of you since the day you had him, and you're strong enough to get out of here,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="783f630f69eb8cffd736b748f0e021ce"I sat on the bed, looking around and thinking./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b55c662dc10cfacea6df1db525222aa5""I have no where to go," I repeated, and I stood again as I slipped on the backpack./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d7b07dc15007a027eed3a41e1d90faf3""Here, take this, and these," she said to me, giving me a gallon of water and a two boxes of stale but sufficient saltine crackers. "There are cans of beans in the bag as well, plus wipes for your body, and some clean clothes,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2c53d5b2056a1927b8d3b7be1b49de72""Lynn, just come with me!" I said, feeling a pang of excitement to be getting out of here to start another new chapter./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="19ea6d319f597d14827fa143f63cafe4""I can't, Heather. You've lived out there before, and you do well. I was never exposed to biters. I've been here since the break out, and this is where I'll die," she said to me, adjusting her name tag that she still wore with pride./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85620cfb77e755b1ea391fe945dfa431""I can never thank you enough, Lynn. You brought my son into the world, and you're giving me the chance to know him, if I find him,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a70c2e78b3cd7f69d49a8d8cb11a7ed""You will find him, I'm sure of it," she said, and leaned in to hug me in a quick but loving embrace./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="088eb9c988e4d9e3e610485eb096d08a""Go on," she said, and she motioned for me to leave./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ab55c3ce14b788373d2e1374cebdfba8"I made for the door cautiously, backpack strapped on, boots on my feet./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d727358307ec2e8710996a430abda4fe""Thank you," I mouthed again, and as soon as I got to the stairs, I bolted. I ran, I'd never run so fast in my life, and as I pushed the heavy metal door open, I gasped, taking in the open air for the first time in weeks. As I made for the back wall as silently as possible, I saw two familiar faces guarding from a perch. It was the black man and woman who had been with my dad and brother back at the prison. Tyrese and Sasha./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="34c07707bd13e543f1fdca63d249d951"I climbed up the ladder quietly as they practiced their aim on the few walkers that milled about on the outside of the barricade./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="649ac2e77f48a2372f8735b0bae8a9ab""Sasha, Tyrese," I whispered and they swung around. I feared I was going to be shot, but familiarity flooded their faces as they looked me up and down./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fbda3055c481f91293d94b70cc9cd5d5""I don't have time to explain right now. Just please let me go. I need to leave before he gets back. This place is not what it seems," I said to them, getting tongue tied as I stared over my shoulders with paranoia./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a60eaeb6c334abc65fa7c62b1b16e390""We'll come with you," Sasha offered right away, and Tyrese nodded./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f29013a0c51c607e48a07ad0fda46d98""Somethin' ain't right with this place. Anyone can feel it. It's like a heaviness," he said, and hopped down on the outside of the fence, reaching his hand up to help me down, then his sister followed./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5564ed61d8280d0dd387e1aece53ff38""Where's my dad and Brody?" I asked, as we made our ways to the shelter of the thick trees./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="abd128da534e96ab77593e1d5cfed506""We got separated. But they weren't in any danger when we saw them last, just bad timing. Woodbury found Sasha and I on a run, when Brody and Callum stayed back at the little camp we had," Tyrese went on, as I looked at him intently./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="905ca1470ea8a55ffd396ccd5976fcda""They're out here somewhere," Sasha said, smiling crookedly at me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fee7493b18d0b91f38ec15e0259c2553"As we walked, I could tell that neither of them wanted to ask, but I could feel them looking down at the flat and sunken in place where my baby had been. I'd lost more weight, and my ribs protruded painfully, along with my hip bones./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e86364437ec2aa01c5212599bd955831""Like I said before, it's a long story, which I'm sure you'll hear at some point," and I brushed it off. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to find Callum and hold him close to me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b28fdbfd6d1358a8b1875aba0e699477""So where are we headin'?" Sasha asked after clearing her throat. She tried to break the awkward silence./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f2a530770d9a8599a8187f586e2c56e0""The prison is the first place he'll look for me," I said, thinking out loud, and pondered where we could head that would be safe./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8cb071493ff0065095aa2cf209306c15""There are some old abandoned mills up by the main highway. If we can get near the main road into Woodbury, close enough for me to navigate anyway, I can get us there," I said, and turned around, trying to get my directions in order. I was totally lost, but I was hoping with a little luck, I could find somewhere safe for us to stay, just to come up with a game plan./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="60db59c64bee40a03ac2b26db7210e1b"Up about a half mile, I could see more sunlight and the trees thinned substantially./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="de54d2aa99037ea5af17bdf544b7c53a""Let's try this way," I offered, pointing in the direction of the clearing, and the three of us trudged off, rustling the underbrush as we went. Getting closer to the clearing, I saw that it was in fact the main road, and I motioned for Tyrese and Sasha to stay far back from the edge. We crept along, hiding behind trees, pausing for every tiny noise, and taking out walkers when we needed to, quickly and efficiently./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b906b00711a83d53f4b560a59387287"We kept going by the clearing, and further down, I saw the gravel turn off to an old mill, and I saw the tower; rusty, faded red and looming. I placed a finger to my lips, motioning for the other two to be extra quiet. We inched on, and my senses heightened, hair on the back of my neck prickling./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e801ac7dbdc9bf043452f85dcce0ed5b""- I'm not showin' you my leg...At least buy me a drink first!" It was Hershel who spoke. He laughed with another man, the laugh I could not place. I couldn't see anything through the thick brush, but it took everything I had to keep quiet. I turned again to Sasha and Tyrese with a finger to my lips, and they nodded immediately./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6aa208ae2ef9b8b4191ae2d9eb3ef9ba""It's for data!" The other man said, and I recognized his voice now as Milton Mamet, who was Phillip's experimenter; in all ways naive and oblivious to what went on around him, despite how intellectually smart he was. We had met briefly one afternoon in the apartment, and I could tell Milton was in no way like Phillip. He was kind and shy, and very polite to me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7dd569d43381828e79630b479f3e54a8"I backed up and hid among the overgrown vines, sinking into them almost as if I didn't exist./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c404b9a6bdb0f04796c5925cac2b8ae4"I heard the clang and scraping of a large metal door being opened, and my ears automatically tuned out any background noise as I focused on voices./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3af48616df65e12275fc5a1a7906f939"There were none; only footsteps, and the opening of various car doors. Tyrese and Sasha had sunken into the vines next to me, and we waited as one of the vehicles passed. I looked out and saw that it was Phillip's cream colored Excursion SUV. I sunk back as far as I could, holding my breath. I didn't have much time, and I knew I would have to think of somewhere to go where he would not find me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="65667581a35ec85105ac231b99fdd9ee""He said he'll give us Heather if we leave the prison," I heard Rick's voice and my heart nearly flew out of my mouth. I couldn't stifle a sob, and I fell to my knees, shaking. I heard guns cocking and I stepped out shakily, Tyrese and Sasha with me, Tyrese supporting me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cd0ec3baa20c8f2816e2ab00072089a6""Daryl?" I said, and I heard his rapid footsteps crunching through the leaves. I stepped out and followed his steps, seeing them all as I turned the corner./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7e4b764eb46a9e002116d7136cd962ba""Oh my god," I heard Hershel say as I jumped into Daryl's arms, dropping my backpack to the ground with a clatter./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d89c5ed7dff5f52f778e478e9ac41446""I thought you was dead," Daryl said to me, leaning in and kissing me as he hoisted me up onto his hips./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2d1d1f72766338d6caeb5a8a731943f7""I love you so much," I said through my tears, and kissed him back, feeling his lips breathe life back into my tired body./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="97b05394b163327829b859b8df03b514""How did you make it out?" Rick was asking, standing behind us./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d79eeb4bc6fa47bf6b179f6472a37c05""One of the nurses helped me. They'll be after me soon, he'll be back to Woodbury any minute...he won't stop till he finds me and he'll go to the prison first,"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f5490453912ac5bb4f7b07e38a22ef5b""We need to get back and warn the others," Hershel said, and I could tell he was thinking of Maggie and Beth./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c2eeb70e8266b374c8b773c71c696271""Let's go," I said, and got into the back seat of the green Hyundai as Daryl got onto his bike and kicked the engine to life./p 


	25. A Chapter Revisited

I sat in the back seat of the car as Rick drove and Hershel sat in the passengers seat next to him. Tyrese sat on my left, and Sasha on my right. Rick had agreed to let them come back with us. Hershel reached back his hand to me, took my own in his and kissed it lightly.

"So glad you made it back to us Heather," he said, and I smiled lightly.

"What happened to the baby?" Rick asked bluntly, and my hand recoiled, smile fading quickly.

"Rick, she's obviously been through an ordeal," Hershel defended me, looking back at me over the seat from the corner of his eyes.

"I laid awake countless nights wondering what I could've done to save them, because I thought they were dead," Rick said to Hershel, addressing him like I wasn't even in the car.

"Well, she's not dead," Hershel replied, shrugging, "and the poor girl still has feelings. I saw what he did to her, and I hugged her when she cried. She left the prison, went back to the man who hurt her, all to save us; your son and daughter, my children are safe because of her,"

"Michonne and Andrea fled Woodbury with my baby- a little boy named Callum- and I haven't seen them since he was born. I told them to leave, to keep my son safe. This was the day I had him... It was 8 weeks ago. I carved tallies for each day into the bed post where I was chained. Phillip raped me again before I could even heal from having my child. 2 weeks ago, he started going out with Martinez and Shumpert more often, and I knew they were looking for Andrea and Michonne. They came back empty handed and quiet; I would sit by the window watching for hours just to make sure they came back alone. I dreaded hearing a baby screaming, or one of my friends crying out for help," As I stopped talking, I realized that the tears flowed freely down my dry cheeks, the salt from the tears burning my skin.

Sasha entwined her hand in mine, and smiled half heartedly at me, not knowing what else to say. Rick's knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel, and I saw the veins popping in his neck where he clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth. He turned the car smoothly into the winding, wooded road to the prison gate entrance, and I stared out of the front window, eyes trained on Daryl on his bike. The weather was changing again, I took note, as the wind stirred up mini-tornadoes of different colored leaves on the road in front of us. I saw Carl at the gate, joined by Carol, and the two worked together to open it.

As we pulled through the gate, I suddenly felt self conscious, like I was totally naked and I could feel eyes trained on me, staring at my bruises, my scars, and all of my faults laid bare. I breathed deeply, trying to steady my increasing heart rate, and as the car came to a halt in the safety of the fenced in prison yard, I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping for this feeling to subside. The sweat beaded on my forehead, and my stomach tightened and turned at the thought of seeing all of these people again. The only family I had left, besides my dad and brother, and my beautiful son. My beautiful, lost boy.

Rick got out of the car, and opened the back door. Tyrese got out first, and offered me his hand, which I took shakily with my good hand, and scooted towards the door. My right foot hit the stony ground, then my left, and Tyrese's strong arm pulled me vertical again.

"Oh my god," Maggie and Beth were there, Beth holding Judith, and the sisters clasped hands over their mouths simultaneously. Beth reached for me, pulling me into an embrace. I smelled her, a light vanilla aroma in her hair, mixed with the smell of baby. I tried to lift my arms to hug her back, but my body wouldn't listen to my brain, so I stood there in the awkward embrace for what felt like hours.

I looked at Daryl, and he had been looking at me, but looked quickly away, and went about getting items out of the side pouches of his brother's old motorcycle.

"Let's head inside," Rick said and started for the door. Carol took my hand and led me after the others, and I soon heard the familiar loud clank of the metal prison doors. I was locked in again, and I had never felt so grateful.

Daryl avoided me, and I did my best to help the others. We packed, tried to make plans for where to go next, and then argued. We needed to leave the prison within the hour and no one could think of anywhere safe to go. Of course, there was no place that was truly safe anymore.

"Everyone quiet," Rick yelled, "We need to stay here. I've been going back and forth in my head, what the fuck we should do, and I can't think of anything, nothing that would appease all of us, so we stay. We fight. He doesn't need to know Heather is here, and if we're prepared enough, maybe we can ward Woodbury off. Stay safe, just a little bit longer,"

There were a few disgruntled sighs, and Carol began to cry softly.

"I need to go anyway," I said suddenly, surprising myself, "I just need to," I said more quietly, and I picked up my backpack from the floor, still packed from my time in Woodbury. I pulled out the receiving blanket that Phillip had let me keep. It was the blanket my son was placed in as soon as he'd been born, and I breathed deeply into the thin blue fabric. My blood stained the blanket, and everyone stared, but I didn't care.

"I only- h-have one reason to be a-alive, and that is to find my ch-child," my words came in short breathed groups, and I took a breath, "Maybe you will be safe if I leave. Maybe y-you can come to an a-agreement with him," I knew this was a lie, and I could hardly make myself say it, but my instincts told me to leave before I was truly trapped, which would be soon. Maybe it was too late already.

"Last time you left me, you didn't give me no choice but to stay behind, but you're not gonna do that again. Nope, I'm comin' with you, Barbie," Daryl looked at me, eyes boring into my own, and though I scowled, we both knew he'd never stay behind. I knew suddenly why he was avoiding me; the last time I'd seen him, he'd just been shot and had begged me not to leave...and I did. My stomach turned again at the thought, and I secured the straps of my backpack, heading towards the door.

"Don't look for me. Don't think of me anymore, it'll be like I was never here," I said to the group, and headed for the door. No one said a word. Daryl followed me and took me by the arm.

"You sure?" he said under his breath, and I nodded almost invisibly.

He returned the nod and pulled open the heavy metal door, letting the bronze autumn sunlight blaze in through the doorway.

"Take the truck," Glenn said, speaking for the first time since we'd gotten home, and he tossed the keys for the silver Dodge at Daryl. I felt my lip quivering and I bolted out the door. This person that I was now was unknown to me. I couldn't control my emotions, and I'd all but lost the will to live, and living was something I'd always promised myself that I would do.

"Come on, now," Daryl had come out and beckoned me to the truck, where he lifted me up by the waist, and I could see his small eyes widen as he realized the extent of my weight loss. He set me down on the truck's passenger seat.

"When did you eat last?" he asked me, and I shook my head at him,

"I'm not hungry anymore, I can't make myself eat," I said, and pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on my left knee cap. In truth, to keep lactating, I'd been forcing down saltines and water whenever I could, and so far I hadn't dried up.

I stared out the window as Daryl started the truck and began the descent down the path towards the road. He hopped out to open the gate, and after we'd gone through, he locked it again. We sped off down the road, and as I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw the shadow of the prison, clouded by the dust that the big tires kicked up.

"We should try the farm," I said, and this earned a look from Daryl.

"Maybe Andrea and Michonne went there with Callum, and they're waiting it out there, waiting for me. It's the only place that I can think of Daryl," I said, grasping my hair and pulling in frustration.

"Okay, okay, we'll check it out," and I could see in his eyes that he was scared of what would happen when we found out where Callum and his guardians were.  
We rode in silence and the sights became more familiar, besides with the difference in season. I still remembered some of the cars on the highway into Atlanta. As we came to the turn off for the desolate road to the farm, I found myself saying, "Please, please, please," quietly.

The sun had receded behind the clouds, which grew bigger and turned a nasty shade of gray. We drew closer to the fence lining Hershel's property, and through the light fog that laid on the ground, signaling rain was imminent, I spotted the white house, still looking pristine, despite the carnage around the land. There were bodies strewn still from the night when they were overrun, and as we pulled up to the door, I saw Dale's camper, still and untouched, sitting alone by the remnants of the burned barn. I was seeing, and I mean truly seeing, everything, all the destruction for the first time. I had been so preoccupied at the time, that I had chosen to block out my surroundings and fight to survive; nothing more.

"Come with me. I don't want to leave you out here," Daryl said to me, and after exiting the truck, he came around to my side and helped me down, steadying me on my feet. I left my bag on the seat of the car, and let Daryl take my hand as he led me towards the house.

The place had apparently ceased to be of any interest to walkers, since there had been no life for a long time. As we climbed the stairs to the porch, we continued looking around, and Daryl opened the front door, which had not been locked, but was latched. Upon entering, we saw the digital analog clock in the kitchen was still lit up and cast an eery glow across surfaces in the darkening kitchen. The power was still on; I heard the refrigerator running, and there was heat coming from the baseboard heaters. It was still warm enough out that heat wasn't necessary, but feeling it coming from the vents was comforting and made me think of normal times.

Daryl opened the freezer and found an old Lean Cuisine meal, and holding it up, he tore off the packaging and put it in the microwave for 3 minutes.

"I'm making you eat," he said to me, and we sat at the kitchen table. I clicked my long nails on the wooden surface, and watched his face change as he became irritated from the sound.

"Quit it," he said, and scowled over at me.

I licked my lips and scowled back as the microwave timer rung out.

"I'm gonna go check upstairs. Eat this," he said to me, getting to his feet and placing the microwaved meal in front of me. It was an egg white, sausage and cheese sandwich, and honestly didn't look or smell that bad. He disappeared around the high doorway and I heard his footsteps as he ascended the stairs, quickly, yet pretty quietly. I picked apart the sandwich and took a bite of the tough bread, chewing incessantly but seemingly getting nowhere. I got up to look in the freezer for ice cubes, and sure enough found them. They were the ones Maggie and I had boiled water for, such a long time ago.

""Clear," I heard Daryl call, and I nodded, figuring that if anyone else were in the house, we would have heard them right away.

"Eat the sausage," I said to him, sucking on an ice cube, as he came back in the room, and I dangled the rubbery sausage patty in his face.

I had eaten bits of the egg white with cheese, and both pieces of bread. I hadn't had an appetite in forever, but surprisingly, I didn't feel sick yet.

He took the patty and wiggled it around, scrunching up his nose.

"Ah can make you some real meat. Squirrel. Deer. Even a possum is better than this crap," he said, biting into the sausage warily. I could tell he was not enjoying the experience by the way he chewed slowly.

"You need to eat as much as I do," I said, and got to my feet, "I'm gonna get in the bath," I went on, and hobbled off towards the stairs.

"I'll wait here for you...to keep watch," he said, and looked over at me.

"Come up with me," I said, smiling lightly, temporarily blocking out the sadness. If anything, I wanted to just feel Daryl; remember his body and the way he looks, and smells. I could never be afraid of him, and that's what was different this time; I knew who had hurt me, and it was one man, a man the opposite of the man that I knew I loved with my entire heart.

He got to his feet and followed me silently.

I entered the bathroom and looked in the mirror, wincing at the monster staring back at me. I felt my cheeks, which were hollowed out and elongated, and I turned away from myself, squeezing my eyes shut.

I turned on the bath and felt the water; not steaming hot anymore, but warm enough to tolerate. I removed my shirt and tossed it in a heap on the floor. After struggling to remove my boots and socks, I dropped my shorts and kicked them into the pile with the other clothes. I leaned over the tub, tucking a greasy tuft of hair behind my ear, and searched for the lavender Yardley's soap that I had used last time I was here. I found it and held it under the running water, creating a few bubbles in the water. The scent of lavender filled the small space, and as the tub finished filling and I switched off the water, I climbed over the edge of the tub, sitting gently, and groaning as the water penetrated every inch of my skin. I dunked my head under the water and emerged, wiping my eyes, and I just laid there, staring out of the bathroom at Daryl, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, crossbow in hand, watching me intently.

"Can I come in? I'll wash ya and give you one of mah famous shoulder rubs," Daryl said quietly, and my heart felt a familiar but long lost flutter of anticipation.

I nodded, still looking at him over the edge of the tub, and he got to his feet, making his way slowly into the bathroom.

"Wait up," he remembered and picked up his bow again, walking over to the window to check outside.

"We still good. The engine in the truck didn't even bring any in," he said, and came back to me. He removed his vest and sat down next to the tub, looking at me more intently than he ever had before.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" I asked him, feeling exposed again, and I pulled my knees into my chest, bowing to the insecurities and demons that plagued me.

"You're jus' the most beautiful person I know," he said to me, and a little bit of color came to his cheeks.

"You're only saying that to convince yourself that I'm not a walker," I said, half jokingly.

"Ahm serious Heather. I've never been more attracted to you than I am right now. There's this buzzin' in my head, it's makin' me fuzzy, and all I can think of, smell, see, is you, and all that time you were gone, those thoughts and that buzzin' feeling kept me goin'," his words jumbled, but they were sincere, and I sat up, facing away from him.

"How 'bout that massage?" I asked him softly, and I heard him straighten up, and I braced myself for his fingers touching my shoulders, which they did, but his touch calmed me; I sunk into his fingers as they expertly traced the outline of my shoulder blades and he pressed in just the right places, making me groan with pleasure.

"That okay?" he asked, and I nodded, rolling my neck back and forth as he rubbed.

"I missed you," I said to him, leaning my head down to my shoulder and I caught his hand there, kissing the top of it as a tear fell from my eye.

"Never coulda missed me as much as I missed you," he said to me, with a confidence he didn't usually display.

No words were spoken as Daryl reached under the vanity to get the shampoo, and he squirt some into his hands, rubbing together and massaging it into my hair. He started at the roots and used his nails on my scalp gently. Goosebumps rose on my skin and I shivered. I looked up at him and he motioned for me to lay back, which I did and the shampoo rinsed out of my considerably thinner hair with ease.

"I'll wait in bed while you hop in quick...you need a bath," I said to him, smirking, and he helped me to my feet, handing me a towel, which I wrapped around myself. I started heading for the bed, but stopped and turned back to him, leaning against the door frame. He removed his clothes and stepped into the water, moaning as I had when the water covered his skin.

"All I need's a cigarette," he said, eyes closed and smirk on his face.

I just smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, watching him. He laid only a minute longer, and sat up, grabbing the soap from the holder and lathering his underarms, chest and face, then his arms, and he reached for the shampoo, putting only a small amount in his shaggy hair. He scrubbed, and I couldn't help but smile as I saw his whole face; no hair in the way, no dirt, no scowl. He was beautiful.

He suddenly slipped below the water, and after a few splashing noises, he resurfaced, having rinsed all of the soap off.

"Can I use your towel?" he asked me, getting to his feet, and stepping onto the floor.

I nodded and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. I climbed into the king bed, and nestled under the covers. I then handed him the towel, watching as he dried his hair first, then his face, and he continued down, wrapping the towel around his waist.

"We should get going," he said to me, looking around, seemingly uncomfortable.

"We're fine," I said, "unless you really can't stand to be alone with me.

"I want nothing more than to be alone with you," he said to me, almost glaring at me.

He went to the window and looked out, hawk eyes scanning for anything out of the ordinary. After he'd finished looking, he came back over beside me, and I nestled into the pillow further, peeking out at him over the down comforter.

I reached down, making sure he saw the outline of my hand moving to my groin. It had been so long since I felt anything, let alone arousal. I looked into his eyes as my fingers met with my swollen center and I moaned, pressing my head back further and gritting my teeth. I rubbed in a circular motion, and waited for his reaction.

He sat on the bed next to me, and slowly began to pull the comforter down, exposing my engorged breasts, and my nipples hardened from the sudden burst of cool air that penetrated my cocoon of warmth.

"Can I?" he asked me, and I didn't care what he wanted, I nodded furiously, and I felt his hands squeeze my breasts. He stopped, looking at me, confused.

"They're hard. Do they hurt?" he asked me, and I shook my head.

"It's just milk. I haven't dried up yet in hopes that I'll have a chance to feed the baby," I said, "but no, they don't hurt, Daryl. I'm fine, keep going," I said, trying to draw my mind away from Callum.

"You're leaking," he said to me, and I felt the warm liquid trail down my sides.

"I'm fine," I said, "if anything, it's relief," and I continued rubbing myself. Daryl pulled the comforter as far as my pubic hair and paused.

"Don't stop," I said to him, and he obliged by exposing the most sensitive part of me to the cool air of the room. I knew he was watching, and I inserted a finger into myself, hissing quietly.

I felt him move on the bed, and I looked at him, his eyes locked on the finger that probed inside.

"I want you," he said, and removed his towel, moving slowly towards me.

"I want you too," I gasped as I removed my finger.

"Let me taste you," he said, and took my finger in his hand, placing it in his mouth. He sucked gently, and pulled me to a sitting position.

"Can you get on my lap?" he asked me, and I nodded. He was sitting indian style, his member protruding fiercely, and I straddled his lap, feeling his warmth radiate at my opening.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, the head of his penis probing my clit, drawing closer to the wet slit he yearned for .

"Yes, yes, I'm sure! Please!" I screamed in pleasure as he entered me; it was slow and torturous, in the best way possible, every nerve ending on high alert. I was seeing spots before his length even entered me fully.

I lost control of my legs and sat on his lap fully, my toes curling into his back as he rocked me back and forth. I leaned into him and smelled the faint cigarette on his breath, the breath which came in short puffs, and he reached around, cupping my buttocks in his strong hands. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and snaked up his back, my hands outstretched on his shoulder blades.

I could feel the faint bumps of the scars from his father, and I felt our imperfections melt into each other, into this big, imperfect, ball of flesh, scarred and marred by life, but still alive and still capable of feeling such unimaginable pleasure, from only each other. I looked into his eyes; pupils dilated, icy blue and staring back at me, past my eyes, straight into my very core. My limbs tingled in anticipation of the impending pleasure.

He picked up the pace, and I leaned into his neck, biting softly at his ear lobe, and as my thoughts ran rampant, my orgasm hit, like a crashing wave on the side of an unforgiving cliff, sharp and powerful, yet cleansing and satisfactory in every way. As the throbbing in my center slowed, I felt him swell, and his breaths hitched as he jerked and twitched.

"Oh Daryl," I groaned.

He began to fall backwards onto the bed, and I fell on top of him, leaning down to kiss him frantically. Our lips met, and he kissed me, deep breaths forced out in between our tongues dancing together.

"I love you so much," he gasped, and I nodded, replying in a muffled voice,

"I love you too," and I collapsed on top of him, kissing his chest. I removed his softening member from me and fell next to him, staring up at the ceiling. I looked over at him,

"Holy shit," he said, and cracked a half smile, showing off those sharp canines I hardly got to see.

"I agree," I said, and closed my eyes, trying to calm my fast beating heart.

After a moment of post-coital bliss, we both heard a noise; a faint clattering from below, and a woman speaking, followed by a curse word.

"Andrea, come help me out!" It was Michonne's voice.


	26. Beautiful Dreamer

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb1864b9960fba6a77cbf136a4fad5e2""Is that-?" Daryl began, and I shushed him, nodding style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I sat up too quickly, and felt dizzy. Stumbling to my feet, I rushed over to the closet and opened it to see what clothes were inside. It was Maggie and Beth's old room, and after a little bit of searching, I pulled out an oversized Georgia Tech pullover and some leggings. They were small even on me, and I figured they were Maggie's from when she went to college. I found some wool socks, and staggered to get them on my feet, then bolted for the bathroom where my old boots laid. After I got them on, I looked at Daryl, beckoning him to come on, and he held out a hand as he slipped on a pair of jeans and the same old shirt as before; "I'm comin', hold on woman," he growled as he got his boots back on as style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hello?" I heard Andrea's voice now from downstairs, and my voice caught in my throat, unable to find my voice. I breathed deeply and opened the door, tiptoeing to the stairs. I didn't need to, because the two women stood, poised to attack, at the bottom of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I felt the blood pulsing in my neck, and as I looked from friend to friend, I came to the realization that no child was with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Wa-was it quick? Did he suffer?" My voice cracked, and Daryl crept up behind me, snaking his fingers through my remaining ones on my left hand. He squeezed, just hard enough for me to acknowledge his presence. I started to stumble down the stairs, and he held me steady as we style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's not dead, Heather. He's okay!" Michonne began to cry and rushed forward, pulling me into a bone crushing hug as I reached the bottom of the stairs. My constricted lungs crushed under her grasp, I smiled, and laughed, tears still running down my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Where is he then?" I asked, and looked around, hoping to see signs of an infant in the house..a blanket, bottles...br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Back behind the farm, there's another small house..right back through the pine trees by the graves.. I think it was a little getaway cottage for the Green girls as they were growing up. We figured it was a little bit more sheltered. It was dirty, but it's perfect now. There's plumbing, heat, electricity...Heather, your dad and brother are taking care of him. They've been amazing with him, and we take turns going out to do the daily things," Andrea explained, and he expression darkened briefly as she talked of the fall of the farm and the people we had style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I felt Daryl's hand tighten on my own again, and looked back at him to see his expression harden as well. He was still wary of my father, which I understood better than anyone, but right now, I felt grateful that I still had him style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Please. I need to see him," I said, my hands shaking with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"We'll go out the back," and Andrea led us to the screen door to the back of the wraparound porch. It took everything in me to keep from running at full speed towards the woods. The sky was getting darker, and the thunder began to roll in, signaling the beginning of the storm. The day was also coming to an end, and I could see, very faintly, a glowing light from in the woods, and realized it came from a window, mostly sheltered by the evergreen branches of the ancient white pines and cedars, mixed in with a few deciduous trees, browning leaves that had begun to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I sped up, not running because my body couldn't, but walking as fast as I could make style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Barbie," Daryl said and caught up to me, "You did it," he said to me, "you didn't give up. You're already the best mama. Stop, please?" he said to me, and I tried to listen to him, but my thoughts were style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I stopped, heart in my throat and turned to him, "I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted," I said style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Ah know," he said, and went on, "This won't take long...I just want you to know that I want him to call me Daddy. That's all I want to be for him. He never has to know nothin' else,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Of course, love. That's the only way I would have it. This will be over with Phillip before Callum can question anything," and I kissed him lightly, tasting the light, salty sweat on his upper lip. He took my hand and we went on, my fast pace returning and Daryl groaning, trying his hardest to keep up with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /We came up to the front door of the small house, the front of the building mostly covered in twisty, woody wisteria vines. Along with that, there were two broken down trellises with wild roses that had taken over, creeping up the wall, and up over the right side of the roof. Any flowers had all but finished blooming, but a few of the dewey purple wisteria flowers clung to life, bringing color to the dull stones the built the house. It was well structured; sturdy, marble blocks made up the front wall, and the sides were similar to a cobble stone street, but vertical. The roof was an aged charcoal black, gray-blue lichens showing the weathering from years of southern storms, and spanish moss dangled from the trees surrounding the house, sheltering it further from the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I knocked on the door, and a moth fluttered from stone, making me jump, and place my hand over my heart. The door opened and it was Brody, pointing a gun at style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's just me. Just me," I said, breath hitching in my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Heather?" he said, and hastily put the gun down, "Da, it's Heather!" he said, the threat of a smile cracking his stoic style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I heard shuffling, and the grunting of an infant as if he was being lifted. The light footfalls came towards the door and Brody beckoned us inside. We all made our way in and as I came around the edge of the door, there stood my father holding my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /The baby's hair had darkened a little bit, and his eyes were open now, color yet undetermined; he looked around, searching frantically. I saw him licking his lips, his hands grabbing for my father's broad chest, and he bravely tried lift his head on his own, wobbling before he nuzzled into big Callum's style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's a joy, Heather Rose," he said, as he lifted the child, extending his arms towards me. Little Callum wriggled, kicking his feet, and he began to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I realized that I didn't know what to do; I froze, and began to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't know what to do. He was taken from me so soon," I said, and Daryl reached past me, taking the babe in his arms. Callum stopped crying and stared, open mouthed, up into Daryl's style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm your daddy, little man," he said, and the words alone sent me into a fit of tears, my eyes burned as the all too familiar sting returned, causing me to hiccup and blink style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Hey babe," I heard Brody say in the background, and he reached for Michonne, stroking her shoulder and kissing her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Well shit!" I said, smiling through my tears, as I looked back and forth between the new couple and Daryl holding style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He looks like you," Daryl said to me, and I stared into the little face that I had longed for the last 5 style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I was surprised at how his features had changed already; his nose had shifted a little bit and his lips filled out. His eyes were fully open now, and were almond shaped with little crow's feet around the edge, like mine. Though their color was still unknown, they shown blue as he looked up at the candle that burned on the mantle of the tiny rustic fireplace. The flicker of light must have caught his attention, and I saw him smile; whether it was intentional or not, I wasn't sure, but either way, it filled me with an unexplainable joy, the first joy I could have peacefully since he was born. It was comparable to when I realized that I loved him, more than anything else in the world, and I would long for his kicks and nudges, showing me that he was okay./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3838411b989274fbd0e60ea6b65d3c9b"I reached out my hands and Daryl placed him into my arms; a warmth spread over me like none other, and I felt whole style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"My baby," I said shakily and kissed him, breathing in his scent. I noticed that he was rooting with his mouth, and he burrowed his face into my breast, signaling that he knew who I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Is there somewhere I can go to feed him?" I asked, and looked around. Michonne pointed to a doorway closed off by an old style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"That's where Andrea and I sleep. Feel free to go in there when you need to," she motioned for me to go, and I did, rocking the baby as I went. I was so scared of hurting him, and I walked lightly, like he was a piece of glass I was in charge of keeping whole. Daryl followed me into the room and pulled the curtain shut after style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What does it feel like?" He asked, helping me ease into the puffy old powder-blue chair in the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I feel pieced together... like I did when I was pregnant," I said, and I looked at Daryl. He looked sad, and I knew he didn't want to be, but he was thinking about where my son came from. I knew he would always hold onto the fact that Callum was not his by blood, and remember how he was conceived, but I also knew that he would fill the role of father regardless of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Help me out," I asked him, as I struggled to prop the little one up so he was level with my breast, "just put that pillow under my arm, could you?" I asked Daryl and he did so without a word. I pulled the sweatshirt up, and held Callum there, pressing him lightly into my skin, and he rooted again, finding his place easily. I hissed as he latched on and felt immediate relief as the swelling started to go style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's a cool thing to watch," he said to me, watching Callum eat style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's weird, how babies know what to do," I agreed, tracing my finger across his velvety hair style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I started to think about the future, and what kind of life my child would lead. I tried to turn back my train of thought to something more tolerable, but to no avail. He would never be a doctor, or go to school. He'd never get a puppy, or even go grocery shopping with his mother. I never stopped to think about all of the things we would never be able to do as a family, and the thought of it broke my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You're thinkin' too much, Barbie," he said to me, seeing through my stony style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"So're you," I said, in retaliation, knowing that Daryl was thinking the same thing that I was style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Help me switch him," I said, motioning for Daryl to help me turn Callum around so he could nurse the other side too. He got to his feet and propped up the child's head as we turned him around. Daryl helped guide his face to find my other engorged style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Andrea walked in and stated that she should light the fire in the small furnace at the end of the room. The storm that had begun moments ago would cause the walls to shift and leak, and she claimed the warmth of a dry fire counteracted the swelling of the wood, and the foundation. I stared as she went to work building the small fire, and Daryl offered me a blanket which I took style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /After there was a small flame lit well in the fireplace, Andrea stood, looking at me, and then at Daryl..then at the baby, like something was wrong, but she covered her look with a pinched smile and hurried from the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /" 'The hell was that about?" Daryl asked, confirming that I hadn't been the only one to catch the awkward style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"No idea," I said, rubbing Callum's forehead again. He stirred, and opened his eyes. With an obvious smile, he grunted and pushed, and I felt a rumble in his diaper, followed by the less than pleasant sounds that went along with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Shit, little man," Daryl said, and scrunched up his nose, "do you want me to get it?" he asked me, and I shook my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"First dirty diaper!" I said, truly excited and Daryl exited to ask the others where the diapers and wipes style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /He came back in in a moment, and handed me the items. Callum had finished eating and stretched his little legs. I took this as the opportunity to move him to the bed, laying him on his back gently. After getting him out of his blanket cocoon, I undid the three snaps on the bottom of his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Here we go," I said, and went about changing his diaper. Daryl would never admit it, but he gagged when the diaper was opened. I cherished this; the fact that I got to do this, when I thought I'd never be given the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I put a little bit of baby powder on Callum's cleaned behind and sealed up the fresh diaper the best that I could, snapping up the onesie, crookedly, I may style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Heather," Daryl whispered to me, and I turned to him, smiling as I pulled my baby closer to me, kissing his cheeks, and blowing raspberries on his thick legs. He giggled and wriggled style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="23718d133cb508460389582fcd2325a6""Hm?" I said, blissfully style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Everyone is out there cryin'," he continued whispering, and looked at me./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ce2e5765faf25fa4c88785f2b5dbae33""Why?" I said and got to my feet, wrapping Callum back up in his blanket. I walked slowly out to the main room where everyone sat. Daryl followed me. As I looked from person to person, their gazes shifted to each other style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What's going on?" I said to them, the feeling of dread weighing heavily in my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's ill, Heather," my father was the first to look at me and his voice style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What do you mean ill?" Daryl spoke up, and looked around, waiting for the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"We think it's something internal. Something that we can't fix," Andrea said, tears running down her face. "It started when he stopped breathing at night; which he does every night. We've had to do mouth to mouth countless times. We've tried everything we can think of to find out what's wrong and counteract, but he's only getting worse," she broke down into style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Why did you tell me he was okay, Michonne? Why would you let me believe things were going to be okay?br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Don't blame me, Heather! I have done everything I can for this child. I just wanted to see you happy, and we agreed to let you meet him first instead of telling you right away that 'yes, he's alive, but not for long,' " and she clapped a hand over her mouth as Daryl tried to lunge for her, but was held back by style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'm sorry...I didn't mean...," she said, and ran from the room, opened the door, slammed it shut, and out into the woods and the rain where I heard her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"How could you dangle that false hope in front of my face like this? I've wanted nothing but to be his mother and you...YOU LET ME BELIEVE THAT I COULD HAVE MY CHILD AND BE HAPPY!" I screamed, startling Callum and causing him to wrinkle up his little nose and cry softly, only for a second. He nuzzled back into my chest, filling that void, the empty place that had sat vacant for what felt like style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"How do you know there's something wrong?" I questioned again, looking style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"You'll see tonight," Brody style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's always the worst at night," Andrea replied, and got up to exit the cottage, presumably to check on style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He has fits...seizures, we think. It's all day, but mostly at night. He'll scream and cry out, stop breathing and twitch all over," my father explained,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"How do you know he'll die?" I asked, trying as hard as I could to keep a steady tone. I was failing as a hoarse sob squeaked out of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"He's been getting worse. There's something..in his brain..He hadn't been eating much, and he spikes a fever 6 of the 7 days in a week. We just don't know Heather, and that's why we tried to give you hope. Maybe some miracle will happen," he went on, running his hand through his unruly red style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Why is this happening to me, Dad?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Feels so good to hear you call me that. I don't know, Heather. Why did any of this stuff happen, why are we all here together now?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Are you trying to pull that 'everything happens for a reason' crap on me? I don't want to hear it. I believed it when you left, even when Logan tried to kill himself, and everything and everyone I loved died in front of me and I had no reason to believe that good could come of it..and now this," I rambled, and looked down at Callum. His color had changed, and after a moment, his eyes rolled back into his head, his whole body stiffened up and his fingers style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"This is what i was telling you, Heather. Turn him on his side and talk to him; tell him to come back. That's what Michonne does,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Michonne's not his mother!" I screamed in frustration but listened to my father, turning Callum on his side, and I stroked his soft cheek,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Come back to me, Callum. Please don't leave me here. I just found you. Come back. Come back," I repeated, and rocked until his body stopped tensing up. I saw the iris of his eye roll back down, but his skin color stayed a blue gray hue. I hoisted him onto my shoulder and rubbed his back, listening to the calming infant grunts that I loved so style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Daryl went back into the bedroom and came out a moment later with a blanket, which he placed over both of us. He looked ill as well; skin was pale and blotchy, and I could see tear stains on his gritty cheeks. They were frustrated tears, I knew because of the fact that this was all either of us had wanted, maybe he even wanted it before I came to terms with having a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't want to do this anymore, Daryl. I'm giving up. He was my reason for staying alive,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"What am I? You're the only reason I'm still here, fightin'. You're mah reason, and Callum, as long as he's here," Daryl sat on the ottoman by my feet and did his best to smile, which just came out as a snarky grin, lopsided and unfamiliar to both of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's dark, the rain's fallin', it's quiet, and your little one's going off to sleep. Go hold him tight and get some shut-eye," my father had remained quiet but he was still style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Michonne..." I said, feeling sorry for my anger style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I'll speak with her and Brody. Just get yourself in to spend time with your baby," he said, and motioned for us to go back to the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Oh and one more thing," he said quickly, and he rummaged in a small backpack by his chair. He pulled out a disposable camera, "if somehow later, we can develop this film...I want to have photos. I've take almost the whole roll of the little one and Brody...now I need some of you and my grandson,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Daryl helped me to my feet, and I stood awkwardly, looking around the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Just humor me, please," my dad said as he turned the dial on the camera until it clicked, signaling it was ready to immortalize us. He took three photos of us, Daryl included, and then I walked slowly with a now sleeping Callum, rocking him ever so lightly, back to the small style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I love you," I whispered down to him as I sat on the edge of the bed. Daryl helped me take off my shoes, and he pulled the comforter down so I could get underneath it. I removed the pillows and made a little area to lay Callum in between me and Daryl, protected by us both. After Daryl took off his own jacket and shoes, he laid down next to me, quietly as he could, and, rubbed Callum's head, finger barely touching the soft style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I don't want him to go," I said, a small hitch in my breath signaled the beginning of more tears, and I cried shamelessly; the universe seemed to cry with me as the rain fell steadily, soaking the ground in its sorrow. I cried myself into an uneasy style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /_br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I awoke to silence; Daryl sat in the corner in the chair, staring straight ahead, style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /I looked down right next to me, seeing Callum Jr., pale skin, blue lips, eyes style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"I dreamed he was okay. I dreamed he wasn't sick. I dreamed that no one was sick, and none of this had happened," I said quietly, and I squeezed my eyes shut, cupping a hand over my mouth, trying but failing to stifle the terrible sounds that came from me. As I peered down, I saw that my other hand, my bad hand, had one of Callum's tiny hands wrapped around it, just around the thumb. His skin was cold, and I was scared to move, scared to feel that he wasn't breathing anymore. I didn't want to face this; in fact, I was sure that I could not face style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /My son was dead./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="ada7a38d0adddb4b3c788b2a02c13840"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Neverland is home to lost boys like me, and lost boys like me are free./em/p 


	27. Fight or Flight

I couldn't move. I couldn't even cry anymore. Everything hurt, physically and emotionally, and as I stared at my child's body lying next to me on the bed, I came to the realization that this had all been a game to whoever was in charge. I was kept alive, made to suffer, given hope, and had that hope and happiness snatched away before I had time to enjoy anything.

It had been 2 days, and I hadn't moved except to use the bathroom. I felt a hand on my shoulder and shrunk away, physical contact of any kind making my skin crawl.

"Sorry," it was Michonne, and she stepped back, but didn't leave.

I turned to look at her, my eyeballs stinging and aching as they moved up in their sockets. 'what?' I thought, but couldn't speak. She heard me though, somehow, and shook her head.

"Heather, we need to bury him," she said to me, almost whispering.

Goosebumps erupted on my skin, starting at the base of my spine and drifting upwards. I shook my head, and bit my cheek painfully to keep the impending panic attack at bay.

"I can't," I croaked, surprised by the fact I had literally no voice, just a squeaky crackling, like white noise.

"I know what this is like. Please, believe me," she said, and I looked at her again. She went on, "I lost my two boys and my husband."

There was a silence so dramatically awkward, I physically felt like I was melting out of my skin.

"I'm sorry," I said, realizing that was the last thing that Michonne wanted to hear.

"Me too," she said and sat down next to me. I didn't push her away as she took my hand and squeezed it.

Daryl had left; gone back to the prison to tell them all what had happened, so in case, by some miracle, we made it back to them, they wouldn't ask questions. I could hardly think about the topic let alone dream of discussing it like it was a casual conversation about the weather; that's what usually happens after a certain period of time spent grieving. It becomes normal to reiterate the story of the person's death, and I never wanted that to be the case. Callum passing away, loved and in his parents' arms would be something that I would keep to myself until I took my last breath; it was our moment. Our one and only moment.

His last words to me before he left were, "Merle needs me, I can feel it," and I didn't question it at the time, because all I wanted was to be alone with Callum. I wanted to pray, cry, beg for him to come back to me, and I had too much dignity still, after the last 2 years of my life, to beg for anything in front of anyone.

Now, after 48 straight hours of thinking, silent begging, and rehashing unanswered prayers, I wanted Daryl back. I needed him here, and I felt bitter that he wasn't. Maybe I was being selfish, who knows? I just felt more alone than I ever had before.

I made to stand up, and felt the blood leave my head, sinking back down, but Michonne was there to help me to my feet. I reached down to pick up Callum; still wrapped in his blanket, his one arm exposed, little fingers immortalized in the shape of my thumb, which he held when he was dying. He wasn't stiff like I had expected, and I couldn't feel his skin, so it was almost as though he was still alive.

But no short breaths came; no fluttering eyelids signaling a good dream, and no soft snores.

"Oh, my baby," I whispered to him, pulling him close to my chest, "I'm so sorry. I wish it could be me. You deserved life more than anyone else in the world," I spoke to him and heard Michonne sob behind me; she still held me upright, and rubbed at her leaking eyes with her free hand.

"He waited for you, Heather. None of us could explain how he made it through all of the fits. But he did it for you, because he knew you'd find him,"

"I found him only to discover I couldn't save him anyway," I held tightly to the little body in my arms.

"There are some things that no one can explain, and it'll never be right, but it's what happened," Michonne said, and we started to walk towards the door.

I walked reluctantly, and as I went out onto the front porch, I saw to my left, through the rain and light fog that hung in the air, the was a grave dug; entirely too small for any human and looking at it made me feel sick.

My dad stood with my brother, Andrea next to him, and Michonne walked over to join them, leaving me standing on the other side of the grave from them; looking on as the tears fell from their eyes.

"Let me hold the little bugger again," my dad said, and walked towards me shakily, arms outstretched.

"I don't want to let him go," I weeped, the sound of my own voice made me cringe with embarrassment. I was weak, and an idiot to think that we could ever just be happy.

"This is just a body, love. You'll see him all around you, and he'll keep you safe," Dad said.

"That was my job...I was supposed to keep him safe," I said, and reached down to stroke little Callum's cheek. It was cold and I flinched momentarily, but eased back into it, the heat from my skin radiating onto him. I realized my dad was still standing by me, and I reached my arms out, placing Callum into his grandpa's arms, one last time.

"Oh, god," he said quietly and sobbed loudly. I was so uncomfortable and I stared at my feet, the brown hiking boots covered in dirt from our hike to the farm, just 5 days before.

"I can't do it," I said and looked at the hole in the ground. The rain started to fall again, but this time it was a humid rain. My clothes stuck to my back and legs, making me move around sporadically.

Brody reached for the baby, but I stepped in, grabbing him and holding him close one last time. "I love you so much," I whispered to him, and wrapped his blanket tighter around him, covering his face gently. Brody reached for him and this time I let him take the bundle from me, and I turned away as I knew what he would do next. I heard shuffling of feet, a few grunts, and the soft thudding of dirt being dropped on top of something.

I busied myself with finding a rock in the small clearing of the woods, and it was large enough that I needed Michonne's help. We carried it over and as Brody was smoothing soil over the now level spot on the ground, we laid the big stone at the head of the grave. I picked up another smaller and pointed rock, and knelt down in front of the marker. I began carving.

Minutes later, I got to my feet and looked down at what I'd done.

"You are so loved" and along with the simple writing, I drew a scribbly flower in the bottom right corner of the big stone. A sunflower.

"Forever my baby," I whispered, and fell to the ground, laying in the dirt on top of my son's grave. The rain fell around me and the earth grew increasingly muddy, but I didn't mind it. To feel what he was feeling was what I wanted. The cold earth cooled my burning skin, the mud soothing the raw flesh around my eyes and nose.

I thought about what was next. No one wanted to stay here longer than we had to, so before Daryl left, we had agreed to meet back at the prison. From there, no one had any idea what to do. We didn't know where Phillip was, and no one knew what his next step would be. The one thing that was certain was that he would find me, and I had to be strong enough to fight when he did. Even if, in my heart, I wanted to be in the ground with Callum, I tried to pull myself out of that dark place to realize what and who I would be leaving behind. Daryl's words a few days ago had resonated with me; I was his reason for fighting, and I wanted him to be mine as well.

I sat up, though still kneeling down in the dirt. I rubbed a dirty finger over the stone, making the sunflower blotched and brown with mud.

Michonne and Andrea busied themselves with bringing our belongings out on the porch, and as I got to my feet, my dad handed me the truck keys, which I had totally forgotten.

"Daryl gave these to me, asked me to bring it back to the prison. Do you want to walk over, have a bit of time to yourself and bring it back so we can load up?"

I nodded, taking the keys, and as I headed for the farm house which I could just make out through the trees, I took a deep breath and tried to tell myself that this too would pass.

I reached the truck, but before driving it to the small cottage, I ran in the farm house, up the stairs and back to the bedroom where Daryl and I had stayed together. I walked over to the closet, and opened it up, pulling out what clothes I could, and I went back into the bathroom, reaching up for the vanity. After opening the mirror, I pulled out all of the medicines, ointments, soaps, and shampoos that I could find. I threw all of the items onto the bed, right in the middle, and wrapped up the duvet like a bag, hammocking all of the necessities together and I struggled to get them to and down the stairs, but I did it. I hoisted them all into the back seat of the surprisingly roomy truck. I hoped Hershel wouldn't mind me taking his comforter. Silly if he would though really...

I hoisted myself into the drivers seat, slamming the heavy door, and I put the key in the ignition. The engine turned over noisily, and as I put it into drive, laid my foot on the gas, it growled, jerking forward. I made my way across the field and onto the small path towards the cottage, and as I grew closer, I turned on the headlights; there was a heavy fog hanging in the air causing limited visibility to about 10 feet ahead of me.

I stopped in front of the little house and sat there, not wanting to get back out of the vehicle. I just wanted to drive as far as I could, out of Georgia if at all possible. My thoughts for escape were sullied as the passenger door and back seat doors opened. Michonne, Andrea, and Brody all had their arms laden with belongings and began to toss them in the truck.

"What can I do?" I said to Michonne, tucking my limp, humidity-bereaved hair behind my ear.

"Stay put. We've got everything," she said to me, smiling lightly as she headed back to the porch where my dad had the last few things to go in the truck. Dad locked up the door, and they came back over.

"I'm actually going to sit in the back, if you don't mind. I don't want to run into the Governor while I'm in plain view, so I'll just lay under all the stuff in the back seat," I said, and I switched to the back seat. The others had come over, all the stuff loaded up, and after Andrea passed out a bottle of water to everyone and one rock hard granola bar each, she helped me to cover myself up under the blankets and other items. Dad drove, Brody in the passenger seat, while Michonne and Andrea were in the back seat above me.

The prison wasn't far off, but it felt like an eternity bumping along the dirt roads, no light or fresh air available.

"The hell is that?" Brody asked, and we all heard it. It was faint, but definitely audible, and the hairs on my neck stood up because it felt like a trap.

Motorhead blared from a set of speakers somewhere, and I punched the bottom of the seat under Andrea.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"We're passing the mill that Rick and Phillip met at last week, and there's a car there...it's stopped, driver's door is opened, but no one seems to be in it..or even near it," she said and I heard the seat creak as she moved around to get a better look.

"We shouldn't be here," I said, fear creeping up. I don't want to be kidnapped again. I physically had no more ways to get out of a situation like that.

"Is that...Shit it's Daryl!" Michonne said, and I jumped, smacking my head on the metal frame under the seat. My eyes watered as I clutched the tender spot on the back of my head. I held my hand to the spot, and it was wet and warm with blood.

"Bloody Norah!" I yelled, and rolled myself out from under the seat.

"Heather don't look," Andrea was seeing something that she knew I wouldn't want to see, but I sat up like a prairie dog, kneeling and staring out the window. I still grasped at my head, my vision was blurry.

The rain had stopped, but it was still misty. The sun shone through the heavy air sending angel's ladders through the grass. Daryl stood on the bank by the doors to the mill. A walker was coming toward him, but he didn't seem afraid, and he was reluctant to kill it.

"What the hell is he doing?" I almost whispered.

And then I saw. The walker came towards Daryl again and again, and all he did was push it away, until finally, he snapped, and pushed it down, pinning it by the shoulders and stabbing it in the face repeatedly with his knife. I saw Daryl's shoulders shaking as he crawled back from the corpse. He leaned over and vomited in the grass and fell onto his back.  
 _  
The walker had been Merle._


	28. Overthinking

" _Mah brother needs me, I can sense it_ ," was the last thing Daryl had said to me before leaving.

I had never seen Daryl so helpless, and it made me want to avoid him. As harsh as that sounds, strong, hard Daryl was the one who had gotten me through so much, and seeing him so vulnerable and emotional was intimidating for me. I wasn't sure of what he was capable when he was like this, because I'd never been with him when he lost someone close to him.

"The music is drawing more in," Dad said, and I grabbed a knife that had been stored in a tool bag under the front seat.

"I've got it," I said, and got out of the truck, shakily at first. I needed to blow off some steam.

I ran first towards the car, and as I looked under the wheel, I sliced all of the wires I could see with my knife, shutting off the sound system. I ran then towards Daryl, who hadn't moved from the ground, and I saw that 3 or 4 walkers had mingled in between the big, metal corn storers. I kept running, directly for them, and plunged the knife into one's skull, as I kicked another with as much force as I could, giving me just enough time to dislodge the blade and shove in the next walker's eye, piercing the eyeball with a squelch as it exploded. The last 2 were slower than I was used to, so I had time to plan my exact point of impact, and I swung, hitting my target and piercing the side of the head through the ear. The last walker was the one I absolutely decimated; I pushed him back, and as he lunged again, I stabbed my knife into that little space between the clavicles and esophagus, cringing as cartilage crunched, and blood flew from the enraged walker's mouth, spilling black and frothy from his rotten teeth. I swung again, slicing the cheek like lunch meat, and once more, straight into the brain. I panted in silence as I looked around me, carnage abound. My angry killing spree was interrupted as I remembered Daryl and ran over to him.

"Come on," I said to him, trying to hoist him to his feet. He was like jello, and I didn't have enough strength to lift him.

"COME ON," I repeated, yelling, and his muscles tensed like he remembered he was alive, and he stood. Shakily and pale as a ghost, but he stood. I took his crossbow from him, and threw it over my shoulder. It was a lot heavier than it looked.

"Where's your bike?" I asked him quietly, and he shook his head.

"I followed him on foot," he mumbled and rubbed his face as he stumbled through the grass to the roadside where the truck sat idling.

"Get in," I said to him, opening the door and pushing him, where Andrea and Michonne reached for him and pulled him to safety. I climbed in after him and laid back down on the floor.

I cried for Merle. He seemed to finally be getting somewhere with Daryl. It was Daryl that I cried for the most; his heart had never hardened towards Merle, despite all of the crazy things they had been through as a family; he never gave up that fierce loyalty that defines true siblings.

I reached up for his hand, and my fingers found his, trembling and clammy.

"I love you," I said to him, not knowing of anything else that I could say.

He squeezed lightly but did not speak. He shook his leg nervously as my dad pulled away in the truck and headed on back to the prison. The trip drug on, but we finally came to a halt, the brakes squealing and I heard the gates creak open with the assistance from someone in the prison yard.

"Safe," Michonne said as she opened the truck door, "Come on guys," she said to both Daryl and I, who looked around, rather dazed.

"Here," I said, as I pulled myself up, and exited the vehicle. I reached back for Daryl's hand and helped him out. He pushed me off, not in a mean way, but in his 'I need space' way, and I let him go, giving a half smile as he put his crossbow back on his shoulder. He walked off towards the back of the prison, and my guess was that he was going to do some walker therapy; kill as many as he possibly could.

I followed the others towards the door we'd been using that led into the cell block that had been made into a home. Hershel sat with Maggie and Beth, hands all held and his head was bowed in prayer. I resisted the urge to scoff. Why does anyone still believe that there is someone who cares? God stopped caring when we fucked ourselves as a race.

I blinked rapidly and headed towards the cell I had lived in when I was pregnant with Callum. I entered, and things were unchanged. My bed was unmade. My blood was on the sheets. The metal bathing tub sat empty on the floor in the back corner, with an old wash cloth hung over the side. My pack of clothes was in the corner, unkempt, and the few toiletries I had were lining the small barred window sill.

"Heather," I jumped as turned around. Rick's gravelly voice frightened me, and I placed my bad hand over my heart.

"You scared me," I said, and walked over to the bed to sit on the edge.

"I'm sor-" he began, but I held up my hand.

"Please don't say it," I said, pleading with my eyes.

He closed his mouth, and nodded.

"I don't even know why I would say that. Instinct, I guess," and I saw the remembrance flicker across his otherwise hard facial features. He was thinking about Lori.

"Where's Daryl?" he went on sitting down next to me.

"He's in the tombs, I'm assuming. Merle didn't make it. Daryl had to end it,"

"Michonne told me before," he acknowledged.

"Walker therapy, I think. I coined that when Merle helped me out of Woodbury. I killed as many as I could to feel relief or some sort of adrenaline rush," I said, getting up and grabbing a rubber band from the window sill. I bent over and pulled my hair into a high bun.

"I still keep seeing Lori," he said to me, and I nodded,

"I don't think it'll ever go away. I'll never stop seeing my son when I close my eyes," I said.

"No, I mean...she's standing there. Like some sort of mirage," and he rubbed his eyes.

"She's not there, Rick, the sooner you realize this, the better leader you'll be. Don't give up being our leader because you're chasing a ghost," I felt convicted trying to give advice when I was clearly unable to accept any advice that was offered to me. This is common for grief, I was assuming.

I busied myself straightening my windowsill, and I peered through the cloudy glass to the vast yard outside.

He didn't speak, but he came up behind me and took my hand.

"Rick, don't," I said, and he held up his other hand,

"I'm just apologizing, Heather. I'm so sorry for everything that happened..so much was my fault," his eyes watered, making their already blue hue brighten.

"Nothing that happened was your fault entirely," I comforted, and squeezed his hand. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I took it as a platonic peace treaty, and I was thankful for it.

The feeling of guilt crept back into my heart, making it constrict and my breaths came quicker. _How could I have done that to Daryl? How could I have ever let it happen? Should I tell him that it happened?_

"Come get something to eat," he said, and beckoned for me to go towards the area where everyone gathered for meals.

"I'm not hungry. But I'll be out in a minute," I said to him, and rummaged through my clothes, reaching for a sweatshirt that laid tucked under my bag. He left quietly, and I heard the sheet swoosh as it fell back into place over the doorway.

I pulled the hoodie over my head, and tucked my hands in the sleeves, shivering as the warmth of the lining grazed my chilled skin.

I followed Rick, seeing everyone sitting together in the common room, and I sat next to Carol. She turned to me and embraced me in a hug. We were both in the same boat now; we had both lost our children.

"Love you," she said quietly to me, and I smiled lightly, squeezing her hand post-hug.

"Specialty," Beth said, carrying over a large, hot pot, "Scalloped potatoes...made with water and a little powdered milk, and steamed green beans and carrots!"

Her happiness made me ill. I glared at her as she put a paper plate in front of me, ladling me a pile of watery potatoes and soggy vegetables. My stomach growled, surprisingly, in response to the smell and sight of a hot meal.

"Is there any coffee?" I asked, and Carol jumped to her feet, heading over to the table.

"I would've gotten it," I muttered, and hoisted myself onto my sore feet again. I followed after her and I watched her, happy to be doing something for someone again. She poured the hot amber liquid into a styrofoam cup and she handed it to me, complete with a little stirrer.

"Amazing. Thanks. First cup of coffee in a long time," I said, and walked back over to the table. I had to admit, helping out other people again would be an adjustment. I had lived basically the last year of my life keeping myself alive, I hadn't had dishes to clean, chores to do, and even conversation came more difficult for me because I grew so used to ruminating in my own thoughts and fears. This world changed me, and I hated it.

I sat back down and picked up my plastic fork, digging into my food. Carl sat with my dad and Brody, Beth, Hershel and Maggie. Glenn, TDog, Andrea and Michonne sat at our table. Rick sat with Judith, holding her close and staring at his food as he ate quietly.

"Where's Daryl?" Michonne asked me, a subtle tone of concern in her voice, and I shrugged. I finished my own food in a hurry, and went over to the pots of food, refilling my plate for Daryl. I grabbed him a cup of coffee, and headed outside. I set his food on the ground by the wall, and headed for the door to the tombs, checking to make sure my knife was in my belt loop. It was, and as I went to open the door, it came towards me and hit me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me.

"Shit, sorry," Daryl said as he peeked around the door, "mmmgh?" he grunted, which I translated as 'you okay?'. I nodded, massaging my sore boobs.

"I brought you some food. You have to eat," I went on as I saw him roll his eyes.

"Ah remember saying that to you and ya still didn't," he smirked at me.

"I know," I said, "but you know I'll make you eat," I said to him, "I'll feed you myself if I have to," I nudged him, and he nodded,

"Ah know you will," he said, scoffing, and he motioned for me to go ahead of him.

The sun had begun to set, and we sat along the brick wall. I watched him eat. His beautiful features softened as he stopped thinking so much. I sipped at my coffee and looked up at the sky, clouds streaking across the pink sky, a typical autumnal sunset.

"Ah knew he was gonna die. It was bound to happen. He didn't belong here, and he knew it. Know what the least thing ah said to him was?"

"What?" I asked,

" 'I just want my brother back.' He pushed me away, told me to get outta here, and that's how it always woulda been with him, how it always was,"

"He loved you," I said.

Ah know," he surprised me by this answer, "but he never would've said it. The closest to a hug I ever got from him was when he was trying to eat me," he finished his food and put the plate on the ground. He picked up his coffee and sipped at it.

"Ah need a cigarette," he said to me, his hands still shaking.

"I hate to say it, but I think I do too," I said, chuckling.

We talked...more than we ever had before. He told me a little about his father, some about his mother...about the place they grew up, a cabin in the woods, about dropping out of school at 15. Told me about when his mother died; a lit cigarette had burned down the home when Daryl was 7. There was no funeral. He told me about the time he walked in on Merle with 4 women in Merle's apartment in Atlanta. They were hookers, and Daryl was invited to join. He told me he respectfully declined that offer.

The sun had set and the door next to us opened.

"We're gonna lock up the doors," Glenn said to us, and nodded at Daryl.

"I am sorry about Merle, Daryl," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, man," Daryl said and got to his feet. He helped me to my feet and we went in the door, Glenn bolting it behind us.

"No cigarettes, so I need more coffee," Daryl said and made for the table, where Carol stood, getting ready to put the coffee machine away.

"Don't bother," he said to her, and she smiled, putting her hands up. She left the coffee maker on the table, and went to her cell. "Filters are in the box under the table!" she called out to us.

Daryl finished up the coffee, hit brew and we went to my cell. He pulled out his lighter and lit the candles that laid around, casting a warm glow in the otherwise dark and gray concrete box.

"Put this on to sleep," he said to me, handing me one of his white tee shirts.

"I've never even seen you in this! I would love to," I said, and slipped my hoodie off, the leggings too, and I threw them in the corner. I covered myself daintily as I pulled on the tee, and I knelt down to pull up my wool socks.

I reached down and grabbed at my stomach; flat besides a pouch of skin that hung loosely. I felt my eyes tear up and I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling my knees up to hug them.

"It's going to be so hard moving on from this, for both of us," I said to him as he sat next to me.

"But we will move on. We have to. Don't have the option to sit back and over think," Daryl said.

"Oh I can always find time to over think," I said, and I reached for his hand, which he took mine in return and squeezed it.

"Well stahp," he said to me, and he stood to blow out the candles.

"Not that simple," I said simply, but at that point I made up my mind to try not to think so much.

"Let's go to sleep," he said to me, and laid back on the bed, pulling me on top of him. I kissed him and rolled over, nuzzling into his armpit, which smelled terrible, but I didn't mind.

"You stink," I said to him, chuckling.

"You do too, but I got the manners to ignore it," he joked, and I honestly felt like Daryl felt more relieved than sad. He told me himself, things would not have worked with Merle. Maybe things wouldn't have worked with Callum. Maybe he died because no child should have to live in a world like this. But if not, I would've died to protect him. _I was over thinking again. Naturally._

"Love you," I whispered.

"Love you too, smelly," he said to me and I punched him in the side, making him groan quietly.

Though I smiled, I drifted off to sleep with the image of Callum in my mind.


	29. Survivors

"Wake up!" Daryl nudged me and shook me until I stirred. 

"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Someone came from Woodbury when the sun was just comin' up..she said the governor was gonna attack us today," he said to me, pulling at my arms till I stood up. "She apparently was in the...maternity ward when you were there, she knew you."

"Lynn? Where is she?" I asked, and tried to grasp what was going on. 

"She went back. Or ran. We don't know, we didn't make her stay," Glenn said as we walked out into the main room. Everyone was racing around, throwing belongings into bags and making the place like we were never there.

"So what the hell are we doing?" I asked, running back into the cell to grab pants and get all of my stuff in bags. I pulled on old jeans, which hung from my hips, and drug out the three bags I had.

"We've got it all covered, Heather," Rick said to me, a rather patronizing tone apparent in his voice.

"What am _I_ doing?" I asked, widening my eyes and looking around.

"You're not doing anything. We're not risking you being seen by anyone having anything to do with Woodbury. I'm not losing you again," Rick said to me, causing Daryl to look back and forth between us.

"We lost too much..too many already," Rick cleared his throat and continued.

I felt my face flush momentarily, but shook my head angrily.

"I don't want to sit and hide!" I said.

"You have to," Daryl said, "Carl, Beth and Hershel ain't fightin' either!" he said.

"What, is that supposed to make me feel better? Yeah, just put me with the children and the elderly," 

"Please...just please let it rest," Rick said to me, and he carried more packs of stuff out to the trucks and vehicles.

"Come on! Let me do something!" I growled at Daryl when we were alone.

"What Rick says..goes," he said to me, and stared at me suspiciously.

"Oh, whatever," I said, grabbing more stuff and following after Rick.

The cell block had been cleaned out, and Hershel beckoned me over to him. I went to him.

"You, me, Carl, Judith, and Bethy are going out to the woods," Carl and Beth joined Hershel, Beth carrying little Judith.

"You're in on this too? You guys are making me feel worthless." I put on my jacket, and buttoned it up.

"We're protecting you, Heather," he said to me, voice a little shaky.

"It doesn't feel like it," I sniffled, and turned to head for the back entrance of the prison to get to the woods. I heard footsteps following me and knew the other three were behind me, so we crept through the rubble and the tall grass to get to a small bridge that went over a stream. We headed into the woods, finding a small, densely brushed alcove and we climbed under the thick shrubbery, making sure that all of us were well camouflaged. No more than we had settled, I felt the ground shake, and then a series of explosions.

Beth stifled a scream, and she held the baby close. Luckily she was still sleeping, but with this noise, that wouldn't last long.

I laid there, wondering what was happening, and suddenly I heard noise coming from inside the prison walls. There were screams and rapid gunfire,

"Get the hell out!" said a voice that I didn't know, and the gunfire began again, countless bullets whirring through the air and hitting many objects, mainly metal ones because the sounds they made were piercing, nearly unbearable.

The gunfire ceased, and I heard vehicles burning out in the gravel. My heart jumped in hopes that we had driven them off, at least for now.

"I see Daryl waving his handkerchief, we're good to go back," Hershel said. As we made to get up, there was rustling and heavy breathing; a boy ran out in front of us, may 17 years old, and he stopped, staring at us.

"Put down your weapon," I said slowly, moving towards him, and he looked at me sadly, taking a step towards me.

"Here, take it," he said, and made to place it at my feet. As I kneeled to get the rifle, a silenced bullet whizzed past my head and I heard it pierce flesh with a dull thump. The boy fell to the ground and I spun around, only to see Carl there, holding his gun up.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" I yelled at him, "He was a child!" I scoffed, and picked up the rifle, heading back towards the little bridge separating us from the prison.

We went inside, seeing that all of the others were back safely.

"Dad, I want to go to Woodbury with you. I did my job out there, just like the rest of you," Carl spoke to Rick.

"Did you really shoot that kid to prove that you were old enough to fight in war? This isn't some field trip, and you killed an innocent, someone who didn't do anything but surrender," I got incredibly upset and felt the tears running down my face.

"He drew on us!" He exclaimed, and looked back and forth at all me and Rick.

"That's bullshit, and you know it," I said to him, and sat down on one of the old cafeteria chairs. I bit at my nails silently, trying to keep from saying anything else.

"He said he drew on you," Rick turned to Hershel and asked.

"The boy was scared, and he was putting his gun on the ground," Hershel replied,

"I did what I had to do. We waited too many times, and it cost us too many people. Dale's dead because I waited, Mom's dead because you waited. No more," Carl spit words at his father with venom, and I bit my lip so hard, I tasted blood.

"You're not going to Woodbury," his father said with finality, and turned to walk away, almost too calmly.

"We gotta go finish this,"Michonne said, and Daryl nodded.

"The four of us," he said, motioning to himself, Rick, Michonne and Andrea, who had stepped up with her weapon in hand.

"Let's go," Rick said.

Daryl came up to me and kissed me, open mouthed and hard.

"In case it's our last kiss," he breathed into my mouth.

"Don't you dare say that," I gasped and wrapped my arms around him, hoisting myself up on his waist, my hands around his neck and shoulders.

"I love you," I said. I had said it so many times to him in the last 5 days, but it could never be enough. If something happened, I wanted him to know, without any doubt that I love him with all of my heart.

I placed my feet back on the ground, but held the embrace with my arms.

"I'll see you real soon," he said to me and kissed me again, this time lightly.

"Come on, Daryl!" Rick called out and I looked, seeing that they were all already ready to go.

"See you soon," I said and blew him a kiss as he ran off towards his brother's old motorcycle, hopping on and kicking the engine to life. He sped off down the gravel lane, a puff of dust and dirt in his wake. the truck followed him.

_

"What should we do?" I asked Carol, who stood rocking Judith. We had remained inside for a couple of hours, and there was no sound from outside; not a one.

"Clean up. Get settled back in. If all goes well, we'll be safe here for a while longer,"

"I'll go pick off some fence crawlers," I said, and made sure I had both knife and gun this time.

I walked outside, and the chill in the air surprised me. The temperature and seasons were changing, quite literally, before my eyes. I saw my breath in the late afternoon sun; it couldn't be more than 50 degrees, and I wished for some of those hand warmers that Beth started wearing.

Maggie and Glenn came outside soon after, along with my dad and Brody, whom I hadn't seen a lot of the last day or so. Not so surprisingly, I felt closer to Maggie and Glenn and the others than I did with my own father and brother, and it was awkward when situations like this happened, because they honestly weren't my first concern.

After luring and picking off what walkers we could, we cleaned up some of the debris that the Governor and his militia had left behind. There was a tank, still sitting in the lower yard, and I wondered why they had left it there.

"Where are Tyrese and Sasha?" I asked suddenly, remembering that I hadn't seen the siblings since last night.

"They're gone. We don't know what happened to them," Maggie said and she helped me pick up empty shells that covered a lot of the ground. The sun was low in the sky, and the crickets that remained chirped sadly.

We went inside after the sun set, and all of us went to bed. I'm not saying we could sleep, but we all collectively laid thinking about the rest of our family.

The morning rolled around, sending the orange beams through the barred windows. I laid there staring at the ceiling in my cell, and pulled myself into a sitting position. I heard the sound of the bike engine, and ran towards the door. In no time, I heard the others following me outside. I saw the single dimmed light coming towards the gate. I ran with Glenn to help open it, and Daryl, followed by the truck and finally a heavily modified school bus made their way up the path. I followed the bus back up after we locked the gate up again.

Daryl stopped by me, and hopped off the bike.

"What's this?" I asked, not sure what to expect.

"It's the survivors..the innocents. They're going to be staying with us," Rick said, coming over and replying before Daryl could.

"Did you kill him?" I asked, and they knew to whom I was referring.

"He's gone. On his way outta here, he stopped all his people, and killed them all...execution style in a wheat field," Daryl said.

"Holy shit," I replied, the familiar heavy rock in my gut sunk again, the realization that Phillip was still out there.


	30. My Darkest Day

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p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="714e797025a55e6b0e4a0fb86b5af67a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cbf8b061a47a59e68bc6111f223fcbd0""Good morning, girls. Did your dad come with you this time?" I said to them, as they sat down. I followed them over and sat on the lounge chair, tucking my feet up right away. I liked for them to feel comfortable; I tried to make it as little like therapy as I could, though technically that is what it style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="63a1b85733fe2018f816f3054b21fb20""He's out helping Mr. Glenn in the garden, I think. He told us to come on in, that they have to get seeds in the dirt so that the food grows when winter is over." Mika said to me, crossing her legs./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f38f085c1b938f2edbdd66de2f73e709" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1f7cdf788f714778039f9e6c4f71a6a1" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="65f4d9c96f2fd4e32f8784c009ff6597""That's right. There's a lot to be done to keep everyone full and healthy nowadays," I said to them, rubbing my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fd28fa46e51d32fdcf8be80b3f7acb6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="11c26f5af55ce325e5398d3680758a8f""So what have you two been up to since we talked last?" I was only seeing a couple of people officially once or twice a month if necessary, so we hadn't had more than 3 sessions style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="931399f0a3b6c2440ae21d18f2fea804" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b5ab9ed9f9a4bb40af37d788e221d49""We help Carol with food, she likes that..and we've been cleaning up around the blocks, just sweeping, dusting, and playing with a few of the other other kids too. There aren't too many of us," Elizabeth babbled on. She always spoke more than Mika did, and I often wondered if for some reason, Mika had been more affected by the outbreak than Elizabeth was. I personally thought that it would be the other way style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c7be9ab146d04d6b9a695847db6fd4e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="304a1d27b5bb4a29d10987b89d8e4ce2""We've been having lessons with Carol too, lessons on how to be brave," Mika said, earning a nudge from style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="391ebf420f14a30510c1762756cc906d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a7bb216d634fac969c8e5f252f15e81""What sort of lessons," I asked, setting my pen down. This question was more for me than for the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b33bce0ff90b5f124c17db49cea55f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7f19c440986934b472da400801291045""She just means Carol has been showing us how to be...okay if something happens," Elizabeth said to me, her bright eyes wide, and she picked at a hangnail on her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b9d857e00066da25df6f924992546cf" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="847b4c68a4a9f605c7c1a5db759f9ab2""That's always a good thing," I said, questioning the whole thing. Carol had started a children's story time that the 8-10 children we had, and some of them were as young as 5. Hopefully she knew what she was doing with them. Carl was already trigger happy and borderline crazy from being around us and 'learning' from style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aba90e3a4c7ecd6343b4803b4bf6c2a7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2fcc69fb05de1b567d36bcd9c8b71389""Can I go help Mr. Glenn now?" Elizabeth looked at me, and I could tell she wouldn't discuss anything else of importance, so I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a9e00b096dd7df77004010806f934ae" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="abd5ff591b6bf4f9a78996c0659788ed""Go ahead," I said, and she style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c9546dea3f1643d9779401a2f45047f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9037fa11b7308f84539c90fa9a8f617b""Can I talk for a minute?" Mika asked me after her sister had style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e4a6df1cd1e16821ae7c037b9f6797b2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3f465dc738b26f0c0c267cc5959299b0""Sure," I said, peering out the front window at Hershel, Glenn, and Mika's father, who were working on ploughing the field they'd created, turning the cold soil over to plant seeds for the spring. This probably wasn't normally how it was done, but we figured we'd give it a try, in preparation for not everyone making it through the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ed95fcac35226d55b9132a1d4b5b60e7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="62f16a38014fed20bc2080e8993f00c7""Lizzie started going out at night. She comes back and tells me about her friends...When I look out at her, she's standing by the fences, talking and laughing with the biters,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b922278241ec8e9614518809fa9531bd" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="abaccdbef651a14b4460d75abb87ba17""What?" I looked at her, confusion masking my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8531a036145c49b9d245c88a4288be6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="570ffc4c85e73607f5271eda8bb522c2""She's always been...different. I've gotten used to it, but those things scare me and they don't scare her. Should I not be scared of them?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7cdf3811d5ea4f53a93a3a5ece5829e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5075875f4ccc69de76b4f85b05ede3bc""You absolutely should be scared of them, Mika. They are dangerous, and they are not human anymore. I know you're young, but I also know how much this whole situation has made people grow up very quick. They are not your friends, regardless of who they used to be." I said to her, very sternly. I had never had a one on one with Mika, and I guess maybe I should have. I had known Elizabeth was flippant, but I never saw any mental style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1a01fde562a45e76d46d6a58fb48b8b4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5983a31afddb4d199ec4628339a8451f""I'll keep an eye on her, Mika. Don't go with her if she goes out anymore, and if you can try to keep her from going at all, that would be great. I know she has a mind of her own though," I did write down these last few statements./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="56ce2480e0d7b54fa2eeb474765bf5a0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d1dc6039f6396cb0e2e34982b36f7633" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="153a583745759204ee145e98da352953""I tried to tell her they're dead. She doesn't listen to me though," she said to me and got to her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6397f069a311c55b725cffc0682ac0a5" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0186e02b4045f299c5573977dd1be4e9""Anything else you'd like from me before you go?" I asked her, and she shook her head with a small style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="84c9da702e04010908fc6b4c48bdbb30" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a8f3938d69519164e7097d54ade31cda""See ya later. Go get some lunch," I said to her, and sent her off. I tucked my clipboard under the corner of the area rug that covered the cement floor, flattened it out, and then I followed after Mika towards the kitchen, my stomach style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0bf5acbb6e41d35e284772167f5c2849" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="490eaff254cfe1b2368668351d8ab02b""Smells good," I said, walking in the small cell block where Carol had the food set style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Rabbit..and miscellaneous stew...From the 10 rabbits, 1 groundhog, and a pheasant that Daryl got yesterday out on his hunt with Rick. Have you seen them?" she asked me, sticking her finger in the soup to test the flavor. She licked her finger and style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6df0c51d7425b3c9cb02922aeb9b41a2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5ed065ade499de2d9699cd5a01ab4ff9""No I haven't. I saw him when they left, but that was the last time. I've not had any spare time myself so far today," I said, and continued looking at style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="452a38fb1acbb20ca18e7c1b4fa5a454" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="32672349d801ed174076c893a032517e""They found another loner out there and brought him back. They're out showing him around the grounds now, if you want to go find them."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6324ea01846fe5be6d8cf9577ca42e70" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="27485b8c00fb512b59d9bdaf58c37924""Can I take a cup of soup with me? After I catch up to them, I'll go over to help Glenn and Hershel with the planting,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="571f7366383fe54e2175462f5c65ab35" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0dd0ec9006b65dc16d0f2c6b1b81a805"Carol nodded and filled up a styrofoam cup of soup for me, popping a spoon in and handing it to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="189c3886af5712716ac7d674fb2f02b3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9cdf7bceff1a8736a410a05a997966a0""Thanks. I'll give Daryl half of this. See you later!" I said, and after I grabbed my coat from the rack by the door, and made sure my knife was secured in my belt loop, I went out the door to the front style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="38a7f8e922d7e8e61925eda9af473fcb" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f0b5cf3d94982b41df55af732759b844"I walked over to the partially plowed field and whistled, causing the two men to look up at style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1197184b9603c333419318f99339fc2f" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="96939632e220b8c8cf30a3b26bcfccef""Soup's inside! I'm gonna eat mine, find Daryl and Rick, then I'll be back over to help with whatever you need!" I smiled, and Glenn gave me a thumbs up, Hershel a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f2ee763b29f86d42eefc0d878dc12d50" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4b986040b972f4b2f1b957b5bc78d314"I stirred the soup that warmed my hands distractedly, as I looked around for Daryl and Rick, and there they were when I rounded the corner into the furthest area of gated land. They stood with a man, very thin, big eyes, and a frightened expression plastered on his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b233484a98d16890816a259d9822e855" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="136274d275bc925bb05d0a95d6ed3262""Hey guys," I said, as I made my way over to them. I stopped next to Daryl, and leaned into his arm, kissing his now clothed shoulder. I smelled the smoky, manly smell in the blue flannel button down that he wore, and shuddered. The smell and feel of him warmed me more than the steamy soup ever style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f39a372939cb2ab64643686dcfd188aa" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b7c37093c1b02a699bcac37072b0951e""Whatcha got there?" Daryl asked me, nodding towards the cup in my hands. He reached over and pushed back a curl that I could feel tickling my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ad97125f65c4feb08d8d4bf10844c26d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a608f498a17a65c5357cd31db92be149""Soup Carol made from your hunting trip," I said, and took a spoonful. I hissed quietly because it was hot still, but the flavor was amazing. Carol had taken to drying and grounding her own spices, and creating foods with lots of new ingredients. Honestly, she was amazing in the kitchen and everyone loved her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fee08c7eacc70c6654d61f0fad5e6f66" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d0aa365ab60d892ee30f5398ac536bae"I hastily took a few more slurps, and then passed the cup to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b998bde89d8df25d3328347c8961e238" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ac85bc8f8b2cb7c9b6991024e89094f5""Eat," I said, and then turned to Rick, "There's lots more inside. Go get some," I said to him, and though I tried not to, I could feel my eyes traveling to the newest member of our style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ab7b338771e07d34fddca224dbbdcb4c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="48c193689cfb8d727e00a23a3b1a7dc1""Heather, this is Bob," Rick said to me, obviously style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="80a229ba118db0b95c0bca8c18a728db" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3ec61233a4f066702ce01cfaa441752b"Bob held out his hand and I took it, shaking it as warmly as I could muster. "Heather," I said, and smiled style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4f0ae33ae243434e9515c5bc9c9ea105" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="72ca82b86c091e8a506ed14873479d98""I'll take him inside, show him around," Rick said to us, and motioned for Bob to walk with him. They crunched through the dead grass towards the building, and I turned back to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="51ce209197b85604852fd81e3e266dcb" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f92ba0ca69b86e86a1e48161ee0e2f74""What do you think of him?" I asked, kneeling down to tie my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2736183c29493f0e326dcb1c001b0858" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e622b698c881e813f6f2e16f4918c8ff""Not sure. Don't trust him though," he said, eating some of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aa205d4b51232f3307f90adc5e21277a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b4ed32bda90a2e480435b8010ee191ae""We don't trust anyone, do we?" I asked slyly, and Daryl threw me a crooked style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e029f2e44a56c3a7dc413dab2a042f5e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="be1b432f5cf5a75fe08f120927560860""Nah," he said, and started walking. I walked by his side in silence for a moment, until Daryl stopped style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb7fa7eda32518da8e1d6822bee349c3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="db124b100e239230e7cd14bc515b834a""Rick and I were talking yesterday," he said, and I felt sick to my stomach for a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7ce92c6f7f80feca57e9a933c049bd68" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e179dcb2ef4df981974f104fe093f2c""Oh yeah?" I asked, clearing my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="39ca2be650585577f3c09070ae822bd3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="393181ad3bbd4fb8ee11fe84e92f50ab""He's got some great plans for this place. Right over there is where he wants to get some livestock, maybe some chickens and pigs or somethin'. You saw the garden, I'm sure, and before it freezes, I'm actually gonna start workin' on an outdoor pavilion type thing so that when warm weather comes, we can eat outside. Big meat smoker, barbeque pit, the works,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b384a1f636460d326e8bbfb00bed50de" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e24d6fae427f31112d169b599cb323bc""I like seeing you so motivated," I said to him, the sick, guilty feeling still weighing me down significantly. It was really hard to read Daryl, and you could never assume that he knew things and just acted oblivious, or if he really was oblivious when it comes to matters of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7c4516239b61b4298cd94f034e550712" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ffea71ebeb46bfb7453489535b11bd87""It's nice to have somethin' to do to make me feel like I'm makin' a difference," he said to me, slurping the last of the soup from the cup style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="edbf120883688bce0a608c09ca4e3f77" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5e9e9e345ef4c09f4a80b1ecbeb50ff7""You've always made a difference," was the only thing that I could think to say. Daryl made all the difference in the world to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e20352dcf1ef247c4eab10ad874a0049" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ff71a340e1d64db750006eb3cb1441a3"He didn't answer, so I started to walk again, this time towards the small field the Hershel and Glenn were working. Mr. Samuels had gone inside, presumably to meet up with his daughters for something to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85f948ff892b1fa83d90887eb5ee1fbc" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c4650874caa186af5070bec6e2a09ba5""What can we do?" I called out as I saw them both, Hershel and Glenn, hand planting little seeds. They were just finishing up a row; Hershel dropped in the seeds, and Glenn tossed some dirt over them, sheltering them from the impending style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="265b2fcfb6575958e0ed4ada7ceb7378" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c90b00f5e964ed6eca76e5ee366d1f5e""Let's just get inside out of this cold," Hershel said, blowing on his hands and rubbing them together. His beard and mustache had grown in snowy white like his hair, and his kind face hadn't changed at style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7bc7879244dc107d251d7641aa6ab4fe" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8c6426c61cd5709b147845b7965d3210"The air was cold, and the sky was gray, and as we neared the door, I smelled snow. I don't know how to explain the smell, but when it's that cold, the cold that burns your nose as you inhale, you know that it's coming. I held the door open for Glenn and Hershel, who went inside, and Daryl motioned for me to head in as he held the door for style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="07ad126d48df61da7db83215d7e1f4f6" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c9283456174d4c6542c53a0141e107ec"People sat around the main hall chatting, some playing card games, others sitting in chairs reading, writing, drawing, or staring blankly. It was odd, we'd sort of all developed a routine, and we did the same things at the same time each day. Though monotonous, I looked forward to feeling normal, and this was my favorite time of the day. We all had full bellies, and that sleepy, warm euphoria crept in, drawing me towards the cell that Daryl and I slept style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f3b79eaffea8a6405c14615b312b295e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="393993ad6eaece70f647d2c8ae23f29d"Passing the counter where Carol stood crushing herbs, I grabbed a cup and filled it with the coffee we had left, which was weak and diluted, but it style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e326feb4d3d886adc27cf46e3ece0a70" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2eb48956c7ca76f532649b410129ab49""Wanna go relax until I meet with Karen?" I asked Daryl, referring to the next person on my list to talk to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2a0846e1bd7523fdf8ed8b1db9fd8720" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aabe6b26b4b6c3adfc303645455140da"Daryl nodded, and after he got a cup of coffee as well, we headed for the cell. I left the sheet fall over the doorway and drug my feet to the bed, where I collapsed. Daryl had sawed the bunk bed apart and placed the top bunk next to the bottom so we had more bed, but less cell, which was fine with us. We were only in there for 3 things; sleep, sex, or in my case, emotional style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9d3aae8929ad05b673ac69aea2d7ea7c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="283087a7ca5df6758b10c338c43e1641"I had been better for a while. I didn't think of little Callum as often when I was busy, which was why I took on counseling other survivors. As the weather changed, my heart did the same, and when I was alone, I was miserable. Daryl sat on the bed next to me and stared, which was now also a common occurrence, because it was easier than anything style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3e3cfb4b3b084e853a0b04ba654d7ccd" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b6994987fab132c7c715cc023a9de552"Phillip weighed heavily on my mind too, but I tried to keep quiet about him, because I was not the only one in the group who'd been terrorized by him anymore. They had all seen terrible things, and it was hard for me to understand that many of them had their own horror stories involving the Governor when I was still so wrapped up in my own story. I didn't feel any resolution style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1d1678866685ed82fe3d6e806dc51160" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0bbbef6249efc617b6c952f524d8eecd""Hey," Daryl said, waving his hand in front of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b4462e14ea493b874b7fe79e32684a53" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ecf3cc29bde040b216781d13f324903e""Sorry," I said simply, but focused my vision in on style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3905269af4c991b9e3d503d22c8cadf7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="efb606cee15cfdb0ba7d8c9817c7c1c2"He laid on his side, head propped up on his elbow, and he stared at me intently, sipping at his coffee, magically not spilling it in his awkward position. I leaned in, burying my head on his chest, his coarse beard and chest hair scratching at my skin. I smelled him again, and I knew it weirded him out by the way his breath hitched in his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a40a5e4df59729e88a67fc5288f2bc73" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1157e0e83479696b5d7440d0ca72face""Why you always doin' that?" he asked me, leaning down and kissing the top of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1936692bd9236bfc98c6424f5312e58e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5edb4951ca8f55bff1dec1eccae5dbfb""I always have used smell the most out of all my senses. Pretty much every memory I have has a certain smell that goes along with it,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb1b9504b8d4e5165f586fd2ee49fb6f" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e271255c4df924aa505edb12764e3fbb""Gotcha," he said, and I could feel him smiling, the skin on his face tightening and his breath blowing onto my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e379594050bea7f3b82e394a0789f04b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9574e762c310e30f39fc77bf27ee9534"I looked up at him and pulled his chin in, my lips resting on his. I kissed him gently, closing my eyes and relishing in the feeling of our mouths on each other. He set the coffee cup on the floor near the bed, and I heard it tip over, spilling on the ground. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a41201c1ab7b47ae685d501704777960" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="afd21d7edf24c2f0d57fa76de0fb5e3b""Nice," I said and giggled, watching Daryl shrug./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="11cf2b6e37c05a8db89d6b0082f50b9b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1a4081e6fcef3daf6de658a2b5ae3ce9" I gasped lightly as he nibbled my bottom lip, and I smiled, returning the favor. He rolled over, so that his upper half was towering over mine, and he kissed me again, running his hand through my hair, stopping at the base of my neck and pulling the hair every so lightly. I moaned in response, leaning my neck back so that I could feel him kissing his way down towards my chest, the raw skin on my neck tingling where his beard rubbed me. As he kissed, his hands wandered; just a finger tracing where he planted kisses, and when he reached my chest, he cupped my breasts with both hands suddenly, making me squeal./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c23d8e77843cfa4fc78d0c768cdfcc07" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b771c441d0979bc4c750b3207c279d91" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1fb660bdfc6a99ea27f821f7e428dc54"He pushed them together and pressed his face into style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1651f8ef114b809d74f622c74d0f441c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="89ab7d46715d8b71f3ad49718c3ad3aa""I just love these," he said, muffled in my chest, and I laughed heartily. He pulled my shirt over my head, and unclasped my bra, letting my breasts lay style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="87ee357e9bc0b9e434fd76f1cd75cf78" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="43caa14f0dc0666e18ed7162239eedf1""You are so goddamn beautiful," he said to me, and growled gutturally. The sound made me clench up, anticipation making my heart style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a08fdcfa44a7eb417de804d1cbc0946" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3743398ac16719aeb6fe97768fae6bde""Can you...use your mouth?" I asked him, before I knew what I had said, and I could feel my cheeks flushing. He had never gone down on me style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cab3d61235478c09f1a19d8f8b762ed0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3abdc095c464e51469d111d82d6b232b"He looked up at me, squinty eyes in style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="feb27b8f47c3b69dbd607434c8492aba" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0add973fac405142794df0b34f9b64fd""Are you sure you want me to?" he asked style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f7f0a4199e4840ed79e51c0bc8122917" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5901621531533bfa6d233a854e6d7607""I don't know," I said, doubting my momentary style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cbd15cc08ee035a9c8e7218c505f374d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="16122d1dc98bb91901fcef96b37dbe6c""Too late," Daryl whispered and unbuttoned my jeans in haste, pulling them down and struggling to free my ankles. He threw the pants on the ground, and peeled my underwear down, throwing them on top of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4c9a143a7b6c4b13213de76a317c313" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ac0efd3b459ce554b48360fc662330d4""I've never done this before. Just tell me what you like," he said, breathing heavily. He ran his hands down over my midriff, tracing my hipbones, and stopping where the coarse hair started. He slowly pushed my legs apart, and crawled up closer to me, placing kisses on either thigh, style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d49d1d0301dfbb67df401b80e0eb784b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a3bae7afd1751e69c7110fe35f6f7ff6"I felt myself totally exposed, the cool air in the cell hitting the intimate flesh, sending shivers through my body. Daryl's kisses traveled higher and closer together until he was there, at my core; looking up at me, hands grasping my thighs, pushing them further apart. He groaned again and ran a finger over my slit, then lifting the finger to his mouth, he licked it style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0671ea287b21e6200bc7272f1a467414" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="095f94dc81664281c232e1677fe615bf"I sighed shakily as I looked on, more aroused than I'd ever been, save for the time in Atlanta...our first time style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0f6ba7a6927e974cd10c0d65d1924485" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="06efc24cf4333e7f14ab05bb79df3063""Please," I whimpered and tried to slide closer to Daryl. He pulled back, smiling style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7079672f8a8f967a98ad96249a1e6231" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="da253b920d0cc735b61fff430ea4f703""You get pleasure from the sickest shit," I said, hoarsley, and tried yet to pull his face closer to my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8cbe62473e98be2696a4cd6f7e71b3ea" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="775a08dc1a08dd5dfe39a112370eb939""Patience," he said to me, and rubbed me again, just one finger in a circular motion, in exactly the right style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8cec0699fe32482f43518522bcdccf59" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="dc28fac8d080f043d8661815ad53e417""Fuck," I sighed, and I hated using that word during these times, but it was all my brain could style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bb716e890a307bcc21508e6c87fc0cca" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="af141d76a5e6b7c0693ca527e1465f54""Keep quiet for this," he said, and before he could finish his sentence, he inserted a finger into me at an agonizingly slow pace. I cried out in a hoarse whisper, clasping a hand over my mouth. He used another finger to rub me again, and slowly moved his mouth closer; it was so close, I could feel the warmth of his breath. Before I could gather what was happening, I felt his tongue on me, finger still in me, and he licked and sucked rhythmically, all the while swirling the finger around inside hooking it towards the front and hitting just the right style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3a405735d00f8bc4db3ecf995b5f698a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8b7f0598e704cb6edfa7fea45ed71481""Oh Christ," I said, and gripped onto the sheets, twisting the fabric in my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8628dc1559e5de47c99497e2e6241404" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9c5ffd4ed79a73e8f318c591abefff93"As I felt myself getting closer, he removed his finger, and used his tongue, all the way up and down, taking his time to hit every spot that style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4c96368beea4ba7de7ce1abab7d43d36" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="09b8bcaf89895618bd3caaa65fe308d6""Oh god..I'm gonna.." I couldn't speak, could hardly move. My back involuntarily arched, my head flew back and my body's release took over. He kept going as I convulsed, and I couldn't take style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"It's too..sensitive. Oh my god," I said to him as he looked up at me, licking his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e18484c49726850893ccce2fa7528cc5" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c9ca91e634120153d79e4d3caed72832""That...was damn hot," he said, and crawled up so he was on top of me. He kissed me vigorously, and I could taste myself on his lips. I didn't even style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="852a1244e4fd0b1dd0720722ea611df0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4821f073a6d35c75ba8166972afe4ba""Can I fuck you?" He asked me, looking straight into my eyes. His pupils were dilated, and his lips clenched in style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f8fc2ab638ea012b4be36dc27a2347c4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6d99faa41cb9c897fe2e008aa1db4677""Of course you can," I whispered to him, pulling him in to kiss style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1a6c8c68ffc44f5a8418aafb90593189" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="903b50846958ef36a9a8d693f37be69d"He fumbled with his jeans, unzipped them, and sprung style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a0982cabbc12e351c09b73ecaa0ad962" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="53835b86ed75a7016ebe1ad627be6454"I heard the sheet flutter, and gasped as I looked around Daryl. There stood Beth, holding the curtain open farther than I would've style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="136647607d784fbcfb6118a1a358a3f6" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="179b9b8325c1980cc48c0cf942be32da""Beth! Close it!" I said to her a little bit too loud, and she stammered for a moment, staring at Daryl, down at his member, then to me fully exposed on the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3d82c032a5cf3a998969ab407b784be4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="31ef3d3d176e646ac633fd21c3509994""BETH!" Daryl roared, trying to hide himself from her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cf8343c7733772c1dff1aff0943f00c9" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ddeb39b53e1db69fb2b92b7254b81ab6""Sorry," Beth mumbled and let the curtain fall style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a43c374e793232dba1689b9fc38a1956" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="96662ee15dc3c0192f59a02dd8aecf2b""Well fuck. That's awkward," I said, covering my face with my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2a92ae240ca849510d4fb81936c62cd3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9d863e3fab5e665015cec291e1a4c9c4""Not enough to stop me." Daryl said, and squinted again, as if t remember where he style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8c4d6cd83db637420be7bf8b2960e3e1" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e8ff092b7e488e2c3f76cc1035230b2a"I laid back for him and waited as he inched up, and I could feel him at my entrance. I seemed to throb for him, and my heart skipped beats as he pushed into me fast. My nerves were still on high alert from my own climax, and I clenched around him in excitement. He went at a rhythmic pace, not hard or fast, and I loved it. He leaned down and took one of my nipples in his mouth as he continued to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c8b4ac98148de794e56168ab2e651b10" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4d4addeea93230ea7bff4486e8466a95"I could feel him getting close, the sudden swelling and throbbing of a stopped orgasm, and his breath hitching style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ba60a378ee5b7a36b44e65058ab24407" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="613ac46b8cd484a15c573a2f9dc95edc""It's okay for you to finish, love," I said to him, reaching up and wiping sweat from his forehead. He looked straight into my eyes again and pumped faster, and this time he let go, and spilled himself inside of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aa2b0875a4add9f39731298bb4ca7dbf" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="50fb8b9c11f0131b1c6f455abdd504a8"He let out a small whimper, and he went rather limp, holding himself up enough to enable me to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0e907b8a215a8b6a90d9b3a9a62d9b32" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5b62d726c0fe137693268c91c616c9f9""Time for a nap," he said, as he pulled out of me and flopped down next to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e2f7358b8e1edc71afb883b91500091" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4076c5a778cd0d900fa855874630a16a""I don't think so. We have work to do!" I said to him, not really wanting to move style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1ecd7d743e1ab2ae1fe6f386de0b7960" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="252b04b7f381e0181b51744f027fa635"He pretended to snore, and I stood, throwing a pillow at his face. I rolled my eyes and pulled on my jeans, straightened out my shirt and my hair, and exited the cell. I had a session with Karen coming up soon. Oddly enough, I was able to feel what time it was during the day depending on weather, sun location, behavior of the younger style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="80f7b9ea8ff7f482f591dd1c1f831644" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="15392362f6ac744f4622e8b7b8bece0d""I'll be back for dinner," I said back to him, and hobbled off towards the library where Karen was meeting style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0a57a7ac823bbdeb515ef33e7bbe14f6" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="19bbc99d7b2484fe774236791d76774f"On my way there, I saw Beth who was sitting with Carl, and talking to him intently about something. They both saw me and I saw their mouths turning up into little smiles. I smirked at them, knowing exactly what they were style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2f79124c63f755703ebd930ab9bfbbe6" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="981a4948647d87f5888e57e90e3f27cc"After I entered the library and grabbed my clipboard, I sat down in the chair again, writing Karen's name at the top of a new page, and I slipped on my reading style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6a33aaba125c93ada1408c35e3ad942b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8e6277cc4fb81855123df824af2c5cfa"There was a knock at the door, followed by the opening of the heavy, creaky door. Karen stepped in, tears running down her face, and she sat next to me in the other high backed style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="642b482069a0163bc31c188614fd7e22" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="787ad6ca6e9b6fe72724a2b6b5244631""Are you okay?" I asked her, style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7420a75ee8513d7fede0b72c0cdafe77" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="780d7658d8f828ac21ff072379a31791""Obviously not. I can't stop having nightmares about the Governor and what he did. I feel like he's still out there, waiting for us," Karen said, and she began to panic a little bit, and I comforted her the only way I knew how; total silence and nodding. I didn't want to talk about him again. It seems that when I am happy, there is always that reminder of my darkest days./p 


	31. She's a Bomb

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d33ddc622a602a46eaa62311fed4fde8""He is still out there, Karen. I can feel it, too. But these last few months have been as close to bliss as I can imagine...where we are now anyway. We have each other, walls around us, we sleep in warm beds, have hot and fresh food...the things that happened to anyone under the Governor's thumb should be memories and we should push those memories to the farthest closets of our minds...until another day," I said all of this with bile bubbling in my throat; I would never buy what I just said if I were in Karen's shoes, and she didn't look entirely convinced either./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="59daf2f269cc5b0855760964383f561f"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"So you've forgotten about your kid? You push him to the back of your mind?" she said to me, shaking her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c879241c4a8031c498c53b5bf342b6cd""That is out of line, Karen. You have no idea what I live with and deal with every time I close my goddamn eyes. All I see is him, and what the Governor did to us,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"None of us really know what happened, you know. Only that you're a loose cannon, waiting to go off," she said to me, adjusting in her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Why did you come here? Did you really want to talk to someone, or are you just trying to make me relive the most painful moments in my life?"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cfe201de5943405c840233fec4378a45" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ab7efef942484e7d4a6e482c391830b4""Maybe both, Heather. You've been acting like everything is fine, and the only thing I am saying is that things are not fine; you're not fine, and it's sure as hell not fine that the Governor is walking around out there, planning his revenge. If anything happens to the prison, all that we've built here, it will rest on your shoulders. You're the reason he's not moving on, or giving up. He won't stop until he has you,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b7d02b64f9e47354bf0b62bf4c2cd954" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f767d7470610474ce0f9562f2388fcf8""Stop! I am coping and dealing with what happened the only way I know how to, and that's pushing it down and making others happy to fill that void in myself. You think I don't live with the guilt every day? You have no idea," I said, trying and failing to stop the tears from pooling down my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="714e797025a55e6b0e4a0fb86b5af67a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f560074a49ba3a456b9da4bff9ae57a2""That's all you can say. em style="box-sizing: border-box;"'You have no idea'/em. Heather, you have no idea about anything besides yourself and what was done to em style="box-sizing: border-box;"poor you/em."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f38f085c1b938f2edbdd66de2f73e709" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3774f823c1a9b0af48376f6119b1aeb1""SHUT UP!" I screamed, losing my shit completely. "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? EVERY LITTLE DETAIL? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY MY FOCUS HAS TURNED FROM EVERYONE ELSE'S NEEDS TO KEEPING MYSELF ALIVE? Fuck you, and your judgment and assumptions. You don't know shit. I was held captive for months, slept in my own piss, shit myself, vomited on myself, was pointed to and laughed at, was raped over and over and over, and I got pregnant from being raped. I bled out when I had my baby, but was kept alive solely to be abused for 2 agonizing months. I swore to hate my baby, but I loved him. I loved him so much, and I searched for him. When I found him, 2 and a half months after he was born, he died the day after, from something neurological, something that I couldn't help. MY son was already dead..I carried him full term, nurtured him, all for no reason. All to come back to this godforsaken prison, empty handed and empty hearted. I fucked the love of my life's best friend, and still haven't told him. I hate myself more than anyone could ever comprehend, but for some reason I am alive. I am here, and I am making the best out of the shitty life I've been given. I never want anyone to feel the way that I do or go through the things that I did, and frankly, I shouldn't have to tell anyone anything, but if that what it takes for you to ignore my selfish ways and let me deal with this the way I know how, I will tell anyone anything they want to know,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1f7cdf788f714778039f9e6c4f71a6a1" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a51b761a20eba384be5a431594ace734"Karen was beginning to cry, and she looked at me style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fd28fa46e51d32fdcf8be80b3f7acb6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="861faca88fbc6148294bbef73aae6476""I'm so-"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="931399f0a3b6c2440ae21d18f2fea804" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9f5086b3097362ac757824c0e2b78b33""Don't ever say you're sorry to me. You wanted to know, so I told you. Yes, the Governor is still out there, and chances are that whatever bad things happen to us, it will be my fault. I hope you're satisfied. Please get out, unless there's something else you'd like to say," I ripped a hangnail from my finger and cringed as it burned. I put my finger in my mouth to lick away the blood as I watched Karen leave the room style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c7be9ab146d04d6b9a695847db6fd4e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="54c969fa2329a09dc62b90480f872cbd""Cow," I mumbled under my breath. I breathed a sigh of relief. To be perfectly honest, it felt good to say everything to someone. Daryl knew snippets of what happened, but there were things I'd told Karen that no one knew. I think even my conscience pushed details away that were still in my brain. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, breathing deeply to try to steady my shaking hands and quivering style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="391ebf420f14a30510c1762756cc906d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f84f4cee6a33ef70eb03f1f1856218e7""Heather?!" Rick's voice boomed outside of the door and he burst through, looking me up and style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b33bce0ff90b5f124c17db49cea55f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3546aaf5abf542bccaa0a035e47e6717""What happened?" he asked me and walked over slowly, "Karen's out there crying..won't talk to anyone,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b9d857e00066da25df6f924992546cf" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a83fb7d5aca8279b3227790d0ff5b345""She came to talk to me, but she really just wanted to know details of what I went through. So I told her."br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aba90e3a4c7ecd6343b4803b4bf6c2a7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d54c7ace57c9df3d81bdfe00f5ac76cc""Heather. Your situation is extreme. You can't talk about it like it's the normal thing to happen," he said to me, wiping his beard style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a9e00b096dd7df77004010806f934ae" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e36812a2f2935704a9b3abdcefb9ff75""I'm sorry, what is the normal thing to happen, Rick? Because whether or not my situation is normal or not, if people are going to nose into my business, I want to give them a reason to stay the fuck out of it. What better way to do that than make them listen to every little detail of my sorry life,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c9546dea3f1643d9779401a2f45047f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="12b2961c74ca0de0f04ffe5dca265e4f""Stop talkin' like that. I don't like it," Rick style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e4a6df1cd1e16821ae7c037b9f6797b2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5915b2830d2a9a5364856e5d2f6dfdbf""Well no shit. I don't like it either, but this is where I'm at right now. This is me, and I don't have the energy to change,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ed95fcac35226d55b9132a1d4b5b60e7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c0ff6b401e7e90526b97706dd11eab3d""Heather?" I heard Daryl's voice from the hallway, and he came in. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were wet. My heart seemed to drop to the pit of my bowels when I looked into his eyes; he cried because there was hurt like I'd never seen before. I knew that he knew about Rick. It was the only secret left between style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b922278241ec8e9614518809fa9531bd" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1222257b2fe90cbcfcf0791c8b526a06""Please not now," I said to him, voice breaking. I looked down, hiding the shame and guilt that clung to me like a starving style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8531a036145c49b9d245c88a4288be6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6279cb84577c06b45cbc64bb57fd6bb5""WHEN THEN?" he screamed at me, and I felt flecks of his spit hit my skin. Goosebumps erupted down my spine and I sobbed openly, cradling my knees and burying my face in style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7cdf3811d5ea4f53a93a3a5ece5829e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8af07772807bb7bd74128e0f86cf1738""HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?" his volume only increased, and I heard a quick shuffle, then grunting as the two men collided. Punches landed, groans from the recipient, and yelling as they tossed each other style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1a01fde562a45e76d46d6a58fb48b8b4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="16f0d9ad3cb54f2d39301dacd4ecab51""Daryl, stop!" Rick said, and as I looked up, he stood with his hands up. Daryl's hands shook, fists clenched and knuckles white with style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="56ce2480e0d7b54fa2eeb474765bf5a0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0a6f741550363f53df9b021d9386f990""Mah brother always told me that all women were whores, in some way. They all fuck around, that's what he said," he said, through unsteady breaths. "No matter how all of you hated him, he was smart," Daryl sighed, blowing out breath in almost a whistle, "and he told me the most fucked up ones are the ones who cheat. I should've known from the start. Should've told you to fuck off when I first found out you was sucking his dick," he waved his hand towards Rick, and in one swift movement, he picked up one of the arm chairs and threw it into the far wall, breaking two of the legs off and sending dust and dirt floating through the room, wood splinters crackling as they hit the stone style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d1dc6039f6396cb0e2e34982b36f7633" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3b91a0bf97eb50c304c69c663480134a""I knew." he style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6397f069a311c55b725cffc0682ac0a5" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="396df20710140430ef8f49639cf8a5e2"I looked up at him, but could not hold the eye style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="84c9da702e04010908fc6b4c48bdbb30" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="02f89f72ecefccd2915fac02e5c619c8""I knew you'd kill me. I've never loved anyone at all. I never knew I could, until you. I gave so much of what I'd worked my whole life to keep private to you. I gave you everything," he said and came over close to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0bf5acbb6e41d35e284772167f5c2849" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="79f870018f5f63fe12c395749dd60277""The day Merle and I came back to the prison...he saw Rick fucking you up against a tree. He told me so but I didn't believe him," and with that, Daryl spit in my face and stormed from the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6df0c51d7425b3c9cb02922aeb9b41a2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ac0a71e7e848cdd31129e72850949b27""I'm so sorry," Rick said to me, and I held my hand up to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="452a38fb1acbb20ca18e7c1b4fa5a454" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="14b3fd2d97c7dc96f3f091b7d1e9bcae""Don't ever say you're sorry to me," I said, my anger flared, and I moved in, pressing my lips to his. "I'm tired of feeling sorry,"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6324ea01846fe5be6d8cf9577ca42e70" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9a5a0a1b05609a023b4765bab5b71a9f""I can't do this," Rick pushed me away and took his leave as well, leaving me alone in the darkening room that was used to talk about style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="571f7366383fe54e2175462f5c65ab35" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4c2bde9791114ead070e9f7889e4753e"I pulled out the knife tucked into my boot, running along the purple veins on my wrist. One push and it would be over. Just a little pressure and I could be free. I pressed down and cried out as the blade penetrated my skin; hot blood ran from the wound and I sighed, hearing it drip in puddles onto the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="189c3886af5712716ac7d674fb2f02b3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="667321f11ea9235ef02256514a4d8535"It seems Karen was right. I was a loose cannon; but I'd finally exploded, and any residual sparks would soon be eliminated. I laid down on the floor, staring straight up at the ceiling. There were lapses in my vision, little white spots, and I drifted off to sleep./p 


	32. Blood Drips in the Snow

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e78d64fa2a83c94c026641282a52f744""How did I not see it? Goddamn it! Why didn't you just tell me, Heather?" Daryl was crying, grabbing onto my arm and I kept my eyes closed. Every sound made my brain pulse painfully, and my wrist stung when Daryl shook style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7dcd7c73ec55dee868d878caac4871f4"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Why can't I just die? Why am I forced to live when I've tried to die twice now?/embr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1d967a0307c42e40519ae537b192eb3e"My eyes prickled as I struggled to keep them closed. Daryl's strangled cries made me nauseous, and I fought down bubbly acid as it crackled and popped at the back of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cfe201de5943405c840233fec4378a45" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="078fa21a24abebf61609a4c7ad5fffa9"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Am I dead?/embr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b7d02b64f9e47354bf0b62bf4c2cd954" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6f59ac7a5451bd5f15c6482fa4af854f"I had thought that I died. I slept so peacefully, so quietly. When my mind came back, I lapsed momentarily on what had happened, and I was style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="714e797025a55e6b0e4a0fb86b5af67a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e3cf9251db6a001505431864713af17""I loved you," Daryl whispered to me, and I felt his warm breath near my face, the heat of his skin radiating off of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f38f085c1b938f2edbdd66de2f73e709" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6b374e9826cbe49d524568c4d46825dc"I laid as stoic as I could. I didn't think I could face sitting up and living when everyone knew that I wanted to die. There were many people in this prison who would gladly let me die and take back their loved ones, the ones who had something to live style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1f7cdf788f714778039f9e6c4f71a6a1" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c31daeadad41ccd31a5334ed9944c367"I couldn't hold back a groan as I registered that Daryl said 'loved'. I had heard passion in his voice once, and I missed it desperately, but I had been the one to give it to him, and then I took it style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fd28fa46e51d32fdcf8be80b3f7acb6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e323e18090b8d3a9815fcaf01ec95b96""How long you been awake? How long you been listenin'?", he yelled at me, not missing my slight but audible sob. "Sit up an' face me, you lyin' bitch!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="931399f0a3b6c2440ae21d18f2fea804" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9c29ce80017440a0366dba2e2994f857""Why didn't you just let me die then?!" I screamed gutturally as I sat up, clasping my throbbing head between my hands, and I pressed together, hoping to smash my brain style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c7be9ab146d04d6b9a695847db6fd4e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="dc2bc6b3f8a4e4fb0ddd6aa4dfbf6c8e""I should've!" Daryl hollered back at me, and grabbed both of my wrists. He pressed his thumbs down on the stinging wounds, causing me to cry out in pain, and I felt something pop under the gauze, which was now turning crimson again. "This what you want? Huh?" Daryl went on, his voice cracking as he lessened the pressure, causing blood to run down my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="391ebf420f14a30510c1762756cc906d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f47ec1465c1b7cab50958b52280c8489"I totally lost any dignity that I'd managed to retain up to that point; I cried loudly, gagging on my saliva. My eyes burned and ached, and I squeezed them shut to try to ease the pressure in my head. Everything spun and I went to fall back, but Daryl wouldn't let go of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b33bce0ff90b5f124c17db49cea55f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ec57a8e601b7ff56c02727e1e2e70db5""Let me go," I said, and I could feel a flashback coming on. He didn't listen; he held my wrists tightly so that it was like I was tied up. I felt so violated as my vision lapsed in and out of the day I was taken to Woodbury. I was reliving it for the first time in a few style="box-sizing: border-box;" /em style="box-sizing: border-box;"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b9d857e00066da25df6f924992546cf" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9b746c58693608e809ea58992d8249e6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"'He pushed me onto the bed and grabbed my arms, wrapping the belt around them and pinning them above my head so I had no use of my hands. He tied the belt to the headboard, and as I protested , he opened my legs, all while I was kicking at him and style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /em/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aba90e3a4c7ecd6343b4803b4bf6c2a7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="75766eec645e50f0891aebf07eccb978"em style="box-sizing: border-box;""I like it when you fight me," he had said to me as he began to rape me./em'br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a9e00b096dd7df77004010806f934ae" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="535ddb587f52ad4b1266470d3d9c1133""Let me go!" I screamed again, "You're hurting me," I went on, my body shaking uncontrollably. Daryl's grasp lightened, and he dropped my wrists as though he'd been burned. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms to the side of his head, presumably trying to deflect a flashback of his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c9546dea3f1643d9779401a2f45047f4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d867913d7a8f641feb802bdbaa99a744""I'm not him," he whispered, gritting his teeth style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e4a6df1cd1e16821ae7c037b9f6797b2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0715110c4d52dc4353c448c9991eb1d8""I'm so sorry, Daryl. I messed up. Rick messed up. We both messed up. Merle was right, and I am probably the most fucked up person you could've chosen. I was okay, but the whole ending of the world thing ruined me," I blubbered on and tried to relax by blowing out rapid, raspy style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ed95fcac35226d55b9132a1d4b5b60e7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b7a59773c24e77c90c5435e331704c71""Nothing could ruin you," he turned to me, opening his eyes style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b922278241ec8e9614518809fa9531bd" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ad886154b1bb293edcc527179b4ac550""Don't," I said to him and shook my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8531a036145c49b9d245c88a4288be6b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8d911e27ce22d2b3243d393c569d50d7""I'm sorry I laid my hands on you," he said to me, and I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7cdf3811d5ea4f53a93a3a5ece5829e8" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e166ed29705aa4a85d604b6f4e3fc305""I deserved it," I said, not really feeling that way, but all I wanted to do was appease Daryl, and make him feel style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1a01fde562a45e76d46d6a58fb48b8b4" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="49907dc000706bc67dc2c0416bfa3b48""You stupid? No one deserves that. I watched my dad do that to mah mama more times than I wanna remember. He broke her fucking wrists, Heather. By the time she died, her arms were all gnarled and twisted from broken bones healing on their own. Let me see your wrist," he said to me as he sat down next to me, and I flinched as he moved closer. He grasped my bleeding wrist, gingerly this time, and pulled out his handkerchief from his back pocket. I cringed, and when he saw my expression, he said, "It's one I just cleaned," and he rolled his eyes. He handed it to me, and began unrolling the blood soaked gauze, visibly recoiling every time I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="56ce2480e0d7b54fa2eeb474765bf5a0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="097c0ea3d4b6943bd3b701b1596b206d""Hold still," he said and left the room. I looked around and realized I was back in my cell. Light streamed in through the bars and from what I could tell, it was the middle of the day. Daryl returned a few minutes later with a bowl of hot water, rubbing alcohol and fresh gauze. He sat again next to me and motioned for me to give him my hand and the handkerchief. I did so, and he dipped and wrung the fabric into the hot water, placing it lightly on my arm. He ran it up and down the bloody skin, removing the coagulated blood. After the wound was clean, he dabbed it with rubbing alcohol, waited until it was dry and then he started wrapping gauze around my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d1dc6039f6396cb0e2e34982b36f7633" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="35cfd2874c4ab66e9fdd1f1b38256458""It'll heal up," he said to me, and looked at my face for the first time in a while. He raised his hand, and I flinched, but he traced my lips with his rough finger, and moved it up to my forehead. He ran his fingers through my hair, stopping to play with a few stray style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6397f069a311c55b725cffc0682ac0a5" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="26e1344f57383e366dc2d38b13c75be6""I think I'll always come back to you," he said to me, and my heart fluttered, "But you need to tell me what happened with Rick. I can't get it out of my head, him fucking you," his jaw twitched style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="84c9da702e04010908fc6b4c48bdbb30" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c1a2b23ad4ee339c854f1068c5e13cfd"I felt nauseous but I knew Daryl wouldn't let it go, so after brief mental struggle, I replied to him,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0bf5acbb6e41d35e284772167f5c2849" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="72f0494e84680fd461453b104052ec9b""There was no romance, nothing even remotely close. I thought you had left me for Merle...Lori was dead...we were both lonely and angry. It was angry, and there was no passion. Rick wanted to be with me, and we both know it. He wouldn't have tried anything, if it weren't for me...he cares about you way more than he cares about getting his dick wet...sorry," I finished as Daryl glared at me through squinted style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6df0c51d7425b3c9cb02922aeb9b41a2" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c09d7ddd125dd7fbcaa68f2957cc41e5""Did it feel good?" he asked me, and now I knew he was getting some sick pleasure from style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="452a38fb1acbb20ca18e7c1b4fa5a454" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="eb1fea01ed0dea848e1cc1499b8c903e""Yeah, it did. But it was fast, and I never came," I bit my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6324ea01846fe5be6d8cf9577ca42e70" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="21618d4597052087ff4e825d50d01128""Good," he said, and elbowed me style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="571f7366383fe54e2175462f5c65ab35" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8fffc55c49709ada8bf5823bb20c634f"I turned to him, ashamed, but it was like we both understood. There was still some anger, and there probably always would be, but there wasn't anything else to hold onto. It's not like we could just go our separate ways, anyway. I was like the moth to Daryl's flame, and I was pretty sure after this, that flame could never be extinguished, and I would never be drawn to anything style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="189c3886af5712716ac7d674fb2f02b3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6e868019a521f99af3588627bd17761d"He reached over to me again and graze his fingers along my neck, stopping to trace freckles and style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="38a7f8e922d7e8e61925eda9af473fcb" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cfd19ce52a16041761a8d7b3914909c4""Can you go back to being only mine?" he asked me, and goosebumps erupted down my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1197184b9603c333419318f99339fc2f" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a1075666ae707f1fbd62b870fb400f6d""If you want me," I replied to him, reaching up to place my own hand over his wandering one. I moved his hand towards my mouth and kissed each of his fingers style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f2ee763b29f86d42eefc0d878dc12d50" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3f90121f11438944a2f77de034f69ac1""Only mine," he growled this time, and he slid back on the bunk, still holding my hand. He sat cross legged and stroked my arm, breathing lightly and waiting patiently. I crawled towards him and curled up in his lap, sighing contentedly as he pushed the hair back off of my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b233484a98d16890816a259d9822e855" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3c726621d7cd6ee85b1b30ba0cf1f953""Can we just lay together?" I asked him, and he nodded. We were both exhausted and wanted nothing more than to take a nap. So, I nestled in close to him, grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed, and pulled it over both of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f39a372939cb2ab64643686dcfd188aa" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="51aa46f9d54e4c659a0b57a5e6baf7de""Wanna go out for a hunt later?" Daryl asked me sleepily, "I'll check mah traps, and I can get other meat or fish...You can forage for shit like you normally do?" he style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ad97125f65c4feb08d8d4bf10844c26d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="eb6fd08ec0218444555a5b85694bdadd""Sure," I said lightly and closed my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /_br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /Later on, I'm not sure how much later on, I woke up to the sounds of children yelling and squealing style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fee08c7eacc70c6654d61f0fad5e6f66" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="88f44c5d2a546a3b2d8c0b7ac90352f1""It snowed! It snowed!"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b998bde89d8df25d3328347c8961e238" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6af490ab9670d2fb336fbe7d73608102""No way. It hasn't snowed in Georgia since I was a kid," I said, sitting up, still a little bit asleep. "Daryl, get up," I said to him, and shook him. He woke with a start and sat up style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ab7b338771e07d34fddca224dbbdcb4c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="df8577b91a2d26069f7e1f437911d4e5""It snowed!" I said, "Or so the kids said anyway," I smiled and stood up, my tired and sore body protesting. How I would love to stay in bed for an entire week. Daryl too got to his feet and stretched, his toned midsection peeking out of his tattered plaid style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="80a229ba118db0b95c0bca8c18a728db" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="51048c8193a67eeca71d9db0996d473c""Know what that means?" Daryl said to me, twisting to crack his back and wincing as his vertebrae popped style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4f0ae33ae243434e9515c5bc9c9ea105" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f73a25858eeb45bfc625f29492110289""What?" I said, sitting back down on the edge of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="51ce209197b85604852fd81e3e266dcb" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ee97a68ffbb2102e498ac8d44a349e43""Instead of hunting, I say we go look for supplies. Winter coats, clothes, hats, gloves and scarves...that type of stuff. We can find blankets too, and canned goods, more sustainable and easier to get in the winter," he rattled off, and I could sense that he was excited about it being a true winter. The more snow there was, the slower the walkers would be, and he was right in that it would be the perfect time to gather style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2736183c29493f0e326dcb1c001b0858" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3a3bcb7d35e4546c8eeedccd5cadde22"I grabbed my tattered jacket from the bottom post of my bed and swung it around my shoulders, shivering slightly as the little amount of heat in my body was trapped under the warm and heavy denim. Daryl threw on his coat and poncho, told Glenn what we were doing, and received the okay from him by way of a nod and a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="aa205d4b51232f3307f90adc5e21277a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8e736450c36d2263b3e3c3242ad79031""Be careful out there, bro," Glenn said to Daryl and Daryl nodded style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e029f2e44a56c3a7dc413dab2a042f5e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f3eca1595e3196c1be7a91430e33f7f6""We'll be good," he said, looking over his shoulder at me. I grasped at and covered the gauze on my wrists self consciously, wondering who all knew what had happened. Though they were covered with the sleeves of the jacket, I felt at that moment like the denim was style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb7fa7eda32518da8e1d6822bee349c3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="78c7b44f900f098354b123506ed07b4f"The snow outside was around 4 or 5 inches deep, light and fluffy, and it was still coming down in small flakes. Night would probably be falling soon, but we had enough stuff that we were prepared to stay overnight somewhere, preferably not the vehicle, but it would suffice and it would be easier to get away if any incident happened. So, we packed up Glenn's truck and headed out, styrofoam cups of coffee from Carol, along with a thermos full of the rabbit stew. I huddled down in the passenger's seat, pulling out the comforter that had been in the back seat, and I covered myself up to my chin. We didn't use heat in the cars to save gas, and I understood totally, but I was even more of a bitch than normal when I was cold, so I was pretty cranky. I was being the back seat driver that my mother hated whenever we went anywhere. The driver could literally do nothing right, and I picked on every little swerve, every skid, if mirrors weren't adjusted. I am a self proclaimed asshole when anyone else is driving. Daryl drove with one hand and bit his hangnails on the other hand and it took everything I had to not tell him to put his fucking hands on the wheel. He reached over for the coffee with his spare hand and I grunted impatiently as the truck swerved a bit to the wrong side of the road, if there even was such a thing anymore./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7ce92c6f7f80feca57e9a933c049bd68" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c7bb6e3ef506fb0de7963e65452dd063"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Chill out, Barbie," Daryl looked over at me, and I giggled hearing my nick name from so long ago, but then I growled at him,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="39ca2be650585577f3c09070ae822bd3" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f52ee6212bac6b6c4c79aa4e95bc233d""Keep your eyes on the road!" and I grabbed for my own cup of coffee to keep me sane. I sat there, hunched over, trying to sip my coffee as he swerved around. I felt my eye twitching and couldn't help but smile a little bit. I wish we could just leave. Go somewhere else, find other survivors...or not, it didn't really matter to me. Being alone with Daryl was and still is my goal. I love the group, but my heart wants one thing; style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b384a1f636460d326e8bbfb00bed50de" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d44a2cf84a1f5c8a79120f7f1454a762""Where we headed?" I asked him. He's much more knowledgeable with location than I am, so I didn't question he knew, but I wanted to know style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7c4516239b61b4298cd94f034e550712" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9ab0eddd5b92ff1fae08b1d96fe9b65c""Little bit north. There are some homeless shelters and a couple shopping malls we can hit up looking for shit," he said to me and turned down a secluded but visible road that went into the woods. "It'll be a couple hours, so get comfy," he said to me and I leaned over, laying my head on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, which caused me to feel more regret. He eventually eased into it and reached out, putting his arm around me and rubbing my upper arm. He turned his head, and I felt his breath on my head as he kissed me style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="edbf120883688bce0a608c09ca4e3f77" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bba09bc9b040ca500cdce55d240b60a8""I missed you," he said, and though we had slept together not 4 days before, I knew what he meant. I was totally here, and so was he, and we were able to live in the moment without questioning what was going on with the other. He knew my secret, yet I'm sure he still had some of his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e20352dcf1ef247c4eab10ad874a0049" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="107c63853ff0f321890c83de4b393f54""Want to sleep or something?" Daryl said to me, as I felt my head bobbing from style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85f948ff892b1fa83d90887eb5ee1fbc" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="32cd20941a0558da12eb979c46f4f153""Can we stop for the night? Stretch? Eat?" I said hungrily and rubbed my belly. Daryl nodded as I sat up, shaking my head to chase away the sleepies. I saw him looking around for somewhere relatively safe to stop. Up ahead to our left, there was a previously white washed, but now chipped barn standing, still pretty sturdy looking. So we crept along in the truck, the dried spanish moss that hung in the low standing, gnarled ancient trees, dragging over the roof of the vehicle with a faint and high pitched squealing. We had just enough light to pull into the little open shed attached to the side, where equipment would have gone. Daryl pulled the truck as far into the shed as he could and after we got out, he grabbed an old dirty tarp. We threw it over the truck, rustling it up so it looked as though it'd been sitting for years. There was a connecting door into the main barn structure, and we tried the handle, expecting it to be locked. It wasn't and we crept style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="265b2fcfb6575958e0ed4ada7ceb7378" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5eb3bc6d20f6241d87269849a44f2ade"The smell of death hit me quickly, though it wasn't a fresh and overwhelming odor; whatever was in here had been dead for a while. The smell was just preserved because the barn was a sturdy structure, so I was relieved. We trudged through the blackened hay that covered the one side of the barn floor, and reached solid concrete, where we would set up for the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7bc7879244dc107d251d7641aa6ab4fe" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="79bcc9af1ce30aa98c9539fa4c04c01b"We only had what we needed in case we needed to run for it in the night; a flashlight, a blanket, Carol's soup, bottle of water, and a ziploc baggie of Hershel's beef jerky to share between us. As the sun set, Daryl sat eating his portion of the jerky, and I slurped up the last of my soup, I took the small flashlight to walk around the perimeter of the barn, checking out the foundation and the integrity of the locks on the doors and windows. I shone the light up in front of me and my foot hit something hollow with a dull thud. I looked down and gasped loudly, covering my mouth as to not make any noise. I breathed a sigh of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="07ad126d48df61da7db83215d7e1f4f6" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="18e0e6117b80b184a3ff47963c0a49de""What is it?" Daryl asked me, not even getting to his style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f3b79eaffea8a6405c14615b312b295e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="59e407134caab69179018819de6a307f""Well if it was a walker, I'd be dead. It was a cow I think," I said and bent down to look at the creature, its dry hide stretched over the skeleton, the fur still looked velvety. It was almost pretty. There was no flesh anymore. As I got to the head, I noticed the incredible girth of the horns on this style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e326feb4d3d886adc27cf46e3ece0a70" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="041524dad690662f9209020cae3aee9a""It was a longhorn. I always wanted to see one in person, but I was always so scared of them. My Uncle Bobby's...was.. a farmer and was gored by one of these guys. Punctured his lung! Did you know that the males and females both have horns?" I said, not able to stop style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2a0846e1bd7523fdf8ed8b1db9fd8720" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="22381fe278e06fa606210b2c305e1e94""Didn't know that," Daryl said, seemingly unphased, but I saw him do one of his squinty side eyed style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9d3aae8929ad05b673ac69aea2d7ea7c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e282e1913e0a8e358d160b930867a896""Yeah..." I said,/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3e3cfb4b3b084e853a0b04ba654d7ccd" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="adc5e5225f2cdcaf041275c827c17841"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /"Bet they were even bigger in Texas," Daryl looked at me, and I wasn't sure if he was serious or style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1d1678866685ed82fe3d6e806dc51160" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4a1dc7e0bafb379331f4647b02d6fca"I just style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b4462e14ea493b874b7fe79e32684a53" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="728bbf5a49003463d3fb38b177c7e82d""I feel awake again...Can we just eat something, maybe walk around a bit, then head out again? I'll drive," I said, feeling style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3905269af4c991b9e3d503d22c8cadf7" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="88620f17cf243e075f3f3cb3d54da76a""Maybe not the smartest idea with the headlights," Daryl pointed out, and I style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a40a5e4df59729e88a67fc5288f2bc73" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8999f3027380769ea4bd74a93a5d3fa5""I'd rather get back to the prison as soon as we can," I said, and Daryl finally nodded,br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1936692bd9236bfc98c6424f5312e58e" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="14cd49b66949a54216ab3e4205a1b851""Yeah, we'll just get it done," he agreed. We huddled in the corner of the barn with our blanket and ate for a little bit. There was the occasional bit of small talk, light coughing and grunting. It was too quiet. After we finished the water bottle, we headed back to the truck. I had a feeling we would stop here for a rest tomorrow before we headed back to the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb1b9504b8d4e5165f586fd2ee49fb6f" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4e4b5e0845adefcd39892ec95c6d8d50"I backed the massive truck out of from under the roof and slid the lever into drive, jerkily, and it was Daryl's turn to look over at me and style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e379594050bea7f3b82e394a0789f04b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ea360f74069d64fa8f2e6d897f8e8e2a""Which way?" I asked him, and he pointed back to the small road that we had turned off of. I was just hoping and praying we didn't get the vehicle stuck in any snow or ice back there. Before moving, I turned on the lowest lights on the truck and hoped they were bright enough to guide us, but not to attract anything or anyone else. I turned the wheel, granny style, because of its size and pressed the gas lightly. We were off to the homeless shelter outside of Decatur first, then to the shopping style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a41201c1ab7b47ae685d501704777960" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6fe09ee9155569ad32f48287f4644231"I turned on the audio and pushed the tape that was in the cup holder into the slot, and weaved in and out of abandoned cars while Kellie Pickler sang some of her twangy garbage that I couldn't stand. But at that point, I'd rather listen to anything besides silence. After I got annoyed with weaving, I went into the grassy median and drove there for a while. It was much clearer than the roads, but there was more of a risk of us getting style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="11cf2b6e37c05a8db89d6b0082f50b9b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9cb091628cc38accc1f7310f3b8e384c"We made the trip in faster time because of my off roading, and came to a halt in the vacant street outside the homeless shelter. Daryl knew where it was immediately, and thinking about it, I wanted to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c23d8e77843cfa4fc78d0c768cdfcc07" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="91efbf9b9549d3584c596f7ed243f3ac""C'mon," he said to me, giving me no time to style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b771c441d0979bc4c750b3207c279d91" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e3539981ebd4db9b05144d7a7fe9755e"I hopped down from the truck and followed Daryl and his little flashlight. The door to the store was chained, but Daryl brought his bolt cutters and snipped through the chain with a grunt and a clang. He pulled the door open silently as I looked behind us for anyone or anything in the street. style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1651f8ef114b809d74f622c74d0f441c" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2b79fa388be0deca4ae9f42df2a49cd9"As we got inside the building, we smelled and heard the undead, and knew we were not style="box-sizing: border-box;" /It was incredibly dark, so I tried my best to stay extremely close to Daryl, bumping into him and annoying him plenty of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="87ee357e9bc0b9e434fd76f1cd75cf78" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1b31528bbf450f7632714c52068e81d8""It's just the 3 of 'em," he said to me, pointing ahead, and there were 3 walkers, the slowest moving ones I'd ever seen, and I grabbed Daryl's knife as he shown the light in front of us. The walkers crept, and I ran in, stabbing each of them in the head with unnecessary force, causing the black, infected fluid from their brain to spray all over the white, industrial looking floor. I wiped the knife on Daryl's pants and put it back in its style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5a08fdcfa44a7eb417de804d1cbc0946" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="186a611916b6cf43be113a459e9f595c""Nice," Daryl said simply, his voice muffled as he carried the flashlight in his mouth. His crossbow was poised and at the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cab3d61235478c09f1a19d8f8b762ed0" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="afd3ebca8b4e67af4d3d3b694fd3690b"After one more check around, we grabbed as much of the winter stuff as we could. We got hats, gloves, scarves, lots of blankets, candles, shoes, some jackets, and even some pillows and a mattress that we somehow managed to shove in the bed of the truck, underneath all of the other style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="feb27b8f47c3b69dbd607434c8492aba" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6d77b4ddada85e5d22fbea530f1d05e1""You wanna hit the mall or no? We won't be able to fit that much more stuff," Daryl said, as we climbed back into the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f7f0a4199e4840ed79e51c0bc8122917" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8932b61b8de5b87c94826d9436fd451e""Not this time, but let's check for a pharmacy and clear that out before we head back," I said, looking up and down the street, squinting in the dark. It had to be close to sunrise, in a couple of hours anyway, so I wanted to head back. We found a Rite Aid on a nearby corner so we stopped there, ran in, taking both of our backpacks and filling them up with anything and everything we could find. It had been pretty well cleaned through, but surprisingly some of the necessity first aid things were there, so we scooped them style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cbd15cc08ee035a9c8e7218c505f374d" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3af97e802d81e07a20ca9d215256084a"We headed back towards the prison very satisfied from the night's trip; many things that we needed we now had. Food was still okay because of what the prisoners gave us and the items we had kept since the farm style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4c9a143a7b6c4b13213de76a317c313" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b37849cff379b4846c5603a48ee6a172"Light had just begun to peek over the trees when we came again to the little dirt road that we passed in on the night before. As we drove down it, a light mist spread over the road, weaving in and out of the old tree trunks and casting an eerie shadow throughout the whole style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d49d1d0301dfbb67df401b80e0eb784b" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="63d60d4ad0189e19fdf8e57b738cbcd0"We pulled up to the barn as the sun rose fully, and watched in awe as the pinks, oranges and purples nearly blinded me. It was the most beautiful thing I'd seen in a style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0671ea287b21e6200bc7272f1a467414" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3c39cbfe9b6ad0a7966d99ce70044334""Shall we try to sleep a little in the barn before we head back?" I asked, style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0f6ba7a6927e974cd10c0d65d1924485" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="cd3c1c29ac203f65599ea343532f1757""Sure," Daryl said and we headed inside. The first thing I noticed was that hay was kicked all around. As I got closer to the center of the floor, I saw deep brown drips splattered on the ground, high velocity drips, so I looked up and cried out, falling backwards. Someone was strung up in the center beam of the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7079672f8a8f967a98ad96249a1e6231" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6eaacad32684d0d9cad708b16c890d12"I backed up and looked up at the person, a woman. As I saw her face, I immediately got chills and my back automatically curved, sending me hunched to the style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8cbe62473e98be2696a4cd6f7e71b3ea" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="03420a3d566683da0710859659a6a84f""Who is it?!" Daryl yelled at me, and knelt down to help me to my style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8cec0699fe32482f43518522bcdccf59" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a97f450a9a0c9a8ff0631aac2f26f1f6"The woman was hung ceremoniously, her wrists tied in front of her so I could see the bloody gauze that wrapped around both hands. Her wrists had been slit. There was a poster hanging from her hands by a piece of style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bb716e890a307bcc21508e6c87fc0cca" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="1985ccce763dfd0a8f3fad96673f5773"'Someone's always watching, Heather. I know what you did.'br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3a405735d00f8bc4db3ecf995b5f698a" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9e2adffda8278fdf8256ac4c2cf34f05"Lynn's lifeless eyes caught mine as she spun around, and I reached out for her, knowing that I'd never be able to cut her style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="97189c52817a86f39b73a373567deed7""It's Lynn. She delivered Callum. She was the one who came to warn us about the Governor attacking. She helped me escape, Daryl. This is all my fault. Her wrists were slit. Why? How could anyone know about that?" I was so style="box-sizing: border-box;" /br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4c96368beea4ba7de7ce1abab7d43d36""I think someone's double handin' us," Daryl said, and we both ran back to the truck as fast as we could./p 


	33. No More Suicide Missions

I saw the dust kick up in the early morning light as I stared out of the rear view mirror. Daryl drove with haste, and my foot shook with anxiety. I could feel a panic attack coming on and I sat there, knotting my fingers and trying to breathe like Hershel taught me to.

The sunlight blinked through the trees as we whizzed by and my vision felt like a projector screen, changing rapidly and it made me dizzy.

"How did he know, Daryl?" I said, surprised at the lack of volume in my own voice. I would normally be screaming by now.

"He's a sick fucker and he got someone to talk from the prison. 'S the only way anyone could know. But most of the people in the main group don't even know. It's just a few members of our original group,"

"Karen," I said, "It's fucking Karen. She wants me gone, she as much told me it's my fault that the Governor won't leave us alone. She struck some deal," I went from anxiety to instant and intense anger, and I felt it ebb up my throat in the form of bile, burning.

"You think he promised her immunity or somethin'?" Daryl asked me, and I now noticed that his fingers twitched along the steering wheel nervously.

"Probably, but his promises don't mean shit. He'll kill us all, hurt us as much as he can beforehand. Goddamnit!" I screamed, and kicked the dashboard that my one foot was propped up on.

"Calm," Daryl said, and for some reason, his voice saying calm, actually worked, and I breathed deeply, reaching over for his hand. He took my hand in his and squeezed, rubbing my knuckles rhythmically.

"Should we even be going back?" I asked him, knowing the answer.

"Should we be? Prolly not, but we gotta warn the others," he said.

"He won't hurt the others yet, he just wants me," I said, biting my lip.

"I won't leave you alone at all, you know, you won't be able to go on another suicide mission," he growled at me.

"I'll do what I want," I said, stung by his words.

"Fahn by me, but I'm goin' with you," he replied smugly.

I groaned as Daryl turned sharply onto the obscure road that went to the prison gates.

"You can't protect me from him," I said, and though I tried to calm myself, I felt the nausea building once more.

"The hell I can't," he said to me, and he sped through the gate as Carol opened it for us, Carl behind her to get the other gate. I heard the metal clang shut as we went up the drive, my anxiety creeping in again, because I knew there was someone here who had betrayed me in the worst kind of way.

"Heather, if it comes to the point where I'm the only one who can kill 'im, I'm going to. I'm sorry if that hurts your pride, but I want him dead as much as you do 'cause of what he did to you and to us," Daryl was being rather emotional when he spoke, his voice still rough but seemingly weakened.

"Maybe we can do it together," I said to him, half joking, but Daryl nodded in agreement.

"First, we gotta find out who's kissin' the Governor's ass," said Daryl, and I swear I heard him growl.

"It's Karen. I know it is," I said to him as he stopped the truck after backing it up to our make shift loading dock for goods we found on runs.

I hopped out of the truck, looking around warily, and I beckoned Carl and Carol to help us load the stuff in that we had found the previous night. They sprinted over and helped us right away.

"Heather, you look like you've seen a ghost," Carol said to me as she grunted, hoisting a big bag from the bed of the truck.

"I think I have," I said simply, looking down at my wrists, the now brown stains spread to the edge of the gauze.

"What happened?" she said to me, coming over and taking my hands in hers.

"Daryl and I found an old barn to stay in last night, seemed safe, and it was structurally...went to stop there on the way back here after the run since we were both beat, and when we went back into the barn..."

I had to stop speaking for fear of vomiting, and after a moment of deep breaths and holding my abdomen, I continued,

"The woman who delivered my son in Woodbury...who helped me escape the second time..she was dead in the barn. Strung up, wrists slit, with a sign on her body. It said, 'Somebody is always watching. I know what you did, Heather,' " and with that I gripped Carol's hand tighter, feeling my balance going first.

"Get inside," Carol helped me, and Daryl grabbed my other side as they led me towards the door.

"I think I know who it is," I said as we got inside, and I heard my own voice slurring.

"Karen," Carol said, and I looked at her angrily.

"What has she been saying?" I said, and I felt my heart rate increasing, the same way it used to when I encountered petty drama in grade school.

"Sit," Daryl interjected as we went into our cell, and Carol helped him to set me on the edge of our cot.

"Told everyone about her last session with you, Heather," Carol said, biting her lip, and I could tell that she knew most of the stuff that Karen said happened probably did happen.

"I was so pissed at her Carol. I couldn't help it, seriously. I just want people to stop asking me what happened between me and Phillip," I shuddered when I spoke his name.

"I understand that, love, I do, but it's so much better to act as though it doesn't bother you. I was like you when Sophia died, and I was the first to react at any minor event… I have realized now to knock that shit off, and you need to too. The less people know about you, the better. Now that Karen knows, it solved nothing, and she probably shared it with a lot of people beyond herself,"

"I know," and I did know, but it was hard to remain quiet when every part of me wanted to fight back for my son, my relationship and my sanity.

"Telling your story won't help prove your sanity," Carol said, as if she'd read my mind, "and you need to take care of yourself now, and nurture what you've got with this guy," she motioned towards Daryl who looked at her with a crooked smile and squinted eyes.

"Anyway, I'll take care of Karen. Don't you worry about it, and I'll fill Rick in with what happened," Carol said, and the way she looked at me made me question what she was going to do.

"Thanks Carol," I said and leaned back in my bunk, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my index finger and thumb. Daryl leaned back as well and looked over at me. Carol left the room, sheet swinging back into place over the door with a quiet swish.

"What's next?" Daryl asked me, as if I had some sort of idea.

"Not a clue," I told him honestly, and gave him a smirk/smile.

"I don't want to face anyone," I continued,, feeling my insides cringe as I thought about having to face the others, especially the ones from Woodbury. I had known they all doubted what had happened to me, and I understood it, and I certainly knew now that I had made the situation worse by totally losing my cool for no good reason, just my own pride.

"We'll just take it one day at a time. You can stay with me. We'll hunt and do most of the work outdoors. I'm still hopin' to get some enclosures made for the gardens Hershel wants to get started, as well as reinforcements for the fences. Lots of stuff we can do away from people. Trust me, I depend on that stuff so I don't have to deal with assholes," he said, and he stood again, reaching out.

I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet.

"I am the shittiest tracker in the entire world Daryl," and I laughed, "you really want me ruining chances of us eating with my clutzy ass feet?"

"I would risk it to keep you with me and safe, sure," he said surprising me, and he stroked the soft curls that tufted around my forehead, falling from my loose ponytail. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt when our skin touched, that familiar zap of adrenaline mixed with arousal rousing me from the foggy feeling that had been in my brain for the longest time.

Daryl felt me pull back mentally, and he looked at me.

"Thinkin' about him?" he asked me, and I saw the lump in his throat.

"Absolutely not, Daryl. I feel guilty. I feel like you think I'm dirty or tainted," I felt goosebumps on my arm and I shivered visibly.

"I will always hold it against you, what you did with Rick, if I'm bein' honest. That's just me. But I could never love you any less. No matter what you would do. There's no way around how I feel 'bout you,"

"Can I tell you something?" I said to him, and I could see him becoming a bit antsy,

"What?" he asked as he looked at me.

"I was in one relationship before you..but me and him never slept together. He touched me, but I was a virgin when I slept with you for the first time,"

"You're a liar," he said to me simply.

"I am not! His name was Nick and he fingered me," I said, blushing, and I started laughing.

"Fucking fingering Nick," Daryl said and I could tell he was trying to be serious but not doing so well.

"A virgin, huh?" he went on, and nodded his head at me. I could tell he was proud of himself. He leaned in and kissed my neck making me squirm and ache for him.

"I'm on my period," I whispered in his ear, and he pulled back, biting his lip.

"I don't mind," he said, not sure if he knew what he was committing to.

"You should definitely mind," and I giggled, leaning into kiss him deeply. I tasted his lips, his tongue, and I felt my body melting into his, placed together exactly as it should be.

"Waiting will make it better," I said to him, moving his hand from where it had crept, the crotch of my jeans, to one of my breasts and moaned as he squeezed me.

"You're right," he said, and stopped immediately, leaving me open mouthed and almost panting for more. He grabbed his own layers of clothing and began putting them on.

"I will make this torturous for you, Daryl," I bit my lip in an attempt to be sensual.

"I'm counting on it, McBride," he replied, his expression was smoldering. He slid on his gloves, all while still watching me.

I stepped back and pulled my dirty shirt over my head and turned around to look for a clean top, bending over to accentuate my essentially nonexistent curves as I slid my jeans off as well. I grabbed a teal racer back tank top and pulled it over my shoulders, then reached for the pair of wool leggings that were hung on end of the bunk to dry from laundry day. I pulled them up with some difficulty, seeing as the size double zero was still a bit snug on me, regardless of the weight I had lost in the last few months. I put my fleece jacket on, followed by my goose-down vest, and I grabbed my hat and gloves for good measure, not sure of what we were doing the rest of the day. I pulled my wool socks on, followed by my muddy boots, and stood, feeling like Ralphie from a Christmas Story, though my arms were still semi moveable.

"Have you talked to Rick?" I asked, not sure what the response would be.

"Sure know how to kill a mood," Daryl said, and he mimicked losing an erection with a movement of his finger.

"This is awkward for me, Daryl. We have to talk to him; he's our leader, and he needs your guidance," I fidgeted while adjusting

"It's awkward knowing that he's been inside of the woman I love too, but I just don't even want to think about that yet," Daryl squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push out the image.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, and leaned against the wall.

"Mmfh," Daryl grunted and made for the door of the cell, beckoning me to follow him with a slight nod of his head.

"Where we going first?" I asked him as we walked through the area of the prison that had become the common room.

"Hunt first, then maybe back here to work on the blueprint I started for the pig pen," Daryl said, swaggering in front of me.

"Pig pen?" I said to him, confused.

"Well, last time I was out on a run, I found gilt and a boar...they were tame at one point I think, and I got them into a concrete walled barn...Gave them piles of dirt, leaves, and some of our compost to forage in, along with some water, and once I get something built for them, we can bring them back for food, closer to the spring, and hopefully they'll breed,"

"How do you know about farming?" I asked him, intrigued by his latest discovery.

"I don't really. Picked up a few things here and there, that's all," he said as he held the door to the prison yard open for me. The cold air hit my nose and cheeks and made me gasp for breath.

"Oh yeah, I'll be complaining pretty quick with temperatures like this," I said and and looked at Daryl with a scrunched up nose. I loved seeing him in his long sleeved flannels, as well as his leather jacket, with a wool coat on top of that. It was so sexy to think about taking his clothes off myself after a day working in the cold.

"Quit starin' at me," he said and pushed my arm gently.

"Sorry," I apologized and leaned into Daryl's chest as we stood in the cold. "I want you," I went on and nuzzled into him, moaning as I took in the smell of smoke and earth.

"Likewise. Got things to do, though," he said, and held me in his arms, " I wish we could just do fuck all today, honestly," he said to me, and I felt his breath in my hair and the bone of his chin resting on my head.

Through my reverie, I saw a figure in the corner of my eye, and as I looked over I spotted Karen standing by the other door with Tyrese, and she stared at me, intently. It wasn't a mean stare, but it bored into me. Tyrese was holding her closely, and I looked away uncomfortably.

"She's watching us," I whispered into Daryl's shoulder and I felt his neck muscles tense as he turned his head.

"I forgot about that bitch for bit," he groaned and straightened up. "Let's go huntin'," he said, and we headed towards the main gate of the prison, exiting as quietly as we could. The walkers that were still around were incredibly sluggish, and we assumed that this was because of the cold temperatures.

We trudged through the snow and headed into the woods, hoping to find tracks to anything viable for us to eat. Daryl was looking for deer, rabbits or squirrels, and I was searching for any herbs or plants we could use back at the prison. I had decided in my down time that my latest venture would be herbalism. I had found a few beaten up books in the blocked off library in the prison, and my hope was to read up and become proficient and in the spring when things started growing again, I could begin my collection. I figured everyone already saw me as the witch, so I decided to play the part.

"I want a burrito so bad." I groaned as I followed Daryl closely. I had been fantasizing about the local burrito place in Druid Hills. This train of thought had been started by cilantro, a common herb, and an herb that I despised.

"I got a burrito for ya," Daryl said, grabbing his crotch.

"Stop, I'm serious," I laughed and nudged his arm.

"I am too," he said, laughing lightly. He then put his arm up, index finger in the air, and I knew he saw something. Either tracks, or the creature itself. I stopped moving, not able to fathom how he had heard or seen anything.

He nodded towards a clump of bushes that shook slightly, causing the light snow to billow from the branches. We stared for a moment, intensely, waiting for whatever was in there to come out, and it did. It was a raccoon, and though it was fat and would've been good food, even I knew that it wouldn't most likely be out during the day unless there was something wrong with it. It spotted us, and we both noticed its head nodding side to side as if it were dizzy.

"Rabies," Daryl said to me.

"I figured," I said, watching Daryl grab one of his arrows, and he loaded his bow and fired, the raccoon squeaking and twitching as it died.

"Woulda been too fatty anyway," he said as he motioned for me to follow him. We trudged on, and I pulled the neck of my jacket up over my nose, trying to keep my face warm.

I looked down at the ground as a I walked, and saw the faint glint of a wire stretched between trees. I reached out to Daryl and pulled him back away from the wire, and when he saw it his eyes widened as much as they could.

"The hell?" he said, and he got down, inspecting the wire, following it and trying to reach that starting point of it with his eyes.

"Gotta release it so no one else gets caught," Daryl got to his feet and pulled me back away from the booby trap. He led me behind a tree, stayed mostly behind it himself as well, and aimed his bow at the tiny wire.

"You'll never hit that," I said, as he fired, and seconds later there was a snapping sound, and in quick succession, at least 5 bear traps, huge and daunting, snapped closed with resounding metallic clangs. Leaves and snow flew everywhere, some hitting us even behind the tree.

"I would be an asshole, but you're the one who saw the trap first so I guess I gotta be nice," Daryl said, playfully punching my arm.

"I'm not sure how, really. It must've been luck because I'm a shit tracker," I laughed and leaned back against the tree, exhaling shakily. "Wow," I went on, placing my hand over my rapidly beating heart.

"Governor?" he asked, leaning back next to me.

"Either him or another sick fuck, I'm sure there are more out there,"

"It was him. There's probably traps all over these woods," Daryl said, and straightened back up, reaching out and offering me his hand as I got my footing in the snow. While it was still cold, I could feel the air warming up somewhat, and I knew before long the snow would melt, hopefully hiding our tracks.

"Can't go back emptyhanded," I said, after we'd wandered a little bit more. We had seen some juvenile rabbits, no meat to them, and the occasional squirrels, which I think had caught onto the apocalypse and they steered clear of the ground levels, running and jumping from tree to tree, far above our heads.

"May have to," Daryl said, and went on, "We did good last time, but it's dried up, which means we're not the only ones huntin' out here,"

I sighed, reaching out for his hand, and he grasped it as we turned back towards the prison. After a while of following our previous footprints, Daryl pulled me off the tracks and continued walking.

"Where are we going?" I said, "I'm tired," I said in a whiny voice.

"Don't start, Barbie," he said to me and continued walking, not letting go.

"Seriously?" I said, and groaned, dragging my feet dramatically.

"Pain in my ass," he said, and turned to me, putting his hands around my waist. He hoisted me up onto his shoulder and carried me like that.

"Not far now," he said, breathing heavier now, and he spanked my bottom.

"Whenever you're not holding me up with your crazy strong arms, I'm gonna kick your ass," I laughed, and weakly smacked his shoulder. I noticed he didn't flinch at all, and it filled me with joy.

"Here," Daryl said to me, and he put me down, helping to steady me by keeping his hand tightly on my arm.

"What is this?" I asked him after I had turned around. There was a house; an antiquated but altogether beautiful house in the middle of a clearing.

"When I go huntin', I take a few hours per trip to come here and fix the place up. I've been doin' it since we saw first saw the prison." Daryl said to me, looking down at the ground and then back up at me.

"Serious?" I asked him, and took his hands, which were sweaty and clammy.

"Just come on," he said and pulled me towards the house.


	34. Playin' House

I was speechless, but I followed after him and he helped me up the wet and somewhat slippery stairs onto the little but adequate front porch.

"Was the only place that was normal. No sign of a struggle anyway, no looting, clean, and best of all, no goddamn dead bodies anywhere," he said and he took a key out of his pocket, first unlocking a steel barred storm door, and then the actual front door.

"How did you get a key?" I said, curiously.

"Broke the original door off, and got a new one, new lock, plus a dead bolt. Nobody wants that shit from the stores now, so there were lots. Replaced the back door too, and slapped a deadbolt on it. Windows are all boarded up, as ya can see, and there's steel between the planks and the house. Spent a decent amount of time working in the fuckin' nasty cellar to get the generator up and going, which I did, so we got heat and light, even if it's temporary, and water drawn from a well too." Daryl was so proud, and I loved it so much. I had never been more proud of anyone myself in my life.

"Give me a tour?" I asked, and Daryl nodded, giving me my own set of keys. He led me into the foyer, which was warm brown and natural looking, hard wood floors. He switched on the light on the little foyer table and held up a finger towards me.

"Wait here a minute," he said, and dashed off up the stairs, grabbing a plastic bag that hung on the rickety banister.

"What are you up to?" I called up to him and smiled, looking around but not leaving my place by the door. I shut it behind me and turned both locks so it was just me and Daryl, separate from the rest of the world and what was left of it.

"Forgot to mention before, but right out the backdoor is a shed with a wood burning furnace, so when the generator goes, I'll have the furnace backup...we'll be good for while," Daryl said from the top of the stairs, ignoring my last question and beckoning me to come up.

"Is this really you?" I said in disbelief, and I ascended the steps, running my hand along the smooth bannister.

"It's me, alright," he said, and picked me up again. I squealed as he carried me through a double wide door into a bedroom. Pretty bare, but warm and inviting. He set me down, and pointed to the bed. There was a heart made completely of tampons.

"What the hell?" I laughed hysterically, harder than I'd laughed in ages.

"I love you," I said to him, "more than anything,"

Daryl didn't say anything back, and at first I felt the sting of rejection, but it registered how he must be feeling, and I couldn't honestly be mad.

"I need one of these," I said, and slowly reached for a tampon. "You said there's hot water?" I asked Daryl as I itched the back of my head.

"Yep, for now," he said to me.

"I'm gonna grab a quick bath, then we'll head back to the prison I guess. Maybe we'll be able to catch something to eat on the way back," and i turned to head out of the room.

"How 'bout we stay away a few days? I'm sick of those people, and can't trust 'em as far as I can throw 'em," Daryl said, interjecting quickly, "ain't talkin' about our group, of course, just the Woodbury ones,"

"You sure Rick'll be okay with that?" I said, standing in the doorway and leaning on it. The wooden frame groaned under my weight and creaked as it shifted.

"I talked to him about it, asked if he cared. He said we was fine, said it'd be good for us, whatever the hell that means,"

"Did he? Huh," I said standing full posture again and peering around the doorway, "Which way's the bathroom anyway?" I asked, realizing that Daryl hadn't showed me anything but the bedroom yet.

He pointed to the right and crossed his arms. "After you're done, just come downstairs. I'll show you the rest of the place," he said, trying to hide a crooked grin.

"Will do," I said, and turned right down the hallway, walking to the end of it where there was a door, half closed. Walking into the bathroom, the first thing I noticed was a large, deep corner tub, and my heart fluttered, palpitating quickly with excitement.

It was an older tub, a blue and gray swirl patterned porcelain, and it had little jets built into the sides, along with two seats on either side.

"Hm," I said out loud, and walked over to turn on the water, leaving my hand under until it became unbearably hot. It was the first time in a long time that that had happened and I relished in the burning on my skin. I turned to take a look under the vanity and found soap and some shampoo. For added excitement, I added a couple capfuls of shampoo under the water stream and watched the bubbles froth up as the water filled the tub.

"Do you have any food?" I yelled out hoping Daryl would hear me.

"Yep," there was a faint reply from Daryl, and I switched the tub off as the bubbles reached the edge of the porcelain. The layers of clothing that I was enveloped in were now causing me to sweat profusely, so I took my jackets off, throwing them in a pile on the floor. I moved on to my boots, socks, and leggings, peeling them off and I got goosebumps as the cooler air hit my hot skin. I shivered and rubbed my shoulders, hobbling towards the tub. As I looked down at my wrists, I saw the bandages still wrapped around them loosely. I pulled off the tape, and then the gauze. The slit I had made in my right wrist especially was deep, and I was terrified of it opening again. The gauze came off easily and the wound stayed together, only because one of two of Hershel's stitches remained. I stared for a moment, ashamed, but then lifted a knee over the edge of the tub, and my joints cracked audibly.

"I'm so old," I whispered as I pulled my other leg into the water. The hot water felt amazing, and I smiled stupidly. My knees bent with some difficulty as I went to sit down and I plopped onto the seat in the water.

The sound of trickling water when I moved echoed through the high ceilinged room, and it reminded me of rain dripping from a clogged gutter forming a puddle on the ground. I focused myself on trying to make visible handprints in the bubbles and when I grew tired of that, I settled for sinking down further into the water. I sighed as the warmth enveloped me up to my chin, and though I was still warm from all of my winter layers, I felt relaxed and comfortable. It was nice.

I heard the wooden floorboards creaking, and even though I assumed it was Daryl, fear still gripped at me like the ropes that had bound me over a year ago now. I was amazed with how fast the seasons had been going when we didn't have calendars. I suppose that was all due to the fact that society as a whole, or what remained of it anyway , was focused on simply surviving rather than crossing off a date on a piece of paper. There were no deadlines anymore, and I missed having that control.

In my reverie, I had totally blanked out and Daryl had made his way into the bathroom.

" 'Ey, earth to Heather," he said to me, and he hobbled over to sit on the closed toilet seat. He held two plates, and on each was a peanut butter sandwich.

"Whoa, where'd you get the bread?!" I asked, astonished, and I poked the cool dough.

"The store. Just a basic bread mix. Improvised with some stuff but hopefully tastes okay loaded with peanut butter," he shrugged and handed me a plate.

"Thanks," I said, and began to peel the browned crust from the sandwich. I always ate the crust first, and as I took a nibble, I saw Daryl looking intently on my first reaction.

"It's actually good, Daryl," I smiled and continued eating. The bread was obviously different than what I was used to, but being totally honest with myself, I thought that perhaps, this bread was probably the healthiest or most organic item I'd ever eaten, pre or post apocalypse.

"I've had worse," Daryl said shrugging as he bit into his own sandwich.

I giggled and began eating the soft center of the bread.

"So what's there to do here?" I asked him thickly, mouth full.

"Well," Daryl finished his sandwich that he'd appeared to have downed in two bites and continued on, "I found some shit you might like, I think anyway."

"That sounds super unappealing," I laughed, "but what did you have in mind?"

"How about I just go set it up?" he said, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Set what up? Daryl!" I called out as he left the room. I snickered, finishing up my own sandwich. I did, licked my fingers, and set the plate down on the floor, cringing as it landed a little harder than I expected. It didn't break, just made a rather obnoxious noise. I submerged myself in the water again, grabbing the soap and lifting my arms to scrub my armpits. I washed my hair hastily and stood up, stretching my arms above my head. There was a beige towel laying on the edge of the tub, so I grabbed it and first dabbed the dripping ends of my hair, then wrapped it around my body, shivering as the now damp fabric clung to my skin. After securing the towel and peering in the mirror briefly, I exited the bathroom and headed back towards the bedroom. Rounding the doorway, I realized there was no one there.

"Daryl?" I called out, not too loud.

"Downstairs," he said back, and I walked back to the staircase, hopping down quietly. I smelled popcorn, and heard kernels popping as well, so I followed the sound to the small kitchen. Peering in, I saw Daryl standing by the stove shaking a pan back and forth while corn sizzled and popped away. The rest of the kitchen was quaint; rich and warm brown wooden cabinets, deep red linoleum floor, and rustic checkerboard patterned curtains and valances in a matching hue, though slightly faded from the sunlight.

"Is this your way of asking my to move in with you?" I said, and clapped a hand over my mouth as Daryl jumped.

"Christ," he said, regaining composure quickly and glaring at me.

"Sorry," I smiled entering the kitchen as I crossed my arms, trying to warm my bare shoulders.

"Popcorn?" Daryl replied, ignoring my question.

"Sure," I said, and moved closer to him, bumping him with my hip.

"Go relax, I'll finish this," I said, excited to be standing over a functional stove again.

Daryl said nothing, backing up and raising his hands up in surrender. He grabbed two plastic cups from the counter, and after I had turned back to the stove, I heard him open the fridge door followed by the clinking of bottles. His footsteps receded down the hallway, and I shook the pan more, grabbing a piece of the popped corn. I tossed it in my mouth, and smiled lightly, amazed I could still do that stupid little trick.

I heard the creaking of floorboards above me and water running through the old pipes, and figured Daryl had gone upstairs. I removed the popcorn from the heat, flipped the burner off, and peered around in the pan, seeing that I'd popped a majority of the kernels. I reached for the old salt shaker shaped like a rooster, and sprinkled it over the popcorn, mixing it together by rocking the pan back and forth. Daryl had set out a large plastic mixing bowl next to the stove and I dumped the popcorn into it, hissing as a hot kernel popped midair and landed on my arm, burning me.

"Shit," I whispered, and set the pan down on the stove again, rubbing my arm to numb the pinprick sensation where the hot kernel had sizzled my skin. Amazing how something so small can hurt so much.

I stood in the kitchen, rather entranced, staring out the window into the deep green of the Georgian woods. I nibbled on my lip as I watched a small woodpecker hop around and peck on one of the dying pines that leaned precariously on another healthy tree. The water stopped and I heard more creaking above me. After a few minutes more in my own little world, I heard Daryl coming down the stairs. In a bold move, I removed my towel, grabbed the bowl of popcorn, and headed out of the kitchen to find where Daryl was. I exhaled deeply, tiptoeing down the hallway. I came to a doorway and peeked in. Daryl had blankets, pillows, comforters, and quilts sprawled all over the floor. He was kneeling in front of a television set, pressing all of the buttons. He fumbled with a dvd case, popped the disc out and put it into the dvd player. I couldn't see the movie he had picked but I could only imagine, and chuckled at the thought.

I suddenly felt incredibly insecure and covered my breasts. I felt my cheeks becoming hot and turned quickly to go back and get my towel.

" 'Ey!" Daryl said, spotting me, and I ran to the kitchen.

"Barbie," he said and followed after me. I began to cry as I set the bowl down clumsily on the counter and I fumbled blindly for the towel that was still in a heap by the sink. I lost my balance and fell sideways, curling into a ball on the cold floor.

"Stop it, now," Daryl said to me as he sat down less than gracefully next to me, "C'mere," he went on, and I felt his arms hoisting me up, and he laid me so that my upper half rested in his lap. He grabbed the towel for me and placed it over my chest, pulling me in tighter.

He didn't speak but he never had to. I turned and stared up at him, and he reached down to touch my face.

"You don't need to do that stuff with me, Barbie. I don't care whether you have clothes on, you're naked, smilin', cryin', hell, even if you're pissed off and throwin' shit at me...I don't care. Don't ever start feelin' that you're not good enough,"

"You know I've felt that way for a long time," I said to him as he stroked my cheek.

"That don't make you and your feelins' right," he continued as I pulled myself into a sitting position in front of him. I didn't say anything but gave him a tiny smile, acknowledging that I was listening.

"Can we go watch a damn movie now?" he asked, biting at his nails.

"Sure," I said and nodded. Daryl got to his feet and leaned down, arms outstretched. He took my hands in his and he pulled me up with ease.

I grabbed the popcorn again and followed Daryl back to the living room, and I sat down in middle of the pile of blankets, crossing my legs and laying back. Daryl grabbed another blanket and threw it on me and he pressed play on the tv and sat down next to me.

"What movie do you have?" I asked, pulling the blanket up to my chin and nuzzling in the soft fabric. Before he could answer, a menu appeared and it was the Notebook. I started to laugh.

"Come on Daryl. Anyone with half a brain would know this is your worst nightmare. Like, if you died and woke up in the next life with this movie on a loop in a locked room, you'd think you were in hell." I continued to laugh.

"I did it for you. Just watch the fuckin' movie," he tried to cover his smile by biting his lip and he hit me in the head with one of the pillows.

"Douche," I said, jokingly. Daryl moved quickly like he'd forgotten something, and I heard a cork loosening. I jumped as it popped and Daryl poured me a cup of wine, unknown kind, then he poured himself a small glass of Jack Daniels.

"I don't know what you drink, but this reminded me of you," he said and handed me the cup of wine.

"Rose," I said, and sniffed the light wine. I took a sip, sighing as the fermented liquid hit the back of my throat, burning ever so slightly. "Thanks," I said to him, holding up the glass and tilting my head.

I looked back at the tv as the sunset in the opening credits cast a red shadow in the darkening room.

"You think Rachel McAdams is still alive?" I asked him, and he just peered at me questioningly.

"Or Ryan Gosling?" I went on.

"Stahhppp," Daryl said, seemingly annoyed.

"I'm just curious," I said, giggling and taking another sip of wine.

I scowled when Daryl ignored me, but was soon distracted by the carnival scene in the movie where Noah and Allie first met.

"She reminds me'a you when I first saw you," Daryl said after a few minutes of concentrated silence.

"Before my soul died, I presume?" I said, nudging Daryl so that he took my wine and set it on the worn coffee table next to us.

"Musta been," he said to me, setting his own cup down. We watched the movie again for a while, and I felt Daryl's hand graze my back. He took a damp ringlet of my hair in his fingers and twirled it around. He repeated this on multiple curls, and though I didn't look away from the movie, I was enjoying his touch immensely. He pushed my hair to the side and traced my neck, down my shoulder, and towards the middle of my still bare shoulders. He used his knuckles to knead a knot that had formed right in the center of my spine, and I arched my back in compliance with his touch.

"Pause this," I said to him, fumbling for the remote. I paused it myself.

"You okay?" he asked me, and I nodded, a little breathless.

"I'm okay," I said, my reply delayed.

I turned around, sitting so I was facing Daryl. He stared at me, blue eyes intensely locked onto me; his pupils were pinpoints and his breathing was heavy. There was something very primal about the severity of his gaze. I leaned in and started to unbutton the fresh plaid shirt he had slipped on when he was upstairs. My fingers shook as they toyed tediously with the buttons; I felt my own heart rate increasing. The rough and tousled chest hair peeked out and became more visible as the buttons separated, and I leaned in, placing my mouth on Daryl's neck. I kissed under his ear, moved down, nibbled on his collar bone lightly, all while still unbuttoning. I reached the bottom and opened the shirt, baring his chest and midsection.

The look Daryl was giving me now was possessive, and though I vowed to never be owned by a man, this was as close as it would get. He did possess me to an extent, body and soul. I slid the shirt off of Daryl's arms, and bit down lightly on his collar bone. He groaned and my center twinged as I felt him thrust his hips; I knew he ached for me too.

"Get on your knees," he whispered hoarsely. I listened and got to my knees in front of him, letting the blanket drop. He got on his knees as well and inched forward towards me. He kissed me hard, his tongue entering through my lips and colliding with mine before I knew what was happening. He pressed himself against me and I felt his erection rubbing my clitoris through the rough denim of his jeans.

"I want you so badly," I almost cried and his arm snaked around my back, pulling me in even closer so that he was almost entering me with his pants still on.

"Tell me again," he said to me, gyrating so that the sensitivity spiked between my soft folds.

"I want you inside of me, please let me feel you," the pleasure was now so intense that it was almost pain. I had been on the brink of orgasm as soon as he made physical contact with me.

"Turn around," he pulled back suddenly, leaving me shuddering on the floor, knees trembling. I turned around and felt his hands on me immediately. He hooked his hands at my waist, massaging my backside with his thumbs and palms.

"Bend down," he said, and though it was a demand, it was warm, and I wanted to listen to him. I bent over, placing my elbows on the floor. I spread my knees and felt the cold air hit the warm wetness. We had only done this once before, in the kitchen of the second house we stopped at outside of Atlanta. I couldn't see him or what he was doing and part of me was nervous about the fact, but the other part of me was so aroused and intrigued with this new vantage point of our sexuality that I forgot, or at least blocked out, the assault on my body that had taken place months ago.

I jolted forward just a little bit as I felt his rough hands cup my bottom. I heard him shift his weight and his rough beard and mustache tickled me as he leaned in, placing kisses on my back side, and he kissed down my thighs, sucking gently on the sensitive skin.

He blew on my exposed parts, and I shuddered as the cool air hit me. I clenched and felt myself thrusting my hips in anticipation. I was greeted by two of Daryl's fingers; I moaned quietly as he rubbed me first, then inserted the fingers into me slowly.

"Oh my god!" I cried out, knees trembling as Daryl hooked his fingers lightly, stroking my most sensitive part.

"Is that okay?" he asked me, and even though he was trying hard to act confident, that shy boy came out when he spoke.

"It's really...so good. It's so good," I replied, face pressed into the blanket in front of me, gasping as he moved his fingers.

I felt my release coming already, and lost my breath temporarily, but said, "Not yet..I don't want to come yet," I groaned as he stopped right at my peak.

"Don't worry, I wasn't gonna let ya," he removed his fingers and pulled me up, turning me around so I was sitting indian style in front of him. His eyes locked with mine and he placed the fingers that had been in me into his mouth.

He too sat indian style, and leaned in, tracing my lips with his wet fingers.

"Lie back," I said to him, gently pushing back, hands on his chest. He laid down, not taking his eyes off of me, and bit his lip as I crawled towards him. I swung a leg over him so that I straddled his stomach. I reached behind me and unbuckled his belt, then unfastened the button and pulled the zipper. I grasped him in my hand and stroked lightly. I stopped and leaned down onto his chest, brushing his long hair from his face as I kissed him.

I felt his thrusting his hips as our mouths collided. I gyrated on him, rubbing my clit on the line of hair that traveled down his stomach. It tickled, but satisfied me.

"Please," he said to me, moaning, and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I've never heard you say please before in my life, Daryl,"

"You do things to me, Heather, you do," he stuttered slightly. I scooched back and sank onto his length placing a finger to his lips as he cried out. I rocked back and forth, syncing with his thrusts, and we found solace in each other's arms. We were both silent except for our heavy breathing, and I felt myself getting close.

I didn't stop it, didn't fight the contractions of pleasure that waved through my body, but Daryl stopped moving totally, holding me down by my hips as I writhed in ecstasy.

"I can feel you..feel you coming," he said breathily. His head jerked and I felt him spill himself into me.

"Oh my god," I said, collapsing on his chest. I felt his heart beating and he reached out to my face with shaking fingers.

"You don't belong to nobody else, Barbie. You're mine," he growled and traced my jaw line with his calloused index finger.

"Yours," I repeated, in a sort of trance, and I snuggled down on Daryl's chest.

"Let's watch more of this shit till I fall asleep," he said to me, sitting up slightly, holding me in the same position as he scooched back and had the old couch to lean on.

I smiled into his chest and rolled off of him, still snuggling into his side. I propped my leg over his lap and held him like a sloth holds a branch. He tossed the blanket back over us and pressed play on the remote.

"This guy is such an asshole," Daryl said, and I started to laugh.

"Why, because he's persistent?"

"Too damn persistent. She said no! Leave 'er be," he said, waving his hand in the direction of the tv.

"You're not wrong. But she does grow to love him," I said, toying with the hair on Daryl's chest.

"Hm," he said, and he wrapped his arm around me, stroking my side rhythmically.

"Is that why you never had a girlfriend?" I asked him, smiling cheekily.

"What's that now?" he said, grunting as he sat up. He pulled me closer to him, and I snuggled in closer gladly.

"Were you not persistent enough?" I said, moaning as Daryl's fingers grazed my side again. I had tingles up my spine.

"Plenty'a other reasons why I ain't never had a girlfriend," and he pinched me lightly.

"Why? You're casual, you're quiet, you're handsome..very, very handsome. How could no one see that?"

"I didn't see no one I thought that much about, Barbie. Had enough stuff going on an' I was fine with nudie magazines and Merle givin' me alcohol whenever I went around his place. Made me feel good," he reached back and pulled out a cigarette with a match. He lit it and inhaled deeply. I didn't mind the smell anymore, in fact it reminded me of him.

"Where did you even get that?" I sighed, acting like I was bothered.

"Found it, like everything we have here,"

"Gotcha," I said, and went on, "Nothing else made you feel good?" I got right back on the subject we had been on before, not wanting to miss out on absorbing more facts about the beautiful man who sat next to me.

"Not really. When I saw mah mama happy, which wasn't much. I pretty much remember all the times she smiled, and I could count them on one hand. When she did though. Man it was beautiful,"

"I'm sorry you lost her," I said, flashbacks of my own mother gurgling in her own blood popped into my head when I closed my eyes.

"I went back in," he said, his voice was shaking now.

"What?" I asked.

"I went back in the damn house. Tried to drag her out of there, fire everywhere, I was throwin' up from coughin' so much. Mah pops came in the room...watched me. Took the cigarette from her dead fingers and smoked it,"

I grimaced when I felt Daryl's chest shaking subtly.

"You don't have to…" I said, brushing his hair from his wet eyes and stroking his gritty cheek.

"Nah, I ain't never told no one that before. Never really relived it till now, I don't think," he said, breathing out deeply, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air.

I took his hand in mine, reached over and took the cigarette from his hand. I put it to my lips and breathed in.

"Hershel was right. You're a bad influence on me," I giggled and coughed lightly as the burning chemicals shocked my lungs.

"He said that? Prick," Daryl said to me, snatching the cigarette, "Don't even pick this shit up. You're too pretty to smoke," he threw the butt into his almost empty cup of Jack and I heard it sizzle as it was extinguished.

"I'm not," I said, "I can be tough..smoke cigs..drink liquor,"

"Stop it," Daryl said seriously, and he leaned over to me, kissing my lips deeply.

"I love you," he said to me and my heart exploded into a million little pieces.

"Love you too..so much," I said in between kissing him.

"Again?" he said to me, and I looked down. He was at full sail and ready to go again.

"I'd love to. Keep up with me," I said, laying on my back, beckoning for him to follow. He crawled up between my legs, kissing up my belly, and he entered me again swiftly.

I made the most noise I had ever made with him; I was hypersensitive, and every thrust felt like a flame igniting in my groin. He placed a hand on my chest, moved his fingers up to my neck, and at first, my vision lapsed as I thought about the last time hands had been on my neck. I made myself open my eyes and look into his.

"Okay?" Daryl groaned.

"I'm fine," I managed a whisper, and surprisingly, I think I actually was okay. He didn't tighten his grip, didn't even keep his hands there, he moved them to explore the rest of my body.

"Not gonna hurt you," he said to me, and I felt myself clenching around him.

"I know," I said and came again, reaching around and digging my fingers into Daryl's back. I buried my face into the nape of his neck and kissed him gently as he too came down from his second release.

"Oh god," he said as he pulled out of me, and I looked down. There was blood all over everything.

"I told you I had my period," I smirked at him, though I was incredibly embarrassed. In my defense I did warn him. "Must've kicked back up after the first time,"

"I'ma do a quick check around the house, then we'll go grab a bath and get some shut eye. Daryl pulled his pants on, stumbling as he did so and he headed towards the front door. He unlatched the locks and cracked the door, peeked outside, waited silently for a minute and closed the door.

"Dead quiet out there," and he pulled me to my feet, dragging me off towards the bathroom.

We hobbled up the stairs that creaked under both of our weight and Daryl went into the bathroom before I did. He turned the water on and blocked up the drain, helping me to step over the edge of the tub once again. I sat down on the little tub step, covering myself up as I shivered. The hot water felt so good on my feet, but that was all that it covered so far. As the water level rose, Daryl dropped his pants in a heap on the floor and stepped over as well, joining me on the other seat in the tub. We sat in comfortable silence as the water finally covered my chest, and came up right under Daryl's sternum..

"Never thought I'd get to do this again," I said, heart still beating fast from our previous tryst.

"I never got to do this period," Daryl said.

"Poor choice of words," I said and chuckled.

"Oh well," he said and shrugged, though I saw a little color come to his cheeks.

"Sorry," I said apologetically, and scooted down so I sat on the floor of the tub, closer to Daryl and deeper in the water. I touched his knee, which was close to my face and looked up at him.

"I really am sorry for what I've done and what I put you through," I said to him quietly as I played with the wet hair on his leg.

"I know," was all he said and he placed his large hand over mine. He slowly scooched down beside me and we sat together in the deep water. He pulled me onto his lap again and I snuggled in, weightless in the water.

"We oughta go check back at the prison, make sure things are okay," he said to me.

"Afraid they can't hold down the fort without you?" I said, jokingly.

"Nothin' like that, just be a hell of a shock if we wait a week, go back, and the whole team's dead or bit. Then we gotta make a new plan," he replied.

"Part of me wishes it was just me and you," I said, and Daryl looked at him, eyes widened.

"Not that I wish they're dead! God no!" I said emphatically, realizing how it sounded when it came out of my mouth, "I just meant...well I wish I didn't care so much, ya know? It would make moving on easier," I finished.

"You'll make it. Even if I don't, you will," he said.

"You're the survivor Daryl. Not me," I said after letting out a small scoff, and went on, "If I do die..when I do kick the can, please don't give up.

"Like you did to me?" he said, and the words stung. I glanced down at my wrists and felt my cheeks warm with embarrassment.

"Please don't," I looked up at him, essentially begging him with my eyes to not ruin this moment by bringing up what an asshole I had been.

"Forget it. That's what mah mouth does...just talks," he said, rubbing his chin.

"You're right, I know. But please...let's just have a good night together. We'll head back tomorrow or the next day,"

"Fahn by me," he said and leaned back, breathing deeply. He stroked my hair, which was now wet, and his hand grazed my shoulder, giving me goosebumps immediately.

"Can we finish the movie?" I asked sheepishly after a few moments of silence.

"Sure," he smiled subtly and we both sat up. He grabbed the bar of soap and lathered up his hands. He placed his slippery hands on my skin and rubbed the bubbly film all over me. He cleaned me, gently and calmly.

"Wash your hair and go git back under the covers. You're cold," he said tracing my lips, which I'm assuming were a shade of blue or purple. He leaned in to kiss me kindly.

I grabbed the half empty bottle of old peach VO5 shampoo and dumped it out as I could onto my hand. I lathered up and rubbed my head furiously. I couldn't remember a time when my head wasn't gritty, with dirt and oils because I hadn't had time or proper amenities to clean totally. I scrubbed hard, almost hurting my scalp, and laid back. Daryl helped me to get the bubbles out.

"There's a buncha clothes in the bedroom. Pick somethin' warm and comfy, and I'll be out in a bit,"

"Okay," I said, and stood up, stepping over the edge of the tub. I grabbed one of the ratty towels that sat on the vanity and wrapped it around myself, shivering. After putting a new tampon in, much to Daryl's disgust, I hobbled down the hallway, feet still wet, and turned into the little bedroom. I looked over on the plain dresser and saw piles of unkempt clothes and made my way over to them. There were men's clothes, women's clothes, some lingerie which I was confused by, and there were even baby clothes.

"Hm," I said, rummaging through. I settled on a baggy gray t-shirt paired up with some fleece lined leggings that were 2 sizes too big. They stayed up, not that that mattered, but I was comfortable. I grabbed an outfit for the morning or in case we had to run during the night.

As I walked back towards the stairs, I heard the water swishing around as Daryl moved and I called out, "I'll be downstairs! Can you grab my clothes off of the floor in there?" I asked him.

There was just a grunt from Daryl and even though I was still exhausted, I felt a little more pep in my step as I hopped down the stairs. I rounded the doorway into the living room, stuffed the extra clothes in the tattered messenger bag I took with me on runs, and I sat down once again the pile of blankets, pulling one of the fluffy ones over me. I nestled down, blanket pulled up to my chin, and sighed, exhaling deeply. My cramps had started to kick in, and I know the fact that I was probably dehydrated didn't help.

"Ow," I groaned as I turned onto my side and tucked a blanket between my legs to prop them apart. This is what used to do and I had owned a heating pad too. What I would give for a heating pad now. I heard the bathroom door open and Daryl's shuffling footsteps down the hall. Minutes later, he came down the stairs and poked his head around the door to look in on me.

"Will ya eat a can of soup?" he asked.

"Sure," I nodded, hoping that some food would lessen the contracting pain going on in my baby box.

"I'll go heat it, an' I'll be right back," he disappeared again and I heard him opening a can, the sound of a wooden spoon on a metal pan stirring occasionally. He came back in with a big bowl of steamy soup and handed it to me as I pulled myself once again into a sitting position. He too sat, and said, "I hate tomatah soup," as he slurped from the bowl, choosing to forego the spoon and he furrowed his brow in typical Daryl fashion.

"Could be worse," and in truth, I hated tomato soup too, unless I had a grilled cheese to dip in it.

"Hmm," he grunted as he finished his soup begrudgingly. He set the bowl down next to our nest of blankets and watched me eat, propping his hands behind his head.

"Leaving first thing tomorrow?" I asked him as I finished my own food. I supressed a burp by covering my mouth and passed my bowl to Daryl, who set it down with his.

"Prolly a good idea. Get a little hunt in before we go back," he said to me and I nodded in agreement.


End file.
